About Time (Broken Vows #4)

Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

Charlie Past- Age 29

The last couple of weeks there’s been a melancholy hanging over Hattie and me. I’m not so obtuse that I don’t know what is bothering her. If I was, she’s dropped enough hints to make sure I know what’s going on in that pretty head of hers.

We’re on the verge of the, “Where do you see this going?” conversation. Every time she starts to work up the courage to bring it up, I find a way to distract her. Most of my distraction techniques involve my dick, so it hasn’t been totally unpleasant.

The answer to that question is more complex than I think she realizes. It isn’t just a matter of whether or not I want a future with her. I’ve never wanted anything more, but it can’t be about what I want. If she won’t consider the future, her future, I will. One of us needs to be looking out for her.

Right now she wants to be with me, but how long will that realistically last?

I’m a mechanic, and I have no ambition to be anything else. Griffin bought the garage we started in, and I’m happy enough to keep working for him. I have no desire to go out on my own and run my own shop.

There’s nothing wrong with working with your hands. I work hard and make a comfortable living doing it. But, Hattie is in college. Whether she knows it or not, she is going to find herself feeling suffocated in my world, and I’ll never fit in hers. She would be better off leaving here with no ties and finding herself a man who shares her ambitions.

I’ll fucking hate every minute watching her go off and be happy with someone else. I know I’m setting myself up for a lonely existence, but I’d give anything for her to be happy. Even sacrifice my own happiness if that is what it takes.

I have no doubt that she is my person. Soul mates always seemed like a bullshit concept to me. To think that there is one person on the planet who is made for you didn’t make sense. What if you were both born on opposite sides of the planet?

See, bullshit.

I think there are multiple possibilities, and it just depends on who you meet first. At least that is what I thought until Hattie wormed her way under my skin. I just pray fate was cruel in this circumstance. I know she’s my one, but I hope I’m not hers.

She deserves a shot at a life bigger than what Harriston can provide. I owe her that, even if I have to hurt her to make sure she has it. The thing is, I have faith that she will get over me quickly.

I can’t say the same for myself.

When she leaves town to return to college, that will be the end of us. That has been the deal from the beginning, and no matter what else has changed between us, that remains the same. That’s why I refuse to tell anyone about us. We’d only manage to make Martin and Elisa worry. They undoubtedly would object to our relationship and would eventually show her how wrong we are for each other. I’d lose her and my friends with a single confession.

I know we are going to have to talk, but we only have days left together, and I want to carve each one of them in my flesh. When she goes, my life will go from color to black and white. Not that I will be able to tell her any of this. At least not if I can remain strong. There have been many times I’ve wanted to drop to my knees and beg her to stay with me. I want it all with her; the wedding, babies, and a porch where we can watch the world go by as we age.

These are simple dreams, and not fit for a woman as bright as Hattie. Knowing I’m going to hurt her makes my stomach churn, but robbing her of her future is so much worse. So yeah, maybe I’m distracting myself too.

Just this morning she looked at me with so much love and devotion while she was starting the coffee. What did I do? I went behind her and bent her over the counter. She was only wearing one of my shirts, so all I had to do was stroke her clit a little, and I had her gushing.

Every time I see her my cock is like granite. It’s ecstasy to lose myself in her. Taking her like she’s an object gets us both hot. The truth is though that while I might act as if she is just a cunt to fuck, she’s my everything. I just can’t let those feelings out because if I do, I’ll never recover. She already has my heart, but her not knowing it is the only way I know she’ll move on easily.

I’ll never stop thinking about her, but once she leaves this place she’ll forget about me, as it should be. I’ll enjoy every moment of suffering because it means that for a short time, I knew what it was like to be loved by her.

Three days of animalistic fucking went by almost instantly. I somehow managed to keep her too busy to get me to talk about us. I can’t lie to her, or at least I won’t. Doesn’t mean I won’t twist the truth a bit to make her get back on the path I never should have pulled her from.

Now we’re standing by her car. Martin is checking her oil and making sure her car is safe enough, even though Centralia isn’t that far. Elisa is fussing after Hattie, double-checking she has all of her belongings. Martin and I are driving behind her in a small moving truck with her furniture. Not that she had much in a studio apartment.

The looks Hattie keeps directing at me clearly communicate that she hasn’t forgotten we still need to talk. And with her brother-in-law close by I can’t just fuck her until she’s too blissed out to bring it up.

Yeah, I’m a coward. I just don’t know how I’m supposed to look her in the eye and tell her I had fun, but it’s over. I don’t know which is worse, my plan to break her heart for her own good, or that even now I’m not sure I have the strength to go through with it?

The ride to Centralia is uncomfortable. Mostly because every time I hang out with Martin since I started seeing Hattie I feel like an enormous piece of shit. I know he’d hate me if he ever found out, and like a selfish asshole I’ve spent two months trying to have everything.

We pull the moving truck in front of Hattie’s studio apartment. I find it odd that she doesn’t seem to want the college experience with roommates and parties, but she’s an old soul. I still think she’ll eventually regret not making the most of this experience. She’s got a lifetime to be a mature adult. Now is the time for her to experience the carefree time between being a child and a fully established adult.

I can’t exactly expect her to behave like every other college student though. Most of them probably weren’t orphaned at eleven and raised by an older sibling. Elisa and Martin tried to give her a normal childhood, but Hattie was the one who stood by her mother’s side as chronic illness slowly drained the life from her.

“Earth to Charlie,” Martin says to get my attention. I’m not sure how long he’s been talking to me while I have been lost in my thoughts.

I shake off my darkening mood and play the part of the loyal friend once again. “Yeah, sorry. I was thinking about an engine repair I have coming up on a Volvo. Foreign cars are a giant pain in the ass, but we can’t turn away work, so we went for the extra training. Not that we get a lot of them, so my skills are rusty.”

Not a lie, I do have a Volvo to repair, but I’m exaggerating how hard it is for me. Not to brag, but I’m kind of a savant when it comes to mechanical things. I chose automobiles, but I can fix just about anything. He buys it though, and doesn’t push further.

“I hope your lifting skills haven’t gotten rusty during the drive here. Mind helping me move this mattress?” Martin asks.

“Nah, let’s do this,” I agree.

It doesn’t take long for us to move a tiny bistro table, a platform bed with a bookshelf in the headboard, a mattress, an oversized chair, and her boxes. Hattie doesn’t sit around on her ass watching us move everything either. She immediately gets to work carrying boxes inside, and only leaves the boxes of books for us to carry inside.

When Martin and I each carry in the last couple boxes, Hattie is already busy unpacking. It’s past lunchtime when we finish moving her things, and Martin’s stomach growls like he’s smuggling a pissed-off cat in his shirt.

He rubs his belly, still in good shape thanks to our constant softball practices. “How about you help Hattie put her bed together, and I’ll run and grab us some lunch?”

I reach for my wallet and pull out a twenty. “Sounds good. I don’t care what you get.”

Martin waves off my offer of money. “You’re helping my little sister move. That’s above and beyond, so the least I can do is get you lunch.” He turns to Hattie. “Burgers okay, kiddo?”

She rolls her eyes. “Not a kid anymore, Martin. And sure, a burger sounds great. No cheese though.”

“Sure thing,” Martin agrees. “Toss me your keys. I don’t want to drive the moving truck through a drive-thru.”

Hattie digs through her purse for her keys and throws them across the room to Martin. He shakes his head. “Too bad you live so far away. We could really use you on the team. What an arm.” He walks out muttering to himself about her playing over the summer.

The moment we’re alone I know I can’t avoid the conversation any longer. Hattie’s arms fall to her side, and I can see her bracing herself for the blow. I open my mouth to give her all the reasons we can’t be together, but nothing comes out.

I clear my throat. “I’d planned on telling you we have to be over.”

She nods. “I figured when you turned to sex every time I tried to start the conversation.”

“The thing is though—” I hesitate for a moment to try and gather myself “—I can’t seem to say it. I wasn’t going to lie. In fact, I’ll be honest with you right now. You should absolutely show me the door and not let me back into your life.”

Her forehead wrinkles. “Why would I do that?”

I tick my reasons off on my fingers. “Let’s see. I’m too old for you. You’ve got a bigger future ahead of you, and being with me would trap you in the past. You deserve romance and a man who’ll make love to you, not bend you over and fuck you before he even says good morning. It will always be like that with me.”

“And you were just going to patronize me by telling me what I should want, then pat yourself on the back for being the bigger person? I’m mature enough for you to screw in every position you can think of, and on every surface, but I’m too young to decide what I want for myself? Spare me your self-flagellation and tell me the truth. Do you want to be with me, or not?”

I take a deep breath and acknowledge that I’m destined to go straight to hell. “Yes. I want to be with you. No matter what I thought I should do, I’m weak when it comes to you. That doesn’t mean you should choose to stay with me. I don’t want to hold you back from experiencing college the way you should.”

She strolls over and locks the door. “I’ve made my decision.”

Her fingers go to the button on my jeans. My dick immediately rises to the occasion. “This isn’t how this is supposed to work. You’re the toy. I decide when we fuck and how.”

Hattie pouts, and I can’t resist sliding between those plump lips. It is going to be a while until I can get that release again. I push her down to her knees and free my suddenly aching dick.

“If you insist on keeping me around, I need your mouth to tide me over. Get on your knees, and do it quick before he comes back.”

She sinks to her knees, and I stroke her hair. I tap the swollen head of my cock against her lips. “Open up and let me fuck this pretty mouth.”

Like a good little toy, she does as she’s told immediately. I can’t believe I even thought about giving this up. Yes, I’m thinking with my dick, but for once I think this head might be the smarter one.

I don’t give her time to work up to my size and slide in to the back of her throat. She gags a little, but not as much as she used to. I grab a fistful of her hair and do as I threatened. I fuck her mouth like I’d like to use her cunt, but time is running out. The last thing I need is Martin coming back while I’m balls-deep in who he thinks of as his little sister.

“Oh, yeah. Fuck,” I groan and I hold her head down and she swallows my cock down her throat. “So fucking tight. You’ve gotten to be a fantastic cocksucker, Doll. I can’t believe I almost walked away from my favorite fuckdoll.”

I pick up the pace and notice Hattie squirming. I love a woman to get turned on sucking dick. “Slide your fingers into your pants and stroke that wet pussy for me. I want you to make yourself come while I shoot my load down your throat.”

She groans around my dick, and I feel it twitch in response. There’s no hesitation as she slides her hand in her pants and furiously strokes her clit with the same intensity I’m fucking her face. I underestimated how turned on she would be with my dick in her mouth, and she starts to groan around my shaft. The vibration helps speed this up, and I hold her head down while I shoot hot spurts of my spunk down her throat.

I pull out my half-hard dick and quickly put myself back together. I use my thumb to wipe away a bit of my cum that dribbles down her bottom lip and stick it back in her mouth. “Clean it off like the eager slut you are. You wanted my cum so bad, take all of it.”

She sucks hard on my thumb and shudders as she finally gets herself off. Once her shuddering subsides I pull my thumb out of her mouth and step back.

Jerking my head toward her bathroom I tell her, “You best go clean up. Martin will be back any minute.”

Not five minutes later he’s knocking on the door. “Why did you lock it,” he says through the heavy wood and steel door.

Hattie runs and unlocks it. “Sorry. It’s a habit. You know, single woman living alone and all.”

He nods because what she said does make perfect sense.

I’m torn as the three of us sit eating in silence. I am happy I don’t have to give her up, but that doesn’t wipe away the guilt I feel when I’m with Martin.

There’s only one thing I can do tonight. I need to drag Griffin out and drink my weight in cheap beer. He knows there’s something going on with me. Maybe if I get enough liquid courage I’ll be able to unload this secret. At least part of it, because if I tell him all of it, he might confirm that I need to leave her. It’s much easier to deceive myself that she and I can work if no one else confirms what I already know.

What I have with Hattie is a disaster waiting to happen, but if I’m going to hell I’m damn sure going to enjoy the journey.