Always and Only You

Chapter Thirty-Three

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

Five years ago

It’s been a few days since he said he’d talk through the night of the accident with her, but neither of them has brought the subject up since. She thought she’d dive right in when she got the go-ahead, but every time she picks up her phone she has a wobble and puts it down again.

Stop being such a coward, Erin. This is what you wanted, remember?

She grabs her phone, types and presses send before she can second-guess herself.

What’s the first thing you remember about that night, about getting to the party?

It’s not a hard question, but it takes Simon a heck of a long time to answer. They’d exchanged a few inane ‘how are you doing?’ messages about twenty minutes ago. Maybe he’s got busy since then?

How you looked amazing in that dress.

She blushes and smiles. She hadn’t known Simon that long when the accident had happened. She’d been home from the Caribbean, considering whether she should just fly down to the Med and see if she could get some work there, when Megan had suggested she stay with her for a couple of weeks so that they could catch up and have some fun. Megan hadn’t been her closest friend at uni, but Erin had liked her ‘take no prisoners’ attitude. She’d been as shy as Meg was outgoing, so when her friend had dragged her along to social events on campus, she’d been secretly pleased. She’d made new friends, met new people that she wouldn’t have otherwise. And last summer it had seemed Megan was still making sure her friend lived life to the fullest.

That’s when she’d met Simon and Gil. Meg’s brother knew Gil from work or something, and Meg had been floating on the edges of their friendship group for a couple of months. After that first meeting in the bar, she and Meg had hung around with them a few times over the space of a fortnight. And then someone Simon had a tentative connection with through his rugby team had invited him to a house party and he’d suggested they all go along as a foursome.

I think I was already quite tipsy when I got there she replies.

She and Megan had done a little pre-drinking before they’d arrived at the three-storey house in Fulham. The host’s parents were away in the Seychelles, and he’d decided to make the most of it.

I wish I remembered what I thought when I first saw you that night.

Truthfully, she hadn’t really thought that much about Simon before that night. He’d just been that good-looking, rather too-charming-for-his-own-good mate of Meg’s. How things had changed by the end of the night.

What did we do first? she types.

The beginning of the party was always a bit of a blur to her. Later, they’d all sobered up pretty fast. Some of those crystal-clear memories were the ones haunting her sleep.

It’s a bit of a blur to me too he admits. I remember roaming from room to room, talking to different groups, laughing, listening to music. No single conversation stands out to me.

The words stop for a few moments, and she senses he is wracking his memory for useful details.

I remember you telling me to not let you drink too much, because you had to go to Sunday lunch with your mum the next day.

She smiles. You laughed at me.

Did I? I don’t remember doing

He doesn’t finish his sentence, and the dots that indicate he’s typing disappear. She worries someone’s interrupted him, that he’s been called away and they won’t get to finish their conversation.

But then he’s back.

Oh, yes. I suppose I did. I told you it was a bit late for that. You also ordered us to keep an eye on how much Megan drank, because she was what you called a ‘runner’.

A chill goes through her. She doesn’t remember saying that, but it proved to be scarily prophetic. She’d known Meg long enough at that point to know that, when hammered, she tended to dart off and disappear, especially if she was extremely excited or if she was feeling upset or angry.

She skates lightly round the subject, not wanting to get to the dark part just yet.

I just didn’t want to be chasing her around all night.

She’d been selfish, wanting to enjoy herself before going back to a job where she served the drinks while watching everyone else have fun, instead of babysitting Megan. And she’d regret that decision now for the rest of her life.

Were we in the kitchen when we had that conversation? she asks.

Yes.

Smudged images float into her brain – leaning against the large oak table while Meg tried to climb into the butler sink to see if she’d fit. She had, of course. At five foot nothing and only six stone, she’d easily folded her slender limbs and slid in. It was getting her out again that had been the problem.

The next thing I remember is talking to Gil in the hallway. We had some deep, in-depth conversation about I don’t know what.

She remembers him towering over her slightly, but not in a scary way, just so they could hear each other over the thumping of the music that must have kept half of Fulham awake.

It was about growing up as only children. How you mature faster, how lonely it can be.

She frowns.

It’s as if he’s reading her mind when another hurried message appears.

He told me afterwards.

Nodding to herself, she replies, And where were you?

Megan had flitted off, as she often did, but Simon had been absent for a while too.

She imagines he’s scouring his brain, trying to remember. When he replies, three messages come swiftly, one after the other.

I don’t know …

I wish I did.

Seems there are holes in my knowledge of that night too.

Well, she could hardly blame him for that.

What I remember next is the game he adds.

Ah, she thinks, the muscles at her temples tightening. The game. That was the part of the night she would never forget.