Aching for His Discretion (The Discretion Dynasty #1)

53. Teegan

Chapter fifty-three

Teegan

S till holding a worried and frightened Grayson in my arms, I stared blankly at Declan. It had been two years, and just like Dakota, my other older brother didn’t look much different. He still held the careless look in his eyes and the dangerous aura that seemed to haunt our family.

“I’d think I’d at least get a hug. Considering you haven’t seen me in so long.” He shrugged, and his dangerous eyes looked down at my little trembling kitty in my arms before they met mine again.

“What are you doing here?” I whispered, and he shrugged.

“I may be absent from your lives, but I still very much live here… more than you, it seems. At least I have the decency to visit home more than twice a year. And I surely don’t bring home the ex that I’ve been fucking again. No, that’s something only you have the guts to do,” he said rudely, and tears immediately sprung to my eyes as he tilted his head.

“Oh, that’s right. You probably thought I’d come home and apologize just like our older brother, huh? He’s been thinking about this for the last three months and only now finally made his move to give you his shitty apology. I guess I shouldn’t have expected much. He’s always been a little bitch—”

“Don’t talk about him like that,” I seethed in defense while my tears fell, and he paused. The look in his eyes changed slightly as he watched me.

“Looks like someone finally decided to grow a backbone.”

“I didn’t decide to grow anything. If all you are going to do is belittle me and Dakota, then why don’t you just leave?”

“I can see why you’d want me to leave. It’s all you were ever capable of doing.”

I shook my head. “That is not true.”

“Not fucking true? Who the hell ran away to medical school because she thought she was too good for our family? Who ran away from her own brothers when she decided four fucked up and dangerous men should take our place—”

“I had my reasons for wanting to leave. I only left home because I felt suffocated by you and Dakota,” I practically yelled, and he sneered in response.

“Suffocated? That’s what you’d call it?”

“Would you prefer I call you emotionally and mentally abusive, misogynistic, controlling, or overbearing? Those seem to fit the way you’ve acted for my entire life.”

“I only acted that way because you could barely take care of yourself, yet Mom and Dad put you on a pedestal just because you had some damn dream of becoming a doctor.”

I could only let out a scoff, the adrenaline pumping through me at a thousand miles an hour. “Is that supposed to mean something? I just wanted to live out my dream—”

“Your dream?” he fumed, and I took a small step back as he abruptly stood up from the chair and slowly walked over to me. “What about me?” He pointed to himself, and I was a bit thankful he’d stopped walking by the coffee table. “I had fucking dreams of moving out of this shitty, superficial life our parents tried to build. You’re the only one who was able to even benefit from it. I didn’t get to live my own life. While you were worrying about becoming a doctor, Dakota and I were stuck here doing our father’s dirty work that helped fund your career,” he accused.

I recalled Dakota’s words from earlier.

Father... was in the same kind of business Levi was in. Like idiots, we wanted to do the same when we were teenagers, and because he was growing older, he decided to step down and hand some of the responsibilities to us while he took care of you and Mom.

“And whose fault is that?” I seethed, and he narrowed his eyes at me. “You had a choice. You and Dakota chose to put your life goals on hold because of the decisions you decided to make. We have all made sacrifices. You can’t hold mine against me just because you are upset with your own.”

He simply stared at me as I finished my sentence, and if looks could kill, I would probably be six feet under by now.

“Wow,” he began, and I was caught off guard as his following words weren’t too… compassionate.

“You really are just a selfish bitch.” He spoke almost in disbelief, and the room was completely silent aside from Grayson shuffling slightly in my hold.

Hearing footsteps at the entrance of the living room, my eyes darted over to see Levi, Dakota, and my father standing silently. Levi looked ready to jump in, but Dakota seemed to be holding him back as he gave me a look.

It was filled with encouragement. His eyes almost pleaded with me to keep going, to finally stand up to Declan.

I was sure my mother heard everything as well, as we weren’t being very discreet, and the boys probably were listening in as well, but I didn’t find myself caring much as my focus was locked on Declan.

I wanted to cry again, cry more than I already had been with his insults, beratings, degrading… all of it made me want to cry. And from the look on his face, I could tell he wanted me to. He wanted to watch me suffer.

He wanted to be the cause of my pain. He wanted to have the pleasure of once again making me sob out of fear and hurt. But I wouldn’t give him that satisfaction. Not when he’d done so much to me in the past and hurt our family.

“You’re right,” I whispered. “I am selfish because I am putting myself first! I went to school so I could be the best person I could be and so I could save others. Forgive me for being selfish, as I put other people’s lives before mine, sacrificing my time and energy to make sure other mothers and babies can live to see the next day. Don’t take your jealousy or hatred of your own life out on me. You can’t control what I do, where I go, or who I am anymore. I won’t let you. So call me names all you want. That just goes to show how much you’re hurting inside. I don’t want or need to beg for approval from someone who can’t even accept who they are as a person,” I finished.

It was quiet in the room once again.

Deciding I’d had enough, I held my kitty to my chest as I went straight to my room, ignoring Declan’s gaze as he watched me angrily.

As Grayson rubbed his head against my chin, I did my best to calm my nerves. I felt like running a marathon and throwing up all at once. Closing my door behind me, I took a seat on the edge of the bed as I cuddled my kitty in my arms softly.

The door opened after a short while, and Levi stepped in and stood in front of me. He tilted my head up with his hand and wiped my slightly damp cheeks with his thumb.

“You did good, Tesoro,” was all he said, and I nodded as I leaned into his hand.

“I know,” I whispered.

“It’s okay to be upset, and it’s okay to cry,” he assured me, and I breathed in deeply as I nodded once again.

“I know.”

He pulled away after a moment, and I allowed Grayson to roam the room as Levi lay in my bed and ushered me over to lay beside him in his embrace.

Lying on his chest, he spoke as he ran his hands through my hair.

“Dakota and your father kicked him out. Dakota told him to work on himself before coming back, and to that, he didn’t say anything,” he said.

I didn’t respond as I hugged him closer to me.

I definitely dealt with a lot over the years, and I was learning more about myself and others. I was learning how to take control of my own actions and base them on what I wanted for myself. I was learning how to be content with not pleasing others.

I was learning how to handle the negativity that came with being more positive and working on myself. Making amends with Levi and Dakota allowed me to realize how capable I was of forgiving myself, forgiving others, and ultimately doing what was best for me.

For everything Declan has already taken from me… I didn’t want him to take this away from me, too.