All My Broken Pieces (FindingLight #2)

Chapter 51

Fallon

She’s crazy. I’m crazy. This is crazy.

“Come on, baby. I believe in you.” Arriana whispers in my ear, encouraging me to hit send.

I click the button on the mouse, screaming my excitement as I leap away from the computer. “I did it.” I breathe, wringing my hands in front of my body.

It’s been a few years since we settled down in Mexico, and it still feels like a dream. The transition was rough, one I don’t like to think too hard about. Luckily for me, a lot of it was a hazy blur as I struggled to get sober.

It was during that time that I learned to trust Arriana again. The gentle care she showed as I vomited my soul out of my body on numerous occasions. The patience she had when I had intense meltdowns and would disappear in a panic. Only for her to find me and gently stroke my hair away from my face, dabbing away the sweat with a cool washcloth and murmuring soothing words in Spanish. It was in those moments I fell in love with her all over again.

Those moments that showed me that, despite the violence I witnessed, she’s still the same woman I always knew. The same one who cared and continues to care for me through all the hard times. The only difference now is I know the darkness that lives just beneath the surface, and somehow I find it beautiful.

A sinful beauty, a dark love, but one I can’t survive without. One I don’t want to survive without.

I stare at the computer screen, my emotions bubbling up to the surface, remembering when I first decided to make this dream a reality.

“How are you doing, babe?” Ava’s worried face peers at me from my phone screen.

“I’m fine.” I lie, tying my hair up in a messy bun to get it off of my sweaty neck. The call goes silent and I glance over at my phone, finding her watching me closely. “What?” I sigh, propping my chin in my hands, elbows on the table.

Ava stares at me, chewing on her lip as she contemplates whatever she’s going to say.

“Oh for god’s sake, just spit it out.” I groan, another wave of nausea rolling through me.

She clears her throat, twirling a lock of her auburn hair on her finger. “I dunno, you just seem different.” She muses, her gaze piercing through me.

I laugh humorlessly. “Yeah, I get it, I’m a hot mess right now.” Rolling my eyes, I find I wish I hadn’t answered the call. It had just been several days since we had spoken and I could tell she was worried. And, if I’m honest with myself, I was also worried about her in light of the new information about her husband.

Ava tsks, shaking her head. “You know that’s not what I’m talking about. But I dunno, there’s something…mysterious about you now. Like you’ve got this big secret and carrying this air of mystery.”

I swallow down the panic at her words. She’s right, I do hold a secret now. One I won’t tell her, that I can’t tell her.

“It’s nothing, really.” I mutter. Shaking myself, I wink at her. “You’re just watching too much TV again. Gotta get back into the books.”

There’s a beat of silence before she chuckles. “Yeah, you’re probably right. Speaking of which…”

The rest of the call is spent chatting about all the new releases coming out and what we’re most excited about. Just as I think we’re about to say our goodbyes, she says something that rocks my world.

“So, you’ve got all this free time now.” I roll my eyes at her, because of course that’s how she’d see it. “Hey now, I’m serious. Have you thought of what you want to do with it? Besides the obvious: books, sex, beach.”

I chuckle at her summarization of all of my favorite things. But her question has me contemplating.

“I, um, I always wanted to write.” I murmur, my cheeks blooming at the quiet admission.

Ava squeals, shocking me out of my embarrassment by her enthusiasm. “Ohmygod, yes! My bestie is going to be the next smut queen.”

A laugh bursts free from my chest and it feels good. “Who said I was going to write smut?” I quip, leveling her with the most serious look I can muster. All she has to do is raise her eyebrow and my faux indignation breaks immediately. “Okay, okay, you’re totally right.” I snicker.

My mind wanders, imagining what it would be like to actually write out the stories that constantly play out in my head. To bring life to the characters and give them the love they wouldn’t otherwise have if I didn’t create them.

A smile spreads on my face as I find a renewed purpose I haven’t felt since I was forced to drop out of college.

This is it, I just know it.

And it was it.

I found that in writing, I was able to process some of the emotions that I couldn’t put a voice to. In creating worlds and having my characters go through traumatic events similar yet so different to my own, I found a healing I didn’t expect.

The hardest moment was writing my first rape scene, I knew I needed to do it, that it was part of the story, but I sobbed as I put into words through the pain of my character what I felt and couldn’t otherwise voice. And now here I am, having finished the story, given the heroine her happily ever after, and in doing so, I somehow managed to find my own once again.

I peer up at my love, a smile on my face as I bask in the afterglow of finally doing it. “I’m officially an author.” I breathe, my chest cracking open and heart breaking in the most beautiful way. “I actually did it.”

Arriana beams at me, pulling me into her arms. “Yes, you did, mi vida. Estoy tan jodidamente orgullosa de ti. ”

I smile at her, pressing my lips to hers. “ Gracias, mi amor. Estoy tan emocionada. ” My Spanish is still not the greatest, but I’m learning. The immersive experience is definitely helping.

Since we had to steer clear of the more touristy areas to avoid possibly encountering a visiting official or someone who may connect Arriana with the trail of bodies she had left behind, it meant that next to no one spoke English. If it wasn’t for Arriana, I would have starved by now simply for lack of being able to order food.

“ Muy bien. You’re learning very well, you’ll be fluent before you know it.” She kisses my forehead before releasing me and turning to walk into the kitchen. “I think it’s time we celebrate, what do you think?”

“Mmm, yes please.” I hum, perching on one of the stools to watch her prep.

I didn’t expect Arriana to be the homesteading type, but I’ve been surprised by her on more than one occasion. My heart is full as I watch her move about the kitchen. I don’t know how I got so lucky to have found someone who not only loves me for exactly who I am, but who encourages me to do the things that I want and that I love.

Sure, she has her faults, but don’t we all? And at the end of the day, I know she’ll always be there for me. What more could I ask for?

Arriana winks at me as she slides a large drink across the countertop. “Virgin pi?a colada for my very non-virgin girl.”

I giggle, sipping the coconut and pineapple drink. It’s still tempting to want to sneak some liquor in, but I’ve found that diving into the things I’m passionate about helps calm the constant buzzing much better than any alcohol ever could.

My phone buzzes, the screen lighting up with Ava’s face. My smile widens as I slide to answer the call, holding the phone up to my ear. “Sooooo?” She demands.

Chewing on my lip, I glance at Arriana, twirling the straw in my drink. “I did it.” I whisper conspiratorially, as if it’s some big secret.

Ava shrieks on the other end of the line. “No fucking way. I’m so proud of you, babe! Okay, that’s it, I’m coming down there to celebrate.” I laugh at the sound of her rushing about her home. “Killian? Killian!” She shouts, huffing as she searches for her husband. “There you are, we’re going to Mexico.”

I giggle again at the sound of his grumbling, I can’t make out the words he says but can just imagine the look on his face at the idea of coming to visit us.

“Okay, it’s settled then.” Ava huffs, returning her attention to our conversation. “God, I’m so excited for you. We’ll be down this weekend. Okay?”

Sucking in a large gulp of my drink, I hum, “Sounds perfect.” Arms circle my chest, pulling me back into Arriana’s embrace. “Ava, I’m going to need to call you b-back.” I gasp out as Arriana nips at my neck, her hands sliding slowly down my body. I don’t hear what she says in response as I disconnect the call and drop my phone onto the counter.

“I love seeing you this happy, mi vida .” Arriana hums, her fingers bunching up the fabric of my sundress. “You know…” I shudder as she slowly scrapes her nails along my skin. “I had an idea of something we could do to celebrate. A very fun idea. One that came from this beautiful brain of yours.”

Suddenly my head is jerked back, my scalp stinging from the force of her grip. I blink up at her, my heart pounding in my chest as the anticipation grows.

Arriana grins down at me, a gleam in her eyes that sends a shiver down my spine. “Time to run, baby.”

It only takes a split second for my mind to catch up, but in that moment, I see a shift in her. Gone is the loving smile on her face just moments before, now replaced by a hunger. A burning desire for me .

“One.” She breathes, the corner of her lips lifting. Something in her expression has me leaping to my feet and sprinting from the room.

Her breaths came in heavy pants as she ran into the woods, heart pounding so hard it felt like it would burst from her chest.

A smile spreads across my face as the words from my story play through my mind. I know exactly what Arriana has in mind, and where she got the idea from. My bare feet slide on the tiled floor, a giggle escaping my lips.

“Two.” Arriana’s voice rings out clearly, echoing behind me.

“Come out, come out, wherever you are.” He called, the sound of crunching twigs sounding under his heavy footfalls.

She clapped her hand over her mouth, trying to keep as quiet as possible. The anticipation of this moment having been built up, finally ready to spill over into reality.

“Three. Ready or not, here I come!”

I clap my hands over my mouth to contain my squeal. Glancing around feverishly, I opt to run toward the front door, bare feet be damned. The eerie silence following Arriana’s counting sends a chill down my spine, the only sound my heavy breathing as I sprint out the door.

Spotting a large oak tree, she pumped her legs, desperate to hide away before he could reach her. Before he could inflict his punishment . Whatever that meant.

The beautiful view before me is eclipsed by the tingle of terror pricking at my nerves. I look around the empty beach, desperately searching for somewhere to hide. Gripping the fabric of my dress in my hands, I dart out onto the sand, running as quickly as the sinking ground will allow.

“Come on.” I huff, cursing as my attempts to flee are hindered by the grains sucking in my feet.

It was silent all around her as she hid, the sounds of wildlife dying out, as if the woodland creatures were also in hiding. Another twig snapped a few feet to her left, making her leap from her perch and dart out into the dark forest once more.

“Where are you, baby?” Arriana’s voice rings out, making me speed up my steps. The effort only serving to slow me down further as I trip and fall.

Stretching my arms out, I try to brace myself for the impact. “Ouch.” I grimace, my wrist twisting uncomfortably as my weight crashes down. Glancing over my shoulder, I spot Arriana emerging from our home, her eyes scanning along the beach. I scramble to my feet, ignoring the throbbing of my right arm, the adrenaline pumping through my veins dulling the sharp sting.

Once upright, I take off once more, running futilely down the desolate space, knowing it’s only a matter of time now.

A hand wrapped around her waist, yanking her back against his broad chest. “Caught you.” He breathed, his warm breath ghosting across her cheek. She shuddered against him, her body betraying her even as she willed herself to fight.

“Let me go .” She seethed, yanking against his hold.

He let out a soft chuckle. His other hand moved to grip her throat. Angling her head back, he pressed his lips against her neck, the feel of her fluttering heartbeat only serving to further his need for her. “There’s no escape now, angel.”

My mind whirls as I flee along the coastline, the sound of the ocean crashing against the shoreline echoing loudly around me. I can feel bits of sand hitting the backs of my legs as my hurried steps fling it upward.

A scream is ripped from my throat as I’m suddenly lifted into the air.

“I caught you.” Arriana chuckles, spinning us toward the house. I struggle in her hold, kicking and wiggling against her. Stopping abruptly, Arriana sets me down.

A wave of disappointment rolls through me before I’m shoved to the ground, my face pressed against the sand. I squeeze my eyes and mouth shut tight, angling my head to breathe through my nose, grateful I decided to wear contacts instead of my glasses. My hips are yanked up, knees firmly placed on the sand. I whimper as the angle puts pressure on my injured wrist.

Leaning over my body, Arriana gently sweeps my hair away from my face, her touch soothing some of the ache. “Are you okay, baby?”

My heart soars that one sound of pain coming from me is enough to stop her in her tracks. After all I’ve witnessed, after seeing the viciousness she possesses, to know that one word from me can stop her? It’s a high I never expected.

I nod my head, the rough grains of sand scraping against my skin. There’s a moment of silence before the palm of Arriana’s hand slaps against my ass. I cry out from the impact, my cheek stinging as she gently rubs at the sore spot.

“You shouldn’t have run.” He growled, throwing her up against the trunk of a large tree. Gripping her skirt, he yanked up the fabric, tucking the end into her waistband. His hand rubbed circles on her exposed cheek, a wave of nervous anticipation filled her at his touch.

“I’m s-sorry.” She gasped, but it was already too late. The damage had been done.

A cry erupted from her throat as the palm of his hand hit her ass. She arched against the tree, the bark scraping against her and leaving shallow cuts along her skin. She barely had a moment to catch her breath before another harsh smack landed on her cheek.

“Pl-please.” She begged, tears pricking at her eyes even as a warmth pooled low in her pelvis.

“Do you know why I’m doing this?” Arriana hums, her fingers digging into my skin momentarily before she pulls away to land another blow to my exposed flesh.

I shake my head as much as the angle will allow, tears pooling in my eyes.

Another laugh sounds behind me, her sinister chuckle carrying on the wind and mingling with the crash of waves. “You’re a filthy, filthy girl.” She growls, sliding her hands up my thighs. “And naughty girls are punished.”

The sound of his belt being ripped free echoed loudly around them. She shuddered, knowing what was about to happen next.

Crack.

Her mind registered the noise before the pain. A pained cry erupted from her chest as he landed blows along her ass and thighs.

One. Two. Three.

She lost track of how many times the leather connected with her skin. The only thing she could focus on was the sting of her skin and the shift of her legs as she tried to deny just how affected she was by his brutal treatment.

“Ple-please.” She begged. “I’m s-sorry.”

His dark chuckle sounded around them. “You’re sorry?” He echoed, his voice dripping with sarcasm and desire.

“Yes.” She whimpered, trying to simultaneously move away from him and arch into his touch, her mind and body a confusing mess of contrasting desires.

The sound of ruffling fabric followed by the distinct clicks of his zipper sliding open filled her ears. She bit her lip as the head of his cock pressed against her needy cunt. “Let’s find out just how much.” He growled before thrusting forward.

Before I can react, her fingers grip my panties and rip them down my body, trapping my legs in place as she leaves them halfway down my thighs. I gasp when her fingers push inside of me. My thighs tremble as she slowly pumps in and out of my aching center. The combination of pleasure, pain, the chill from the wind blowing the cold temperatures from the sea, and the thrill of possibly being caught have me intoxicated more than any drink ever could.

The thought pushes me closer to the edge. Tears slide down my cheeks as I uselessly claw at the ground beneath me, the sand slipping through my fingers.

Arriana’s fingers disappear and my quiet cries only increase in response, worried I’ve ruined the moment. My fears are quickly assuaged when her tongue runs up my slit, slowly circling my clit before sliding to slip inside of me. “Oh god.” I gasp, my muscles tightening as she fucks me with her tongue, her fingers gripping my thighs so tightly I’m positive they’ll bruise.

“Ar-Arriana.” I pant, pressing back against her. She hums against me, working her jaw faster and shifting her hand to slip between my legs. Her fingers slide along my skin, leaving goosebumps from her touch. I can feel my body tensing as I grow closer to my release.

Her body jerked from his brutal thrusts, her nails clawing at the bark, leaving splinters in her fingers, but she didn’t notice. “Oh god!” She cried out, her vision darkening as her body tensed.

“There’s no god here.” He growled, his rough fingers sliding along her bare skin. Slipping his hand between her thighs, he circled her clit in tight circles, the added pleasure from his touch enough to send her over the edge.

Her euphoric cries echoed loudly around them as she let go. Giving him what he always wanted.

Her pain and her pleasure.

“Come for me, baby.” Arriana’s quiet command has me crying out. My mind a confusing mixture of fiction and reality as the orgasm overtakes me.

I never imagined I would have this. That I would find someone who would accept me for who I am, for my needs, my desires. Who not only loved the idea of who I could be, but the reality of who I am.

As I come back down, I’m pulled into her embrace, giggling as she peppers my face with loving kisses. “I love you, mi vida .” She whispers, her tone full of adoration.

Leaning back, I cup her face and peer into her warm eyes, “ Te amo, mi amor. Por siempre y para siempre. ”