Axes & O’s

41. Nathan

Chapter 41

Nathan

He doesn’t belong here, Morgan.

Fox’s words ring over and over again in my ears. Now I’m questioning if any of what I’ve felt and experienced over the last two days was real or if Fox and Morgan just used me.

Thinking that feels wrong, though, because I know it’s untrue. We may have just met, but with what we’ve shared, I can’t think that poorly of them. Even if I’m hurt.

I sit up in bed, knowing I’m not going to get any sleep in this room. It’s also cold in here since the fire hasn’t been lit and the bed hasn’t been used, making the loneliness I’m suddenly feeling even worse. My body craves the warmth of Fox and Morgan, remembers how it felt to have them both near me as I slept. Fox’s large arm on my waist and Morgan’s soft legs tangled between mine. It was a feeling I could get used to, that I wanted to get used to. I guess they didn’t feel the same.

I flip on the side table lamp, my eyes adjusting to the light. The clock on the wall says it’s after four in the morning. I wish I had a sleeping pill, because maybe I could sleep in late. Then, if the sheriff was right, I could leave here without needing to interact with them again. I could eat Christmas dinner with my family before having to figure out how to get my car back and everything that comes after that.

The idea of leaving this place, Starlight Haven, and driving back down the mountain to my real life is something I haven’t really thought about since I started this thing with Fox and Morgan. We’ve been in this little bubble, and it’s been easy to pretend that reality doesn’t exist.

My eyes focus on the artwork above the fireplace that I saw when I first woke up what seems like ages ago. After everything, the fox-and-lamb motif makes sense. Fox is sly, cunning, and a predator. I’d even argue, he’s playful. Morgan is his lamb. Sweet and docile but also social, intelligent, and emotional.

When I look closer at the river scene, I remember I saw something else that I couldn’t make out before. I study it closer, my eyes drawn up the river and to the woods. My throat becomes thick when I see it, and I honestly don’t know what to think.

I blink to make sure I’m not making it up, but it’s staring right at me: the two yellow eyes of a wolf on the prowl amongst the trees. He’s there, waiting, watching, considering his next move.

I rub my hands over my jaw that needs a shave. God, I’m so confused. It’s not like they planned for me to crash, and I’m not living some weird kinky fairytale. Maybe Morgan’s right that fate brought me here. Because even if they don’t want me, I’m leaving here a changed man. I can no longer go back to a job I hate and work for another Kathy. My teeth have been sharpened, and I’d eat someone like her alive.

Knock, knock!

My back stiffens when I hear the soft rapping on my door. I don’t have to open it to know who it is. That knock was too sharp for it to be Morgan. And from what I’ve learned about her so far, she’d send Fox here to speak with me. He may dominate Morgan most of the time, but it’s clear she has him wrapped around her tattooed finger. That she, too, is a wolf in sheep’s clothing—or rather, a lamb’s.

Another two soft knocks, and I know I have to let him open the door. My light is on, and while I don’t want to talk to him or have him comfort me with words he doesn’t mean, I don’t want to cower before him, either. “Come in. ”

The door opens, and Fox’s muscular form fills the doorway. His sharp blue eyes stare at me, but he doesn’t take a step forward.

“Do you need something?” I ask. I intended for my tone to come out clipped, but instead, I sound tired.

“Can I talk to you?” he asks, though it’s not a question.

I want to say something sassy, to make him feel how I felt, but I go with the mature route. “What is it?”

Fox steps into the room, leaving the door open. In two strides, he’s looming over me, blond hair a mess from what looks like his fingers threading through it, probably from nerves. And now that he’s closer, I see a frown marred in his brow and an unsure look in his eye. It’s weird to see him like this, such a contrast to the grumpy, domineering side he usually displays. “Can I sit?” he asks.

I tip my chin to the space in front of me on the bed, and he sits without pause.

A minute or so passes before he releases a tense breath and turns his head to mine. “I didn’t mean for you to hear that.”

I frown. “I figured that, Fox. Is that really what you came to tell me? Because if so, please leave.”

A sound like a small growl expels from his chest, and he rubs a hand over his face. “I—” He pauses. “I’m not good at shit like this, Nathan.”

“What, talking? Yeah, I know.”

Fox’s eyes narrow at me, and I know I’m pissing him off. He likes being in charge, and he doesn’t like pushback, but that’s too bad for him right now. I knew that his words hurt, but until he sat down in front of me, I don’t think I quite realized how much.

“Yes. I’m not good at it. Especially feelings and apologies.”

My breathing slows. “If it’s only an apology, I don’t need it. We’re strangers who got trapped together and had sex. It doesn’t need to be more than that.”

Fox’s jaw ticks. “Is that all this is to you? ”

I blink at him. “If you need a reminder, you’re the one who said I don’t belong here.”

“You caught me at a weak moment.”

“Words mean things, Fox. You said it.”

He’s quiet for a minute before he says, “I can only give so much, Nathan.”

I cock an eyebrow at him. “I don’t know what that means.”

“It means I need you to understand that if you’re in a relationship with us, I’m not always going to be able to express myself the way Morgan can. I’ll piss you off, and you’ll probably piss me off. I need you to give me time and some grace. My past has been difficult, and I don’t always say the right thing…or anything at all. I know that’s not an excuse, but it’s who I am.”

I blink at Fox, my brain trying to register all the words he just spoke—the most he’s said to me at once. And did he say relationship?

My mind reels, and I feel as if I have whiplash. “I still don’t understand what you’re saying.”

Fox inhales a breath and shifts on the bed. Then he reaches for my hand, taking it in his. His calloused fingers are rough against my skin, and the fire that had been doused reignites. He rubs his thumb over my knuckles, his eyes watching the movement. “Morgan and I had a relationship before this, one that didn’t work out for a few reasons, but the biggest was that I couldn’t let myself be what he needed. I have a lot of hang-ups from my past, and again, it’s not an excuse, especially for being an asshole. But I said you didn’t belong with us not because I don’t want you here, but because I’m worried if you stay, you’ll leave when you figure out I can’t be what you need. Just like our last partner did and others have before him.”

My chest smarts from his vulnerability, and I find myself squeezing his hand. “And what is it you think I need?”

His eyes look up, a deep pain and sadness visible in them. “A stable partner, one who won’t make you want to leave. ”

I swallow the large lump in my throat and place my other hand over our joined ones. “I don’t know your entire past, Fox. I can figure out a lot of what you’ve been through from what you’ve shared, and I’m not asking for you to tell me right now. But please, don’t assume what you think I need.”

Fox’s gaze doesn’t move from mine. “What is it you need?”

“I want to be wanted, respected.”

“We do want you, Nathan. We do respect you. And I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel otherwise. I shouldn’t have said what I did, and I’m sorry you overheard it. It’s on me, and I regret saying it.”

I contemplate his words as I look down at my hand in his. It looks so much smaller and more delicate against his tattooed skin, something I never thought I’d say about my own hand. “Are you saying you think I do belong here, then?”

My eyes shift back to his, and he swallows, his jaw tense. “I am.”

I can tell he’s speaking the truth, but my heart still feels shattered. We may have just met, but what I’ve experienced here has changed me, and his words cut me deep. “I think I need time.”

Fox stares into my eyes, his gaze searching. “Time for what?”

I almost laugh at his gruff question. It’s so… Fox .

“To figure out if this is right for me.” And that’s the truth, because even if I didn’t overhear Fox, I would’ve had to speak with them about our future and if we had one. I would’ve needed time to know if this was plausible long-term and what that meant for my life.

After a long moment, he nods, though his facial expression looks sad at my answer. “I can understand that.”

“Are you and Morgan okay with that?”

“Of course we are,” Morgan says.

Fox and I both look to the doorway, and my gaze meets her serious one. She gently smiles as she steps into the room wearing only her thin red robe. She sits on the other side of me on the bed, the mattress sinking under her weight as she places her tattooed hand over the top of the one I have resting over Fox’s.

“Take all the time you need. We want you, Nathan, and we’ll wait for you.”

My stomach flips at the seriousness of her words and the truth she’s placed into them. “How can you know that’s what you want so soon?”

A small smile tugs at the corner of her lips. “Maybe it’s fate, maybe it’s a gut feeling, maybe it’s your fist.” She smirks, and I blush. Leave it to Morgan to break the tension. “But I like you, Nathan, and so does Fox.”

My eyes connect with his cool blue ones, and he nods. “I do.”

The words send a shiver up my spine, and Morgan brushes a piece of hair behind my ear. “You are wanted, Nathan.”

I glance between the two of them—two people I never would have imagined befriending let alone sharing what we’ve shared. Yet now, I can’t imagine my life without them. It makes me want to say I want them back, but I know I need to take the time I asked for and think things through. Given everything I’ve learned about Fox and Morgan, I don’t want to rush into this and give Fox the satisfaction of a self-fulfilling prophecy, even if he seems intent on making it happen—or at least, he did.

“I really am sorry,” Fox says, his eyes never leaving mine.

I squeeze both their hands. “It’s okay, Fox. I forgive you.”