Beautiful Storm (San Francisco End Game #1)

CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT

Luke

T he nurse falls silent as we approach the nursery, and I follow along, my mind stuck in some kind of limbo as I fight myself to remain calm. I can’t panic. I have to be there for Jelly Bean because right now, Amelia can’t be.

But fuck, I’m scared.

She walks me into an empty room before disappearing, and when she returns, my world and everything I thought I knew changes in an instant as the most perfect little girl is placed in my arms.

“Congratulations, Dad. She’s perfect.”

Fuck yeah, she is. I’m a fucking dad.

My eyes fill with tears, and for the first time in forever, I let them fall. I’m holding my daughter—this tiny human is part me and part Amelia. And she’s everything.

“Is she okay?” I ask again, my voice choked with emotion.

“She is. You’ve got yourself a fighter. The doctors will give you more information, but she’s breathing on her own, she’s taken to the bottle like a champion, and despite her small size, she’s a healthy weight. We’ll need to monitor her for a little while and she may need some help with her development as she grows, but yes… she’s going to be okay.”

Bean shifts in my arms and the nurse smiles. “If you want, you can give her skin-to-skin contact. It’s very beneficial for newborns.”

“Yes, I read about that. Can you hold her?”

I pass Jelly Bean over before rushing to remove my tee, then reaching for her again the second I’m done. It’s already strange not having her in my arms.

When she’s snuggled into my chest, I sit down and take a deep breath, trying to control my pounding heart. I read so much about the joys of having a baby, but no one ever described this. At least not in great detail. Though I’m not sure this feeling could be explained.

It’s like my life's purpose has shifted and while I always thought I was born to be a football player, I was wrong. I was born to be Jelly Bean’s dad. My job is to love and protect her with all that I have, and fuck, that’s a huge responsibility to take on.

But I want to take it on. No matter how scary it is.

The nurse leaves us alone to get a bassinet, and I stare down at Bean, my heart growing to make sure it’s big enough for all the love she’ll need, and when the door clicks shut, I can’t help but smile.

“It’s just you and me now, Bean. We have to help each other out while we wait for your mom. But you don’t need to worry. She’s just getting some much-needed rest so she has lots of energy when she meets you.” God, I hope that’s all it is. She just needs rest. “You’re going to love your mom,” I continue as Bean’s tiny fingers wrap around my pinky. “She’s the coolest. Much cooler than me. She’s smart, and beautiful, and funny. And she loves you with everything she has. You should see her eyes light up when she talks about you.”

The more I speak, the more the tension grows inside me. Jelly Bean needs Amelia to hurry up and get better. Hell, I need her to hurry up and get better. I can’t do this alone.

When the nurse returns, Jelly Bean is fast asleep, so I gently transfer her into the bassinet, holding my breath until I’m sure she stayed asleep.

“Are we allowed any other visitors?” I ask before the nurse disappears again, thinking of Lainey waiting patiently. “Can I ask my sister to come in?”

“Of course, but only one at a time.”

My mind drifts to Amelia’s mom, and for the briefest of moments, guilt takes over me. But that’s not my decision to make. When Amelia’s back and thinking clearly, she can decide if she’s ready to see her. Though I can at least update her on what’s going on.

I send off a quick text to Lainey, letting her know where I am and telling her the news, and before I’ve put my phone away, she responds.

Lainey: I’m on my way. I’ll let Alice know

I pace the room as I wait, but the second Lainey arrives—her concerned expression boring into mine—I shatter.

“Fuck, Lainey. I can’t do this alone. I can’t…” I trail off as I sit down, my head sinking into my hands. “I thought I was okay. That I had my shit together, but I’m drowning.”

“Oh, Luke.” I suck in a breath as Lainey rushes over and squats down in front of me. She opens her mouth to say more, but I shake my head.

“I threw myself into this relationship like I’ve thrown myself into everything, but I’m worried I can’t handle it. What if I can’t handle it? I have no clue what I’m doing and I’m terrified I’m going to fail her. No, I’m terrified I’m going to fail her again. Like I have so many times over the years. Like I’m still doing . I made a pact when we were kids that I’d make her life easier, that I’d help fight all her battles, but I keep fucking it up. My latest mistake ended with swelling on her fucking brain. And even if I wanted to help now, I can’t. I can’t do a damn thing and it’s killing me to sit around and wait.”

“All she needs is for you to be here for her. And none of this was your fault.”

“I was too focused on hurting Jake when I should have removed her from the situation. Jelly Bean needs both her parents, and instead of protecting Amelia, I let my rage take over me. And now I can’t be there for her. I can’t do anything to help.”

“No, you can’t. But you can be here for your daughter. Just like you are now.” She stands up and takes a step closer to the bassinet, her eyes lighting up. “She’s beautiful, Luke. Look at her.”

“She is. She’s perfect and I’m so scared I’m going to fuck this up too.”

“You won’t. The fact that you're this worried is proof of that. You won’t let yourself mess up.”

“Maybe so, but I fucked up with Ace when I was worried, so what makes this any different?”

“Why does that name sound familiar?”

“What name?”

“You just called Amelia Ace.”

I did? “Right. Sorry. I used to call her that when we were kids.” When I admired her for something or needed her to be strong. Like now.

“Of course you did.” Lainey rolls her eyes until something clicks in her expression. “So, Ace is Amelia.”

“Yep.”

“Well, there you go.” She grins, making me snap out of my grief for a second.

“What does that mean?”

“Nothing. I just remember thinking you were in love with that girl. But I didn’t know Ace and Amelia were one and the same.”

“I wasn’t in love with her. I was a kid.”

“A crush then. Either way, you love her now, right?”

“More than anything, except maybe…” I trail off as my gaze finds Jelly Bean, and Lainey sighs beside me.

“God, even I love her more than anything. But don’t tell Thomas that. She really is perfect.”

“Well, she’s half me.” I shrug with a straight face.

Lainey laughs before her expression turns serious again. “You don’t have to do that, you know.”

“Do what?”

“Always hide your feelings. You know how that turned out for Thomas.”

“He has a great life.” I jokingly scoff. “I’d say it turned out pretty well.”

“Now. But for a long time—”

“I know, Lainey.” My face softens. “But I promise I’m good. Having you here has helped.”

“Good, I’m glad. Do you want me to stay while you wait? Or… is there anything you need?”

“No, that’s okay. If you leave now you can probably catch the end of the game and—”

“The game is not important. You are.”

A thought hits me and I cut her off. “Actually, yes. Can you go to my place? There’s a baby bag already packed in the nursery, but could you grab a few things for Amelia? And feed Shadow. I won’t be going home tonight. Amelia should be getting a private suite. But either way, I’m staying.”

“Of course. I’m happy to help.”

“Thank you.”

“Anytime.” She stares at me for a moment, her expression apprehensive. “I’ll head off now in case you need something soon.”

“One more thing,” I rush out and then cringe when her eyes widen.

“Yes.”

“I need you to stop looking at me like that. I need you to remember I’m your annoying older brother. Deal?”

Lainey shakes her head as she grins. “I can handle that. But—”

“ Lainey… ” I groan.

“Oh, stop. I’m happy to let things go back to normal. But I’m here if you need to talk.”

“I know.”

She squeezes my shoulder before smiling at Jelly Bean one last time and waving goodbye. And the second she’s gone, all of the darkness returns until I’m on the brink of spiraling. How long am I going to have to wait? Surely they know something by now.

“Sir?” I start and spin around, finding a new nurse by the door. “They’re moving your wife into her private suite now, if you want to go and see her?”

My eyes widen as my heart finally starts beating properly. “God, yes. How is she?”

“The doctor should be there soon to talk to you both, but she won’t need surgery at this stage.”

Oh, thank God. My entire body sags as the tension leaves my body. She’s going to be okay. She has to be.

“What about J…what about our baby?” My eyes flash to Jelly Bean sleeping peacefully in her crib.

“How about I bring her in after five minutes?”

“Yes!” I exclaim before cringing. “Sorry, I mean, yes, that would be great. Thank you.”

The nurse laughs as she gestures for me to follow her but I struggle to move, my eyes locked on Jelly Bean. She’s so small. So fragile. I never want her to be alone.

“Would you prefer she came with us now?”

“Yes. But I need to chat with Amelia first. Five minutes is okay.” I hope. “Just point me in the right direction so you can stay here.”

I stare at Bean for another few seconds before leaving a piece of my heart by her bedside and moving to the door, a lump firmly lodged in my chest.

What a fucking day.

“Third door on the left.” She points down the hall. “But she might be asleep so—”

“Got it. I’ll be quiet.”

I do the right thing and quietly approach Amelia’s door when I desperately want to burst in there, but as I reach for the curtain, Amelia’s voice cuts into my thoughts and her curt tone makes me smile. “How long?” she demands. There’s my girl.

I pull back the curtains to step through as she continues her argument.

“I want my… Luke?” Her eyes widen as they lock on mine, and she tries to sit up before groaning in pain and lying down again.

A sharp pain stabs me in the chest as I rush to her side and clutch her hand, careful not to hurt her any more than she already is. “I’m here, Ace. I’m here. Fuck, it’s so good to see you.”

Amelia stares at me with a blank expression, and a wave of nerves flows through me. Until she speaks. “It’s game day?” she says slowly, in question, her brows furrowing in confusion, and I can’t help but laugh.

“Yeah. It’s game day. But I’m exactly where I want to be.”

“But—”

“No buts.” I bop her nose before pressing a kiss to her forehead. “How many times do I have to tell you that you and Jelly Bean are my priority?”

At the mention of our daughter, Amelia’s eyes well with tears. “I’ve barely seen her, Luke. They let me hold her for a second but then my head hurt and I blacked out. By the time I woke up, she was gone from the room.”

As if sensing her mother’s pain, a soft wail draws our attention to the doorway as the nurse brings Jelly Bean inside. Amelia squeezes my hand before releasing her grip and reaching out, the tears now streaming down her face.

“Oh my goodness. Come here, Baby.”

My heart swells as my girls are finally reunited, and before I know it, I’m crying too. Again . And I never cry.

“She’s here, Luke.” Amelia giggles through her tears, her eyes never once leavingJelly Bean as her wails fade away. “She’s here and she’s okay. Right?”

“She’s better than okay. She’s perfect. You both are. I’m one lucky asshole.”

“Some would argue you’ve dropped the asshole recently. But some might not.” She shrugs and I burst out laughing.

“I hope you never change, Amelia. Even when we’re old and gray, I still hope you’re giving me grief.”

“It’s why I was put on this earth.” She grins before her gaze returns to Bean. To Bean. Shit. She needs a name.

“What should we—”

“Any ideas on—”

We both speak at the same time before laughing. “You go first.”

“Not that I don’t love ‘Jelly Bean,’” Amelia begins and I smile, knowing we were thinking the same thing. “But she needs a name.”

“She does. And I can’t believe we waited until now to discuss it. Do you have any thoughts?”

“I started a list a while ago, but when things got busy, I stopped adding to it.”

“Where is it?”

“On the back page of my journal.” She cringes.

“You still keep a journal?”

“Almost every day.”

“So the list is at home.” That makes life difficult. I don’t want to wait to name Bean.

“No, it’s at your place actually. In the—”

“Like I said, home .”

“Okay. Okay. Well, it’s there.”

I grab my phone to text Lainey and ask her to grab it. “Bedside table?” I guess.

“Yes, it’s under my book.”

“What book?”

“ Romeo and Juliet .” She cringes as alight blush coats her cheeks.

“Okay…I sense a story.” I laugh, living to tease her.

“I love the Baz Luhrmann musical, but I always wanted to do a modern take on the ideas and themes of the story. It’s been done so many times now, but I still keep it close by to remind me of my passion. It gets lost sometimes. Especially when I’m making a docudrama about a football team.” She laughs to herself before continuing on. “I was going to make Juliet a fighter. She was going to stand up to her family and fight for her love. She was going to be bold and brave and… They both were.” She shakes her head. “Romeo would have been a protector and—”

“What about Juliet?” I smile, cutting her off, something about the passion shining out of her giving me an idea.

“Did you tune out? I said I would have—”

“No.” I chuckle. “What about the name Juliet? For Jelly Bean. J for J.”

“Juliet?”

“Yes. You were born to create big things, and the Juliet you just described is the type of person I’d love our daughter to be. Brave, bold, passionate like her mom. Your version of Juliet.”

“You mean, our version of Juliet.”

“Yes, I mean our Juliet. What do you think?”

“I love it.” We both stare down at Juliet once again sleeping peacefully, like all she needed was a cuddle from her mom. “Juliet. Our beautiful Juliet.”

“My beautiful family.” Thank fuck they’re both okay.

Amelia smiles as the nurse pops her head in to talk us through breastfeeding and other options for Juliet, before advising us that the doctor will be in soon.

When she’s gone again, I stare down at our tiny girl tucked securely in Amelia’s arms as she attempts her first breastfeed and a rush of awe washes over me, until Amelia glances up in a panic. “I’m so scared, Luke. What if something happens? What if—”

“The doctors are monitoring you. We’re going to do everything they tell us to do and we’re going to keep you safe. You’re going to make a full recovery.” I refuse to believe anything else. I can’t. I’ll break again.

“Not me.” Amelia shakes almost violently. “Juliet.”

“Amelia J—Jay Rosenberg, you need to get that thinking out of your head right now. Because I am here to tell you that I am taking both my girls home from the hospital, and we are going to have a long, incredible life together. Forever. With no ongoing complications. Got it?”

“Forever?” She quirks her brow, the tension in her shoulders shifting.

“Yes, forever ,” I repeat, my gaze boring into hers. “Whether you like it or not, you are stuck with me. You both are. Because I think I’ve loved you all my life, and I plan to love you for the rest of it.” Amelia opens her mouth to speak but I cut her off. “Don’t even think about arguing with me.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” She shoots me a sassy grin. “Believe it or not, that’s exactly what I want. I can’t imagine my future without you, and I’m trying really hard not to regret the past.”

“Don’t regret it. Ever. Let’s just focus on building a beautiful life from here on out.”

“Deal. I love you.” She yawns through her declaration, though she tries to hide it.

“I love you too. And after we’ve spoken to the doctor, it’s time for you to sleep.”

“I can’t, I—”

“You can and you will. I’ll stay awake for Juliet, and I’ll wake you if she needs you. First step to recovery is rest. I’m not taking no for an answer.”

“Remember how you asked me never to change?”

“Yep.”

“I don’t feel the same about you. I wouldn’t mind it if—”

“Don’t bother finishing that lie.” I bop her nose and she laughs before yawning again. “You just told me you loved me, and we both know you love me exactly as I am.”

“Ugh, fine. I’ll sleep.”

“Good.”