All My Broken Dreams (Locksley Hall #1)

Chapter Ten

R obbie broke the crackling sexual tension between them by flicking her eyes to her feet. Nope. Bare feet. Too erotic.

She turned her gaze to the ceiling in the bathroom as if it was an architectural feature. When she thought it was safe, she looked at Deacon and came up against his naked chest. She couldn’t help it–it filled the room! What else was she supposed to look at? Her eyes were drawn to it like a magnet drew steel filings.

She wanted to touch it.

There were so many muscles …. Pectorals, abs ( is that what they mean by a six-pack? ), his forearms and biceps, and then there were his shoulders….

His shoulders were the best of all. She remembered how he brought down one of her attackers with a single blow.

“Are you cold?” he asked her. “It’s warmer by the fire.”

Robbie realized her nipples had puckered and were poking against the tee-shirt. But Deacon wasn’t looking at her breasts. He was staring at a spot on the wall over her head with his hands crossed in front of his crotch.

She swallowed.

“Okay, yes, good idea. Let’s talk by the fire. Do you mind if I have some more sherry?”

“Sure.”

He moved with lithe ease to the cabinet where he kept the bottle and refilled her glass.

Deacon Wake was a puzzle box. He was really good-looking–at least, she thought so. He should have a girlfriend or a love life of some kind, but it felt like he was alone. He was kind of awkward around her, like a guy who wasn’t used to being around girls.

Maybe girls in Scotland had a different standard of what constituted a desirable male? Maybe he was too working class or too rough around the edges. Her mother, for example, would hate that he was a janitor. Absolutely hate it.

But she wouldn’t be surprised. Rowena attracted to a janitor? Yep, that tracks.

“I guess you think I’m pretty crazy for asking you that,” she said. “About my brother, I mean. I have a one-track mind.”

Robbie watched him as he moved about the room, switching off lamps and pulling the curtains. Her hair was washed and clean but without a blowdryer, it was curling and frizzing all over the place. She kept pushing down her damp bangs to straighten them out. Her hair was pale brown, sort of a copper color–not quite red, not quite blonde. Rust? Blue eyes and rusty hair. Great.

She hadn’t stressed about her looks in a long, long time. One of the perks of being agoraphobic. When you never left your house, what difference did it make?

“I don’t think you’re crazy,” he said, handing her the glass. “I don’t know what more I can tell you. You seem to think I know something. Unless I’ve forgotten something … ask me a question, maybe it’ll jog my memory.”

Robbie took a sip of the alcohol, doubting it was a good idea. She forgot about the painkillers she took earlier for her shoulder. Too late now , she thought. She was already feeling loopy.

She crawled under the duvet, dragging it over her bare legs. “Ask you a question…. Okay, well, Harry didn’t tell me about living here. He sent me a text when he arrived. He told Mom he was staying at a place called Dugald Croft. But he never mentioned this place. Don’t you think that’s odd?”

Deacon sat on the bed on top of the covers and stretched his long legs out in front of him. He was still bare chested, which was rather suggestive of him, Robbie thought.

“I don’t know Harry so I can’t say if it’s odd. Sometimes, newcomers think this place is Dugald Croft because that’s the name of the mansion at the end of the mews.”

With the lights off and the curtains closed, the fire contained the room in a warm, calming glow. Snug and safe. She pressed back against the pillows, her sherry cradled in her hand. “What’s a mews?”

“It’s a type of street. This city is very old. Houses like this one were for the servants and tradesmen who were employed at Dugald Croft. They were housed on the mews for convenience. The Croft is now a residence for a select group of students who attend Locksley Hall.”

“So maybe Harry never moved out. That would explain why his name is still on the door.”

Deacon’s eyes were fixed on the fire as if he was trying to think of a way out of the conversation. “You won’t know until you talk to Mrs. Cameron. But it’s possible.”

“What do you want me to do when she gets here? Should I hide in the bathroom?”

He twisted his neck to stare at her and then his serious face broke into a delighted grin that made her wonder what he was like as a boy. “You would do that?”

“Sure. I don’t want you to get into trouble on my account.”

Shaking his head, he looked away, a shy smile on his face. “There’s something I have to take care of first thing in the morning. You could come with me if you think you’re up to it. That way, you wouldn’t be around when she gets here. We have to leave by seven. I usually grab some breakfast in the square.”

She took a large gulp of sherry, draining the glass. “Ah, um, I would like to, but I’m not sure, you know?” Her cheeks flared with heat. “I don’t want to embarrass you by having a panic attack with a bunch of people watching.”

“It’s that bad?” he asked curiously. He got under the covers and laid on his side to talk to her.

She nodded. “It was really bad. I had a lot of therapy to get me this far. I’m going to be honest with you, Deacon. I’m sort of a mess. When I get into Harry’s room, if it’s anything like this one, I’m scared I’ll never come out again.”

He fell silent and Robbie’s guts twisted.

You shouldn’t have told him. He thinks you’re crazy. He’s already regretting bringing you here.

“Tell me how you managed it,” Deacon said at last. “You had to go out for food, didn’t you?”

Robbie’s stomach released a little but she was still on guard. Other people had shown interest in her condition until they thought it was too weird to deal with.

“Grocery app. Home delivery. I did that with almost everything. I didn’t need much. I even socialized online with my friends from school until they stopped showing up for our parties. Can’t blame them. It stops being fun shouting at a computer when there are clubs to go to.”

“What about your mom? Did she visit or try to help you?”

Robbie set her glass down on the small table next to the sofa bed and turned on her side, burrowing deeper under the duvet. “I’m getting sleepy now. I guess the painkillers are finally kicking in. Do you mind if we talk about this in the morning?”

“Sure,” he said easily. “But if you would like to come with me, if you have a panic attack, there won’t be any people around to see it. The thing I have to do … see …. it doesn’t involve people. It’s just something I do in my spare time. No one knows about it.”

His shoulders filled her field of vision.

“What is it?”

He shook his dark head and gave a short laugh. “Nay, I’ll not tell you. It’s daft. If the Hall found out, I’d lose my position.”

“You’re not allowed to do this thing? Now you have to tell me. I won’t tell anyone, I promise.”

He grinned and gazed at her again. “Nay, you’ll have to come with me to learn my secret. Then you’ll have something to hold over me. If you don’t feel up to it, you can stay here. Mrs. Cameron doesn’t have to know you spent the night. I’ll tell her you showed up looking for your brother. Which is the truth.”

Robbie gazed at him for a long moment. Looking full into his eyes, a thing she realized she hadn’t done for over a year. Looking into another person’s eyes was just about the most threatening thing there was. Deacon Wake had an open, unguarded gaze that contained no guile or cruelty or contempt. So unlike anything in her experience.

The room he lived in, that he had brought her to, felt safe and snug. He made it feel that way, she thought. He was a nice person. A kind person. If she fell apart out there, she could trust him to bring her home and not yell at her or make fun of her.

“If that’s the only way to find out what this big secret is,” Robbie said, “then I’ll go. It better be worth it. Like next level criminal stuff.”

He laughed and rolled over so that his broad back was facing her. “You’ll see. Good night, Robbie. I hope you don’t snore.”

She snorted with laughter and smiling into the dark, Robbie was asleep faster than she ever imagined possible.