Aching for His Discretion (The Discretion Dynasty #1)

52. Teegan

Chapter fifty-two

Teegan

A Few Weeks Later

“ H ello, boys!” Abbie yelled happily to Micah, Elliot, and Nico as she stepped out of the car with a smile. Looking over to Levi in the driver’s seat, I held back my smile as he rolled his eyes and took the key out of the ignition. Emma rolled her eyes as she opened the door in the backseat.

“Here we go. Let’s hope your parents have a rather wide selection of wine for me to get through this night…” she muttered, and I gave Levi’s hand a small squeeze before stepping out into the cold air of my hometown in Illinois for the second time after stepping out of the airport.

That’s right. My mother invited me, the boys and girls, to a small get-together before Christmas. Of course, Emma and Abbie were going to spend their actual holiday with their parents and family, but she wanted to get to know the girls who got me through my last few years in Maryland. And as for the boys, they just had to come for obvious reasons.

I could vividly remember the day I called to tell her I had essentially made amends with Levi. She wasn’t upset or happy, but I knew she felt indifferent as I spent most of my nights at the beginning of our breakup crying to her over the phone. It took a bit of convincing to let her know that I was happy, and on Levi’s part, he had to do his due diligence and get a stern talking to for around two hours about how he should never have hurt her little girl.

He simply listened intently and didn’t accept my attempt at trying to cut the call short. He wanted to hear what she had to say. He wanted to know how badly he hurt me overall and how it affected her. It was like he wanted to be reminded of how much pain we both endured and how it should never happen again. And that’s why—

“Levi, it’s so good to see you!” my mother beamed, hugging him after she’d finished greeting me. Levi returned her hug happily, forgetting how irritated he was at Abigail’s constant antics and jokes on the plane.

—she’d invited him too. She insisted that we all come, much to my father’s dismay, and bought presents for us too. I could tell she missed spending time with her kids and missed those years from before when my brothers and I actually got along on occasion. She didn’t know if they would be coming this year, but I could only hope things would remain civil if they did.

I greeted my papa as I introduced the girls to him, and we slowly made our way inside as the guys helped with the suitcases. Deciding to give them a small tour, I left Levi downstairs and walked them up to my room, only for Emma to speak.

“Abbie, please,” she said, and Abbie rolled her eyes as I looked over to them in question and opened my old bedroom door.

“What’s going on?” I asked, and Emma took a seat on the edge of the bed as Abbie looked at my old books, candles, and teenage stuff, which I kept here for memories.

“Abbie’s planning on taking Elliot to the North Pole,” she groaned, and I furrowed my eyebrows. Emma rolled her eyes again and spoke again. “It’s Christmas, and she wants to be a hoe, hoe, hoe under your parents’ roof.”

“Oh my gosh. Abbie!” I exclaimed, and she scoffed as she crossed her arms.

“Since when were we going to start using holiday references to talk about my sex life?”

“Since you decided you wanted to shake it like a red nose—” Emma started, and I held both my hands up in surrender as I could barely even take it anymore.

“Please. Please, guys. Could you spare me and my innocent ears?”

“Fine. But you definitely saw the way he was looking at me,” Abbie said pointedly, and Emma rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, with revulsion.”

“Are you guys going to bicker like this forever?” I asked, and the two of them huffed like five-year-olds but agreed they’d keep it friendly.

Micah entered the room shortly after, eating one of my mother’s homemade cookies.

“These are pretty good, you know,” he said as we all stared at him, confused by his intrusion, but we laughed him off as he took another bite.

My mother was in the kitchen finishing the last of tonight’s dinner, and we sat in the living room watching a cheesy Hallmark movie she put on after she kicked us out of the kitchen when we finished helping. I was cuddled up by Levi, who seemed more invested in looking at me than worrying about the movie.

I did my best to make him focus on the movie regarding the ranch guy and the businesswoman from the big city, but he was more concerned with making me giggle from the small whispers that he hid from everyone, thankfully.

We heard a key opening the front door, and I assumed it was my father coming back from being outside when the person who came in made me sit up. It was Dakota.

My oldest brother had come home, and after locking the door behind him, he made direct eye contact with me but remained silent. I hadn’t seen him in two whole years, and he looked completely different.

He made his way to the kitchen without acknowledging us in the living room, and I furrowed my eyebrows as I watched his back as he walked. Levi rubbed my shoulder comfortingly as Elliot lowered the sound of the movie. I could tell their eyes were on me as I stood slowly.

“Teegs…” Abbie said with a hint of concern and sadness in her voice, and I gave them all a sad smile before I looked back over to the entrance of the kitchen.

“I’ll be right back,” I said.

Levi’s hand lingered on my arm for a moment before I kissed his hair and gave his hand a small squeeze before making my way over to the kitchen.

I rubbed my hands together nervously as I pulled on my sleeves, and I was met with my older brother running his hand through his hair as my father stood before me with his arms crossed, looking disappointed. In a somewhat similar disapproving fashion, my mother was silent, quietly setting the table with the food she’d cooked for us.

Dakota looked over at me and sighed before speaking. “Teegan, can we talk?” he asked, and I made eye contact with my father, who seemed to be waiting for my answer, presumably ready to keep the peace as best as he could. Nonetheless, I nodded, pushing a piece of hair behind my ear.

“We can,” I whispered, and he nodded as he walked towards my father’s office so we could have a bit of privacy. I paused for a moment, only to feel my mother placing a small kiss on my cheek as she rubbed my back, and my father putting his hand on my shoulder as if to give me the courage to go.

Slowly, I walked over to the office and made eye contact with Levi, who was still very concerned. I gave him a look of reassurance before I entered the office and closed the door behind me.

It was silent. He was leaning on my father’s desk, hands rested on the edge semi-nervously, and his head was down.

“Teegan...” he began but paused for a moment, trying to formulate his words. However, I listened intently.

“I... We have always been jealous of you,” was how he began, and I furrowed my eyebrows slightly. “Father... was in the same kind of business Levi was in. Like idiots, we wanted to do the same when we were teenagers, and because he was growing older, he decided to step down and hand some of the responsibilities to us while he took care of you and Mom.”

I stared at him, dumbfounded as the new information tried to process in my brain. Was Papa in a gang? Has he killed people before? Have my brothers killed people before?

“The time you spent with our parents made us, especially Declan, envy your relationship with them. When you got the chance to go to college, to go to medical school, to pursue your dreams, we began to resent you even more, “ he said truthfully.

I approached him slowly, as he could barely look me in the eyes.

“Dakota…” I said softly, and he shook his head as I was only a few inches away from him.

“I don’t deserve your forgiveness, and I’m not going to ask for it. But I just wanted to let you know how much you actually mean to me and how sorry I am for putting you through everything over the years. I couldn’t accept that you were able to have opportunities we didn’t, and I used it against you to hurt you.” He whispered the last part, and I didn’t say anything.

It looked almost as if he wanted to cower away from me, afraid of what I’d say or how I’d react. I felt a bit of déjà vu with how Levi apologized, giving me the control to accept or decline his attempt. Slowly, nonetheless, I wrapped my arms around his neck as I pulled him into a hug.

He didn’t move as his chin rested on my shoulder. It felt different. The last time I’d given him a hug was probably when I was ten. Hugging him now, my heart felt heavy as I could feel all the emotion he’d been harboring. Though he was our older brother, I knew Declan had the upper hand, as his temper controlled everything and everyone around him. Dakota was no exception.

“I should’ve been the older brother you needed. I should have never let Declan—” he started, and I shushed him softly as he finally wrapped his arms around me and let out a small sob into my shoulder. I bit my lip as I tried to hold back my own tears as he held me close, afraid I’d let him go.

“It’s okay… it’s okay,” I whispered, and he shook his head.

“It’s not. You shouldn’t forgive me. I tried to control you, I let him demean you, I didn’t want you to be happy for my own selfish jealousy of you,” he practically sobbed, and I sighed as I let him cry.

It felt sudden, and I was slowly starting to feel overwhelmed. I was already doing my best to make amends with Levi, though making amends with Dakota was definitely not on my Christmas list. I had wished for this moment forever.

I longed for the relationship of my siblings once again, and though I had the guys and the girls anxiously waiting for me in the living room, the hole Dakota and Declan left was never quite filled. I just learned to accept that I wasn’t good enough in their eyes and left it at that.

Pulling away, I sighed as I rubbed his damp cheeks with my thumbs. He seemed so defenseless, almost as if he was begging for my mercy or forgiveness.

“I don’t know if I forgive you, Dakota. But over time, I think I will. We both have a bit of healing to do, hmm? Let’s see if we can do it together,” I whispered, and he nodded as I wrapped my arms around him, soothing his worries for the moment.

I had told Levi over the course of the night what had happened, and he was supportive of my decision and pace of accepting Dakota and his apology. Now, it was getting quite late, and I unfortunately had to say goodbye to Abbie and Emma for the next few weeks as they went to visit their families.

The boys had occupied a guest room, and Levi was staying with me in my bedroom after promising my father he would keep his hands to himself. However, I was having a hard time believing him as he was trying to engage in behavior that was rather touchy-feely.

Currently, it was around two AM, and while the house was quiet, my racing thoughts were anything but. I was feeling restless as I slept beside Levi, and wondering about my father’s involvement with a potential gang the entire evening was no help either.

Hearing a bit of ruckus downstairs, I knew it was because my kitty was still roaming freely throughout the night. Getting out of bed as I decided I would go fetch him, I told a sleepy Levi beside me that I’d be down for a minute as I also wanted to get a glass of water as well.

As I descended the steps, it was silent, and only a few dim lamps illuminated the space. Going toward the kitchen, I was practically tackled by Grayson, who was hiding behind a plant.

As he jumped into my arms, I furrowed my eyebrows as his little heart was racing. It was almost as if he was scared for his life. I shushed him softly as he tried to hide in my cardigan, and I heard a bit of noise from the dimly lit living room.

Turning toward it, I walked over slowly and stood in my tracks as I was met with the final member of our family, the one who almost gave my little baby a heart attack, the one who turned Dakota into a heartless monster, the one who made it his goal to make me feel less of a person any chance he got.

“Little sister… how was the party? A bit rude that I didn’t get an invitation, hmm?” he asked, and I gulped softly as his eyes remained on me. His disheveled hair and dark gaze only reminded me of how unbalanced and frightening he truly was.

Dakota had returned home. It was foolish of me to forget that Declan wouldn’t be too far behind.