Always on My Mind (Stanmore FC Soulmates #2)

5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Tessa always thought nothing screamed Billie quite like her home office. Her desk was meticulously organized, from the alphabetical files to the color coded pens. A calendar with different symbols sketched over different dates sat in the middle, and Billie scribbled down another for the coming week. Her phone was sleek and modern, with her and Ethan’s wedding photo next to it. Already, she had some from their honeymoon framed and on the wall behind her, but with her diploma in the center. Off to the side, a steaming cup of coffee waited for her to take a sip.

For over a year now, she’d been running the Larry Lowe Foundation, a nonprofit she and Ethan started for children of addicted or absent parents to have resources to keep them involved in extracurriculars like sports or music. It was named for Ethan’s first football coach, who passed away. In his honor, they heard out every case brought to them, and if there was some way they could assist, they did.

Tessa remembered all the days Billie agonized over going to law school, and now she knew why Billie never took the plunge. Her heart wasn’t in law, it was in helping people. Ethan showed her that. If the glow about her wasn’t enough proof that she was fulfilled, the smile on her face did the trick. Tessa’s heart warmed with pride.

“. . . Yes, we do have volunteers in Birmingham,” Billie was saying as she pulled up a map of the town on her computer screen. She caught Tessa’s eye and waved her inside. “Actually, we have a volunteer already taking one client to football in that area, I’m sure they’d be more than happy to take little Emily to her violin lessons.” She paused while the person on the other end of the line spoke, her smile turning further upward. “You’re quite welcome, Mrs. Waterson. And do let us know when Emily’s next recital is. If we can, Ethan and I would love to be there to support her.”

Tessa heard Mrs. Waterson’s shout of excitement through the phone. Billie’s grin remained, even as she held the receiver away from her ear. She and Tessa exchanged a quiet laugh together before Billie spoke again.

“Yes, it’s no trouble at all. Of course. You have a wonderful day as well, and we’ll speak again soon. Yes. Bye, Mrs. Waterson.”

She hung up and heaved a sigh, but that smile betrayed her exasperation. Tessa couldn’t help but grin too. As much as she missed living with Billie, it was wonderful to her best friend happy and thriving.

“What about you, Bills?” Tessa said, taking a seat opposite her friend. “I’ve hardly seen you since you got back from honeymoon.”

“Things have been absolutely mad here,” Billie replied, finally giving that coffee some attention. She hummed to herself as she swallowed. “That’s lovely.”

“How many cups is that, then?”

“Just two. Though Ethan made me a whole pot, including my sugar and cream. All I’ll have to do is pour when I want more.”

“Fuck’s sake, you’ll be ruined.”

“Fancy a cup?”

“No, thanks, I’m suddenly feeling a bit bokey,” Tessa teased.

“Hey, I enjoy being spoiled,” Billie chuckled. She took another sip and cleared her throat. “What brings you by if not a cup of the Billie Special?”

“Fuck off, that is not what he calls it.”

“It is.”

“Now I am gonna boke.”

Billie rolled her eyes. “Seriously, Tess. What’s up?”

Tessa paused and eyed the coffee cup, realizing she hadn’t had coffee much since Billie moved out. It reminded her too much of all their breakfasts together, and it made her ache. Tea helped to soothe that, but there was no real cure for your best friend moving on. She forced a half-hearted smile.

“Besides my breakfast? A lot, I’m afraid.”

Billie’s brow furrowed. “Is everything alright?”

“Sure, everything’s grand. It’s just that Jamie’s back and playing for the Stanmore women’s team.”

Billie sputtered into her coffee, sending a few droplets out across the calendar. She coughed and pounded on her chest to clear her airway. If Tessa wasn’t so worried about this conversation, she might have laughed.

“Are you serious?” Billie wheezed.

“As a heart attack. She was at the flat the other day for the housewarming party.”

“Housewarming? You’ve lived there for years.”

“Niamh hasn’t, and it gave her a way to bond with her new teammates.”

Billie cleared her throat again and dabbed at her eyes, which were still watery. “So, your new flatmate also plays for the club?”

Tessa nodded.

“So, it’s likely you’ll be seeing more of Jamie?”

Tessa nodded again.

“That is fucked.”

“You’re telling me,” Tessa agreed. She got to her feet, unable to remain seated now that thoughts of Jamie were coursing through her. “I can’t even tell Niamh about it because I can’t betray Jamie’s trust. You’re still the only person that knows. Though, I suppose maybe Ethan does too now.”

“No, he doesn’t.”

Tessa blinked only to find her eyes stinging. “He doesn’t?”

“No, nor will he,” Billie went on. “He’s asked about your relationships before, but I’ve only told him the basics. Never Jamie’s name, or even what she does.”

“That, uh. . . ” Tessa trailed off, swallowing the lump in her throat. “Thanks.”

“I’d never betray your trust, Tess. Not even to my husband.”

Tessa only nodded. She hadn’t intended the conversation to take this emotional turn. That is, she fully anticipated emotion, but not because of Billie saying something that touching. And exactly what she needed to hear the longer the distance between them grew. She always knew the friendship would take a hit once Billie got married, but it was good to know some things never changed.

“Now,” Billie said, sitting up in her chair. “What was it like? Seeing Jamie again?”

Tessa blinked rapidly a few times to ensure the mist was fully out of her eyes before she answered. “It was. . . weird. She wanted to. . . talk.”

“And did you?”

“Aye, but it didn’t help.”

“Was it supposed to help something?”

“Ach, I dunno. She said she missed me. But nothing’s changed so what that fuck am I supposed to do with that, y’know?”

“She’s still not ready to come out, you mean.”

“Aye.”

“Because of her father?”

“I suppose.”

Billie leaned back again, tapping her chin with one finger. “But that’s all she said? That she missed you?”

“Oh aye, and she made quite the fucking production of it, to be sure. All this romantic gobshite about the moments she’s missed me, but it was all meaningless in the end because we’re in the same place we were three years ago.”

“It’s such an unfair thing to say to you. Especially after everything she put you through.”

“That’s what I’m saying!”

Tessa turned around and scanned Billie’s bookshelf. In front of some thick leather volumes, there was another framed photo. This one was smaller, and in black and white. It wasn’t of Billie and Ethan, not technically, but their past lives, Maggie and Henry. Henry in his dress uniform and Maggie in a wedding gown made of the silk of his reserve parachute. The picture that unlocked Billie’s full memories of her life in the forties, and the decades after, as Maggie Owens.

Tessa realized she hadn’t told Billie about her visit to Lila. In fairness, Billie had still been traveling with Ethan to the United States on a pre-season tour with Chelsea, so the time difference had interfered with regular phone calls. But it wasn’t something Tessa wanted to discuss over the phone. Even if Billie was the one person she knew would completely understand.

“There’s one thing, though,” she said.

She heard Billie’s chair shift. “What is it?”

“I went to see a psychic who helps with. . . ” She touched the photo gently with her index finger before facing Billie again. “She helps you connect with your past lives.”

Billie’s brows went almost up to her hairline. “You what? ”

“I couldn’t help myself! After seeing you and Ethan, and then Jordan and Laci too, I had to know if the reason I still have this. . . this hangup on Jamie might be because we’re soulmates!”

“And what did you discover?”

Tessa couldn’t stop the tear that escaped her now. “We are.”

“Oh, Tess.” Billie’s gaze softened, and she rose from her chair to cross the room and embrace her friend. “I’m so sorry.”

Tessa sniffled and buried her face in Billie’s shoulder. “Sorry?”

“I know how hard that must be to learn when you feel as if you can’t be with that person. I’m sorry you’re hurting.”

“She ran away before, too. Twice, she left me out of fear.”

“Jesus.” Billie drew back to look into Tessa’s eyes. “There were two times before?”

“Three, actually.”

“Okay, let’s get to the kitchen and have some of that coffee. I want to know everything.”

Tessa nodded and allowed Billie to lead her into the immaculate Knight kitchen, with all its adorable vintage touches and references to their life before. Billie poured Tessa a cup, then sat beside her on the cushions by the bay window with her own. Tessa took a sip and resisted making a face. Billie never used nearly enough sugar. But she wasn’t about to complain. Not when she was finally getting to have coffee with her best friend again.

She launched into the story, and everything she’d seen at Lila’s. The first lifetime, where they were some of the women chosen to sail to Jamestown to be wives for the men that had settled there. And that first time, they escaped their fates together by leaping to their demise in the sea before they ever set foot in Virginia. The second life, nearly two centuries later, they had somehow made it to America, but Jamie was married to a British officer and Tessa was their governess. The family fled with the American Revolution on their doorstep, leaving the household staff behind. And the final time before the present day, during the First World War, where they were both working as nurses in France, and had planned to be together when peace came. Only Jamie (or Dinah as she was called then) backed out again and accepted a marriage proposal from a soldier.

“You see, she’s given into fear every time,” Tessa said. “Even now, when we could be together, she still lets that stand in her way.”

Billie hummed thoughtfully. “But her father is a real obstacle.”

“He isn’t though. It’s not as if she relies on him for money. He’s just up her hole about every fucking thing she ever does. But she could cut him off if she wanted to.”

“Do you think a man like that would let Jamie cut him off?”

Tessa considered it. She remembered the incessant phone calls, the social media monitoring, the constant showing up at training. But mostly she remembered all the times Jamie came over in tears, unable to take it anymore, and Tessa was her place to hide for a while. Even then, eventually Dexter would find her and start the whole thing over again. Billie had witnessed Jamie’s breakdowns more than once. In fact, Billie was there when Dexter had finally figured out where Jamie’s hiding place was. He came bursting into the flat and practically dragged Jamie out, all the while screaming at her. Billie nearly called the police, but Jamie begged her not to.

“I suppose. . . No, he’d surely come looking for her again.” She paused for a beat. “But that doesn’t mean I should accept half a relationship!”

“I’m not saying that,” Billie replied, holding up her hands with innocence. “But was it really so bad? Maybe with some time, Jamie might—”

“No.” Tessa shook her head. “I gave her plenty of time before. Hell, she had three other lifetimes to choose me, and she didn’t.”

“You’re not being fair. Jamie probably has no idea about those. And if she does, it’s vague.”

“Yes, dreams and visions and all that shite. I had them back then. But I ignored them.”

“I can’t say I blame you there. You know better than most how long it took me and Ethan to admit them. Though Jordan and Laci were honest with each other their whole journey.”

“Were they?”

“Yes, they told each other everything. And to think they were in a fake relationship at the time!”

“And how do you know all this?”

Billie shifted on her cushion. “They’ve come over twice this month for dinner.”

Tessa hoisted an eyebrow. “They have?”

“Well. . . they’re our couple friends.”

Tessa swallowed down the sting of that by cutting her gaze to her now empty coffee cup. So much for things were back to normal.

“I see,” she said.

“I’d have invited you, Tess, but I don’t want you to feel like the odd one out or anything. And sometimes it’s nice to be around people who understand marriage. It’s different from dating, y’know. Plus, they get the whole soulmate thing, and—”

“No, I get it,” Tessa cut her off.

“I didn’t know you understood too.”

“I haven’t had the chance to tell you.”

Billie chewed her bottom lip. “I suppose I had that coming. I’m sorry, Tess. I haven’t been a proper friend lately, have I?”

“You have today,” Tessa said, wanting to cut her some slack. She never wanted Billie to feel bad about finding her partner and settling down, she just wanted her friend every once in a while. “I don’t begrudge you your happiness, Bills.”

“I’ll do better going forward, I swear,” Billie said, taking Tessa’s hand.

“I’ll hold you to it.”

They smiled at each other for a moment before Billie’s cell phone rang from inside her pocket. She stole a glance at the screen and her brow furrowed.

“I better answer, it’s my doctor,” she said.

“Doctor? Are you ill?”

“I’ll explain later. One moment.”

She got to her feet and headed back toward her office, dropping her coffee cup on the kitchen island before she swept out of the room. Tessa glanced around the grand home, decorated with all things that represented Billie and Ethan. Unable to keep still, and in need of a tad more caffeine, Tessa stood up and padded over to the percolator and grasped the handle to pour herself another cup.

As she reached for the sugar bowl, a tri-fold picture frame caught her eye. Each one contained a photo of Billie and Tessa. One from their uni days, one of them in the kitchen the day they moved into the flat, and one of them together on Billie’s wedding day, beaming at each other as they embraced. Tessa’s mouth kicked up into a half-smile. Billie still had pieces of her here. She had nothing to worry about.

The sound of heels clicking against hardwood made Tessa turn around, only to find herself staring at an ashen-faced, teary-eyed Billie. Tessa set her coffee down and rushed over to her friend, putting her hands on Billie’s shoulders.

“Bills? Everything alright with you? Has Ethan been hurt?”

Billie shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut as her brown curls bounced with the motion.

“What is it, then?” Tessa asked.

Billie opened her eyes and held Tessa’s gaze. A smile slowly claimed her lips. “I. . . I’m pregnant.”

Tessa blinked and drew back, almost as if Billie had swung at her. “With a wain?”

“No, we’re having chipmunks—yes, with a baby!” Billie laughed.

Tessa chuckled too. “Are you. . . happy about it?”

“I. . . ” Billie’s smile widened and her eyes misted over. “Yes, actually, I am.”

“It’s not too soon? I thought you weren’t even sure you wanted kids.”

“I wasn’t sure, and Ethan and I certainly weren’t trying. But thinking about a family, and a family with this man that I love more than I thought I was capable of. . . it makes me excited.”

The grin on her face and the sparkle in her eyes said it all. Tessa swallowed her own mixed feelings, which were swirling around inside her chest like a tornado, and yanked her friend back into the hug. Not unlike the one they were sharing in the wedding picture. She squeezed Billie tight, hoping to convey that at least some of those feelings were good ones. Thrilled ones, even. Even if part of her heart sank at the knowledge that a baby meant there was no way Billie would be able to keep her promise of spending more time with Tessa.

“Oh, Bills. I’m so happy for you.”