An Alien for Her Heart (A New Home #2)

16. Varek

16

VAREK

I collapse beside Catherine, my core-organ pounding, each breath coming in ragged gasps. I can barely believe what just happened, can barely process the overwhelming intensity of the pleasure, the connection, the emotions that consumed us both.

Carefully, I gather Catherine against me, cradling her to my chest as if she’s the most precious thing in the universe. Because to me, she is. I still can’t quite wrap my head around the fact that this incredible, beautiful, resilient female is here in my arms, that she welcomed me into her body and hopefully into her heart.

I’d dreamed of this moment. Fantasized about it more times than I can count. But the reality was so much more than I ever could have imagined. The feel of her soft skin under my claws, the taste of her on my tongue, the way she moved with me, surrendered to me…it was… transcendent .

I know her history, know the horrors she’s endured. For her to open herself to me like this, to allow herself to be seen and touched and cherished…it’s a gift beyond measure.

My arms tighten around her reflexively, a sudden surge of protectiveness, of possessiveness , welling up within me. I want to shield her from everything, to ensure that nothing and no one ever hurts her again. I want to spend the rest of my days worshiping her, body and soul, showing her just how treasured and adored she is.

Catherine shifts in my arms, her gaze shifting up to mine. Her chest is still heaving, the strain of each breath slowly coming back to normal. Just her eyes meeting mine and my cock throbs where it’s still buried deep within her.

Her eyes search mine and I can tell she wants to say something. There’s a hesitation there, a conflict. I can almost hear the words she’s holding back, the fear that what we just shared might never happen again. The fear that this perfect, life-altering moment might be just that…a moment, never to be repeated.

Part of me wants to reassure her, to promise her forever, to declare my undying love and devotion. But another part of me is painfully aware of one thing Catherine has no clue about.

My core-rhythm. It’s still silent.

I’ve joined with her now. That is unquestionable. But my core-rhythm, the thing that’s supposed to sing once I find my mate, remains quiet. I am silent inside.

Pain, the likes of which I didn’t expect to feel, consumes me. I grunt, pulling her tighter to my chest as I block out the darkness that threatens to pull me under.

She’s mine. I know it. I feel it.

I can’t be wrong.

“Varek?” Her question makes me aware that, even with the dim light, she must be watching me, too. But it is difficult to push away the darkness that tears at me from within. The fear of loss before I’ve even gotten a proper chance to have her echoes within me, but I don’t want to face it. Not now. Not when the memory of our shared passion is still so raw and vivid.

And so I don’t.

“Are you alright?” Her sweet voice sends a shiver through me as I dip my head, crushing her lips against mine. She grunts before her body suddenly melts, the reaction so soft and sweet that I harden even more, stretching her sweetness as a rumble goes through my chest.

“Oh my, already?” Catherine’s eyes are wide with disbelief.

“I will stop if you want me to, sura.”

She blinks at me, eyes searching mine once more before she shakes her head from side to side. “No.” Her voice drops. “Don’t stop.”

My growl makes her visibly shiver. But it isn’t fear that lights up her eyes but something else. Something that heats my lifeblood in my veins.

“Sura,” I growl as I slide out of her. She gasps, looking between us but the dim light hides me. The loss of her heat feels like a crime, but it’s not for long. In one easy movement, I flip her in my arms so her back presses into my chest. Here, I lean forward, nuzzling her ear.

“So soft,” I whisper and Catherine shivers. “So perfect for me.”

She makes a sound in her throat that turns into a soft gasp as I pierce her again.

Frakk.

She is everything. And she is mine. I thrust into her knowing that truth. Once, twice, three times I take her, each time more intense, more consuming than the last.

We move together, a perfect rhythm until we are both spent, collapsing into each other with the fading sounds of the festival in the distance. The dark cycle wraps around us like a cocoon of warmth, but even in this moment of peace, I am painfully aware of one truth: my core-rhythm never awakens.

Pushing a lock of her mane away from her face, I grasp a few of the silver tendrils between my digits. Even in this dim room, they catch the light of the moon. I don’t want this moment to end…but…what if I’m wrong? What if Catherine truly is not mine? What if this, as glorious and life-changing as it feels, isn’t the eternal bond I so desperately crave?

I tighten my arms around her, burying my face in her mane, breathing in her scent. Willing time to stop. Because what I feel for her, what we just shared…it’s real. It’s true. It’s everything.

My core-rhythm may be silent, but my soul, every instinct within me, screams that she is my mate, my destiny, my forever.

And I choose to trust in that, to have faith in the unshakable rightness of her in my arms.

Core-rhythm or not, Catherine is mine. And I am hers.

I wake to the loss of her in my arms. Alarm shoots through me and I sit upright on the bedding immediately.

A soft sound draws my eyes to the far side of the room, air rushing into my lungs the moment I see her.

Catherine stands there, already dressed, the early morning light filtering through the window and casting a radiant glow around her. She looks ethereal. I can’t pull my eyes away.

But even as my core-organ swells at the sight of her, a sinking feeling settles in my gut. Because it’s clear from her attire, from the way she’s standing looking through the window into the town, that she’s preparing to leave.

“Catherine?” I call softly, my voice rough with sleep and something more profound.

She turns to me, a soft smile on her lips, but there’s a hint of something else in her eyes. Uncertainty, perhaps. Or reluctance.

“Good morning, Varek.” Gods, her voice is exactly what I need to hear each dawn. Her digits adjust the strap of her satchel. “I…didn’t want to wake you.”

“You’re leaving.” It’s not a question, but a statement, a realization that makes my chest tighten. My feet hit the floor, but I force myself not to walk over to her and pull her into my arms.

She nods, her gaze shifting back to the window. “I need to get back to the farm. There’s work to be done, and I…” She trails off, and the look in her eyes grows distant.

“Catherine.” Her name snaps her back and she shifts her gaze to me. “About the last cycle…”

That vibrant color stains her cheeks, but she doesn’t look away. “Last night was…wonderful, Varek. Truly. I don’t regret a moment of it.”

Relief floods through me at her words, but it’s tempered by the unspoken ‘but’ hanging in the air between us.

“But?” I prompt gently, steeling myself for what I fear is coming.

She sighs, her hand rising to brush her mane away from her face. “But I don’t expect anything more from you, Varek. I understand that what we shared…it was a moment out of time, a beautiful interlude. But I know it can’t be more than that.”

Pain lances through me at her words, at the resignation in her voice. I want to argue, to declare that she’s wrong, to beg her to stay with me always. But I bite back the words. Because as much as it hurts, I understand.

The dark cycle has passed and still there is no song within me. My core-rhythm is silent. There is no undeniable biological proof that we are destined mates. I have no claim over Catherine, even though I want her so badly the thought of letting her slip through my claws is ripping a hole right through me.

So instead of arguing, I simply jerk my head, chin to chest. “I understand, sura.”

Catherine jerks her head as well, giving me one of those mirthless smiles that tears at me even more before she shifts her gaze back to the view. But not before I see her eyes shine with unshed waters.

“I mean it, Varek,” she whispers so low, my ears perk just to pick up her words. “I really did enjoy it. Thank you.”

I can’t…I can’t let her go like this.

Closing the distance between us, I place a digit under her chin, tilting her head back so she’s forced to look at me. My throat closes up. There are no words. Only actions.

Leaning down, I press my lips against hers. Soft and lingering. It feels like a promise, like a vow, even if I can’t put it into words.

When we part, I rest my forehead against hers for a moment, just breathing her in. “Let me take you back to the farm,” I murmur, reluctant to let her go just yet.

She nods, a small smile returning to her lips. “I’d like that.”

The journey back to Catherine’s farm is quiet. It feels like we’re both trying to hold on to these last moments, to etch them into our memories before reality intrudes once more.

When we reach the boundary of her property, Catherine turns to me. I brace myself for whatever she will say, knowing fully well that whatever it is will rip me in two or hold me together and that it will be absolutely no fault of hers.

“Thanks for the ride.” She’s doing that smile again that doesn’t reach her eyes and I wish I could fix it. Wish I could give her real joy. “I’m going to head in now.”

She reaches for the door and I engage the brakes before hopping out of the vehicle. I’m at her door when she looks up at me through the transparent cab, her lips stretching into that strange smile again once I open the door for her.

“Thanks.” She makes a sound in her throat before her gaze shifts to her lodge. “I guess I’ll see you.”

Something within me dies. This is goodbye, isn’t it?

“I still have some more work to do. Your field is infested. I need to treat it.”

Catherine’s gaze meets mine, something passing behind her eyes before she looks away.

“Hmm,” she hums. “Maybe another day? I’m a little tired from the um…” She makes that sound in her throat again. “From the festival. You must be tired too.” She meets my gaze again. “You should get some rest.”

This is it. A goodbye of sorts. But I can’t push it. She needs space even though everything within me is telling me to do the opposite.

It takes all my effort to jerk my chin in acceptance before shutting the door behind her. Leaning on the hover truck, I watch as she heads toward her lodge, my gaze not leaving her until she opens the door and steps inside.

I remain there for a few moments, just watching the lodge, wanting nothing more than to rush after her. But as I grip my chest, the ever-present silence there reminds me that giving her space is the right thing to do. Pushing her now could drive her further away.

Reluctantly, I turn away and head back into my transport.

Claw still gripping my chest, I tell myself this isn’t the end of things.

Even if it feels like it is.