An Icy Christmas Engagement (Christmas Matches of Worth #1)

Chapter Eighteen

The next few days felt like slow torture. Days of not knowing how to progress in her novel, the conclusion within reach and yet a distant figure all the same. Days of thinking about Cedric, wondering why he hadn’t called on her, why he hadn’t sent her any flowers. Why she hadn’t heard from him at all.

Caroline couldn’t deny to herself that she was hurt by it, but she didn’t dare to show it. If Louisa asked, she simply acted nonchalant, saying that she knew Cedric was a busy man. She knew Louisa could see right through her and was happy when she didn’t press the issue.

Elizabeth, on the other hand, would not leave Caroline be.

Every day, she pestered Caroline to accept Lord Sotheby’s attempts to call on her, to accept the gifts he sent her. They were currently making a small heap in the drawing room, which Caroline refused to acknowledge. She would much rather pretend Lord Sotheby did not exist, especially when her mind and heart was so preoccupied with someone else. Elizabeth would not let up, however, and Caroline knew it was a matter of time before she took matters into her own hands.

That time came far quicker than Caroline expected when she walked into the dining room one evening to see Lord Sotheby sitting next to her mother. He shot to his feet when she entered, giving her a small smile.

“Caroline,” he greeted. “Good evening.”

Caroline schooled her expression quickly, glancing at her mother who wore a look of satisfaction. “Lord Sotheby,” she said slowly. “What a surprise.”

“Yes, well, Lady York did tell me that this was a last minute invite,” he said sheepishly. He hurried around the table to pull Caroline’s chair out. “Allow me.”

Caroline could barely manage a smile at the nice gesture. She avoided looking at her mother, knowing that her irritation at this situation was bound to show. “Mother, you did not tell me you would be inviting Lord Sotheby. It would have been nice to know beforehand.”

“Well, Louisa was unable to dine with us this evening so I thought it would be nice to have different company,” Elizabeth explained in a sickly sweet voice.

“I was not aware Louisa had other plans.”

“She does have other friends apart from you, Caroline,” Elizabeth said with a laugh. “Thankfully, Lord Sotheby had no plans and was able to accommodate us.”

“How lovely,” Caroline pushed through gritted teeth. She held in her sigh. The next few hours were going to be quite long, she knew.

An uncomfortable silence settled over the table as the first course was shared. Caroline refused to look up from her plate, not caring if it made anyone uncomfortable.

At last, Elizabeth said, “Lord Sotheby, how was your day?”

“It was rather eventful, my lady,” he responded amicably. “I attended quite a few meetings and was having a relaxing late afternoon enjoying a glass of port when I received your invitation. Of course, I was eager to drop everything to attend. I had been hoping to see Caroline again.”

“As she has been longing to see you,” Elizabeth gushed.

“That is nice to hear.” He gave an awkward laugh. “I was beginning to think that she was not very fond of my company.”

You would be right , Caroline nearly said, but she held her tongue. She didn’t want to be unnecessarily cruel, especially since she surely would have enjoyed his company if he wasn’t trying to court her in the midst of it.

“Oh, she has been quite under the weather, you see,” Elizabeth tried to explain. “So she has not gotten the chance to entertain many people. Strictly bed rest, of course.”

“Goodness, Caroline, if I had known I would have come to visit you. I know quite well how lonely bedrest can be.”

Forced to be polite, Caroline said, “Your concern is honourable, my lord.” Even though it is misplaced.

But his frown did not lift. “Perhaps I should have my cook brew her special remedy. Whenever I drink it, I notice that I rarely feel under the weather anymore. ”

“How kind of you, my lord,” Elizabeth cut in. “Caroline would certainly appreciate it.”

“I would appreciate being able to speak for myself more,” Caroline snapped.

Elizabeth looked at her with wide eyes. Caroline waited for the inevitable surge of regret but it never came. She meant it and it was high time she said it.

Lord Sotheby cleared his throat, stopping Elizabeth from responding. “Caroline, there is something I must say.”

“My lord, perhaps this is not the best time,” Elizabeth said, not taking her eyes off Caroline. Caroline frowned, sensing that she was oblivious to something they both knew.

“On the contrary, Lady York, I think there is no better time than the present.” He cleared his throat again, clearly gathering his courage. Caroline raised her brows at him as he fixed her with a heavy look. “My lady Caroline, my affections for you are no small secret. From the moment I met you, I knew you were the woman I wished to spend the rest of my life with. And I vowed from that moment to do whatever was in my power to ensure your happiness.”

Oh dear God. “My lord…”

“If I could, I would have taken your hand and asked you this question from our very first dance, but I knew I had to give you some time to feel the same way about me as I do about you. But now I cannot help myself as I ask this question. Caroline, will you marry me?”

Caroline’s heart slithered right out of her chest. She held her breath, praying that she was asleep and this was a horrible nightmare. All she had to do was wake up and it would be over. She would not be looking into the hopeful eyes of Lord Sotheby as his heavy question hung in the air.

Elizabeth’s head whipped around. “She—”

“I cannot.”

Disappointment went crashing onto his face and her guilt tripled. But she held fast to her decision. “I see.”

“My decision is not a reflection of you, my lord,” she told him gently. “You are sweet and kind and any lady would be happy to marry you. ”

“But not you,” he said morosely.

She shook her head slowly. “No, not me. I do not love you. And if I marry again, it will only be for love.”

He nodded slowly, lowering his head. Caroline had a sinking suspicion that he was fighting back tears. “I understand. Thank you for being honest with me. I…believe it would be best if I took my leave.”

Caroline didn’t know how to respond. She didn’t think there was anything she could do to make him feel better. So she simply watched as he stood and quietly left the room, only pausing long enough to give a curt bow.

This time, the silence that descended in the room was palpable. Caroline resumed eating even though she could feel her mother’s eyes boring into her. She waited, knowing what was to come.

“Do you know what you’ve just done?” Elizabeth asked softly, her voice trembling with anger.

Caroline nodded slowly. “I should have done that a long time ago.”

“He is a good man! He is everything you should want in a husband.”

“I do not love him, Mother!” Caroline snapped. She threw her fork down, eyes blazing. “You may not see that as important but I do! I spent three years trapped in an uncomfortable marriage and I will not let myself be put through that again.”

Elizabeth’s eyes grew wide. “Did the late viscount…”

Caroline sighed. “No, he did not abuse me in any manner. He took care of my needs and he was kind. But I was not happy. And I shall not marry again unless I know I will be happier than I am as a widower.”

“You couldn’t possibly be happy as you are now,” Elizabeth scoffed.

“Why couldn’t I be? Are you unhappy simply because Father died?”

“For a while, yes! But I had a daughter and your father left behind enough to care for us both. I knew that the only thing I needed to focus on was ensuring you did not have to struggle for anything. And the only way to ensure that is for you to marry and marry well. This life you live residing in the house of a spinster is not the right future for you.”

Caroline bit her tongue, nearly professing that she was more than capable of caring for herself. The proceeds she’d made from her last novel had made sure she would be comfortable for quite a while. That, however, would only open up a whole new conversation Caroline did not want to deal with.

Slowly, she said, “I am content with my life. That should be enough for you.”

“Is this because of the Earl of Colenhurst?”

Caroline’s heart skipped a beat but she made sure not to make an outward reaction. She considered lying but then thought, what was the point? So she confessed, “My heart turns to him.”

“He is not good for you. You hear what they say about that man. You will not be happy with a man like that.”

“You do not know what makes me happy, Mother,” Caroline told her. “You never have and I am beginning to think you never will.”

That stunned Elizabeth into silence. Caroline suddenly lost her appetite. She stood without another word and made her way out the room. She expected Elizabeth to stop her, to order her not to leave, to continue the argument.

But the only sound that came next was the thud of the door closing behind her.