Axes & O’s

18. Morgan

Chapter 18

Morgan

I’m placing two clear glass mugs of mulled red wine on the coffee table in front of the couch as Nathan walks out of the bathroom. He’s freshly showered and wearing the clothes Fox set out for him last night.

“Hey,” he says as he approaches.

He rubs the stubble that’s grown in on his jaw as blood rushes to his cheeks. It’s cute—Nathan is cute. With his short floppy brown hair, brown eyes, boyish features, and cut muscles, he’s enough to make anyone’s mouth water. I suppose he may like the word handsome better, but there’s a sweetness to him I’m not used to.

The men I’m around, Fox included, are rough around the edges. We get a lot of unsavory people looking for work up here, and many are untrustworthy. Which is why Fox was so on me about locking the door last night. He’s right to be wary of strangers, even though he very obviously has a good feeling about Nathan now.

“Hey,” I say back, gesturing to the space on the couch next to me. “Please, sit.”

Nathan glances around the room, and I feel my heart rate pick up because I know he’s looking for Fox.

“Fox had some work he needed to take care of, and I wanted to chat with you.” He looks sheepish that I’ve pointed out the obvious, but I don’t give him the chance to dwell. “I hope you like mulled wine. ”

Nathan clears his throat as he sits. “I’ve never had it.”

My eyebrows shoot up. “Really?”

He takes the mug off the table and holds it in his palms. “If I drink, it’s usually a beer with my friends while we watch a game.”

The image of Nathan drinking a beer with his friends in a sports bar makes me smile for some reason. It’s so normal. I can’t remember the last time I was in a bar drinking a beer. Fox and I are homebodies, especially since we built this cabin. If we do go out, it’s to get breakfast at the diner in downtown Starlight Haven.

“I think there’s some beer in the garage if you’d prefer,” I say as he sniffs the mug.

“It’s fine. I’m sure this is great.” He sniffs again, and a bit of laughter sneaks past my lips. Nathan stops sniffing and cracks a bashful smile. “Sorry, it smells like Christmas.”

“Hmm.” I pick up my own mug and smell. “It does, doesn’t it?”

The shy look disappears, and in its place is a true smile. It’s stunning and sweet, a smile that makes my toes curl in the slipper socks I put on.

He sips it carefully, and at first, I don’t think he likes it because his nose bunches up. But then he relaxes and takes another sip, then another.

“Verdict?”

He leans back into the soft red couch, still holding the mug in his hands. “It’s good. I thought it would taste like trees, but it’s spicy and sweet—and a little earthy.”

I chuckle. “It’s the cloves and cinnamon. Normally, I’d put a stick of cinnamon and a dried orange slice on top, but I ran out.”

He nods before taking another sip and then staring into the crackling fire I lit. For a few minutes, we don’t speak—we simply drink our wine and watch the flames, enjoying each other’s company. Eventually, Nathan breaks the silence .

“Do you not like Christmas?” he asks, placing his mug on the coffee table before settling back again.

His question surprises me, as that’s not what I thought would be the first conversation topic to leave his mouth considering how he left the sauna. “I love Christmas.”

He cocks his head, confusion on his face. “You only have two stockings hung.”

I point to two brown boxes in the corner of the room. “All my decorations are in there.”

“Do you often keep your decorations in their storage boxes?”

I snort from his snark. “No, but like I mentioned, we were out getting our tree when we found you. We were going to come back and decorate.”

The skin around Nathan’s eyes tightens. “Do you like searching for Christmas trees in blizzards?”

I press my lips together to hide my smile. “The snow makes it more fun.”

He screws up his face. “I’m not sure how cutting down a Christmas tree in a whiteout is fun.”

I place my mug on the table, thinking of how much fun Fox and I would’ve had in the snow had I not found Nathan. But then he wouldn’t be sitting here right now.

I gently clear my throat. “We love the snow. In recent years with the droughts, we haven’t gotten much of it, so we were excited to play in it.”

That confuses Nathan again. I’m sure he’s imagining us building a snowman or something of that nature, and the image of Fox putting a scarf around a snowball puts a smile on my face.

If Nathan hadn’t run out of the sauna, I’d be more inclined to divulge what kind of “play” my husband and I like to indulge in during our yearly Christmas tradition, but hopefully, I can tell him later. Maybe he can even participate, if he’s open.

A thrill tingles in the back of my throat as I imagine Nathan chasing me, his feet crunching in the snow echoing in my mind. But then, the vision twists—Fox has Nathan pinned against a tree, his teeth tracing the rhythm of Nathan’s racing pulse.

I shift on the couch, glad Nathan has yet to figure out my tells. If Fox were in the room, he’d know exactly what I just thought—he’d probably have thought the same thing. However, I’m sure I’d be pinned down or tied up next to Nathan in his imagination.

My skin tightens, and my breasts grow heavy underneath the cream sweater I threw on. I bite the inside of my cheek, silently cursing how aroused I am. My little fantasy, plus the fact that I didn’t get relief in the sauna, has me feeling as if I’m walking on a tightrope. If Nathan were to touch me right now, I’d come without much effort.

Nathan’s face morphs from curiosity to concern. “Are you okay?”

I guess he is more observant than I gave him credit for. “Yes, I’m fine.” But my tone says I’m not fine.

“You sure? Your cheeks are flushed.”

I touch the back of my hand to my cheek and feel the warmth there. I debate lying to him by making something up about the fire and the wine causing my cheeks to heat, but I don’t want to lie. We should be adults and talk about what happened. It’s important to be honest with Nathan about our intentions, even if we’ve been clear about our attraction—or at least my attraction to him.

“I want to talk about what happened in the sauna.”

Nathan blinks, probably surprised that I just came out with it. To his credit, he recovers quickly. With a gentle exhale, he lifts his mug from the coffee table and takes several large gulps, nearly finishing it. My stomach coils with nerves. That’s not exactly the reaction I was hoping for, but I understand it.

“If you don’t want to, we don’t have to. But despite how your time here started out, I do want you to be comfortable with us, Nathan. ”

He squirms in his seat, and for a split second, I think he’s going to get up and walk off again. But instead, he settles back into the couch. When he turns his warm gaze back on me, I’m happy to see he doesn’t look upset, just nervous.

“I’m—” He rubs his jaw. “I don’t know what to say.”

I uncross my leg and shift so I’m a bit closer to him. When he doesn’t move away, my body relaxes a bit. “Can I say something then?” He swallows, chin dipping in permission. “I understand what we did in the sauna was—”

“—different,” he finishes.

I cock my head to the side, a half-smile tugging at the corner of my lip.

“Yes. And I wasn’t upset by what happened, Nathan. I enjoyed it—I would’ve stopped it if I hadn’t.”

Nathan takes time to observe me, his gaze trailing over my face as if he’s trying to spot a lie or any damage he may have caused. It makes my heart squeeze and my breath feel sticky in my chest.

“I’ve never done something like that,” he mutters.

I nod in understanding. I knew that to be the case, but I’m glad he’s speaking the words out loud. “I know it can be scary, especially after the endorphins have left your body. The first time I dominated a partner, I went through a lot of emotions.”

Nathan’s eyes bore into mine, and I can tell I’ve made him curious.

I continue. “I’m what people in my lifestyle would call a switch. I have both dominant and submissive tendencies. With Fox, I allow him to take charge, but sometimes, when I’m in the mood, I like to have complete control. It was a part of myself that couldn’t flourish until I allowed it to. And the first time I did, it took a bit of time to process it and own it.”

“Lifestyle?” Nathan asks, clearly confused.

I consider for a moment how to tackle this. “Yes,” I say, deciding not to complicate it. “Fox and I are not only polyamorous, but we actively participate in a dominant and submissive lifestyle. Usually only in the bedroom, but sometimes, we like to play outside of it.”

Nathan’s brow furrows. “I have no idea what that means.”

“It’s okay—a lot of people don’t. Or when they think of BDSM, they think of what they see in movies or in porn. It’s much more layered and nuanced than that, in my opinion. But essentially, in the bedroom, Fox dominates me. Then, if we choose to, our scene continues outside of the bedroom. It doesn’t always involve sex or sexual acts—it’s the little things. Sometimes, it’s as simple as serving him his coffee the way he likes or kneeling at his feet.”

Nathan leans back on the couch. “And you dominate Fox as well?”

I shake my head. “Not in the bedroom; that’s not something he likes.” Fox has switched before, and on a very rare occasion, he’ll do it for me when he feels I need it and we don’t have another partner to fulfill that need, but I can count on one hand how many times he has since we started living this way.

Nathan nods. “And out of the bedroom?”

My grin grows wider. “He’d say no, but like I said, we don’t live the lifestyle twenty-four seven. It doesn’t suit either of us. I know it sounds a bit odd, but we’re just like any other couple. We love each other, care for each other, and annoy each other. We just choose to express ourselves and our love differently than society expects.”

Nathan scratches his jaw. “Is that why you live in the woods?”

A guttural laugh bursts from my lips at his unexpected tease. “No, but it helps.” Nathan’s eyes shine with a smile as he moves on the couch so our knees are nearly touching.

After a moment, he murmurs, “I like your laugh.”

“I like you.” My abrupt declaration hangs in the air, but I’m not embarrassed by it. It’s the truth. I may not know Nathan that well, but in the short time since we met, it’s clear he cares. Not only about my well-being, but also the way he responded to his family needing to know where he was shows me the kind of person he is. And like Fox, my gut is telling me something about him, too. Even if it’s a bit scary to acknowledge.

“I really didn’t hurt you?” His question is so quiet, I almost don’t hear it.

I place my hand over his. He doesn’t flinch or pull away, so I wrap his hand in mine, giving it a squeeze.

“A little.” He cringes like I knew he would, but I squeeze his hand harder until he looks me in the eye. “But I liked it, Nathan. And I wanted it.” I pause so I know he’ll really hear me. “And I wanted more of it.”

His eyes widen. “More?”

“I know you may have tried to forget what you saw happening between Fox and I in our bedroom, but did that look gentle?”

His cheeks tinge pink, and he shakes his head. “The opposite.”

“And that was tame.”

Our eyes remain locked for a time, and then he nods.

I exhale to relax as I wrack my brain for how to approach this. If I lay everything out for Nathan all at once, it could be too much. But if I’m not completely honest, I risk him being upset later, which I don’t want, either.

“Nathan—”

“Morgan—”

We both speak at the same time, causing us both to laugh.

“You first,” he says.

I press my lips together before letting out a calm breath. “If I were to say that Fox and I are interested in playing with you more while you’re here, would that be an option?”

The muscles of Nathan’s arms bunch, and his jaw goes taut. I study his features, and what I find there makes my stomach sink. He’s going to say no, and I’m going to have to accept it—no matter how much I like him or want to take things further with him .

Nathan sucks in a breath, and time seems to slow as I wait for his answer. Eventually, his eyes tick back to mine, and they’ve softened a bit, giving me a little hope. “Before I answer, I have a couple of questions.”

“Anything.”

He exhales. “Why me? Is it just because I’m here and available?”

I fiddle with the wedding ring on my finger as Nathan watches the movement. “No, of course not. We don’t go around just asking people to have sex with us.”

Nathan’s eyebrow raises, and I can’t help but laugh.

“I swear we don’t.”

“Then why me?”

“Like I said, I like you. And while Fox is terrible at using his words sometimes, he likes you, too. He wouldn’t have let us play together in the sauna if he didn’t.”

Disbelief crosses Nathan’s features. “But we don’t even know each other.”

“Fox and I—” I take a breath, trying to choose my words carefully. “We’ve been together for a long time. We know what we like, and we get feelings about people. Fox’s gut instincts are incredible. Maybe he was born with them, or maybe he honed them in the military; I don’t know. But he thought you’d be open to what we’re offering, that you’re compatible with us. And I have to agree with him, especially after what happened between us in the sauna. I’ll admit, I’ve felt drawn to you, Nathan.”

Nathan blinks at me like I’m speaking gibberish, and I think I’ve gone too far. Fox and I may believe in fate and gut feelings, but Nathan may not. It all sounds so silly when I say it out loud, and I’m starting to think this was all a mistake. This isn’t normally how we seek out or find a partner. I’m playing in a whole new ballgame here .

“I’m sorry,” I say honestly. “That was a lot. I can be a lot sometimes. Do you want anything to eat?” I ask, starting to stand up.

“Morgan,” Nathan says, snatching my wrist.

I sit back down. “It’s okay, Nate. Really.” I feel insecurities bubble up and once again curse Gabe’s abrupt departure for putting them there.

“Morgan,” Nathan repeats. His voice is calm, and I realize I’m panicking a bit. I blow out a breath, and my eyes dart to his fingers still holding my wrist. He strokes the skin over my pulse gently, and I shiver. “You’re not a lot—you’re just the right amount.”

My panic eases as his sweet words settle into me. “I’m not weirding you out?”

A boyish grin appears on his lips, and I mirror it, feeling shy for the first time in, well, a long time.

“I mean, I’m a little weirded out, but not by you,” he says.

“By what, then?”

“Like I said, I’ve never done this before. It’s everything you’re saying. Everything I’m feeling right now. It’s all new, sudden. My brain doesn’t know what to think.”

“Could be your accident,” I chirp, attempting to lighten the mood.

He chuckles. “I was questioning if this was real or if I’m dead.”

“I can guarantee you’re one-hundred-percent alive, Nathan. Because if you aren’t, then I’m dead, too. And I don’t remember freezing in a snowbank.”

His shoulders shake with quiet laughter, and I join in. After a moment, he pulls my hand up to his lips, and my eyes follow his movement as he exposes my palm and kisses it. The action stuns me but also makes my heart speed up.

“I like you, too, Morgan.”

My cheeks flush, and I dip my chin. “I’m glad to hear that. ”

Nathan kisses my palm again then places my hand in his lap, trailing over the lifelines before moving up to trace the heart tattoo I showed him earlier.

“What happens next?” he asks, our eyes meeting.

“What do you want to happen next?”

Nathan’s fingers still, and he swallows. “If I were to say I’d be willing to see what happens while I’m here, what is the expectation? Is this a Christmas fling? Am I a fun game for you both?”

I shake my head. “There are no expectations, and we’re both happy to see where things go if you are.” I swallow. “And Nathan, you’re not a game. I promise you that.” I flip my hand so I’m now holding his. “I understand we got off on a strange foot. I’m sorry if you felt that way or if we made you feel uncomfortable. But I’d like to start with a clean slate. Is that alright with you?”

“And Fox?”

“Yes.”

Nathan and I jump slightly at the sound of my husband’s gruff answer, and we both turn to find him walking in from the hallway entrance.

Nathan registers that I’m still holding his hand, and he tries to pull away, but I don’t let him. I want him to understand that Fox is okay with us being close, with touching. My husband isn’t a jealous man—not because he can’t be, but because he doesn’t have to be.

Nathan looks at our joined hands then back to Fox, who’s now standing near the couch. “Can I sit?” he asks Nathan.

Their gazes lock as Fox waits for his decision. While this may not seem like much, I know this is the determining factor. If Fox and I read things wrong and Nathan actually isn’t okay with Fox or feels uncomfortable with him at least being in the room while we play, we’ll enter a no-fly zone. I can’t be with someone who isn’t accepting of the man who quite literally has been my everything since we were teens. It would just never work, even if it was only for an evening.

I gently grip Nathan’s hand, and his shoulders slowly ease. “Yes,” he says with a steady, even tone. “Please sit.”