About Time (Broken Vows #4)

Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

Hattie Past- Age 19

I’m grateful for the distraction my courses provide. During the day I can stay buried in textbooks. There’s always something I can do to keep my mind occupied and not focus on the fact that the essential questions I have about my relationship with Charlie are still floating out there unanswered. There’s still something between us, but it’s just as ephemeral as it was this summer.

Not that it’s particularly hard for him to do that right now. I’ve kept myself so busy with school that popping back to Harriston mid week is out of the question. The first couple of weekends Charlie had to work overtime. At least that was the excuse he gave me.

It’s like we’re playing a game of relationship chicken. The first one to break and admit they miss the other loses. Except, I am miserable. I can’t seem to fight the depression coming over me. I’m overly emotional, constantly exhausted, and my appetite has up and run away. I can’t even think about food without getting nauseous.

I’ve all but withdrawn from my friends. There’s no way I can hide the fact that I’m a fucking mess. When Charlie left with Martin after they helped me move, I mistakenly thought he’d let go of the idea that we had to be over with the summer. I guess I should just call this a life lesson, and move on. He’s texted a few times, mostly excuses for why he can’t come visit, or why he won’t have time if I came to visit. Otherwise, it’s been radio silence.

I keep telling myself that it’s time to pull up my big girl pants and get on with the rest of my life. The problem is, no one knows about Charlie and me, so I don’t have anyone to turn to now that we’re over. Instead of doing anything constructive I just stay in my one-room apartment with the blinds drawn wallowing.

I put on a cheery front when Elisa calls. She buys it, I think. She doesn’t call me out for lying at least. It’s easier to fake happiness over the phone than in person. Mandy went to college back east, she’s pre-law, which means she’s as busy as I’ve been forcing myself to be. Unfortunately, I’m so far ahead in my assignments that all I have left are my labs in science and a group project in English literature.

Donovan is another story. He stayed back in Harriston working construction. He makes decent money, but he’s saving most of it to buy the bar when the current owner decides to retire. Several times over the last few weeks he’s tried to get us to hang out, but I came up with a reason why it was a bad time.

I’m a shit friend. Not only am I hiding what has been a big part of my life for the last couple of months, but I’m also flat-out avoiding seeing him. With a loud pounding on my door, my time of burrowing deep into my hole of depression comes to an end.

“I know you’re home, Hattie, open the door,” Donovan’s voice booms.

I groan as I force myself out of my cocoon of blankets and shuffle to the door. I open it for him and flop back down on my bed.

I hear the door shut, then the bed dips next to me. He pulls the covers back and gives me a stern look. “I’m done letting you ignore me. I don’t know what is going on, although you’ve been acting weird pretty much since the day we went to the pond.”

My heart starts to race, and I feel like I’m being exposed. “You don’t miss much, do you?”

Donovan shrugs. “I don’t know about that. I know that you’ve been weird, but I have no idea why, so obviously I’ve missed a lot. How long have we been friends?”

“You know how long,” I sigh.

“From the moment you moved to Harriston in sixth grade we’ve been close. I was there for you while you grieved your mother. Whatever is going on, you know that I’ll be there for you. Why are you pushing me away?” he asks.

This churning feeling inside of me reaches a critical mass and spills out. “Because I’m afraid of what you’ll think of me when you find out.”

Donovan reaches out and takes my hand. I know he’s seriously worried now, because while we’re great friends, best friends even, we aren’t physically affectionate. I think he’s only ever hugged me once, and that was the one-year anniversary of my mother’s death. So when he squeezes my hand I know he’s really worried about me without him having to say anything.

“I didn’t think I had to say this out loud, but it seems you’re too dense to figure it out for yourself.”

“Hey,” I interrupt him. “Rude.”

He smiles, his blue eyes crinkle. “You’re my best friend, that means I’m on your side no matter what. If you’re going to tell me that you killed someone and they’re hidden under that pile of clothes in the corner, I’ll go get a shovel and help you take care of it. There’s nothing you can say that will make me think less of you.”

I take a deep breath and squeeze my eyes shut. I can’t look at him when these words come out of my mouth. “I’ve been…I’m not sure if seeing someone is the right description. We’re not dating either though.”

Donovan lets go of my hand, grabs my shoulders, and shakes me until I open my eyes. “Who could you possibly be involved with that you’ve kept it a secret?”

I exhale a trembling breath. “Charlie Storm,” I whisper.

Looking up at him through my eyelashes, I risk checking out his reaction. He stares at me, with his mouth hanging open.

After what feels like an eternity, but is probably only a few seconds, he blinks and closes his mouth. “He’s what, ten years older than us?”

I nod, still watching him to see if he is disgusted by me. I’m relieved and a little surprised that he’s not judging me. “Yeah, he’s twenty-nine.” I don’t add anything else.

He nods his head a few times as he digests what I’ve said. “Okay, “ he drags out. “I’m a little confused. I mean, I get why you would keep it under wraps, but what has caused you to retreat into this den of sadness?”

“The summer ended,” I say simply.

Donovan raises an eyebrow. “And?”

Taking a fortifying breath, I make an effort to explain. “We agreed when it started, after the day at the pond?—”

He interrupts me, “Well, that answers the question of why you turned weird after that.”

I bob my head. “I ran into him on the way back to my car. He had brought Griffin Hale’s son to the pond. A week later I came on to him. Basically, I wore him down.” I give a self-deprecating laugh. “I knew his reputation, and I told myself I was okay with just sex.”

Donovan groans. “I’m suddenly very sorry I pushed you to tell me anything. I don’t have any siblings, but this is what I’d imagine it would be like for your sister to talk about sex.” He makes a gagging noise, and I shove him playfully.

“I can stop telling you,” I say. As much as I didn’t want to talk about this when he came over, getting it out feels like releasing poison. I’m tired of letting this fester inside of me.

Thankfully, he shakes his head no. “I’m sorry. I’m here for you. Just, maybe don’t go into a lot of details.”

I roll my eyes at him. “Yeah, you so don’t need to worry about that. I have zero desire to tell you all the sordid details of my sex life.”

He shudders dramatically and gestures with his hand for me to continue.

“We agreed that it would just be sex until I left for school. I stupidly thought that it would help me work him out of my system. I’ve had a crush on him for so long that I compared every guy to him. It seemed like the perfect way to go off to Central Valley. I figured as long as I didn’t let myself get all girly and start thinking we were more then I’d be okay.”

Donovan shoves his hand through his sunny blond hair, leaving it disheveled in the way I know girls go crazy about. Never me though. I can’t help but think how much easier my life would be if I could have felt the same way. Donovan Miller is an amazing guy, but you just don’t get to choose who you fall for.

If I could, it wouldn’t be Charlie Storm.

We’re quiet for a few minutes before he speaks again. His voice is quiet and sympathetic. It is almost worse than being pitied. “I never thought you were the type that would be able to have casual sex.”

He doesn’t ask me what happened, because somehow he already knows that I fell for Charlie and that those feelings weren’t returned.

A single tear slides down my face, and for the second time in eight years, Donovan hugs me again. I drop my head on his shoulder and he holds me while I cry.

“I love you, ya know?” I say against his shoulder.

“I know, and I love you too.”

I stiffen. He pushes my hair back so he can see the side of my face. “Relax. I don’t love you like that. It would probably make life easier for both of us if I did. There’s no way you’d be able to resist me if I turned on the charm.”

My sobs turn to giggles, and before I know it I’m shaking with uncontrolled laughter.

“What? I’m charming. You just don’t get it because you see me like a brother, and flirting with you would make me need therapy,” he says finally letting me go.

“He’s an idiot by the way,” he continues speaking. “Just because I see you as a sister doesn’t mean I don’t know that you’re beautiful. If he doesn’t realize how lucky he is that you love him, then he’s a fucking moron.”

I open my mouth to argue, but he puts his finger against my lips. “Don’t argue with me. I’m right and you know it. Now, get in the shower. I’m dragging your ass out.”

“I can’t believe you brought me here,” I grumble.

On the outside of Harriston, there’s an old abandoned field that the town uses to put on a “fair” every year when the schools start back up. I think it’s for the parents to celebrate not having to be with their kids all day for another nine months. During the day the festivities cater to families, but once the sun goes down the celebration cranks up a notch or twelve.

Donovan shoves my shoulder. “We always come to the fair.”

“We didn’t last year,” I remind him.

“Doesn’t count. You weren’t here.”

I sigh. “I just don’t know if I’m comfortable here,” I admit.

He grabs my shoulders and turns me to face him. “Unless you never plan to come visit your sister and Martin again, there’s always a chance you could run into Charlie. Don’t you think it would be best to do it on your terms? He should see you having a good time. The last thing a guy like him needs is the ego boost of knowing a beautiful woman is still pining for him.”

He makes a great point. I’ve heard someone say before that the best revenge is living well. “Yeah, fuck him. Let’s go ride the Ferris wheel.”

Donovan takes my hand, and I’m starting to worry about how touchy he’s being today. I know he says that he doesn’t have feelings for me, and I’ve never thought he did, but this is a bit over the top. Suddenly he pulls me against his chest, puts his hand up to my face, and whispers close to my mouth, “I see him near the beer tent talking to Griffin Hale and your brother-in-law.”

“Why are you talking to me this close?” I ask him, ignoring what he said.

“Because it looks like I’m kissing you. Now I’m going to put down my hand. I want you to give me those googly eyes you used to give to your Saved by the Bell poster when we were in junior high.”

As promised he drops his hand, but then he does the most disgusting thing I could never have fathomed him doing. He kisses me for real. It’s a very platonic feeling kiss, nothing more than a quick brush of his lips against mine, but since it looked like we just had a prolonged make out here in the middle of the fair it probably looked like more to anyone watching.

I fight the urge to gag or wipe my mouth off. Over Donovan’s shoulder I can see Charlie glaring at us. He wouldn’t be if he noticed that Donovan is trying not to laugh at my reaction. “Way to oversell it, Miller.”

He loses the fight, laughs loudly, and drops his arm around my shoulder steering us toward the ticket booth for ride tickets.

It isn’t easy, but I force myself not to think about Charlie, and enjoy this time alone with my best friend.