An Alien for Her Heart (A New Home #2)

15. Catherine

15

CATHERINE

H is words should terrify me. For the simple fact that the implication is the exact thing I’ve been hiding away from.

I could blame it on Eleanor and the utter way she’s smitten with Varek’s brother. I could even blame it on Donna’s free spirit and the feel of life and fun around us. I could even blame it on the drink, but it’s none of those things. I’m completely sober and…I’m tired.

Tired of fighting.

I like this alien. This gentle alien male that’s been making me lose my inhibitions hour by hour, day by day. Feeling his lips against mine has only cemented that I have needs and…

And that I don’t want to be alone. Not really. I want company.

I want someone to love and someone to love me. Truly love me. My heart has been broken, a part of me ripped open and I’ve been desperately trying to heal it by pushing everyone else away.

Maybe I will change my mind tomorrow. I’m aware there’s a high chance I most definitely will. But Varek is not demanding anything of me. If he just wants to have some fun, I can do that. There’s nothing wrong with allowing myself to feel for just a few moments. Nothing wrong with giving myself permission for just one night.

My gaze shifts upward and his entire frame tense as he waits for my response. I notice the way he releases a breath, some tension leaving his shoulders the moment I nod.

Across the crowd of dancing aliens, he motions to his brother who seems to have been watching us. I don’t even feel my cheeks warm. Apparently, with this decision, all my shame has gone. Instead, I allow Varek to direct me from the crowd till we’re the only two people walking down an empty street. The wind whistles, playing with the skirts of the wrap dress I made from an extra layer of curtain. I tug at it now, other thoughts creeping in.

Thoughts like whether he’ll be surprised by the way I look underneath this. I’ve practically seen him naked. I’ve even imagined it. Days upon days of staring at his glistening muscles underneath the sun haven’t done me any favors, and as we walk in silence down the street, I feel a throb below in a place that hasn’t sung a song in a long time.

I bite my lower lip, almost groaning at the intensity of the sensation—at the intense anticipation rising in my blood—but manage to continue walking without showing evidence of just how lost I am.

Varek stops at a building that looks like it has a few floors. As I enter behind him, my gaze shifts down the street again, back in the direction of the festival and I pause. I’m really doing this, aren’t I? There’s no mistaking what’s about to happen once I walk over this threshold.

As I turn away from the festival back to the alien waiting by my side, I find Varek holding the door open. His expression is schooled but his eyes are not. Those slitted yellow pits are filled with what I can only read as hope. Hope…and need . My gaze skips down to movement in his throat as he waits there, doing nothing to influence my decision in any way. If I want to turn back right now, I can.

Instead, I step inside.

I swear I hear the pressure of a controlled release of breath through his nostrils as he directs me down the hall. There are multiple doors with symbols written on them that are indecipherable to me.

“This is an apartment building?” My voice comes out with more surety than I feel in this situation. Each step I take, my heart beats harder and harder till I’m quite sure Varek can hear the thundering in my chest.

“Living quarters? Yes,” he confirms, his deep voice echoing slightly in the corridor. “We call them ‘nestkans.’”

He leads me to a door at the end of the hall and pauses. “This is my dwelling,” he breathes. His voice has gone so low it is but a rumble. My tongue swells in my throat as my gaze shifts to the door.

What are you doing, Catherine?

I can feel Varek’s gaze on me as he waits for my response.

Just what are you doing?

Taking a deep breath, I nod, giving him a reassuring smile. “I’d like to see it.”

Varek’s relief is palpable. His shoulders release even more of the tension I didn’t realize was there as he places his clawed hand on a smooth panel beside the door. It slides open with a soft hiss, revealing a dimly lit interior.

Varek steps aside, gesturing for me to enter. “Please…”

His growl sends a delicious shudder through me and my focus falls on its own accord, straight to his crotch. Oh goodness … The heat rising in my cheeks has nothing to do with embarrassment as my eyes lock on to the definite bulge in his pants.

That’s…for me…

Only the sudden increase of warmth in my blood makes me look hurriedly away, stepping into the room before nerves get the best of me. I cross the threshold into his nestkans, my heart pounding with a mixture of anticipation and trepidation. The door slides shut behind us, cocooning us in a world of our own.

Cocooning us in his world.

The entire apartment smells like him. That deliciously sweet scent that makes me want to breathe in deep. It’s everywhere. My eyelids flutter just from the intensity of it and I brace on a small table nearby the entrance.

“I apologize, sura, for the mess.” The apartment isn’t small, but Varek swallows the entire space, just like he did in my cottage. It isn’t even his size or stature, it’s him . His existence.

We’re standing in what seems to be the sitting room and he pulls out a stool for me to sit on by the large table. I move over, happy to rest my legs because it feels like I will soon collapse from something other than weariness. My entire body is tingling, anticipation stealing my breath.

Varek disappears into another room for a moment and I get a chance to look around. The room is spotless. I’m not sure what mess he’s talking about. Just like his truck, it’s clean in here. Clean and smells so good. I stand up, walking over to a floating holo-image that gets more distinct the closer I get. It’s a picture of Varek and his brother, only much younger. Zynar is grinning, fangs and all, but Varek…Varek is stoic, his face unreadable. I tilt my head, looking at the picture. I’ve seen so many expressions on his face, I know he’s nothing like that stoic mask suggests, and I wonder if he’s hiding behind something just like I am.

A sound behind me makes me spin around like I’ve been caught snooping and I’m immediately reminded of what I’m doing here. My throat goes dry the moment my gaze falls on the alien.

His shirt is gone again, those rippling chest muscles making my eyes fasten on him like glue.

“I…brought you a drink, though you might not be thirsty after—”

Reaching forward, I grab the drink from his claw, downing it with large gulps. Oh God, I’m about to really do this. It’s been so long I …

But then my thoughts short circuit. Because Varek is so close I can’t see anything else. My gaze shifts upward, traveling up those iridescent scales to his throat. My breath hitches as I go higher, gaze traveling up to that chiseled jaw…his lips…

“Catherine…”

I have to do this before I change my mind. I tilt my head back till I meet his gaze and the intensity within those eyes takes my breath away.

“I told you I wouldn’t touch you unless…”

“Unless I asked you to,” I whisper.

His throat moves. He’s just as nervous as I am.

“Varek… Please. Touch me.” I need it . But that thought isn’t one I can say. Not out loud. Not even to myself. By coming here to his quarters, I’ve already acknowledged what I want, but giving voice to it is another matter entirely.

With a soft growl, Varek dips his head. His lips touch mine again, this time with a newfound intensity that makes my knees weak. His hands—those large, clawed hands—are gentle as they slide up my arms, leaving a trail of heat in their wake. I gasp against his mouth, the sensation overwhelming, and he takes the opportunity to deepen the kiss, his tongue exploring mine with a fervor that sets my blood on fire. His claws come up to cup my face, his touch gentle but firm, as if he’s afraid I might disappear if he doesn’t hold on tight.

He’s a quick learner. At the festival, I was pretty sure he’d been following my lead. Now, he’s taking charge. My hands find their way to his chest, tracing the contours of his muscles, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath my fingertips. He shudders under my touch, a low rumble emanating from deep within his chest that vibrates through me and sets me alight. The sound of that rumble is such pure, unadulterated desire, that it makes my knees go weak.

We’re just kissing. We haven’t even…holy cow. A quiver goes through me that makes me grip Varek tighter. I melt into him, my body molding to his as my hands explore the expanse of his bare chest. He smells even better than before. Just pure, raw masculinity that makes me whimper again despite myself and my inhibitions.

Varek’s claws travel lower, the faint sharpness of them tracing the curve of my waist before his palms settle on my hips. He pulls me closer, lifting me slightly so that I’m flush against him. My breath hitches.

It’s there. Like a thick, hard metal pole pressing into my belly, I can feel him, and my own desire pulses in response. It’s been so long since I’ve felt this way—since I’ve allowed myself to feel this way—and it’s almost too much. But I don’t want it to stop. I don’t want him to stop.

“Catherine,” he murmurs against my lips, his voice rough and breathless. “You must stop me now. Otherwise, I can’t resist you. You must…” But even as he’s telling me to tell him no, there’s a plea in his tone that matches the desperation clawing for escape within me.

Just one night.

“If you’re not sure,” Varek nibbles my upper lip, a low groan leaving his throat. “I can wait. I will wait for as long as you want me to. If you’re not sure—”

My hands tighten their grip on his shoulders. “I’m sure,” I manage to whisper. “Don’t stop.”

He doesn’t need any more encouragement. With a growl that sends shivers down my spine, Varek scoops me up into his arms, carrying me effortlessly towards what I assume is his bedchamber. The room is dimly lit, the soft glow casting shadows that dance across his scales, making him look even more otherworldly.

Gently, he sets me down on the bed, and for a moment, we just look at each other, the air between us charged with anticipation. His eyes are dark with desire and another thrill goes through me at the sight. Slowly, he crawls onto the bed, hovering over me.

“You’re enchanting,” he murmurs, almost to himself as his claw traces the line of my jaw, down my neck, to the edge of my wrap dress. “May I?”

I nod, unable to form words.

Slowly, he begins to undress me, his claws surprisingly deft as they work the fastenings of my makeshift dress. Each piece of fabric that falls away leaves me feeling more exposed, more vulnerable, but also more alive than I have in years.

Each layer that falls, each layer that’s stripped away, it feels like I’m baring more than my body to this male. As if I’m baring all my past, everything about me, all the trauma and the good, all the fears and the pain, all the laughter and the rain. It’s silent when the final layer is removed, my linen panties and my soft linen bra.

I’m finally bare before him and Varek pauses. Goes so still he could be a statue and my breath stills, too. Like a lion pausing to pounce, only his eyes move. They rake over me with an intensity that makes my skin tingle and I realize, in an instant, that no man has ever looked at me like that .

“You’re bewitching,” he whispers, and I release a surprised laugh. But there’s no humor in his tone. No humor in his eyes. Varek is looking at me as if he’s a forty-niner who’s just struck gold in the California hills.

“More beautiful than I’ve imagined.” His voice is so thick with emotion that the stunned humor that had made me laugh seeps away. I stare at him, watching him drink me in and I wonder if this is all a dream. That maybe I wasn’t rescued from those horrible Tasqals and I’m in some alien prison of their making being fed drugs that have made me imagine this new world. Imagine him .

“How can you be real?” I whisper.

Varek looks up, eyes locking with mine. His pupils are visibly wider, making him look almost intoxicated. “Don’t say that, sura. Each sol I wake, I worry that maybe you’re not real. That I’ve created you in my head.”

“I’m real.” My eyes search his for some evidence of deception. But there is none.

My breath hitches as he suddenly leans in, capturing my lips in another searing kiss as his claws start to explore, tracing down the curves of my body, setting my nerve endings alight. He doesn’t just touch. He kneads. He squeezes. His claws rove over every inch of me as if he’s making a map. Every little hitch of my breath, every little moan or whimper is greeted with a rumble of pleasure that sounds like it comes from the depths of his soul. As if I’m being memorized, my body’s responses committed to his mental map. His touch is both possessive and reverent, and it sends shivers down my spine. I arch into his touch, my own hands roaming over the expanse of his back, feeling the shift of his muscles beneath my fingers as he wakes up parts of me that I’ve ignored for so long.

When his claws find my breasts, I stiffen. I’ve hated them for years. More when they lost their firmness. Even more when gravity started to take its toll. But Varek doesn’t even pause. He cups and kneads the sensitive flesh, causing me to break the kiss with a gasp, my head falling back against the bed. Varek freezes and I catch a glint in his eyes as he inhales deeply. A low moan rumbles in his throat.

He takes the opportunity to trail his lips down my neck, nipping and sucking at the delicate skin, drawing breathy moans from my lips.

When his mouth finally closes around one of my nipples, I arch into him, a soft moan escaping my lips. He answers with one of his own, purring with approval as if my pleasure is intensifying his own. His tongue flicks and swirls, and my hands reach down and tighten in his hair, holding him to me as my body responds in a way it’s been yearning to for so so long.

When one of his claws grazes the sensitive skin of my inner thigh, I gasp, my hips bucking involuntarily. Varek rumbles his approval, the sound vibrating through me and making me shudder.

“Sweet sura,” he murmurs against my breast, his fangs grazing my delicate skin. “So perfect.”

Perfect? I want to respond, to tell him that he’s wrong. That I’m nothing but scarred and destroyed within, but my words are stolen by a moan as his claw dips between my legs. I feel the moment he sheathes them as his fingers brush against my center. For a moment, we both pause, caught in the intensity of that single touch.

He brushes his finger again and it travels through my core, the sensitive skin throbbing with the sensation. Varek nibbles on my breast, a deep rumble of a moan making the air vibrate against my nipple. My core swells and throbs in response.

“Show me how to please you, sura,” he growls. “Teach me.” With a trembling hand, I reach between my legs, fingers closing around his wrist as I guide his claw. Varek rumbles, his head lifting as he buries his face into my neck. His tongue flicks out, licking my skin as he breathes in deep. “Gods, you really are a sura.”

“Mm?” A breath shudders from me as my eyes flutter closed, each movement of his fingers sending me higher and higher towards something my body’s craving. “Sura? Why do you call me that? What does it mean?”

“Soft.” Varek rumbles. “Soft beautiful thing.”

A whimper makes me shudder again at his words. My guidance is short-lived. Varek groans as he takes charge, moving his fingers in a pattern that he’s learned far too quickly. He strokes and explores with a single-minded focus, each caress winding the coil of tension in my core tighter and tighter. Another moan rumbles from him as he dips his head again to my other breast and I arch, my body demanding more.

I buck against his palm the moment he finds my entrance, sliding two digits within my heat.

“Please,” I gasp, my hips lifting to meet his touch. “Varek…I…” I’m not even sure what I’m begging for, only that I need it.

Varek growls against my skin. “Patience, sura,” he rumbles. “I want to savor you.”

And savor me he does. Varek’s touch is sure, his claws and tongue pushing me to the brink. When he suddenly eases off me, the rhythm of the digits buried inside me slowing, I open eyes I didn’t realize I’d closed. My vision blurs as I look down a moment before he dips again. Only, he’s no longer over me. He’s between my legs.

The moment his mouth closes over my center, I peak. My body thrashes. I cry out words that have no meaning but mean everything all at once. A deep rumbling sound comes from his chest as Varek pushes his tongue deep within me. Sucking, slurping, he doesn’t let up till he brings me to the brink of ecstasy again and again. Until I’m a trembling, moaning mess beneath him.

I’m boneless as he eases up, the heat of his body disappearing for a moment as I lie there thinking one thing: how will I go back to normal after this? How will I pretend? How will I go back to the solitary, celibate life I’d been leading all the years before?

My vision clears, my chest heaving as I look down, watching this absolute god of a male climb between my legs. He’s bare now, the silken scales on his thighs brushing against my legs as he lines himself up.

“Catherine,” he groans, and I know he’s asking for permission again. Even after all the pleasure he’s given me, he’s still making sure I want him to take his own.

I nod. “Please.” There are tears in my eyes, coming from a place I don’t want to face. When he finally enters me, joining our bodies as one, it’s with a gentleness and reverence that brings tears to my eyes.

It’s too much, the pleasure edging on overwhelming. My hands fist in the bedding, my head tipping back as I surrender to the sensations, to him. He stretches me in a way I don’t remember ever being stretched. My mouth opens in a wordless ‘O’ as I take in a deep, ongoing breath.

I can feel that he’s tapered at the tip, getting thicker and thicker the farther he pushes in. And there are ridges and other externalities that I’m not used to. Such a fact should make me pause. Make me stop and rethink this. It doesn’t. My core quivers, taking him in, wanting him to sink deeper. Wanting him to fill that aching space inside.

When I catch sight of his face, of the snarl, the clenching of teeth with fangs bared, it should scare me. Again, I don’t respond in the way I should.

Varek pulls back and slides in again, his rhythm slowly increasing as the seconds tick by. It’s wet and smooth, his own natural lubricant easing the way for us both. I shudder and I shiver, nerve endings waking up in parts of my body I’d forgotten exist. The tension within me builds till I know I can’t take it anymore.

“Varek,” I manage to gasp out, his name both a plea and a prayer.

Those intoxicated eyes drink me in. “Sweet sura,” he rumbles, his voice low and reassuring. “Let go, Catherine. Let me catch you.”

Oh God…I’m lost.

Lost in him, lost in this moment, lost in the overwhelming cascade of sensations and emotions. My body shatters a moment before I feel Varek stiffen, a deep unearthly groan leaving his throat as his shaft throbs deep inside me.

He collapses as do I, bracing himself up on his arms so he doesn’t crush me, both our chests rising and falling in quick succession. And as we lie there in the afterglow, our bodies still joined, Varek’s arms surround me. He twists, falling on his side and pulling me with him. There, pressed against him in what feels like a world for us alone, his heartbeat is a steady thumping thing beneath my cheek.

For the first time in a long time, I don’t feel alone. I feel cherished, perhaps even…

Desired.

Tomorrow will bring what it will. But tonight? Tonight, I have found peace. I have found connection.

This alien…he could break down every wall I’ve ever built. Could shatter every defense, every carefully constructed barrier around my heart. And maybe that’s what terrifies me more than anything else.