All I See Is You

22. Save My Soul

Chapter twenty-two

Save My Soul

Hux

I lost all track of time with Quinn. I could have stayed in bed with her all night, but Rusty started whining at the foot of the bed.

“Oh my God, I completely forgot he was here! He’s so quiet!” Quinn’s voice rang with concern.

I whistled low and Rusty’s nails ticking on the floor signaled his approach. I let my hand dangle over the edge of the bed, and a moment later something wet pressed against my palm. “Hey, boy,” I said quietly, “you hungry?”

Quinn gasped. “Oh shit! That reminds me, I had groceries in the car! Oh my God, oh my God—“ her words dissolved into a string of curses as the bed jostled. “Do you think it’s still good?”

I felt the weight of her leave the bed. I stood up as well, trying to remember where the hell I’d put my clothes. “What all did you get?” I asked.

“Some meats and cheese. Ugh, that and the milk is probably for sure bad.”

Probably, but I still asked, “How long was it out there for?”

“I don’t know, I’d say a couple hours. It’s dark outside now. Let me find my phone, I’ll bring the clothes back.”

She disappeared and I stood there for a moment stark naked just waiting for her, because it was easier and likely quicker for her to get my clothes than me struggling to find them on my own. I bit back a curse, my fists clenching at my side as a hint of anger filled me.

You take small shit like that for granted when you can see—being able to go find your clothes easily. Hell, putting them on even. Especially now that most clothing brands got rid of the damn tags on shirts, so now I had to fucking feel around for the small print on the inside of the material to find the back.

I heard her footfalls on the wood as she returned. “Here’s your clothes.” She placed them softly in my hands. “I just checked my phone and it’s close to 10:30 right now. So the groceries have been in there for two and a half, three hours now. With this heat I doubt anything is good.” There was a layer of annoyance in her voice. Not aimed at me, more like herself for forgetting.

I got the feeling this wasn’t the first time she’d done something like this.

“I gotta go to the store tomorrow anyways. We can get you more stuff.” My stomach growled at the mention of food. I had those leftovers in the fridge, but the idea of Quinn having to eat my leftovers didn’t sit well with me for some inexplicable reason. “How about I help you bring in your stuff, and order us a pizza?” I replied, sliding into my jeans.

“What about Rusty, doesn’t he need to eat?”

“Yeah, but he’ll be fine til I take him home tonight.” I pulled my shirt on next. The idea of climbing back into dirty clothes bothered me, but I didn’t have much of an option. I’d be fine for the rest of the evening.

“You could…you could stay, you know? Oh wait, you just said you need to feed Rusty later never mind.”

Fully clothed, I aimed for the direction of her voice, reaching out a gentle hand to find her arms out, waving around as she talked. She sure liked to use her hands, didn’t she? A soft smile threatened my lips as I drew her into me. “Don’t worry, I’ll figure it out. Let’s get your stuff.”

About an hour and a half later we’d gotten her things into the house, the pizza delivered, and I’d managed to call Travis and convince him to bring over some new clothes for me and food for Rusty.

I stood on the porch waiting for him. Quinn was inside putting the last of her things away.

“So,” Travis said, followed by a clap on my shoulder that made me stifle a curse. “I’m guessin’ you ain’t gonna be comin’ home tonight.”

I huffed a laugh. “That obvious?”

“Fuck, if a girl as pretty as her asked me to stay the night, I’d make sure I stayed forever.”

My lips pulled up slightly, a sense of…not accomplishment but pride maybe swelling in my chest. I’d always been a confident bastard, but the past few years had left me feeling, well, less than. I’d lost my spark. Being around Quinn though, she made me feel confident again. She made me feel alive.

“She’s pretty amazing,” I finally admitted, unsure of how much to share. Travis and I were co-workers, friends, but I wasn’t the type to share my thoughts and feelings with most people. The only one I’d done that with was Reid. And after the fight we’d had a couple years ago, mostly—no, all my doing, I was in no position to call him up and talk about a girl.

Travis chuckled and a familiar hard pressure smacked against my back once more. Fucker . Maybe one day I’d get used to it. One day. “You like her, don’tcha?”

I don’t think there was a word in my vocabulary that accurately described what I felt for Quinn right now. It was more than like, but too soon for love. Even still, the feeling I got when I was around her surpassed that. Her talk of soulmates and fate had stuck with me. Quinn Decker stirred the ashes of my withered soul, sparking something in me that made me feel like the old me might just still be in there amongst the rubble and wreckage.

She was like a missing piece I hadn’t known I’d lost. Hadn’t even realized I’d needed until this moment. But now that I had her, I wouldn’t give her up to save my damn life.

“I do,” I finally replied.

“Well then, I won’t keep you. See ya in the mornin’?” Another clap to the back.

I bit my lip, but nodded. “Sounds good, bud. Thanks again.”

Making my way back into the house, I heard movement toward where I kept my paint stuff and then Quinn’s soft voice. “I didn’t want to start eating without you, so I figured I’d start cleaning up your supplies since we made a mess earlier.”

“Ah, shit. Did it get all fucked up?” I asked, worry ringing in my tone.

“A couple of the paints fell out of the packaging. I think I put them back right, though.”

I made my way over toward the sound of her voice, slowing as the shadows shifted just the slightest bit. I’d gotten to the table then. I put a hand out, feeling the cool wood beneath my touch before placing Rusty’s bowl of food and a fresh pile of clothes down. “Can you tell me the order the paints are in? From left to right.”

She rattled off the colors—only the yellow and orange seemed to be out of place, which she switched around for me at my request.

“So, that’s how you know what colors you're using,” she mused, a sense of awe in her voice. “I was wondering how you knew you were using the right ones. How do you guarantee that you’re painting with the right colors though?”

“I mean, I can’t. I try to put the paint set away the same every single time, and open it the same way. Every time I get a new set, I make Travis tell me the order of the paints so I can add it into a note on my phone.”

“Wow. I admire the dedication. I don’t think I’d have the patience to go through all those steps.”

I huffed. “Yeah, well, bein’ blind forces you to learn patience. It’s just another part of the process If I wanna paint. I wasn’t like this before. Completely opposite, actually.”

“Really?” There was no mistaking the intrigue in her voice. I knew she wanted to know more about me. About the accident, but I got the feeling she was holding back.

Running a hand through my hair, I nodded. “Oh, I was the definition of impatient. Always in a hurry. Always goin’ about a hundred miles an hour..” I blew out a breath, sliding my tongue over my teeth as a flash of annoyance swelled in me. “It was a hard lesson to learn. One I still struggle with, really.”

“I’m sorry,” she replied, just as her hand settled gently against my own. So opposite of Travis’ shoulder slaps. “For the record, I’m absolutely amazed at how independent you are. And I’m not just saying that. I don’t think I’d be able to function.”

“You get used to it.” Every fiber in my body felt like it was clamming up, freezing at the thought of sharing anything else about my situation.

“Come on, let’s eat before it gets cold,” she said, entwining her fingers with mine and leading me towards the couch, if I remembered the layout of the house correctly. I don’t know if she saw my nervousness and chose not to push or if she genuinely didn’t plan to ask me any more questions about it, but I was grateful for the moment to sort through my emotions.

A few seconds after I’d sat, she guided my hand to a paper plate weighed down by food. “I gave you a couple pieces. If you want I can feed Rusty really quick. He looks sad and mopey.”

I thanked her for both, and then silence descended on us as we all ate. It wasn’t stilted or awkward, but there was an undercurrent of tension present. Quinn had something on her mind—my accident, if I had to guess. But she didn’t say anything about it or push me to talk. She’d been good about that, for which I was grateful. Despite setting my mind on telling her everything, I needed these quiet moments to prepare myself. It was a hard story to tell, an even harder pill to swallow. I was about to show her every ugly, broken part of me and lay it bare. It was scary as hell and fucking sucked.

I waited until it seemed like both of us were done eating before setting my plate down and leaning back against the couch cushions. With a sigh, I grumbled, “Well you might as well sit back and get comfortable, darlin’.”

“Comfortable for what?” she replied, her words thick with confusion.

“You wanna know about my accident, don’tcha?” Fuck, the words were hard to get out. It felt like glue had replaced the saliva on the roof of my mouth.

“Hux,” she sighed, and I felt the couch shift to my left. Her hand settled on my thigh a moment later. “You don’t have to tell me.”

I shook my head, angling my body toward her voice. “I do. If we’re gonna explore this connection between us then you deserve to know why I’m the way I am.”

A pause as more shifting unfolded beside me, the warmth of her body settling next to mine, and then. “Okay.”

“Well, what all do you know? You said you and Whit looked me up.” My leg started twitching at my side. Fuck, I hated talking about this.

A moment later, the weight of her hand rested against my leg. She squeezed gently. “I saw the video and read some articles talking about the accident. How you had a traumatic brain injury and went blind from it.”

I nodded. “That’s basically the gist of it. Had to learn to walk again. Spent the first year just tryin’ to…” Blowing out a breath, I shrugged, “get back to normal, I guess. Not that this is normal, but well, it’s my new normal. It was hard. Still is. Some days are better than others.”

Quinn didn’t say anything, though she did settle closer against me. Her scent, her warmth, it was like a salve to my soul, soothing some of the anger and hurt that still lingered. I don’t think it would ever go away. Not fully.

“Do you miss it?” she finally asked.

“Every fuckin’ day,” I replied, blowing out a breath.

“Tell me about it?” Quinn asked, before quickly adding, “I mean, you don’t have to if it’s too hard. But… I don’t know, it seems such a shame to hide a part of you that you clearly still love so much.”

I chewed my lip a moment, conflict sloshing through me. On one hand it was painful, really damn painful, reliving my glory days, but I could see how it might be cathartic. So, even though every inch of me screamed not to, I told her. Everything. From the early years of just starting out as a kid, to the height of my career. The highs, the lows, the mountains and valleys. The in between even. She stayed quiet, so quiet I might have thought she’d left had I not felt her familiar presence at my side through it all.

“Damn, it’s been a long time since I’ve talked about this shit,” I finished, leaning back against the couch while wrapping an arm around Quinn.

She snuggled further into to my side, a soft sound escaping her. “I’m sorry.”

I kissed the top of her head. “Don’t be. It felt…well, I don’t wanna say good, cuz that’s a lie, but, I guess I feel lighter gettin’ that off my chest. I’ve never really talked about this with anyone.”

“Not even your family?”

“Especially not my family,” I replied quickly. Just the thought of them stirred memories I didn’t want to think about.

“How come?” Genuine surprise and confusion sounded in her tone.

I shrugged. “It’s hard with them. My mama’s always fussin’ over me. Walker acts like I’m a ghost. And my dad…” Another shrug. “He never was the overly accommodatin’ type, I mean for as long as I can remember he was the if you’re gonna be stupid you better be tough kinda parent. But after I got hurt, he became just as bad as Mama. I don’t know, I guess I just hate feelin’ different. So, it’s easier to not talk about it or be around them.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, moving beside me. A moment later, the feather soft feel of her fingertips against my cheek greeted me.

I grabbed her hand and kissed those soft fingertips. “You ain’t gotta apologize, darlin’.”

“I know, but still. I can’t even imagine going through all of that… So, what made you decide to work as a ranch hand here?”

“I didn’t wanna go home. It would have been the easier option. My parents own a ranch. My dad’s a well known trainer, and I could’ve worked under him and had it made there, but I just didn’t want them coddlin’ me, you know?” I pressed my forehead to hers, returning her hand to my cheek where I held it against mine. “Here, I’m no one. I get no special treatment, I get left alone to my work. I don’t gotta be reminded constantly of who I was.”

She pressed the softest kiss to my lips and whispered, “I don’t know who you were other than pictures and videos of you riding, and I’m sure you were awesome then, but I feel so honored to be here right now in your arms. Because this version of you is pretty damn amazing, Hux.”

I swallowed, my lungs squeezing as they tried to get down air. Moisture pricked in my eyes, but I was quick to blink it away. Grabbing the back of her neck, I kissed her. I poured every ounce of emotion brewing within my soul into that kiss. All the pent up frustration, sadness, hope, and longing. I felt raw and broken, but Quinn’s touches, her kisses, her presence, it was like glue as she pieced me back together, mending the shattered bits.

I had no doubt about it now—soulmates were real.

And Quinn Decker was mine.