Always on My Mind (Stanmore FC Soulmates #2)

4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

“Ugh, I told them they couldn’t all be Sporty Spice,” Niamh said with a groan.

Tessa chuckled. “S’alright. It’s still less than I expected.”

A solid half of the women showed up as Sporty Spice, the other half divided pretty equally among Scary, Baby, Ginger, and Posh. They had the flat rammed, but luckily, Tessa and Niamh had thought ahead enough to stow the living room furniture in their bedrooms for the evening to clear enough space for mingling. Though there was more dancing than mingling when “Who Do You Think You Are” came on over the speakers, and a couple girls went into a full-on karaoke performance. With choreography and everything.

“Did they rehearse that?” Tessa asked.

“No idea,” Niamh replied through a laugh.

A knock on the door drew them over to answer, and Niamh introduced Tessa to the new arrivals.

“Tessa, these are more of the girls, Salma, Kiri, and Paige.”

Paige was one Tessa recognized from watching the Lionesses. Back when she had a reason to root for England. Though those days were long over.

“Niamh, for the last time, we aren’t girls , we’re women ,” Paige said.

“Bit of a craic killer,” Niamh said to Tessa.

“Aye, so she is,” Tessa replied.

“I am not!” Paige protested. “But the language we use is important because—”

“I agree with you, Paige, but let’s be honest,” Tessa said. “D’you honestly think the Spice Girls would’ve been the iconic pop legends they are if they’d been called the Spice Women?”

Paige opened her mouth, but closed it again. “Alright, fair enough.”

Tessa and Niamh giggled together.

They led the group inside, Tessa showing them where the food and drinks were, and she noticed the crisps were getting low. As she moved to correct that, there was another knock on the door.

“I’m away to the kitchen, can you get the door, Niamh?”

“On it.”

Paige, Salma, and Kiri blended into the crowd who were all serenading each other with “2 Become 1.”

The kitchen was thankfully clear. Tessa went right to the cabinet to retrieve a fresh bag of crisps. She put her hand on the wood to close it back when she heard a voice that sent a chill up her spine.

“Baby Spice, huh?”

Tessa jumped, slamming the cupboard door shut as she whirled around. Her worst nightmare stood there in her kitchen, looking like an absolute fucking ride in her Posh Spice get up. The figure hugging black dress with matching heels made her ass as firm and round as a peach. But Tessa’s eyes didn’t linger there long. They trailed all the way up to Jamie’s face, which, despite the makeup, appeared exactly the same as Tessa remembered.

Her heart lurched inside her chest. Her stomach dropped like a sandbag. Her knees buckled, so she took a step back to steady herself. How was it possible that Jamie Hupp was standing in her flat?

“I—what—fucking—” She stopped to take a deep breath. “That dress is cracker.”

Jamie’s mouth twitched upward. “Thanks.”

They stood in silence for another moment while Tessa tried to make her mind settle on one question at a time. She had several thousand. And clearly Jamie wasn’t going to initiate things. Which was typical.

Tessa narrowed her eyes at her ex. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Haven’t you heard?” Jamie finally had the decency to look uncomfortable. “I signed with Stanmore.”

Tessa stumbled backward, catching herself on the wall before she fell. The air whooshed out of her lungs as if Jamie had sucked it out herself.

“What?” Tessa said, in almost a whisper.

“I think we should talk.”

“This is a bit public for you, isn’t it?”

Jamie drew back, stung. “I. . . I was going to suggest we step outside.”

“Of course you were.”

“Tessa, I—”

“Crisps!” Tessa cut across her and shook the bag noisily in front of her. “I’ve got. . . crisps to refill. Very busy time of year for crisps, y’know.”

Jamie blinked, and Tessa mentally kicked herself, but pushed past Jamie anyway to get to the kitchen table. She tore open the bag with more force than she meant to, turned it over, and dumped its contents into the bowl. The whole time, she could feel Jamie’s eyes on her. Those stunning blue eyes that Tessa now knew she had loved in more than one lifetime. She had followed those eyes into the Atlantic before they would reach Jamestown, across ballrooms during the American Revolution, and around a hospital ward throughout the First World War.

After unlocking the past lives with Lila, the memories came to Tessa more frequently, especially when she was sleeping. She had vivid dreams of their previous times together, and each time Jamie ran away. Only the first time did they escape together. Centuries later, and Jamie was still afraid.

“Tessa,” she said, voice hushed. “Please, I want to talk.”

“Well, I don’t,” Tessa shot back, shaking the last few crisps into the bowl. Then she turned on her heel and swept back into the kitchen to throw it away, but Jamie was behind her like a shadow.

“I don’t know why you’re acting this way. You’re the one who broke my heart, not the other way around.”

Tessa whipped around so fast, she shocked herself at staying upright. “That’s not true, and you fucking know it. I may have ended the relationship, but I was not —”

“Knew that’d get you going.”

“Fuck off,” Tessa huffed out, already imagining slapping the satisfied smirk off Jamie’s gorgeous face.

“Tess, please. With one of my teammates living with you, I’m sure we’ll be seeing more of each other. Can’t we clear the air?”

Tessa’s first instinct was to ask her what air there was to clear. They’d said everything they needed to say three years ago, hadn’t they? But at the pleading look in Jamie’s eyes, her heart softened.

“Fine,” she said. “Grab a bin bag. It’ll make it look like you’re helping me.”

“Thank you.”

They each grabbed a bag and headed toward the front door.

“Jamie!” Niamh called over the sound of “Spice Up Your Life.” “You don’t have to clean, you’re a guest!”

“It’s no problem!” Jamie replied. “I enjoy helping!”

Niamh shrugged and returned to dancing with Sofia.

Tessa didn’t speak the whole way down the hall toward the outside of the building. She wasn’t sure if there was too much on her heart or nothing at all. She hadn’t even thought about Jamie lately until a few months ago when she was viewing an estate home with her new friend, Laci Miller. Or Laci Frawley now since she’d married the Stanmore men’s goalkeeper, Jordan. Laci had been worried about her relationship with Jordan at the time, and Tessa had shared some experiences with Jamie to commiserate. Out of respect, she had not given Jamie’s name, so there was still no one outside of them, Billie, and Tessa’s family who knew that they were ever a couple.

They reached the wheelie bins outside, and Jamie lifted the lid to swing her bag in, and she held it open for Tessa, who followed suit.

“Honestly, I’m surprised it took me cornering you to notice me,” Jamie said. “I’ve been here for nearly an hour.”

“Sorry, I could hardly see around that massive closet you’re in.”

“How long have you been sitting on that one?”

“Three years.”

Jamie deflated. Silence fell between them, and Tessa’s rage bubbled up through her chest. How dare Jamie waltz into her life as if they hadn’t ripped each other apart. How dare she show up at her house and surprise her this way. How dare she disrupt the carefully created peace Tessa had gotten herself.

“How’ve you been?” Jamie asked.

“Oh, y’know, grand so,” Tessa replied with sarcasm. Then she scowled. “Are we gonna be talking pure shite all evening or are you gonna tell me why you’re here?”

Jamie heaved a sigh and dropped her gaze, her eyes seeming to trace the white painted lines on the street as she considered her words.

“I miss you,” she finally said.

Nostrils flared, Tessa raised herself to her full height. “Fuck you.”

Jamie’s eyes locked onto her gaze. “I know it’s not nearly a good enough reason to come barreling back into your life like this, but it’s the truth. I’ve missed you since the moment I walked out of your flat three years ago. I’ve missed you every day I’ve lived in Manchester. I’ve missed you at every match, at every award ceremony, and every night when I crawl into bed alone. I miss you, Tessa.”

Tessa’s stomach churned with fresh ire, even if her heart broke a little. As angry as she was, part of her still had love for Jamie. Part of her always had. Part of her always would.

“Nothing’s changed, Jamie,” she said. “Unless you’re suddenly ready to come out?”

“No,” Jamie shook her head. “I’m not.”

“Then there’s no point to this! I told you then and I’m telling you now, I won’t run around and hide in the dark like a criminal with you! I don’t know what you thought would happen by coming here and telling me something I already know!”

Jamie blinked. “You know how much I miss you?”

“Of course I do,” Tessa replied, blinking back tears. “Because I miss you too.”

Jamie stepped forward and reached for Tessa’s hand, but she yanked it away.

“It doesn’t change anything, though,” she said. “So. . . why? Why would you leave Man City like this?”

“I couldn’t stay,” Jamie told her. “I missed you so much, I couldn’t take it anymore. And then. . . ” she trailed off. “It wasn’t working.”

“How d’you mean?”

“One of the coaches, we. . . didn’t see eye to eye.”

“So they let you out of your contract?”

“I actually initiated the transfer.”

Tessa searched Jamie’s face, finding her jaw tighter and her lips drawn in. When she folded her arms over herself, Tessa saw it even clearer. Discomfort. And a little bit of shame.

“Jamie,” she said softly. “Did something happen?”

“No!” Jamie snapped. She took a deep breath and softened. “Nothing happened.”

“You’re lying.”

“Tessa, please don’t push me on this.”

“So, something did happen.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Tessa groaned and stamped her foot. “It’s always secrets with you! Never trust, never faith! Everything must be kept close to your chest because God forbid you believe that anyone else cares enough about you to keep you safe!”

“I know that you do, and you have by keeping my secret all this time, but this is not something I’m ready to talk about.”

Tessa sucked in a sharp breath and leaned against the wall. Several beats passed, the silence between them thick and murky as mud. If someone at Manchester City had harmed Jamie, Tessa was fully prepared to. . . to what? What right did she have any more to knowledge of Jamie’s welfare? And why, when she was the one who refused to give them another shot, was she heartbroken at the idea? She’d drawn the line herself, hadn’t she? She needed to stick to her guns.

“Fine. Makes no difference to me, anyway.”

“Tessa. . . I. . . ” Jamie trailed off, chewing her lip. “I don’t know what I expected. All I knew was that I had to see you again. And maybe, I dunno. . . bury the hatchet.”

“The hatchet’s long buried, Jamie,” Tessa said. “I just remember where.”

Jamie looked at the ground, wounded. “Got it.”

“We can be friend ly ,” Tessa went on. “For Niamh’s sake. Even if she did know our history, which she won’t, it wouldn’t be fair to put her in the middle.”

“Yeah. Agreed.”

Another beat passed. Tessa wondered if there was something else Jamie wanted to say based on the way she kept shifting her weight and squaring her shoulders. In the end, she didn’t let it out. No surprises there.

“We should get inside,” Tessa said. “Get back to the party.”

“Sure.”

Tessa opened the door and Jamie followed her back to the flat in silence. Funny how at one time, words flowed between them like a river. Now there was nothing.