All My Broken Dreams (Locksley Hall #1)

Chapter Eleven

I t was still dark when they arrived at Locksley Hall Academy. Robbie looked up, straight up, cranking her neck in a vain effort to see to the top of the center tower. Gothic black iron spires and carved gargoyles adorned the forbidding building. The building was constructed of sandstone that had been blackened by the soot of a hundred years ago.

“It was the coal fires that did that,” Deacon explained. “See all those chimneys? They all spewed smoke at one point and the stone blackened with it. Edinburgh’s nickname is ‘Auld Reekie.’The buildings have been cleaned over the years. It’s looking much better than it did.”

“It’s still pretty gloomy,” Robbie observed.

“That’ll be the weather. Nothing looks cheerful in November.”

She stared at the grand entrance to Locksley Hall. “Is this where my brother took his classes? Inside that building?”

“That one and a few others on campus. I can give you a tour if you like.”

Robbie shuddered and reached for his hand. “No. No. I’m doing good so far. I don’t want to jinx it.”

He looked down at her hand that was folded like an egg inside a baseball glove.

“I hope you don’t mind,” she said, following his gaze. “I did it on instinct. You calm me down. I feel better holding your hand. Is that okay?”

“Sure, it’s okay. If you don’t want the tour, are you ready to find out what I do here on campus in my off-hours? A thing so terrible, I would lose my job if the administration caught wind of it.”

She laughed. “You bet I am.”

He’d been making her laugh all morning. They both woke up at the same time, at six-thirty. While he made tea (No coffee, he told her. Foul stuff. Never drinks it.) Robbie raced to the bathroom to get in the shower and get dressed. Her suitcase had to be hidden out of the sight of Mrs. Cameron, which was harder than she thought since there were no closets to speak of in the flat. Finally, Deacon threw a blanket over it and stuck it behind the armchair.

They drank tea, made jokes about the suitcase, her snoring and his aversion to coffee, and then it was time to leave.

Robbie recalled the fear she had when they stepped outside of his rooms and he locked the door. Fear that he would abandon her. Fear that he would get bored, find a gang of people he would rather talk to and she’d be dumped.

Somehow, Deacon instinctively knew what she was thinking.

“How are you doing?” he had asked, searching her face.

“Don’t dump me, okay?”

“Okay, I won’t dump you.” His mouth twisted to a shy grin. “That’s the first time I’ve had to tell a girl that. It’s usually the other way around.”

The confession made her laugh and then as they were about to step into the street, she needed a minute to acclimate. He waited for her, not rushing her, not even talking to her which she appreciated. Some people thought they had to coach her through the anxiety when all she really needed was time.

Don’t rush me. Don’t make me feel like I’m holding you up and ruining your day.

He didn’t. He held out his hand and she took it wordlessly. They walked slowly through the morning cold with the sun just rising, but not high enough to clear the gothic rooflines of Scotland’s capital city.

Daylight revealed Edinburgh in all its majesty. Robbie was knocked breathless from the architectural beauty she found around every corner. The history in each side street, she learned from Deacon who told her all about it. His measured, halting storytelling settled her nerves until she forgot she was outside and just enjoyed everything she saw.

She couldn’t remember when they released each other’s hand but it felt very natural and safe to take his again when faced with Locksley Hall.

“I am ready to be brought into your secret, Deacon,” she said. “I guess that will make me your accomplice. You said it would give me something to hold over you. Am I going to need it?”

Color rose to his face and his eyes shone. “One day, you might. It’ll put us on an even keel. I know about your weakness. You should know about mine. A thing no one else knows.”

He led the way down a narrow lane that was more like a sidewalk stuck between two buildings. Too narrow to walk together, Robbie had to fall back behind him. His shoulders barely cleared the space.

“It’s a good thing you don’t have claustrophobia,” she quipped.

“No, but a lot of people do. That’s what keeps them safe from discovery.”

Her hair stood up. “Keeps who safe from discovery?”

“These guys.”

Deacon stepped into a tiny square courtyard and pointed to a bundle of fur in the far corner. She heard a thin meow come from the wooden box they were nestled in. Robbie turned to Deacon with delight.

“Kittens? Oh my god, you’re a secret cat lover!”

“Feral cats, but yes, this is my secret. I found the mother hiding out in here a couple of months ago. I didn’t know she was pregnant until these little ones came along.”

Robbie bent over the tiny balls of fluff. The mother stared at her with wide green eyes when she gingerly reached out her hand to stroke her babies.

“You’re going to have to get her fixed or this will happen every cycle. My dad grew up on a farm. You’ll be overrun with cats in no time.”

“My father grew up on a farm too,” he said. “In New Hampshire. I never saw it; only heard about it. He told me stories when I was a kid.”

Deacon hunched down beside her and the mother cat extracted her silky body from her nursing offspring to climb onto his lap. He sat down, cross-legged, on the cobbles to accommodate her. “I started feeding her and when she got fat, I thought it was from overeating. I came last week after work and she was panting and pacing. I was certain she was going to die. And then a kitten plopped out. She did the rest while I ran to the janitor’s closet to get something to make up a bed for her. She’s a funny thing.”

Robbie watched Deacon stroke the cat fondly.

“Why will they fire you if they find out you’ve been feeding a stray cat?”

“Because she’s wild. The powers that be will have her trapped and put down if they find out she’s here. And I’ll get canned for encouraging it.”

“That doesn’t seem fair. What are you supposed to do, let her starve?”

“According to my employer, yes.” He returned the cat to her litter and settled her kittens around her. “There you go. Behave now. I’ll be back tomorrow morning.”

Robbie stood up, shaking her head. “Honestly, I thought your secret was something really horrible–like a bone collection or an illegal drug operation.”

His dark hair crowded his eyes as his brow lifted. “You were not far off. I do run an illegal drug operation.”

“I mean, you surprised me. That’s all.”

They stared at each other for a beat.

Robbie’s breathing changed and she felt warm. Deacon’s expression mirrored how she felt. It was unspoken, but she knew he wanted to kiss her too.

“We should go,” he said gruffly.

“Yes, all right.”

They didn’t move. The cat let out a raspy meow from her box.

Robbie tore her eyes away from him and took in her surroundings. “What is this place anyway? It’s too cramped to be useful for anything.”

Deacon followed her gaze over the courtyard. “It’s a coal chute. Do you see those lighter squares of brickwork on each wall? The coalman would push his cart down that laneway and shovel the coal into each chute for all four buildings. They were bricked over when Locksley Hall moved from heating with coal twenty-five years ago.”

She wrapped her arms around her middle, hugging her body. “I guess we should go, right? Do you think Mrs. Cameron is awake or is it too early to call?”

His mouth softened, his lips parting just slightly in the most delectable way. She didn’t think up until this moment that a man could be so alluring. Deacon was kind to her and that meant a lot to her. She had to remind herself that the reason for seeing beauty in him could be his gentleness. His kindness.

She didn’t know if that was true about him. Or if she was seeing just what she wanted to see?

“We’ll go back to the house now, if that’s what you want.”

Robbie hesitated. “Of course that’s what I want. Why would you even say that?”

His shoulders lifted as though he couldn’t find the words, which made her anxious again. “It’s not my call, but if you find something that upsets you in Harry’s place…. Are you going to be okay with that?”

“No, I won’t.” She caught his hand. “Deacon, you think he’s been hurt, don’t you?”

He led her through the narrow laneway. “No, I don’t. I hope he’s okay. You have to check out his place, I get that; but it might be harder than you think. If he left without a word … if he disappeared on purpose, how are you going to handle it?”