Axes & O’s

40. Morgan

Chapter 40

Morgan

My eyes pop open, and my stomach swirls. It’s dark in the bedroom, the fire having died out hours ago now, as I blink sleep from my eyes. My body is heavy with exhaustion from our activities, and a dull ache throbs between my legs.

As I sluggishly blink awake, I try to figure out why I woke up feeling like something was wrong. Nathan’s warm breath puffs against my forehead, and his hand rests on my waist, but as the brain fog clears, I know what’s missing: Fox.

I gently remove Nathan’s hand, shifting backward into the empty space of the bed that’s gone cold—a sign Fox has been up for a while. When I’m free, I grab my robe and quietly make my way to where I know I’ll find him.

He hears me approach, his head lifting from his mug of tea to meet my eyes. The light of the kitchen glows overhead, and his shoulders look as if they bear the weight of the world. I know my husband—how can I not after how long we’ve been together and how much we’ve been through?—and I know that whatever he’s thinking is not good.

I pad softly to the table, pulling out the chair at the head of it and moving it until we’re close enough that I can place my hand on his shoulder after I sit. His muscles relax momentarily at my touch, and his gaze meets mine in the soft light.

“Hey, baby,” I say quietly. “Did you have a nightmare?”

He shakes his head. “I didn’t fall asleep. ”

I inhale a breath through my nose and rub my hand gently down his back. “How long have you been out here?”

Fox shrugs. “This is my second cup.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He doesn’t break eye contact as he says, “Not it. Nathan.”

My stomach flips, and I drop my hand, placing it in my lap. I understand now; him being out here and not in our bed relates to whatever was going through his head earlier. But I was right about one thing: Whatever he’s thinking is not good.

“Fox.” His name comes out in a faint plea. “Tell me what you mean.”

His chin drops, and he stares at his mug of tea. “We need to be realistic.”

“Realistic how?” There’s an edge to my tone, one that surprises both of us given the flash in his eye.

“I don’t know if he’s right for us, Morgan.”

“Bullshit.”

“Morgan—”

“No, you’re sabotaging it before it has even had time to grow because you’re scared.”

“That’s not it,” he argues. “I’m trying to protect us.”

“No,” I spit, my voice coming out louder than I intended. “That’s bullshit, Fox.”

“Weren’t you the one who was hesitant just yesterday?”

I fist my hands. “No, you don’t get to turn this around on me, especially when you were the one who convinced me to give him a shot, remember?”

Fox remains silent, so I continue.

“And as much as I hate admitting you were right, I’m glad you were. Because Nathan is incredible. You see and feel it, too. That’s why we’re even having this conversation. But I’m not going to let your fear of letting him in do this to us, Fox. Not this time.”

His fingers flex around his mug. “What are you saying? ”

“I don’t need to tell you why Gabe left so suddenly; he told us.”

“So it’s all my fault?”

I shake my head vehemently. “We’ve been over this. He had his reasons for leaving, but at the end of the day, we are both at fault. You couldn’t fully let him in, and I didn’t push you on it.”

“I tried, Morgan.”

I blow out a soft exhale. “I know you did, and I’m not blaming you. In the end, it didn’t work out because it wasn’t meant to. There were problems with jealousy even before that, so it was never going to work. Plus, he’s not Nathan.”

I place my hand on Fox’s forearm. The muscle flexes under my touch, and I wait for him to look at me again. When he does, my heart contracts at the fear I see in my husband’s eyes. He doesn’t want to react like this or push Nathan away. I saw the way he is with him, and I know he’s been taking care of Nathan in ways that many people wouldn’t even notice. Leaving clothes out for him, making sure he eats regularly and drinks enough water. I even caught Fox pulling the covers over him before I fell asleep. He cares for Nathan already.

Regardless, I should’ve been more observant, noticed that Fox needed my assurance and help. But he’d seemed so sure in his advances toward Nathan. I think I was caught up in my own fear of starting something with him, of opening my heart again and being rejected, that I didn’t see how hard and fast Fox was truly falling, at least until his smile earlier. A smile may seem like something so small, but a smile from my husband means something. It means a lot of somethings.

“What are you afraid of, baby?” I ask, breaking the silence. “Let’s talk about this instead of making a rash decision.”

Fox’s jaw tenses, and for the first time in a long time, I see emotion well in his eyes. It’s fleeting, but it’s there. “I don’t want you to get hurt, Morgan,” he says, though I can hear what he’s not saying. I don’t want us to get hurt.

“I love you, Fox, but you can’t always protect my heart—or yours, to be honest—no matter how hard you try. We chose to live this way; we want to live this way. That means we have to be vulnerable, and we have to communicate. It’s been our flaw, and if we want this to go any further with Nathan, we need to talk about this, and we need to talk about this with him. We told him in the beginning this could be whatever we wanted it to be. Now we have to see where his head is at and if he wants to go further with us.”

“And if he does?”

“Tell me you wouldn’t want that,” I say. “You said you felt like he could be the one, that he could be ours. Do you only feel differently now because you’re starting to have real feelings for him?”

“He doesn’t belong here, Morgan.”

“Fox—”

The floor creaks, and we both look up to see a half-asleep Nathan looking both sad and confused. My stomach sinks as I stand up from my seat.

“Nathan, what are you doing up?” The words feel so silly leaving my mouth, but I’m unsure of how much he heard or what to say.

His gaze darts from me to Fox, hands flexing at his sides. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“Why don’t you sit down? I’ll make you some tea.”

He shakes his head. “It’s fine; I’ll go back to the guest room.” The guest room . He’s not going to go back to our bed.

“Please sit,” I plead, knowing that if he goes back to his room, this is most likely over.

“It’s alright. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Nate.” I take a step forward, but he backs away, my heart splintering. “Please stay.”

“I’ll see you in the morning. ”

His footsteps fade away, and when I hear the click of the door on the spare room closing, I turn to Fox. His hands are clenched so hard around his mug, I’m surprised it hasn’t shattered.

“You didn’t really mean that,” I tell Fox.

“Even if I didn’t, it’s better this way, Morgan,” he says quietly.

My eyes shine with tears, and despite being upset with Fox for being hot and cold, for trying to throw away something good because he’s scared to be vulnerable and give himself fully to another person besides me, I take a deep breath. I know he doesn’t want to be this way, and I know this is hard for him.

I walk back to him, leaning down to place a gentle kiss on his forehead. I feel him exhale, but his body remains tense.

“I love you, baby. I love you so fucking much, and you know I’ll do anything for you. But please, don’t let Nathan walk out of this cabin thinking that you don’t want him here.” I turn Fox’s face until he’s looking me in the eye. “Because I know you do.”

After a moment, he brings one of his hands up to grasp my face. “I don’t know how to really let him in. I thought I could, but then… What if it’s too much, Morgan? What if we’re too much?”

My chest grows heavy at his admission. I’m thrown back to when we were teenagers. He was so different then—rebellious, angry, and just looking for someone to love him, to tell him he was wanted. In so many ways, he’s different now, but at the same time, that teenage boy I met is still inside him. Only now, he keeps people at arm’s length under the guise of protecting me. But I know he’s just trying to protect his own heart. And in his own way, he’s trying to protect Nathan’s, too.

I sit back down in my chair and take Fox’s hand in mine, interlacing our fingers so our yours and mine tattoos become intertwined.

“Do you remember when that cheerleader, Jessica, told me I was ‘too much’ in front of the entire senior class?”

Despite our serious conversation, Fox’s lip twitches. “How could I forget? ”

I smirk. “Do you remember what you told me then?”

Fox looks down at our intertwined fingers, studying our tattoos before he looks up again. “That Jessica could go fuck herself.”

A puff of laughter leaves my lips. “Yes, that. But what else?”

“That someone’s too much is someone else’s just right. That I’m your just right.”

I bring our hands to my lips, kissing the heart tattoo on his wrist.

“We’re just right, Fox. And what if Nathan is, too?”

Fox sighs. “But what if—”

I stop him with a short kiss. “He should be the one to decide that. Not us. Don’t make decisions for other people.”

Fox chuffs, and I smirk.

“I know you like to, but this is his life , Fox. It’s our life. Do you really want to throw away something that could be amazing because you’re afraid? That’s not the Fox I know and love.”

“You give me too much credit.”

I shake my head. “You had a gut feeling about Nathan—listen to that. Nathan deserves a chance. We do, too.”

Fox leans forward, our hands still linked as he rests his forehead to mine. “I love you, Morgan.”

“I love you, too, baby.” I gently kiss his lips. “Now, go talk to him.”