About Time (Broken Vows #4)

Chapter 33

Chapter Thirty-Three

Hattie Past- Age 32

When I wake up alone in the morning, I’d swear it was all a dream except for the fact that my body aches deliciously.

I’d be lying if I said I’ve never thought about being with him again, but it was more of a fantasy I never expected to happen, than a real hope for the future. Standing on my deck, with a coffee cup warming my hands, I stare out aimlessly at the choppy Gulf. Dark clouds hang overhead, which feels ominous considering Charlie fucking Storm has rolled back into my life and blown it to pieces.

Here I am, surrounded by the scattered remains of my life here, and wondering how I begin to put the pieces together again. Last night it seemed like the most natural and rational thing to agree to return to Harriston. After all, I’d just fought with Clark, and he asked for his ring back. In that instant, I knew he saved me from making a huge mistake. I wasn’t even a little sad to have my engagement broken after only a few days, I was relieved.

Wren needs me now more than she even did back then. Yes, she has Griffin, but I remember how hard it was for me to be pregnant and not have my mom to talk to. I still had my sister, even if she didn’t know the reason I turned to her for comfort back then. Her arms were still open to me even if she didn’t know why I needed them, and I don’t think I’d have survived.

That still doesn’t mean I’m free to fall back into the arms of my personal cumulonimbus. Hurricane Charlie has done enough damage here, I don’t need to become a storm chaser. I would like to try and salvage my friendship with Clark. He’s been in my corner for over a decade. He deserves more than a weak-willed woman who only agreed to marry him out of a fear of ending up alone.

He wanted me to tell him that I had no feelings for Charlie, and I wanted to give him that reassurance, but those words refused to vocalize. I told him I could avoid Charlie, that he didn’t mean anything to me anymore. The moment I said that, I realized I lied. Sometimes a small lie can be the kindest thing you can do for someone you love, but I’d been telling too many lies, and most of them were to myself.

I’ve proved that it took thousands of miles for me to stay away from Charlie because I’ve never fallen out of love with him. The raw truth is that there isn’t a future I can imagine where I don’t love him. I’ve tried, and at a certain point, you just have to admit defeat and accept a basic fact about yourself. I am five-foot-seven, I have green eyes, blonde hair, and I love Charlie Storm. It’s part of the fabric of who I am, and something I’ll never be able to change.

I proved that last night. Charlie crooks his finger at me and I fall to my knees. I’m not proud of myself, but I know now that I will never be able to resist that man. I think Clark just realized it a little bit faster than I did.

Sure, I could continue to work myself to death. It would likely be worse now, because Clark was the one who usually pulled me from this cycle to pop my head out and remember to be human every so often, instead of being a robot. If I could manage to repair my friendship, there would always be something in the way, a huge Charlie-shaped boulder.

Hell, Donovan rarely returns a text or email to me and he never made the mistake of falling in love with me. Charlie managed to destroy that friendship too.

The first drops of rain fall down, leaving dark spots on the wood. They mask the tears that flow down my cheeks. I’m not crying over the loss of my friend, either of them, but I should be. No, I’m far too self-centered for that. I’m crying because I realize Charlie isn’t the one that has fucked everything up. The ultimate responsibility falls on me. I’m the one who pursued him first. I’m the one who ran into this blindly and refused to see any of the glaring warning signs along the way. It’s my fault that I couldn’t manage my feelings and felt the need to run all the way to Florida to cope. Also, I’m the one who continues to let him in.

Waking up alone this morning was a wake-up call I guess. I stayed away from Harriston because I thought it was the only way to avoid falling right back into his bed. I missed years with my sister, helping my niece in her moment of crisis, and ruined my friendship with Donovan. I did all of that. If I’m going to be there for Wren and have any chance of convincing Donovan to stop hating me, I have to go home. Also, if I want to have a life that is about more than avoiding Charlie, I need to face this thing between us head on.

An idea starts to form, but then I hear my front door open back inside the house. I turn around and see the devil himself walking in with a drink carrier holding two coffees and a to-go bag.

“I thought you left,” I say as I come back inside.

He holds out a coffee. “Yeah, I’m not about to try and use your coffee maker.” He side-eyes my Keurig. “I don’t trust those fancy machines.”

I roll my eyes. “Some day you are going to have to get used to technology. That thing is so easy, even you couldn’t mess it up.”

He hands me a coffee, and I take a sip. Part of me is impressed that he actually remembers my coffee order, a white chocolate mocha with a dash of hazelnut. The other part of me is trying to smother the warm and fuzzy feelings it brings. I might not be able to fall out of love with him, but I won’t be diving head-first into the deep end of it either.

Charlie takes a couple of breakfast sandwiches out of the bag and sets them in front of the barstools. I guess we’re going to sit and eat together. Reluctantly I pull out a stool and take a seat.

Once he’s joined me he turns to me and takes a deep breath. None of these are good signs. I remind myself that I don’t want anything from him. This was fun, but it doesn’t have to mean anything. Actually, it can’t be anything.

I’ve heard Einstein once said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. That’s a pretty good explanation of how I keep opening my heart to Charlie and expecting him not to break it. I’m not a teenager anymore, nor am I in my twenties. I can’t keep making a young woman’s mistakes at this stage in my life.

“I wanted to talk more about what you said last night. I know you said this is just sex, but?—”

I start nodding frantically. “This doesn’t need to be a discussion. I get it, and you don’t have to worry about me having some kind of misunderstanding here. If you want to discuss rules, like no fucking without protection, I’m all ears, but otherwise you don’t need to worry. This time, I know that wanting my pussy doesn’t mean you want my heart.”

The storm clouds come inside to hang over his head. I swear the air temperature drops several degrees. He stands suddenly causing his chair to totter a bit before coming back to rest, still upright. “Is that all you think I’m good for? Making you come?”

“What do you want me to say, Charlie? Any time I let you into more than just my body you leave me shattered. Why would I want to continue to break myself against your rocks?”

He moves around behind me and I force myself to stay still. “If that’s the way you want it,” he whispers into my ear.

His fingers brush against my neck, lightly scratching the skin with his callouses, as he gathers my hair into a bunch down by my neck. Using it to guide me, he moves me around the corner where the counter is lower, and leans me over it.

“If this is the only thing I’m good for, I better give you a reason to let me stick around.”

Charlie’s free hand slides around my waist and down into my sleep shorts. His fingers move between my legs, and circle around my clit.

My fingers claw at the smooth granite counter, finding nothing to grasp on to. I can feel my body climbing toward the peak, and then he pulls his hand away.

I want to groan and complain about him leaving me hanging, but that isn’t how things work between us. He gets off on using me, and I like being used. I can’t explain it, and I worry that if I examine it too closely it will go away.

Charlie lets go of my hair and lifts my shirt over my head. Next, he pushes my shorts down. When they pool around my ankles he taps my leg. “Step out.”

I do as he says, and kick the shorts away. He pushes me back down to the surface of the counter. The cool stone makes my nipples tighten into hard points. His grip returns to my hair, and I can’t turn my head to look back at him. I become aware of what he’s doing when I hear the whoosh of his zipper.

I inhale and hold my breath as he pushes into me in one forceful thrust. The intrusion burns as my pussy works to stretch around his girth. My hips bounce off the edge of the counter every time he slams inside of me.

I love him like this, raw, uncontrolled, desperate for me. His fist in my hair pulls every time he pulls me back on his cock. Once again my body nears that delicious peak. My pussy flutters around his cock, and just as I’m about to shatter into a million stars, he pulls out.

He waits long enough for the feelings to dissipate before he starts fucking me again. Over and over he drives me to the brink and then stops.

Finally I break and groan my displeasure. He releases a dark chuckle. “Sucks when you get so close to getting what you want and it gets taken away, doesn’t it?”

Slowly, he pushes his cock back into me. He changes the angle, and he rubs against my G-Spot. Since he’s denied me over and over the sensations building inside of me now feel compounded to an extreme level.

Charlie leans over my back, his hips continuing to pound into me at a steady rhythm. “You say that this is all there is between us, but the fact is you depend on me for your pleasure. I will win you back. Go ahead and fight me, but I will wear you down. Until then I promise I will be using your body against you.”

I want to argue with him, but it’s pointless. I am weak when it comes to him, and he knows it. There’s a freedom in surrendering to him that makes me feel like flying. It’s addictive, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to give it up.

“You are mine, and not just your body,” he grunts as his hips pick up the tempo once again.

“Tell me you’re mine,” he demands.

I know I’m supposed to agree, but instead, I keep my mouth shut.

He pulls my hair a bit more so that my neck stretches back then he bites the side just enough to feel his teeth press into my skin. His forehead drops to the crook of my neck and I feel his hot breath blow across my skin. I can feel his control slipping, but Charlie is nothing if not stubborn.

“You don’t have to say it. We both know it’s true. Your mind might be resisting me, but we both know I have never left your heart. I’m going to prove to you that we belong together. One way or another, you will be mine completely again. Even if I have to keep filling you full of my cum until youbecome pregnant with my baby. Understand this, Doll, you are still my wife. It might have taken me a while to grow up, but I am not as stupid as I was twelve years ago. I didn’t know that I was condemning both of us to over a decade of suffering. I thought I was freeing you to have a better life. Now that I know better, I will never leave you alone again.”

His words soothe an ache deep inside of me, but I’m not ready to forgive him just yet. Even if he did have good intentions, it doesn’t erase the years of loneliness I endured without him. He’s right, he has never left my heart, but before I open it back up to him I need to know that it’s safe in his hands.

“Come for me, Doll. Let me feel your pussy choke my dick.” He fucks me hard, the way I like, and I scream as my entire body clenches tight. The waves of pleasure roll over and over me, as I feel the heat of his release fill me.

I expect him to pull out and leave. I can tell he’s annoyed with me, and Charlie usually runs from any kind of emotion. He does take a step back but only moves further into the kitchen. He wets a cloth and comes back to clean me up. Once he’s done, he helps me back into my shorts before lifting me to sit on the counter.

He holds my eyes for a long moment, and I can see there is a deep well of emotion in the dark depths. He’s never let me see this much of him before. It unnerves me, because, just maybe, there’s no way to protect myself from falling for him again.

Charlie cups my face and kisses me deeply. Now I know he’s not fighting fair. After a glorious eternity, he pulls back. His thumb brushes across my lips, his earlier frustration seems to have dissipated now that he’s come.

“I have to go back to Harriston. I didn’t arrange to be gone, and Griffin is drowning at the shop. Wren hasn’t been feeling well, and he doesn’t want to work longer hours. Promise me you’re really coming back.”

I don’t tell him that I seriously considered backing out. Even if a part of me is curious to see what is going on between us, I know I need to go back to take care of Wren.

I dip my head and nod. “Yeah, I need a couple of weeks to give the hospital notice and to pack up.”

He kisses me again, just a light brush of his lips against mine. “I’m going to be calling you. I want you to let me know what day you plan to leave. I’ll fly down and drive back with you.”

“I don’t get you,” I admit.

His fingers brush my cheek. “Yes, you do. You’re the only one who will ever get me.”

It’s not what I meant, but the sentiment does make me swoon a little. I won’t tell him that, not yet at least, but I’m definitely in a lot of danger here.

Charlie studies my eyes and gives me a sad smile. “I can see the doubt in your eyes, but I will prove to you that you’re safe with me. Give me that chance at least.”

I nod again. It’s a slight tip of my head, but it brightens his smile.