An Alien for Her Heart (A New Home #2)

10. Varek

10

VAREK

T he dark cycle was torture. It took everything within me not to hop into my transport and head off to the plains. I’d park just outside Catherine’s farm and wait there till dawn came. And I almost did it. If not for the fact that Zynar’s words of advice rang in my ears.

Human females are skittish and need convincing .

I don’t even know what I want to convince Catherine of.

That I want her? A dangerous game to play when I can’t even offer her the joy of having my rhythm sing for her. What am I offering her, exactly? Companionship? She could get that from anyone she chooses. Why would she choose me?

And why do I want it so badly? Why does the thought of her choosing someone else make me feel crippled inside?

Again, I search deep within, closing my eyes as I search for it. My core-rhythm. But it’s nowhere to be felt or heard. It doesn’t exist. I haven’t yet found my mate, even though it feels like Catherine is…

Even though it feels like Catherine is something more than just a potential companion.

By the time dawn lights, I’m already on my way, zooming toward the plains. I’ll finish the outbuilding’s roof today and I have plans. Plans based on Zynar’s advice. The tee meal was almost a disaster, but against everything, it worked. Now for phase two.

I arrive at Catherine’s, gaze shifting to the quiet lodge where she must still be asleep. Just like the day before, there’s no indication she’s awake and I get to work, trying my hardest to keep the noise low. By the time the star pushes itself over the horizon, I’ve lined up all the beams and have started hammering them in. Below, the little umus huddle together in their makeshift enclosure, disturbed by the rhythmic bangs.

“Not for long, little ones.” One bleats at me as if telling me to hurry up and I grin.

“Who are you talking to?” The sound of her voice makes me freeze, a shiver going through my scales, culminating in the tight sac beneath my shaft.

Catherine.

I turn, looking over my shoulder to find her standing at the edge of her porch. Gods, she really is captivating. She’s pulled the strands of her mane back, giving me a full view of her face. The soft lines of her brows, her nose, her lips…

I pause, the float tile I’m balancing on moving closer to the edge of the roof I’m working on. I crouch on it, peering down at her.

“What is wrong with your lips?”

Her eyes widen, her lips pressing into a line as her cheeks grow to match the color her lips now are. They’re a warm red that they weren’t the sol before or the one before that.

“Is something wrong?” I direct the tile to float down to ground level before hopping off. “Is this because of the injury you received last sol?” My thoughts turn murderous immediately. The image of that Raki in my mind as I growl, leaning closer to the female before me. Before I can stop myself, my claw ventures close to her lips before I pause, a breath away from touching her.

Catherine stops pressing her lips together and a breath huffs from her nose. I’m not sure if it’s mirth because she shifts her gaze away from me.

“There’s nothing wrong with my lips. I was just…” Her brows furrow now and my focus falls back to her mouth. “I was just a bit silly, I suppose.”

Her shoulders rise and fall in a breath and that’s when I notice the color on her lips isn’t natural. It’s artificial. She placed the color there.

Easing back, I’m unsure of how to respond to this but clearly I have misstepped because when Catherine’s gaze shifts to me, it’s lost that twinkle I thought I’d just seen in her eyes.

Curses.

“I was wondering maybe if you wanted another cup of tea this morning,” she says, her gaze shifting from me to the outbuilding’s in-progress roof. “You’ve done so much already I suppose you’ve already had breakfast.”

She presses her lips into a line, one that I suppose is meant to be a convincing smile. All it does is turn something to ice deep inside me. What have I done?

“I’ll let you get back to work.” Then she gestures to the field. “I have things I need to get done too.”

She presses her lips into that smile again, and I realize the red stain only accentuates them. She put the stain on to accentuate her lips, and I, like a fool, made it seem like her effort was useless.

It wasn’t.

I can’t stop staring at her lips now.

As she turns to walk away from me, my core-beat skips.

“Catherine…” She stops at the sound of her name, glancing at me over her shoulder with her eyebrows raised and that strange mirthless smile still on her face. “It’s beautiful.” My throat bobs. “Your lips.”

That red stain shoots across her face again. She dips her gaze. “Thank you.”

That wild, panicked fluttering of my core-beat calms down. “I would like to share tee with you.”

She blinks, her smile faltering for a split click.

“If you would share it with me again,” I add quickly. Give her the choice. Allow her to pull away, even if it feels like the thought itself is tearing me apart.

“Alright.”

Frakking yes.

As Catherine leads the way inside her lodge, I run my tongue over my fangs, my claw reaching down over the pocket on my trouse to grasp the outline of the item I brought with me this sol. Phase two.

I step into the cool interior of the lodge, my eyes fluttering closed as I breathe in. Her scent is so thick in this space, every fiber touched by her presence. It almost makes me groan.

“—rek?” Her voice makes my eyes fly open to find her peering at me from the meal preparation room.

“Yes, sura?”

She blinks, probably thrown off by the word, her mouth opening slightly before she pulls her gaze away from mine and lifts the tee packets in her hands. “Same tea as yesterday?”

“If it pleases you.” If it pleases her, I would drink heated water seasoned with soil. I really don’t care about the tee. My fist tightens on the item in my pocket and my core-beat thumps a little harder. I hope Zynar’s not wrong about this.

Squaring my shoulders, I move to stand right at the door separating the main room from the meal preparation room as I watch Catherine prepare the beverages.

“I don’t think it needs sugar. It was so sweet yesterday.” I’m not sure if she’s speaking to me or to herself as her voice is so low, I can barely hear it. I hear the tones anyway though. And they’re wonderful. Like a smooth caress. How would it feel to hear her speaking to me at first light each dawn? How would it feel to hear her whispering to me exactly what she wants me to do to her while—

“—but we could try cake today. Would you like a slice?”

“Mm?”

Catherine’s gaze shoots to me. There’s something there in her gaze, so quickly hidden, but not before her cheeks warm. Was I staring again? I’m staring, aren’t I?

Prey species are often unnerved by stares from species like mine. It’s not like I’m salivating and…no, that’s a lie. I am salivating, but not because I want Catherine in my mouth.

A dangerous thought that makes me swallow a groan, the sound escaping like a grunt. Because now that I’ve thought about it, I realize I do want her in my mouth. I want my lips on her skin. I want to taste her.

“I have cake.” She sets the beverages down and moves over to her storage crate, crouching over it. The thin linen she’s wearing does nothing to hide the curve of her soft body away from me and I thank the artisan who made it for his slight. “I’m pretty sure I do. Xarion had mentioned that he’d ordered some for me. Probably because Eleanor had wanted some. It’s not exactly like cake from Earth. It’s more like bread, but it’s pretty good for alien bread.”

The moment she finds the item she’s searching for is the moment she rises with a slight ‘whoop’ of victory. But as she unpacks the item, I can only think on one thing.

“Xarion?”

“Hm?”

“Who is Xarion?” I try to keep my tone light, even leaning as nonchalantly against the wall as I can manage while inside there is a riot of emotions.

“Oh? You don’t know Xarion? He’s the New Horizons representative that brought me here, remember?”

I blink, the male faint in my memory from when he’d visited Eleanor’s farm.

“Right.” I ease off the wall, suddenly feeling like a fool again. When Catherine’s soft little laugh reaches my ears, I find she’s looking at me strangely.

“What were you thinking?” She asks. I’m saved from further disgrace when she focuses on using a blade to cut thick slices of the doughy meal block. “I haven’t hired someone else to do the job I asked you to do. I actually wish I’d hired you from the start.”

I’m happy she seems clueless as to why I asked, and my shoulders straighten at the fact that she seems pleased with my progress so far. But that’s not why I asked about this male. “I thought he was courting you.”

Catherine laughs in a way that makes her almost choke. “What? No!” Her wide eyes turn to me, but I can see they’re no longer shuttered. They’re full of life. Perhaps I should continue this line of conversation.

“Why not?” Because she said she didn’t want a mate, you pilkr a. She already told you this .

She finishes cutting the doughy thing, her surprise and mirth sobering somewhat as she places the slices on separate trays. “Well, because he’s far too young for me. And, to be honest, a relationship was the last thing on my mind when I grabbed the opportunity to move to these plains. I’ve already done that. I’ve already lived that stage of my life.”

“What do you mean, sura?” I know I’m pressing. I can’t seem to keep my maw shut.

Catherine stops moving and for a moment I think she’ll evade my question and shut down again. But then she shrugs and releases a breath as she lifts the trays, balancing them as she heads to the main room.

“I was married once.”

It seems like those words should have some significance. Instead, they’re lost on me. As she takes a seat and I move to sit in the one facing her, the steaming beverage before me fails to grab my attention. I watch her take a sip of hers before she takes a bite of the doughy thing, almost as if she’s purposefully focusing on the meal.

“Married?” Stop pressing, fool. If she doesn’t answer, you’re digging a hole you mightn’t get out of .

But Catherine dips her chin in a nod. She finishes chewing before her gaze meets mine. “Yes. For the better part of my life.”

I still don’t know what she means. “Married?” I ask again and then her eyebrows lift on her head.

“Hmm, you don’t know what I mean, do you?” Her eyes are still on mine as she thinks, her digits now tapping a rhythm on the hard table that’s attuned to the staggered thumps of my core-beat.

“Mated.” She finally says. “I was mated.”

My core-beat stutters. “You found your lifemate.” Everything I’ve been dreaming about, everything I’ve wanted, feels like it’s shattering beneath me. “The Tasqals took you from your world…from your mate?”

Catherine shakes her head. “No. He passed away long before that. Cancer.” She pauses, her eyes zoning out to memories I cannot see. “Even with our children, I was alone after he left and—”

“Children? Younglings?”

She gives me a slight nod, and the absolute sadness that creeps into her vision makes me immediately regretful that I pressed for this conversation. But a lifemate…Catherine had a lifemate…

“I wouldn’t call them younglings.” She gives a soft laugh that’s so unexpected, I sit up a little straighter. “They’re in their forties now. Both married. Kids. I had them young. Far too young, but I wouldn’t change that now. My son has a beautiful wife. Really lovely girl who can keep him grounded, and my daughter, well, she’s living life out on a farm in Utah. She’s happy, though, which is all that matters.” She stops suddenly, her eyes widening on me before she presses them closed, a groan in her throat. “I’m sorry. You don’t need to hear all this. It’s the first time I’ve talked about…” She trails off. Something compels me to lean forward, because despite everything she’s said, about the lifemate and all, something is still rising within me. It’s even worse now. I want to hear more about her life. I want to know more about her .

“If you wish to talk about them, I’d love to hear it.”

Catherine’s face loses all emotion, goes completely blank and I fear that I’ve said the wrong thing. She is nothing like a Kari female who would have either outright rejected me already or made it clear she finds me attractive and wants me in her nest. No. Catherine is nothing like that. I am learning as I go and that might be to the detriment of me. I open my mouth, easing back, my claws rising halfway off the table as I’m about to tell her it’s fine if she doesn’t want to speak. But that’s when I freeze. Because a single drop of water releases from her eye.

It winds a path down her cheek before Catherine sniffles and wipes it away.

“You don’t have to be so sweet. It must be so boring for you listening to me yap about my life.”

I lean in again, perplexed by her loss of fluids. I’ve seen it before, with Eleanor. Back then, she’d been stressed by the fact that Zynar was in danger. Right now, I’m not sure exactly why Catherine is leaking.

“On the contrary, I find it…I find you fascinating.”

She sniffles again, wiping the other eye. “You find me talking about my kids fascinating?”

“They are part of you.”

She inhales deeply, before breathing out through her lips but she doesn’t continue.

“Even your lifemate…I…” It’s strange. I don’t know how to put it into words. The fact that she’s already found her lifemate is a sure sign that she isn’t mine. Right? So why don’t I back down?

“He wasn’t my lifemate.”

I pause. No, I freeze, waiting for her to continue.

“If he was my lifemate, he’d still be here, wouldn’t he? Lifemate suggests they’re with you for life.” She sniffles and wipes away another eye leak before it has the chance to reach her cheek. “We humans, we don’t…” She stops talking and I realize she’s thinking about what she’s about to say. “We don’t mate for life. It’s not like that, though I realize that for some alien cultures, that’s the way it’s done. Only a few species on Earth do such a thing. And humans,” she scoffs, “humans are not it. To find someone to spend the entirety of your life with, only a few humans are lucky enough to find such a soul.”

I’m intrigued. Intrigued enough to lean in. “So this married…”

“Marriage,” she corrects. “Is like a vow you take to love and care for each other. But vows can be broken. Not everyone stays married. Sometimes it lasts only a week. Sometimes it lasts years.” A sadness transcends over her so much that I want to reach out and touch her despite my oath not to without her consent. “Everything always ends,” she whispers. One of her hands moves up to her chest, gripping where her life organ must be. “It always does and then you’re left with the wounds. Then you’re left to pick up the pieces and start again.”

My claw itches to reach for her. To pull her into me and take away all this pain. So much pain.

“It isn’t the same with Kari.” The words tumble from my throat and Catherine lifts her gaze to mine. Her eyes are filled with water and she wipes it away, sniffling underneath her hands.

“What?”

“It isn’t the same with Kari,” I repeat. “When a Kari finds their true mate, their kahl , it is for life. Our core rhythms sync and become one. We live only for our mates, devoted fully to them in every way.”

My claw twitches again with the urge to reach for Catherine’s claw, but I resist. She’s listening to me. Completely focused on my words. “A mated Kari cherishes his kahl above all else. He lives to protect her, provide for her, and keep her happy and safe. His greatest joy comes from pleasing her.”

I meet Catherine’s gaze, hoping she can see the truth of my words reflected there. “He would never intentionally hurt or abandon her. And if she were ever taken from him…” I trail off, old grief rising. Images of the war on Karicek. Of my mor feeling the pain of losing our por. I force it down before continuing. “He would search the universe to find her again. Because for a Kari, the mate bond is eternal. It cannot be broken, not even by death.” Our gazes are locked. Our focus completely on each other. “We cannot live without our kahls. We do not take it lightly when we say ‘forever mate’.”

Catherine is quiet for a moment. When she speaks, her voice is hushed. “That sounds beautiful. But also so sad, if you lose them. I’ve been through it.”

“If you found another mate…” I don’t even hide the hope in my voice now. “Would that make you happy?”

She’s quiet for a long moment before her eyes meet mine. She shakes her head and my world fades into shadow. “I’ve been a widow…I know how it feels. What it does to you. Where I am now in life, chances are, I’d cause my partner to become a widower . I wouldn’t…I can’t do that to someone else when I know how it feels.”

Her words feel like they echo around me. I don’t know why I press. My core-rhythm is silent. There’s a good chance I don’t have a mate. A good chance Zynar finding his kahl has just been what we first thought it was: pure luck. A once-in-a-lifetime twist of fate. And yet, I can’t let go. There is something that makes me not want to give up.

I want her.

I want Catherine.

“Do you know the fates?” I ask.

Catherine’s face is devoid of all emotion once more. Whatever she’s feeling has been locked behind a screen I cannot see.

I lean forward, my gaze intense as I try to convey the depth of my conviction. “The fates are not set in stone. They are ever-changing, molding to the choices we make and the paths we take.”

The weight of my words dawns on me. Perhaps, that’s the same for me too.

Catherine’s eyes are on me, guarded now but not entirely closed off. I can’t stop now. I have to continue.

“Your past, the one you shared with the male you cared about, that will always be a part of you. But it doesn’t dictate your future. Just as your path led you to him, it has now brought you here, to the plains, to…” To me . But I dare not utter it. Not yet.

Catherine’s breath hitches anyway, her eyes widening. Perhaps I said too much.

Frakk.

I should give her some space. Some time to think.

Reaching into my pocket, I take out the gift I brought her. It’s a sleek, oval-shaped device, no bigger than the palm of my claw.

I carefully set it down on the table between us. Catherine’s eyes widen as she looks at the device. She picks it up carefully, turning it over in her hands. “What… what is this?” she asks, her voice tinged with confusion and something else I can’t quite place.

“A gift for you.”

Her delicate hands pause with the item held between them as her eyes shift to mine.

“It’s a calming device,” I explain, though I can see a flicker of something in her eyes that makes me pause.

A surprising bubble of laughter leaves her lips and warmth floods right through me. Perhaps I have salvaged this after all.

“You think I’m not calm enough?”

Frakk.

I sit up so straight the stool beneath me almost topples. “No. Your spirit sways like a calm wind. This device is only meant to help with relaxation and stress relief.”

Catherine releases another small laugh, this one quieter than the last, and I realize she’s joking. Toying with me in the nicest way possible. “I’m only joking. This is…this is very thoughtful. Thank you, Varek. But I should be the one giving you gifts. You’ve already—” Her gaze shifts to the senzsi fruit off to the side before she shifts her gaze away from them.

“I thought you might find it…useful.”

In her perusal, she accidentally activates the device and the soothing vibrations begin emanating from the oval.

“It vibrates,” she whispers, shock at the edges of her tone. “And people use this to relieve stress?”

“Usually several times each sol. It is especially bought by females across various species.”

“I see.” After a moment, a look of shocked realization crosses her face. “Oh. OH!” Her cheeks flush a deep pink as she quickly sets the object back down. It vibrates, dancing a path across the table before I reach out and turn it off.

I can’t tell if she likes it or not. Her beautiful face is almost as red as the stain she’d placed on her lips.

“Th-thank you, Varek, I—” She lifts her head the moment there’s a sound not far outside the lodge. I can tell it’s the Raki who has arrived, despite the fact I wish he wouldn’t return, to complete his job. “Oh, the Raki is here!”

She jumps to her feet, gathering the trays. “I should get to work.” She gives me a sort of wide-eyed strange panic-filled look but I’m not sure I’m even reading that right. One thing I surely am reading is the fact this conversation is over.

I rise, barely glancing at my untouched tee and dough meal as Catherine disappears into the meal preparation room.

It feels like she’s running away from me and I want to reach out and pull her right back in.

I can’t.

With a tightness in my chest, I head to the door instead. “I’ll get back to work, then…”

I pause, hoping that she’ll return and tell me to stay a bit longer. That doesn’t happen. Instead, I hear her voice from the other room as she calls out, “Sure thing!”