AJ’s Fire (Hampstead Valley #3)

Chapter 1

Chapter One

AJ

Jackson was being weird, and I could pinpoint exactly when it started, at a New Year’s Eve party at our lieutenant’s house. We’d started the festivities at my brother’s brownstone, waiting for the babysitter before heading out. I hadn’t really wanted to go.

“A party? In the suburbs?” I may have whined from my perch, slouched on the couch between my older brother, Jamie, and his sister-in-law, Rose. Jackson was walking away from me, heading to the kitchen. “At Freeda’s?” I leaned over the couch to yell back at him. “You know it’s going to be fifty percent firefighters, fifty percent lesbians, and fifty percent suburban neighbors talking about the latest PTA meeting.”

“You might want to check your math there, man,” my brother muttered into his bottle of beer as Jax came up behind me, resting an arm on my shoulder and handing me another drink. I held my empty over my shoulder for him to take, tipping my head back to find his face right there.

“Yeah, Aje. Stick to running into burning buildings.” His eyes twinkled with mirth, and as close as he was, I could see a kaleidoscope of flecks in various colors in them. From that proximity, no one color seemed predominant; it was the laughter I was seeing more than anything. I loved when Jackson and I bantered, and the teasing was helping my cranky mood, but my “thank you” still sounded sarcastic as I passed my empty to him.

Rose laughed as she slapped my thigh and stood up. “Drink up and get your ass off that couch; we’re going!” She looked pointedly at me, narrowing her eyes and subtly nodding her head toward my brother. Her message came through loud and clear. Shut the fuck up and do this for Jamie .

I adjusted my attitude as we took the train to Yonkers, and by the time I walked into the party, I did so like Jackson and I had walked into a million rooms before, all confident swagger, announcing to the room in general that we were ready to party. Jackson and I were great at playing the game, each other's best wingman, keepers of a sacred bro code that we’d cultivated over the five years we’d known each other. We had a bit of a reputation—the Battalion Five Boys. We were ladies’ men, and that's the way we both liked it.

Evenings out with each other, drinking and having fun, nights in bed with willing partners, then always the next day, with Jax, either on the phone or back at the station, shooting the shit about stupid stuff or planning our next night out. After five years, it had become the best kind of routine, where I got to hang out all the time with my best friend, and I also got to get laid a fair amount, if I do say so myself.

That particular New Year’s Eve, Rose and I had convinced my brother to join us, which I was thrilled about. His wife had died the year before, and Jamie had closed himself off for so long that I was shocked when he agreed to come along.

I felt eyes on me as I entered the party. As firefighters, Jackson and I worked hard to stay in shape, and as players, neither of us were afraid to show it. That evening, when I walked through the door, I was by myself, Jackson having stayed back to hold it open for Jamie and Rose. He had those manners that were ingrained from years at boarding school and the Ivy League. Combine that with his charming smile and his build, and the women ate it up.

I could sense him coming up behind me as my gaze found a group of three women and one man, all of whom were watching the door as we filtered in. Two of the women went back to talking to each other, but the guy kept staring our way, and the woman next to him … Well, that was interesting; she was staring unabashedly at my brother. Looked like I would be playing wingman for someone else this evening. I knew Jackson could handle himself.

Rose whispered to Jamie and took off into the crowd, and I leaned in to whisper to Jackson. His hand found the small of my back as he first looked over my shoulder, then whispered back in agreement. I grabbed my brother’s wrist and brought him over to the group that included the staring woman. Introductions were made, and Jackson’s hand found the small of my back again.

“I’ll go grab us some drinks,” he said to the group in general as his fingers dug into me, but then he leaned in again to whisper in my ear, “Reign it in, big man. Let your brother have this one.”

I smacked his ass and let out a playful, “Fuck you.”

Jackson raised his arms in surrender. “Kidding. I’m only kidding.”

“One time, probie. It was one time when we first met, and I had no idea you were interested in her. Let’s face it, before you met me, you lacked moves.” I said the last three words while pointing a finger and poking Jackson’s firm chest before I turned back to the group in general.

Jackson responded by smacking my ass in turn. “Please. My moves are legendary. Always have been. You know that.”

I was laughing as I jumped away from Jackson before he could clip me again to find the group staring intently at us. The one man among them took Jackson in from head to toe before smiling his way. Jackson used my distraction as an opportunity to punch me in the arm instead. “Asshole.” I smiled his way as the guy spoke.

“Let me help you grab those drinks. They’ve got everything set up in the kitchen. It’s …”

Jackson flashed his most charming smile. The one I knew meant he was on the prowl. “I know where the kitchen is.” The two walked away, and I could hear Jackson making small talk with the tall man. “So where do you know Freeda from? The PTA?” The motherfucker turned and winked at me, but I mentally thanked him nonetheless for taking one for the team and removing the other dude from our little circle.

While two of the women watched Jackson and their friend walk off, the third only had eyes for my brother. I glanced his way and could tell his shy smile hid nervousness. The man had met his wife when he was ten years old. They’d been inseparable from that day until her tragic death the past year, and frankly, I wasn’t sure Jamie had ever even been with another woman. While I knew he still ached for his Anna, I think even he felt that it was maybe time for him to put himself out there.

Thoughts of my own conquest for the evening went out of my head as I focused on Jamie and the petite woman in red, laughing and running her fingers through her hair in front of my brother.

The woman, Katy, dragged Jamie by the hand toward a large love seat that had just opened up. She guided him to sit in the chair before resting on the arm and turning to face him. I caught Jamie’s eye to ask if he needed a rescue, and he gave me a subtle sign that he was okay before turning and smiling softly at his new friend.

I chatted politely with the other two women, trying to garner information on their friend in an effort to allay any fears about her interest in Jamie. It quickly became clear that my companions would be interested in hookups of their own for the evening, and much as I knew I could seal the deal for me and for Jackson, my eyes and my attention kept traveling to my brother.

After a longer time than I would have expected, Jackson and the tall guy, Merrick, turned up precariously hugging plastic cups. Jackson looked like he’d seen a ghost, and when I tried to catch his eye, he turned away so abruptly I worried for his armful of drinks. He headed toward Jamie, who carefully extracted two cups and handed one to his companion.

Jackson stayed with the two while Merrick returned to us and passed out drinks to the women I was chatting with. Jax still held two cups in his hands, which left me hanging. Curious as to why, I stared over at him again. He was laughing at something Katy had said, but knowing him as well as I did, his body language made it clear to me that he was distracted and tense. He knew Katy was into Jamie, and yet he stayed with them, nursing his drink and holding mine hostage.

Back in our circle, Merrick announced, “Good news, bad news, girls. And by that, I mean good for you and bad for me.” He looked me up and down like he had Jackson before turning his gaze back to his friends.

The two women giggled and looked at me like I was a champagne toast on New Year’s Eve, making me understand even more clearly that I likely could be. “Can confirm,” Merrick continued, wrapping his free arm around me and crooking his head, first in my direction and then toward Jackson. “They are not a couple and not gay. So that’s your night sorted, and clearly Katy’s good.”

Had I had my drink, I would have done a spit take. Sure, Jackson and I had occasionally been propositioned by men, but I couldn’t recall anyone ever thinking we were a couple. The thought of it created a visceral reaction in me that I couldn’t really explain.

“So, if you’ll excuse me …” Merrick’s sentence ended there as he followed one of my Battalion Five team members further into the room. I watched him leave, then my eyes found their way back to Jackson’s laughing face. While he was all smiles, I could still see a tension in him that I’d noticed when he’d walked back from the kitchen with Merrick. Had he been as floored by the guy’s assumption as I was?

Also, why was I so floored? I mean, the thing you needed to know about me was that Jamie and I had three gay brothers and perhaps the most liberal parents in New York State, which is saying something if you know the liberal bastion that is the quaint college town I grew up in. There’s no reason I should have hang-ups about people thinking I might be gay, or queer, or whatever. And yet I felt the same way Jackson looked when he’d walked out of the kitchen: thunderstruck.

“Merrick’s gaydar isn’t usually wrong. I have to say, I’m kinda glad it was this time.” I tore my eyes away from my best friend and down to the hand currently feeling up my bicep. I gently removed it, smiling politely as I did.

This night is about Jamie , I thought to myself. Then I explained this to the women, who got a little swoony when I shared my concerns for my widowered brother, so that may have backfired. They assured me that their friend wouldn’t hurt Jamie, so I extricated myself from them before extricating Jackson from his conversation, grabbing his wrist as Katy had grabbed Jamie’s and dragging him away.

“Watch the drinks, dude,” he cautioned.

I stopped in the middle of the living room and took a half-full cup from Jackson’s hand. The one in his other hand was already empty, so I stacked them before drinking down the lukewarm beer and adding the cups to a tower already forming on the mantle.

Then I dragged my best friend outside. It was fairly mild for New Year’s Eve in New York, and our bulk and sweaters helped keep us warm. Merrick was out there, huddled in front of the makeshift fire in a barrel that no one was going to question a New York Fire Department lieutenant for having lit in her backyard. Merrick’s gaydar had served him better after he left us, and he was leaning into Darren, one of the members of our squad.

I’d recently learned that Darren was gay. Great, no problem. Love is love. Happy for him! There was really no reason I should have been weirded out just from someone thinking I might be in a relationship with a guy.

Jackson cleared his throat behind me. I looked to him, and he looked down at my hand, which was still squeezing his wrist.

“AJ? What’s going on?”

What was going on? I couldn’t process it. Didn’t know. So I ignored my weird feelings and went with the facts instead. “Katy seemed into Jamie. You weren’t trying to hit that, right? You’re my best friend, and you know you can count on me to be your best wingman. But he’s my brother.”

“Yeah, no. I got that. I’m not interested. Just dropping off the drinks. Making small talk or whatever.” He trailed off and followed my gaze, which was back on Darren and Merrick.

I snapped back to Jackson as if I’d been caught.

“Dude, are you all right?”

“I was going to ask you the same thing, Jax! You looked like you’d seen a ghost when you walked out of the kitchen. Did that Merrick guy upset you?”

Jackson was quiet for a long time, which helped keep my attention on him. Finally, he answered, “No.” Pretty sure that was a lie. “What he did say was that his friends would probably be down. So you know, bro code, should we head back in and talk to them?”

He sounded like it was the last thing he wanted to do, so I responded, “I think I need to focus on Jamie tonight. Make sure he’s okay. I can … we can … bro code, we can go back in if you want, but I’m good.”

“No, no. It’s cool. Let’s just hang out. We’ll save the code for your actual bro if he needs us.” Jackson mumbled something about more drinks and vanished on me again, and that’s how I ended up spending New Year’s Eve around a fire in a barrel in the suburbs while my brother snuck upstairs and my best friend sulked.

After that night, the weirdness continued right through to the end of the summer, with Jackson spending less and less time going out with me and less and less time hooking up. An old family friend that he’d gone to boarding school with, Emily, moved to the city after the New Year, and I attributed some of the change in Jackson to her arrival. The mystery was confounded by the fact that for months, I never managed to meet the elusive Emily. I figured something was going on between them, but Jackson never said a word.

I was surprised at the notion of Jackson settling down. It felt … wrong. Jax and I had met five years earlier, and he’d been right there with me for all those years, going out, being the life of the party, having a good time. Not once had either of us dated a woman for more than a few months, and never seriously. We were both adept at finding women like us, who weren’t interested in a relationship, only in having a little fun.

Losing my bar mate wasn’t something I’d seen coming, and I missed our camaraderie. It made me realize a few things about our relationship. Sure, Jackson was my bro code buddy. We’d spent countless evenings going out and picking up women. But what I didn’t realize, until it was gone, was that since meeting Jackson, in actuality, I’d spent most of my time with him. We worked together, we went out together, we talked on the phone or texted constantly. It was almost like the only time we weren’t spending together was when we’d separate and go off at the end of an evening with different women.

Without realizing it, Jackson had taken up a great deal of my life, and when that ended, I missed my best friend.