An Alien for Her Heart (A New Home #2)

11. Catherine

11

CATHERINE

H e bought me a sex toy.

I sit staring at the thing where it remains at the center of my table, untouched.

A sex toy.

My cheeks heat as I stare at the thing. Is this a usual gift among aliens? Goodness, who am I kidding? Of course, it isn’t, right? I practically feel as if I’m going to burst into flames as I stare at it. Do I really look like I need an orgasm?

I choke on an incredulous laugh, tears brimming in my eyes from the sudden lack of air, and it takes a few moments before I replace the air in my lungs. He probably thought I needed to orgasm from the mere fact that I’ve been so rigid with him. Probably thought my expressions meant I was in pain and that I needed to relax.

I laugh but almost choke again.

I’ve been gifted a vibrator and I have all the time in the world to use it.

My cheeks heat even more.

I’m staring at the thing for whole long minutes when there’s suddenly a sound at the door. Grabbing the device, I shove it into my pocket as I jerk to my feet, silently cursing myself for behaving like a teenager who’s been caught with marijuana in their bedroom.

Making my way to the door, I pause just before it, straightening my tunic.

“Not that it matters,” I murmur. “You tried wearing homemade lipstick this morning as if possessed by some alter being and look where that got you?” Varek’s response to my little effort of trying to dress up will make me laugh in a few years when I look back and remember this day. But today, I’ll just have to wallow in a bit of embarrassment at the fact that I tried to dress up for him in the first place.

Because why?

Some part of me fears doing that deep dive. A big part of me doesn’t want to face the reason why.

As I pull the door open, I plant a smile on my face, my heart already doing a strange unsteady thing instead of beating properly. But there’s no purple iridescent muscular hunk of an alien on my doorstep. My gaze drops and it’s the Raki there.

His long ears flap the moment my gaze falls on him.

“Oh.” Blast it. The disappointment in my tone is so strong I can only pray the Raki doesn’t pick up on it.

He dips his head slightly. “Greetings.” In his paw, he outstretches something toward me. “This is for you.”

Ah, it appears I’m getting a lot of gifts today. First the gift of gab, practically telling Varek my life story. Then his…stress relief instrument. Now this.

My confused gaze drops to the little round wooden canister in the Raki’s paw.

“For me?” I ask, confused.

“For the wound you received because of my negligence.”

Oh. “It’s okay, really you—”

“I must. I did not sleep for the entire dark cycle, worried about you, human female. My mate is in tatters with worry too.”

My eyebrows shoot upward. “Oh, you really don’t have to worry. It was only an accident. I don’t even feel the pain anymore. I’m over it.”

He stretches the gift toward me anyway, forcing me to take it in my hands.

“Ointment from my homeworld,” he says. “It will heal any mortal wound.” He dips his head. “My apologies again.”

Releasing a slow breath, I smile a little. “Thank you, Raki.”

He dips his head again.

You know, he isn’t so bad after all.

I don’t know what causes me to look up at the barn roof. Maybe the movement there. The soft glint of sunlight across pink and purple scales. Something within me titters and comes to life even as I stop moving. Varek is there, watching us. His eyes are on the Raki, the look on his face unreadable, except for his eyes. Even with the distance between us and the gap between our species, the look in his eyes is unmistakable.

He’s…annoyed.

It’s clear he can’t stand the poor Raki, and my being injured by him only makes it worse.

As the Raki bids me farewell, telling me he will finish my cottage roof this day, his surprising proclamation doesn’t even register. My eyes are on Varek. Not until the Raki leaves does his gaze shift to me and the heat within them is scalding.

The world disappears, my vision becoming a tunnel.

Oh Catherine, you foolish girl. How did you not realize?

I stand there, rooted to the spot, my mind racing. Varek’s gaze is intense, filled with an emotion I hadn’t dared to hope for. Could he really…? No, it’s absurd. I’m sixty, for heaven’s sake. Surely he wouldn’t be interested in someone my age.

But then I remember the gifts. The way he’s been so attentive, offering to help with my roof, buying me the fruits because I showed interest in them once , requesting that we share breakfast together. And now, this…device. Could it be that he’s been flirting with me all along? That he’s been trying to show his intentions in the only way he knows how?

The thought makes my heart race, my cheeks flushing even deeper. I’m not used to this kind of attention anymore. It’s been so long since anyone looked at me like that, let alone a handsome alien like Varek.

It’s dangerous, I know. Dangerous to hold his gaze. Because the longer I do, the stronger that thing within me. Something rises, like a part of me is slowly lifting her head, the thought both titillating and terrifying for that reason. But I can’t seem to help it. Can’t seem to tear my eyes away, no matter how hard I try.

And when Varek’s gaze heightens on mine, as if he’s stripping me bare, as if he’s undressing every bit of my clothing and drinking me in, I don’t have the shame to break it. Like a deer caught in headlights, I stare back at him, a skitter going straight through the center of my chest like a searing electric thread. Something hot and hungry and alive, something that makes my breath catch in my throat, something that makes my heart stutter alight in my chest.

That does it. That’s the thing that scares me enough that I look away. Force myself to break the moment, to shatter the fragile connection before it can grow into something I can’t control.

I turn around, heading into the cottage that’s suddenly like a safe haven.

My hand rises to grip my chest, a tremor going through my entire body. Because I know what this is. I’d felt it before, a feeling that wants me to lean into this alien. A feeling that makes me… want .

An ache goes through my chest, enough that I grip myself harder.

This can’t be happening.

I like him.

I like Varek.

And I can’t . I can’t because…because even though he doesn’t believe it, I’m right. Things end. Love ends and my heart. My heart…my heart can’t take any more loss.

Because love, want, need ? They can control you. Make you lost in the heat and the hunger of them and once that happens, there will be no coming back. And then, when they eventually end, you’re left broken and shattered, a mere shadow of your former self.

And I’m not ready to become even less than who I was before. I’ve worked hard. Built careful walls. Only kept my children within those walls that protected my heart from the pain of living. From loss. I can’t let those walls down now. Or ever. A lifetime as Catherine Richmond, head of the Richmond estate, had cocooned me as a widow for life. And I’d accepted that cocoon, using it as a shield, an excuse to not try to find love again.

I swallow hard, taking deep breaths as I head further into the house. There, I grab my cleaning supplies and begin scrubbing. The surety of each movement is all I have right now to ground me. So I focus on the work. Focus on the simple, repetitive tasks of sweeping and wiping, lifting and carrying, until the room is spotless. I let the physical exertion drive out the thoughts, let the sweat and the strain wash away the longing that is starting in my soul. But even as I work, even as I try to lose myself in the mindless labor, I can’t escape the truth. Can’t escape the reality of what I’m feeling, of what I’m desperately trying to deny.

Leaning against the counter that I’ve wiped probably a thousand times, I stare down at the marble-like effect of the stone, my breaths coming heavy from my chest.

I’m waking up.

The woman within me, she’s…she’s waking up again.

I don’t know how he did it. Many men have tried before and gotten nowhere. I just…wouldn’t let them in. And somehow, this alien who hasn’t even attempted to seduce me, who hasn’t made any inappropriate advances or gestures, has me crumbling.

HOW?

The walls I’ve built up are falling down. The lines I’ve drawn fading quickly. My body is pushing past the barriers my mind has erected. Those barriers that have kept me standing for so long.

My breaths come harder as I stare at the counter, my thoughts as staggered as the design in the stone.

It’s too soon. Too raw, too painful. The wounds of before are still fresh, still bleeding.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I curse underneath my breath. It’s stupid and I’m probably getting ahead of myself, but the thought of opening myself up to something new, something that could hurt me all over again—even the very semblance of it—is absolutely terrifying.

If Varek has done anything, he’s reminded me I’m still alive. I’m not dead, even though I’ve been living that way for so long. Existing instead of living. His actions might be completely innocent, but they highlight one thing. I’m so broken inside, I can’t even consider letting someone else in. How can I risk the fragile peace I’ve managed to find, the tentative stability I’ve fought so hard to achieve?

I…can’t do it. I have to be strong. Have to protect myself, even if it means shutting out the possibility of something more.

So I push the rising interest down. I push away whatever it is that has me thinking of him now when I have no right to. I bundle it all and lock it up tight in a corner of my heart and throw away the key. I’ll focus on the work, on the simple, tangible tasks that keep my hands busy and my mind occupied.

And when the day is finally done, when the cottage is clean and the animals are fed and the sun is setting over the fields, I’ll let myself breathe. Let myself relax, just a little, as I stand alone in the gathering dusk.

Just as it has always been.

My heart clenches, the organ tightening around what feels like a physical manifestation of pain as I force my breaths to even, breathing deeply in and out. When the communication device lights up and makes a sound, I turn my head slowly, eyes falling on it.

“ Ping from Eleanor Taylor .”

I groan. I don’t want her to see me like this. No one knows just how shattered I am inside. All the other humans seem to be adjusting to this new life except me. I am lost. The woman I once was is gone. I am a shell of myself.

I stare at the comm device before forcing another breath through my nose as I reach for it, my arm brushing against the crate of fruit Varek brought me. Something deep inside me clenches again.

“Hiya, Eleanor!” The bright smile I put on my face is hopefully convincing. On the other end of the video feed, Eleanor is grinning back at me.

“Catherine! You look well! Seems like your little problem was sorted?”

My chest tightens. My little problem? I wouldn’t call him little. The purple iridescent mountain of a male currently on my barn roof is not a little problem. He’s turning out to be quite a big problem indeed. But then I realize Eleanor isn’t talking about the alien who I can’t get out of my mind. She’s talking about the initial problem I’d called her about.

“Ah, yes, thank you so much for sending help. The umus are corralled for now.”

“Corralled?” Eleanor’s eyes widen. “They’re dangerous little terrors.”

I smile a little. “Varek sorted it. They’ve been no trouble since.”

There’s a twinkle in her eyes that I don’t miss. “Ah, Varek. He’s been helping you, has he?”

I nod, not sure how much I should reveal. She’s mated to his brother. I don’t want to give her the wrong idea. “He has. He’s been working on my barn roof. He’s been great.”

More than great. He’s been…perfect.

I swallow a lump down as Eleanor’s eyes light up some more. “That’s fantastic. I’m just calling to let you know that there’s this festival happening in town tomorrow night. We humans have to attend. I hear there’s another human Xarion will be escorting as well. Just for community building and all.”

“A festival?” I could groan. I just want to lie in bed for a day and not engage with anyone.

“Yes! For prosperity for the seeds we’re sowing. You should come! It would do good for the Initiative.”

I bite my lip, thinking about it. It feels like I just lost something. As if I should be mourning. For someone who used to host events, someone who thrived in that space, nothing within me is even excited about the prospect of attending this function.

I give Eleanor a sort of apologetic smile, hoping she will accept my rejection of the offer. “It’s nice of you to invite me. I’d love to come but I’m afraid I’ll have to skip this one. I don’t have any way to get to town on my own. Not yet. I haven’t figured out how to use oogas—”

“I can take you.” The deep voice by my door makes me freeze. My eyes widen as I turn to find the door opening slowly. Apparently, I’d left it open after taking out the bucket after I’d cleaned the floor.

The dark that dusk brings only highlights the yellow in his eyes as Varek looks at me. I’m speechless, that ache in the center of my chest worsening as I look at him.

“That’s great!” Eleanor’s voice snaps me back to the present. “Varek will take you.” That twinkle in her eye is unmistakable now. “I’ll see you there!”

Before I can respond, the comm ends.

I set the device down, a tremor going through my arm, my eyes still on the alien before me.

“Your outbuilding is done, sura.” His voice rumbles, electricity crackling in the space between us.

I nod, standing taller and folding my arms across my chest. I need to get a hold of myself. “Does that mean you’re done? That you’re finished now?” I whisper.

I don’t even know why I ask that. Why there’s an undertone there that he probably won’t even recognize.

Varek doesn’t move from where he stands, but when he speaks, it’s like he is right before me, not even a breath separating us. His gaze locks with mine, the intensity in his eyes stealing the breath from my lungs. He takes a step forward, the floorboards creaking under his weight, and the sound seems to reverberate right through me.

“No, Catherine,” he says, his voice low and filled with a meaning I’m almost afraid to decipher. “I’m not finished. Not even close.”

My heart hammers against my ribs, the implication behind his words sending a shiver down my spine. He’s not talking about the outbuilding anymore, and we both know it.

“Varek…” I whisper. “What do you want?”

He takes another step, closing the distance between us until I can feel the heat radiating from his body. “I’m saying,” he says, “there’s still much to be done here. Much to be…explored.”

His gaze moves down my face for a brief, searing moment before returning to my eyes. “I find myself drawn to you, Catherine. In ways I can’t ignore.”

A nervous laugh chokes through me. “I haven’t done anything for you to be drawn to me. You hardly know me.”

“But I want to.” Four simple words that are so powerful they erase the retort on my lips. “And I cannot walk away, not without knowing…without seeing where this path might lead.”

I shake my head, stepping away from him, putting some space between us because his proximity is making it hard for me to breathe. “Varek, maybe I’ve done something to make you think there’s potential for something here. But…there isn’t. I can’t… I’m not on the market for anything.”

“Good.”

My gaze flies to his. I’m immediately confused. A bit thrown off, to be honest, by that single word. “Good?”

“Yes.” His claws clench and unclench as if he’s fighting some instinct to do something and when he forces himself to take a step back, I realize he’s trying to give me the space I need even though his body is telling him to do the opposite. “Good,” he repeats, his voice softer but no less intense. “Because I don’t want to share you with anyone, Catherine. I want you all to myself.”

The sincerity in his words, the raw honesty, takes my breath away. “Varek, I…” This is all way too soon. I’ve only just met him. If this was some guy on Earth, I’d have removed myself from the situation. Probably even told security to ensure he never enters the building. But I’m not on Earth. And this isn’t just some guy. This isn’t even a man. He’s male, but he’s not human. He’s different. Different from anything else I’ve ever encountered.

He raises a claw, stopping me before I can speak again. “I understand you’re hesitant. But know this—I am patient. I will wait. I will prove myself. Because you, Catherine…you are worth it.”

I shake my head. “You don’t know that.”

“Let me find out.”

“Varek—” Damn, he’s persistent, I’ll give him that.

“See where it leads, sura.”

I swallow hard, my mouth suddenly dry. “And where do you think it might lead?”

A ghost of a smile plays at the corners of his mouth and I’m struck by just how handsome he is. Not like a human male. Different. There’s a raw primal energy that seems to be swirling around him. One that hints at his power. His lust. His potential love.

“I know not,” he replies. “Not yet. But I want to find out…if you are willing.”