About Time (Broken Vows #4)

Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

Charlie Past- Age 29

“Charlie, are you listening to me?” Griffin asks.

“Of course,” I lie.

The truth is I haven’t heard one fucking word from the moment Donovan Miller put his hands on Hattie. The part that burns my ass the most is that I walked away from her three weeks ago and have no right whatsoever to complain about this. I had a moment of weakness when Martin left Hattie and I alone. For those precious minutes, I held on to hope that there was a scenario where being with me wouldn’t ruin her life. I let my emotions carry me away, and I’ve been racked with guilt ever since.

I know she probably thinks I used her to get off one last time. It’s not like I would have turned down a goodbye fuck, but I’ve only ever been honest with her. There’s no need to sugarcoat anything when your relationship begins with a proposition to use the other as a fucktoy. The only person I’ve been lying to is myself each time I try to convince myself that I can walk away from her.

When I was with her that last time, I gave up trying to deny how I felt. I couldn’t wait to see her again the moment I walked out her door, but then all my hopes disintegrated more with every mile Martin drove us away from Centralia. He didn’t even know he was doing it. All he did was brag about her, and how bright of a future she had ahead of her. It was the part about her not falling prey to the Harriston curse and getting pregnant before having a chance to leave this town.

Even though it was far from my intention to do anything to trap her in a mediocre life in Harriston, I couldn’t deny that it may happen. It strengthened my earlier resolve to walk away from her for her own good.

I did not walk away from her and survive the last three miserable weeks for that teenage jackass to swoop in and steal my woman. Except she’s not mine, not anymore. I walked away from her, and I don’t get a say on what she does from now on.

That thought depresses me, and not for the first time, I think I’ve made a colossal mistake.

Griffin snaps his fingers in front of my face. “What the fuck is wrong with you? I’ve been ignoring how weird you’ve been acting all summer, but you’re starting to freak me out. I’m planning an intervention, but I don’t know what you’re addicted to other than pussy. You haven’t even been banging random tourists for a couple of months, so I don’t think it’s that. The only thing I can guess is that you’ve been seeing someone.”

I tip my head back. “I was. I don’t want to talk about it.”

Griffin whistles. “Damn. You’re not going to overshare your sexcapades with me? She must be someone special.”

I nod. “Yeah, but she deserves more.”

He shakes his head and has a sad look on his face. “You don’t see yourself the way everyone else does. You’re a good guy and a loyal friend.”

My head hangs. He wouldn’t think that if he knew.

I can’t stop tracking Hattie with my eyes all over the fair. Not once does she spare me a look. She gives all of her attention to Donovan. When her head tips back and she laughs with her entire being I feel a sharp ache in my chest. I’m glad she’s happy, but it hurts that it’s not me making her laugh.

I can’t stand here and watch her move on. I never thought I’d have to do that. In my head, she always stayed in Centralia or went somewhere else. That was the whole point, for her to move on in the opposite direction of Harriston. More importantly, in the opposite direction of me.

I should have left the moment I saw that Hattie was here at the fair. I guess I must be a masochist because I can’t seem to make myself stop watching her.

Griffin is talking to other people we went to high school with. There are a few people who managed to get away from this town when we graduated, but for the most part, these are people we see every time there’s any kind of social function in town. They’re doing a pretty good job keeping Griffin occupied so he stops busting my balls.

While they reminisce I watch Donovan and Hattie get on the Ferris wheel. I can’t see them as they go around and around, but I imagine how it is going. He’s free to kiss her when they get to the top. No one is going to judge them. A self-deprecating chuckle escapes me. I’ve never been a jealous man, and I certainly never saw myself getting jealous of a teenager, but I’d never lost Hattie to one before.

No. That’s wrong. I didn’t lose her, I pushed her away. I didn’t see myself as someone who gave a shit what other people think, but I guess I am. I threw away happiness with both hands, and the only person to blame for this gnawing ache in my gut is myself.

Continuing to watch for her feels like a steady stream of lemon juice and salt being poured over an open wound. Still, I can’t stop.

That’s how I see her when she stumbles when they exit the ride. Without thinking I’m crossing the distance between us. Something in my gut tells me she needs me, and this time I won’t let her down.

When I make it to her, Donovan is holding her up. Her hands are on her stomach like she’s trying not to be sick. My thought is confirmed when she bends over and pukes all over the ground. Donovan jumps back to keep from getting vomit on his shoes.

I swoop in and wrap her in my arms. Her head lifts and I can see her face. Her green eyes are glassy, and I can tell something is wrong. “Doll, what is wrong?”

She shakes her head to tell me she doesn’t know, but the motion makes it worse and she groans. I can see her swallow hard.

“Are you drunk?” I ask her, trying to figure out what is making her sick. “Eat too much fried junk food?”

Hattie slaps her hand over her mouth. “Don’t say the F word,” she groans behind her fingers.

“Can you stand on your own?” I ask her.

“I think so,” she says weakly.

I have to force myself to let her go and take a step back. She inhales long and deep, and puts her hand on her forehead.

“I’m really dizzy,” she says, and that’s my only warning before her eyes roll back into her head and her knees buckle.

Thankfully I hadn’t moved too far to catch her. I scoop her up into my arms and acknowledge Donovan. “I’m going to take her to the hospital.”

He nods his head three times. “Be careful with her. I can’t keep putting her back together.”

“You and she aren’t—” I show my hand by even attempting to ask the question.

He looks at her fondly, but without any kind of lust. “Best friends? Yeah, we are, but we’ve never been anything else. We will never be anything else. But as her friend, I need to beg you again to be careful with her. Hattie doesn’t give her heart easily, and once she does I’m afraid it’s forever. Don’t make her fall if you won’t be there to catch her. Otherwise, there will never be room for anyone else in her heart. She deserves nothing short of complete adoration.”

He’s right, so I just nod.

Hattie rouses as I’m buckling her into the passenger seat. “What are you doing?”

“You fainted after puking. I’m taking you to the hospital,” I say before I close her door.

I can see her gearing up for a fight while I round the front of the truck to get in the driver’s seat. She proves me right as soon as I open my door and climb inside. “I don’t need a hospital. I probably just got dizzy or something.”

I shake my head. I won’t be talked out of taking her. “I don’t want to risk it.”

She grumbles something under her breath but otherwise says nothing. She really has gotten to know me. Not many people can read me as well as she seems to, except maybe Griffin.

Hattie is quiet while I check her in. It’s a slow night, and I’m actually disappointed about it because that means less time I get with her. In less than fifteen minutes a nurse is calling her back. I get up and follow her without thinking about it. She doesn’t stop me either. I know it’s an intrusion of her privacy, but I don’t think I’ll believe she’s fine until I hear it from the doctor.

They go through the routine procedures: weight, blood pressure, temperature. We’re led into an exam room and left there to wait on the next medical professional. I open my mouth to—I’m not sure what I could even say. I’m sorry sounds weak.

I am sorry, but I think about what Donovan said. I don’t want to give her any reassurances or make any promises unless I know I can follow through. I’ve already done enough damage to her.

I didn’t see it from as far away as I was at the fair, but right here, I can see the dark circles under her eyes. I might not be able to promise her anything, but I can be here with her. That is the only thing I can give her with certainty, because nothing about us has changed. She’s still too young, and too off limits. I still refuse to be the thing that dims the brightness of her future.

Nurses come and go. They take a medical history, which I can tell she is uncomfortable giving in front of me, so I make up an excuse to step out of the room. I suppose I could have just told her I was giving her privacy.

I slip back in when the nurse exits. Hattie doesn’t look up at me, and she’s chewing on her lip. The same nurse comes back with a tray with all the stuff to draw blood. Hattie glares at the tube as it fills with her blood. I don’t know what she thinks it is going to tell her, but whatever it is she’s apprehensive about it.

This time when the nurse leaves the silence is heavy. Hattie is retreating inside herself, and I hate that she’s erecting walls in front of my face to protect herself. I can’t fault her for it though.

Finally, I can’t take it anymore and I have to break the silence. “Did the nurse say something that’s worrying you?”

She only nods her head.

“You’re killing me, Doll. What is going on?”

She exhales forcefully. Slowly she looks up, and I can see fear in her eyes by the way her pupils are blown wide. I take her hand and feel her trembling.

Her tongue sticks out and wipes across her bottom lip. “She thinks—” she pauses to swallow “—that I might be?—”

My veins fill with ice, and it’s hard to breathe. “How?” That’s all I can say. One word, but she knows what I’m asking.

It’s even more apparent how much this is worrying her by the fact that she doesn’t make a joke. Instead, she shrugs. “I have no idea. I took my pill on time, every day. I haven’t been sick, or on any meds that counteract them. She said sometimes it just fails for no apparent reason.”

“Why don’t they put that on the package?” I wonder aloud.

She lifts one shoulder. “They’re only ninety-nine percent effective when used perfectly.”

“Fuck,” I draw out.

That’s the wrong thing to do because she pulls back in. I reach toward her and take her hand. “No matter what, I’m here for you.”

“That would be a first,” she mumbles.

I’m about to respond when the doctor walks in. He’s got a sympathetic look on his face, and I know what he’s going to say. I’m going to be a father.

That part I’m okay with, happy even. The part that bothers me is that Hattie is going to be a mother, and I can’t let her fall victim to the same thing that traps so many young women in Harriston.

I give up trying to pretend I’m okay without her. This is different because now she needs me. I can make sure this change will be a positive one in her life.

I don’t pay much attention to the other things the doctor is saying. My brain is in full planning mode even as she is discharged. We’re silent as we make our way back out to my truck. Once we’re inside I put the key in the ignition and then stop.

“Let’s get married,” I say.

She’s shaking her head before I’m even done talking. “Don’t, Charlie. You didn’t want to be with me before, and I won’t be with you just because we’re having a baby.”

“You don’t understand, Doll. I never stopped wanting you.”

Her eyebrow raises. “Could have fooled me. It felt like you forgot about me the moment you walked out my door.”

I turn to face her. Her face is highlighted by the street light I parked next to. There’s so much pain there, and I thought I was protecting her. I stroke her face with the back of my fingers. “I’ve messed up so much. I never meant to hurt you. I thought I was protecting you, but now I see I did the opposite. All I managed was to hurt us both. I was already losing my battle to stay away from you, I want to be with you for you.”

A tear slides down her face, and I brush it away. “Okay,” she whispers.

I crank the engine and hit the road. When I get to the intersection where I can either turn for home or hit the highway, I choose the highway.

“We can be in Reno by morning.”

She gives a slight tip of her head. That’s all the confirmation I need to take the exit.