An Alien for Her Heart (A New Home #2)

18. Catherine

18

CATHERINE

V arek’s words stay with me.

I almost broke down right there. His words hit a chord within me, playing on the exact thing that plagues me.

By the time he leaves for the night, I’m uncertain of my decisions.

Collapsing in my bed, I stare at the dark ceiling. This dance we’re playing is exhausting. Each moment that passes as Varek works alongside me on the farm feels like the tension rises on a nuclear reactor that is bound to meltdown.

The tension in my body makes every nerve ending feel sensitive. Even the brush of my sheets against my skin is making me react.

My eyes slide open, moving to the little device near my bed. The sex toy lies there, a glint of light on its surface.

I groan. Not tonight again. I need to exercise some control.

But as the minutes tick by, it’s clear I won’t fall asleep. Not like this. I’m a tension-filled mess and I’m this close to breaking.

Getting off the bed, I sigh as I head toward the kitchen. Maybe a glass of water will help. Or maybe I should brew myself a cup of tea. I snort at that. I’m passing the dining room table when my gaze snags on the crate of fruit still sitting there. I stare at them, a lump rising in my throat.

Varek’s thoughtfulness, his blasted kindness , makes me scowl, even as my mouth waters. It would be much easier to hate him, much easier to not be attracted to him, if he was more like an asshole I didn’t want to deal with.

Hells bells, what is wrong with you Catherine Rose Richmond? Because let’s admit it, even though I don’t want to, I am attracted to the tall alien male named Varek. I’m more than attracted to him.

I’m falling. Even though I told myself my heart would never love again.

Standing, I reach for one of the fruits that I’m just going to call a mango until corrected. It feels juicy, and the light in the cottage plays over its skin, creating a soft sheen. I lick my lips, ready to dig in after having tinned bean soup for dinner.

I move to the kitchen, finding my way now without having to look down so I don’t trip over anything, and turn on the tap. It’s a curved device with a spout and there’s a lever I have to crank to get the flow going. Took me ages to figure that out. I crank it a few times now, and there’s a soft gurgle in the depths of the pipe that soon dies a moment later. Frowning, my focus shifts from the delicious-looking fruit in my hands to the pipe. I crank it again. Nothing.

Great.

I’m no expert at plumbing, so I have no idea what’s the matter. I’ll just have to leave it till the morning or ask Varek to look at it. My heart thumps hard at just the thought of seeing him tomorrow.

My cheeks warm before my thoughts go to places I don’t want them to as I focus on the fruit again. I don’t want to risk eating it without washing it first. If I got sick because I didn’t wash a maybe-mango I’d kick myself.

So I slip my feet into the closed-toe shoes we all got as standard wear from the Restitution and I head to the door. I leave it open because, why not. I’m coming back inside just after I wash this thing.

Walking around the cottage, I look up at the dark sky and pause, a soft breath releasing from my chest. I don’t know what I’m looking for. A sign?

The well is at the back of the cottage and I reach it without trouble under the light of the stars. As I approach the structure, I squint at it. It’s not like wells back home. Instead of a circular stone wall with a bucket and rope, this well is a sleek, cylindrical tower made of a smooth, metallic material that gleams softly in the starlight. I think Xarion had it freshly installed just so I’d have running water in the house, but this was before I arrived. I only found out it was a well because I saw the Raki get water from it. A panel on the side is barely visible as I step up to the thing and I realize I should have brought some kind of light with me. It’s not just a simple push-of-a-button I thought it would be.

The panel is adorned with strange symbols and a few buttons that glow faintly. I hesitate, unsure if I should press anything without knowing what they do. For all I know, I could end up activating some kind of alien defense system or worse, break the well and lose access to water altogether.

I tap my foot, staring down at the fruit in my hand. My mouth waters again. Maybe it’s the fact the thing looks like food from home. Or maybe it’s the fact that Varek gave it to me and it’s taken me this long to enjoy it. I could wait until morning and ask him for help, but he’s already helping me so much.

No, I’ll figure this out on my own. I’m a grown woman, after all, and I’ve faced far greater challenges than operating an alien well. With renewed determination, I step closer to the panel and study the symbols as best as I can. They look like hieroglyphics and I clench my jaw in concentrated thought. There has to be some kind of logic to them, some pattern that I can decipher.

Five, ten, maybe twenty minutes pass, and no luck. I’m about to admit my defeat when, as I’m turning back toward the house, I notice a small lever on the side of the well. I blink at it squinting in the night even though that doesn’t help me to see any better. Reaching for the thing, it’s smooth and small, hidden to the side of the panel I was mulling over, but it seems to be separate from the other controls. It’s positioned at an odd angle, almost as if it’s meant to be pulled rather than pushed. Curiosity gets the better of me, and I reach out to give it a gentle tug.

It’s sudden. I don’t think I even get to take a breath. The ground beneath my feet gives way, and before I can react, I’m falling. I go down, my head hitting something hard as the fruit tumbles from my hand. I plummet into darkness, a scream lodging in my throat. I brace myself for impact, expecting to hit hard ground, but instead, I plunge into icy water.

The shock of the cold water steals my breath away, and I struggle to orient myself in the dark, watery depths. I kick my legs, desperation pushing me to propel myself upward. I break the surface, the breaths being pulled into my lungs not feeling nearly enough to what I need. Panic surrounds me like the icy water itself as I realize the severity of my situation. I’m trapped in an alien well, with no idea how deep the water is or if there’s any way out.

Calm, Catherine. Stay calm . This is not how I want to die! Fear shoots through me. I always thought I’d go in my bed, with those I loved surrounding me. Instead, it might happen here. In the dark. In the cold. Alone . The thoughts pull me together. Force me to calm down enough that my breathing becomes a constant deep inhale and exhale that rattles my lungs. Terror fights to rise deep in my gut. I’m not the spring chicken I used to be. I can’t tread water forever. Or until morning, when Varek arrives and will probably be able to pull me out.

Varek…

He’s going to come and find me here…if I make it…and if I don’t.

Dear God, what am I going to do? My breaths hiccup and I go under for a moment, swallowing some water that goes straight into my lungs. I surface again, coughing and choking, the hold on my panic completely gone.

I should have left the fruit and gone to bed!

Blinking, I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to force some of the water away so I can see. My entire body shivers with the extent of the cold quickly seeping into my bones as I turn slowly. It doesn’t feel like I’m in a well. It feels like I’m lost in the middle of the ocean at point Nemo in the dead of night.

I reach out, heading for where I know the wall must be. That’s when I realize it’s not all complete darkness. There’s a dim light filtering through the water. My hand hits the wall and I lurch back, almost going under again. There was something soft and slippery against it. Heart thundering in my chest, desperately trying to push blood to warm my extremities, some of that warmth reaches my brain and I finally notice the faint glow emanating from the walls of the well.

Treading the water, I turn in a slow circle, more of the wall becoming visible. It’s lined with some kind of bioluminescent algae or fungi, casting an eerie blue-green light through the water. It’s not much, but it’s enough to give me a sense of my surroundings and a glimmer of hope.

I swim towards the wall again, my fingers brushing against the slimy surface as I search for any kind of handhold or crevice that I can use to pull myself up. But the walls are smooth, not to mention slippery, offering no purchase for my desperate grasp. Not only that, but I’m shivering so much that my fingers keep slipping. The little hope I’m grasping at is slipping too and there’s a pain in my head I’m desperately trying to ignore.

“C-come on, come on, come on.” My teeth chatter as I move around the cylinder. “C-come on. S-something. S-something must be there.”

Exhaustion begins to set in, my limbs growing heavy and my breathing becoming more labored. I know I can’t keep this up forever but I thought I’d last longer. My brain might still feel like I’m in my twenties but my body doesn’t hesitate to remind me I’m not. I need help, and I need it soon.

Gathering my remaining strength, I take a deep breath and shout as loudly as I can, my voice echoing in the watery chamber. “H-Help! I’m t-trapped! Trapped in the well! P-p-please, p-please…someone…someone…”

I fight back tears.

No one’s out there. No one can hear me. It’s a waste of breath. A waste of energy. There’s no one out there for miles, and still, I strain my ears for any sign of a response. All I hear is the sound of my own ragged breathing and the gentle lapping of the water against the walls because of my movement.

I’m not…I’m not ready. Not ready to die.

Closing my eyes, my tears mingle with the cold well water as I whisper a silent prayer for rescue. I’ve always prayed. This is nothing new, but it’s different this time.

This time, the prayer feels more desperate, more urgent. It’s not just a plea for help, but a bargain with the universe itself.

“God…it…it’s me again.” I release a deep breath. “I promise to be kinder, to be more open, to embrace the second chance at life that I’ve been given, if only I can survive this. Please…I…You’ve given me so much. It seems wrong to ask for more. But please…please…save me from this.”

I realize now, in this moment of crisis, just how much I’ve been holding back, how much I’ve been denying myself out of fear and self-preservation.

I’ve been so focused on protecting myself from further hurt that I’ve forgotten how to live. How to take risks, how to open my heart to the possibility of something new and wonderful. Now there’s the very real possibility of my own demise, and there’s nothing…nothing but regret.

I’ve been such a fool.

I remember everyone I’ve loved, and a pang of sorrow grips my heart. Their loss is a wound that will never fully heal. But as I try to stay afloat, I remind myself that they would want me to live, not just exist. They would want me to find moments of peace and purpose, even amid chaos.

“P-please,” I whisper, my voice barely audible over the sound of the water. “Please, give me another chance. I promise I’ll do better. I promise I’ll be better.”

But as the minutes tick by and the cold seeps deeper into my bones, I begin to lose hope. My limbs feel heavy, my movements sluggish and uncoordinated. I know I can’t hold on much longer.

This…

This is it.

Just as I’m about to give in to the darkness, to let myself slip beneath the surface and into oblivion, I hear a sound from above. At first, I think it’s just my imagination, a cruel trick of my oxygen-deprived brain. But then I hear it again, louder and clearer this time.

“Catherine?!”

My vision is sluggish as I look up through the well shaft up at the dark sky above. Tears well in my eyes. I remember his voice just like he’s here now.

Varek. The male I wanted but was too much of a coward to go for. The patient male who was waiting for me but I was too stubborn to just let myself give in.

“CATHERINE?!!!” The panic in that voice somehow clears some of the fog away and I realize I’m not imagining it. My heart thuds hard.

Varek? But it can’t be. He’s not supposed to be here.

“CATHERINE?!! Oh Gods. CATHERINE?!”

No, this is real. This isn’t my imagination. It is Varek. Varek is here!

“V-Varek! I-I’m here!” There’s no way he’s going to hear me. My voice is so weak it’s barely audible. Panic shoots through me, chilling my already frozen bones. He’s so close and he might not find me. “Here. In the w-well.” My teeth chatter. “I f-fell in.”

There’s a moment when all above is quiet. As if the world no longer exists. My heart clenches, a deep ache inside me as I lift my eyes to look up at the dark sky above. The stars barely twinkle. Or maybe I just can’t see them anymore. Hope fades when something suddenly casts a shadow over the hole.

My breath stills in my throat. All I can see are slitted yellow eyes that widen on mine.

There’s no hesitation. No moment where he thinks of the potential danger to himself. One moment, our eyes meet, and the next the water around me is churning and splashing as Varek’s large form plunges into the well. For a moment, I’m disoriented, the sudden movement and the ripples obscuring my vision. I choke on water, losing my grasp on things as I go under, but then I feel strong arms wrap around me, pulling me close to a solid, warm chest.

“I have you,” Varek murmurs, his deep voice rumbling through me. “Gods, I have you, Catherine.”

I cling to him, my numb fingers scrabbling for purchase on his scales. The relief is so overwhelming that a sob escapes my throat, my body shaking not just from the cold but from the sheer force of my emotions.

Varek holds me tighter, one arm securely around my waist while the other strokes my hair. He hums something low in his throat that’s like a deep purr. “It’s alright now, sura. You’re safe. I’m here.”

I bury my face in the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent. He smells like home, like comfort, like everything I’ve been yearning for without even realizing it.

“Wh-what are you doing here? H-how did you f-find me?” I manage to ask, my teeth still chattering.

For some seconds, he doesn’t answer. I’m dimly aware of him burying his face into my wet hair and inhaling deeply as his arms tighten around me. His chest shudders with heavy breaths that feel like relief washing through him.

“I…I came because I…I needed to see you again.”

I choke on a cough and he presses me even closer to him, giving me no option but to steal his warmth. “You saw me earlier today.”

“I know. It doesn’t make sense, but…I couldn’t rest. I needed to return to you.” He breathes out a breath into my hair, the warmth tickling my scalp. “When I got to your lodge, the door was wide open and you weren’t there…” He trails off, his chest still heaving with those heavy breaths. “I’ve never felt such fear in my existence.”

“You f-fought in a war…”

“Not even then was I this afraid.”

His admission startles me. Varek, scared? The idea seems almost inconceivable. But then I remember the panic in his voice when he was calling my name, the desperation in his eyes when he saw me.

“I’m s-sorry,” I whisper. “I didn’t mean to worry you. I was only trying to get some water and—”

He pulls back just enough to look at me, his gaze intense and searching in the dim starlight. “Don’t apologize, sura. I’m just glad I found you in time.”

The sincerity in his words, the depth of emotion in his eyes…it steals my breath away. And suddenly, I realize just how close we are, our bodies pressed together from chest to toe, our faces mere inches apart.

My heart stutters in my chest, my skin tingling with a warmth that has nothing to do with the cold water. Varek seems to feel it too, those luminous eyes of his dropping to my lips.

For a moment, everything else fades away—the chill of the water, the eerie glow of the bioluminescence, the ache in my limbs. There’s only him and me, suspended in this timeless, charged moment.

Slowly, tentatively, Varek leans in. His breath ghosts over my lips, making me shiver. I tilt my head up, my eyes fluttering closed as our lips meet.

It’s tentative, barely a brush of mouth against mouth, as if we’re seeking out each other again, both unsure if the other wants this. But when my fingers dig into his scales, Varek lets out a low moan, his hot lips crushing against mine.

His kiss is like a soothing warmth that eases some of the cold. I cling to him as his lips press into mine, my legs wrapping around him as his tongue dances with mine.

He kisses me as if he’s trying to breathe life back into me, as if he’s pouring all his fear and relief and longing into this single, searing moment. I melt into him, my fingers tangling in his hair, my body molding to his as if we were always meant to fit together.

But then reality comes crashing back in. A violent shudder wracks my body, my teeth chattering together almost painfully. Varek pulls back with a curse, shaking his head as if to clear away a fog.

“I cannot lose you.”

I follow the light of his eyes as he looks around. It’s clear just from the way he moves, slowly turning with me in the water, that he can see much better than I can. Even with the bioluminescence, I can hardly see a thing. When he curses under his breath, a sense of guilt and trepidation fills me.

“You can’t get out, can you? We’re both stuck in here.”

There’s an answering rumble in his chest, the vibration making me rest my head against him once more. As he continues turning in the water, trying to spot a way out of our predicament, I realize I’m not nearly as frozen as I was before.

His body is so hot, his mere presence is making blood flow through my veins.

When he curses under his breath, I lift my head to look at him.

“I’ll find a way out, but there’s not much time. Your body is like ice, sura.”

I nod. “But I’m much better, now that you’re here.”

I’m not sure what about my words makes him pause. Those eyes that were searching the walls for some kind of foothold shift to me and I’m transfixed. Under the light of the stars, Varek looks like a god.

Water drips from his hair and scales, each droplet catching the faint glow and shimmering like diamonds against his skin. His eyes, always so intense, seem to burn into me, bright with an emotion I’m almost afraid to name.

“Catherine,” he breathes, and the way he says my name, like a prayer and a plea all at once, makes my heart stutter in my chest.

His claw comes up, cupping my cheek with a tenderness that steals my breath. His thumb brushes over my skin, tracing the line of my cheekbone, the curve of my jaw. I lean into his touch, my eyes fluttering closed for a moment as I savor the warmth of his skin against mine.

“I thought I lost you,” he whispers, his voice rough with emotion. “When I saw you in this well, so still and pale, I thought…”

He trails off, his throat working as he swallows hard. I reach up, covering his claw with my hand, turning my face to press a kiss to his palm.

“I’m here,” I murmur. “Thanks to you, I’m still here.”

He pulls me closer, our foreheads touching as we breathe each other in. In this moment, suspended in the starlit water, it feels like we’re the only two people in the world. Like nothing else matters but the beat of our hearts, the mingling of our breaths.

“I can’t lose you,” Varek says again, his voice a low rumble that I feel in my bones. “I won’t.”

There’s a fierce promise in those words, an unshakable resolve. I know, with a sudden, blinding clarity, that he means it. That he would move heaven and earth to keep me safe, to keep me by his side.

The realization is humbling, overwhelming in its intensity. But it’s also thrilling, igniting a spark in my chest that grows into a steady, unwavering flame.

Because I feel the same. In this short time, Varek has become essential to me, as vital as the air in my lungs and the blood in my veins. The thought of losing him, of being without him...it’s unimaginable.

Unacceptable.

And maybe that’s why my throat moves, why my tongue cooperates even before I fully realize what I’m about to do.

“Varek, the other night, at the festival…”

He freezes. Goes so completely still I can feel it.

“Yes, sura?” I can feel the hesitation in his tone. The uncertainty surrounding what I’m about to say. Because after so long, this is the first time we’re going to talk about this.

“...would you like to—”

“Yes.”

My heart thuds against my chest. “You don’t even know what I’m asking.” I could chuckle but I’m still a bit too cold and I don’t want my teeth to start chattering again.

“When it concerns you, I will always say yes.”

I close my eyes for a moment, a shudder going through me. Varek tucks me closer, running his large claw across my spine.

“Even if it means dating someone like me?” He’s so silent, that I continue on. “I’m not looking for someone who will be with me for just a few nights. Ideally, I want more. I want a partner. A companion. Someone to—” This time I’m the one that goes silent. I haven’t had the chance to gather my thoughts. This must all be confusing to him seeing as it’s so sudden. “What I’m trying to say is—”

“I want to be your mate.”

My mouth falls open in stunned silence. I blink up at him, my heart pounding so hard I’m sure he can feel it where our chests are pressed together. “You...you want to be my mate?” I whisper, hardly daring to believe it.

Varek nods, his gaze unwavering. “I have for a while now,” he admits softly. “From the moment I first saw you. The more time I’ve spent with you, the deeper it’s grown.”

He takes a deep breath, as if steeling himself. “I know it might seem sudden, and I understand if you need time. But I need you to know that for me, this is true. I…want you, Catherine. I need you.”

His words knock the breath from my lungs. A mate. A lifelong partner. It’s everything I’ve wanted, everything I thought I could no longer have.

And here is Varek, this incredible, amazing male, offering it to me. Offering himself to me, wholly and unreservedly.

“I know you might be concerned there is no confirmation you are my kahl, that my core-rhythm has not sung. I am a brute for wanting to claim you without giving you that confirmation. But believe me when I say I feel you in my soul. Each sol when I leave this place, it’s like tearing a part of myself away. I am a brute you should reject and yet…” His eyes search mine. “I am selfish enough to still want you for my own.”

His words are a bit confusing. A part of me feels like my heart is floating on a cloud while another part of me is confused. And then I remember what he said that time when referring to Eleanor and Zynar.

When he said he’d been there to protect Eleanor from his brother.

Searching his eyes, I know that right now, we’ve both laid our hearts open bare. Varek wants me as much as I want him. And after tonight, despite whatever is thrown at me, I won’t deny it anymore.

But I need to know.

“Varek…tell me what you mean. What does it mean when you say your core-rhythm has never sung?”