Beneath Dark Skies (Rolling Hills Ranch #1)

24. Farron

TWENTY-FOUR

FARRON

OCTOBER POTLUCK

Day 410

My initial plan was to take EJ to the Alden farm for the potluck; it would have allowed for a quick getaway if necessary and a potential excuse to leave early. But it was no longer an option with Jay and Todd accompanying me. As we near the farm, my heart rate quickens, and I stop, needing a moment to calm myself. I shoo my two friends ahead of me, their laughter and light-hearted banter fading as they move on.

Tonight's new plan is to avoid the guys as much as possible. Maybe if I keep my distance, they'll get the message that they aren’t wanted at my grandparents' ranch, no matter how welcoming Ma and Pa may be. I hope that by being hostile enough, they'll understand they're not welcome, not by me. Even thinking that makes me feel like a terrible person, but they shouldn’t be in my home, in Holden’s home. They should be at the Alden farm with all the other outsiders. And they shouldn’t be giving me heated looks or soft smiles because I don’t want either.

Although I’m not sure who truly needs that convincing; me or them.

As I approach the commotion of the get-together, the scene before me is familiar. The long table, draped with a checkered red and white tablecloth, is laden with dishes brought by everyone. Jugs of water from the nearby well sit alongside a few cases of beer, which someone must have unearthed from our dwindling stockpile. Expiration dates are not quite a concern when it’s the end of the world. I also spot some of Jay and Todd’s moonshine, and I shake my head, wondering what they've thrown into it this time.

I scan the area and see Jay and Todd near the fire, cups of moonshine in hand, chatting animatedly. A twinge of sadness hits me at the fact that it’s only the two of them, just like I predicted it would. Their presence usually calms me, and I'm genuinely happy I got to talk and laugh with them earlier. And yet, I can't help feeling guilty, like I shouldn’t be spending time with Holden’s two best friends without him, no matter how irrational that sounds.

I watch them, and I can swear I see Todd’s eyes falling on Jay’s lips and lingering. A smirk takes over my face. I’ve always had an inkling that Todd felt something more for Jay, but he’s never said anything or acted on it. Knowing it’s not my place to step in, I’ll simply remain on the sidelines, hoping for the best and silently cheering them on. They must feel my eyes on them because they look up and send reassuring smiles my way. I give them a thumbs up and then start making my way around the drink station to head over to the food around the corner.

I almost trip and fall on my face as the Jameson kids run past me playing a game of tag, and I wave Janie off as she shouts out an apology to me from a few feet away. As I continue to weave through the bustling crowd, I unexpectedly collide with a very large, firm chest. Steady hands grip my arms, preventing me from stumbling as I adjust my hat, which had been knocked askew.

“Careful, Sunshine, you could take an eye out with that,” Adrian says with a playful grin, gently flicking the brim of my hat.

A blush creeps up my cheeks as I take in his appearance. He’s changed since the kitchen disaster and is now wearing black jeans that hug his frame a little too perfectly, paired with a black henley with the sleeves pushed up to reveal his tattoos and veiny forearms, practically begging to be touched. What kind of sick, teenage emo Farron fantasy is this?

Woah, slow down, girl.

I drag my eyes away from his enticing arms to meet his gaze. His eyes—already a stunning shade of baby blue—stand out even more in the dim light against his darker, tanned skin, making them utterly captivating. I try to look elsewhere, shifting my eyes upwards, but his brown curly hair looks so soft that it practically begs me to run my fingers through it. Shifting my gaze lower, I make the mistake of focusing on his lips—full, pillowy, and oh-so-biteable.

You don’t need this, Farron. You don’t want them here. You want them gone.

“Farron, are you okay? Do you have something in your eye?” Adrian asks, his voice soft and concerned, as he reaches up to brush the back of his knuckles against my temple. That gentle touch sends a jolt through me, and I feel like I’m about to combust.

“What? I…I have to go.” I sidestep him quickly, my heart racing as I feel his gaze burning into my retreating back as if he’s trying to figure me out and read my every thought.

So much for avoiding them. I’m suddenly sweaty and regret wearing this sweatshirt. It’s gray—can people see me sweating through it? I stop around the corner just outside of the barn and after ensuring I’m all alone, quickly check my underarms. There are dozens of other people here, and the first person I run into is Adrian?

My walls have already come down far too often for Theo, and Adrian is a dangerous mix of sweet and too damn good-looking. His playful demeanor makes him a quick second to get close to me, and the potential these guys have at making my walls come crashing down is terrifying.

As I’m holding the sleeves of my sweatshirt away from me to cool down, the one person I don’t want to see comes up to me: Kenji.

“Yes?” I snap, a little too aggressively. I planned to avoid them, and now, within minutes of arriving, I’ve run into two of them.

Kenji stops in his tracks a foot away, his brows furrowing. “I saw you walking away. It looked like something was wrong,” he says, his concern clear on his features. It only frustrates me more because the thing that’s wrong is them—he and his two best friends who are turning everything inside out.

“Why do you care? You’ve been nothing but short with me.”

I can see him visibly grind his jaw. I realize I sound harsh, but I don’t care. He’s been equally aggressive and angry with me for the majority of the time he’s been in Rolling Hills, even though I’ve done nothing to earn his wrath.

“You’re right,” he says with the same bite to his tone. “I guess I don’t.”

But instead of leaving, he stays, his eyes boring into me as if he can see right through me, unraveling me whole.

Didn’t he just say he didn’t care?

I find myself trapped in the orbit of Kenji’s presence, unable to fight this gravitational pull. Why am I suddenly breathing heavily? I look into Kenji’s dark, piercing eyes. At first, they seem the darkest shade of brown, almost black, but up close, I swear I see tiny specks of warm honey in them. His hair is tied up in a haphazard bun like always, and messy tendrils are escaping around his face.

His gaze flicks toward my mouth and back up to my eyes as he gets closer, his chest rising and falling dramatically as he breathes. My back collides with the barn behind us, startling me. When did I start to back up? And when did Kenji begin to follow?

I’m outside, yet I feel like I can’t breathe. Kenji’s presence surrounds me, making me feel caged in. But I don’t find myself wanting to escape. I see him clench his fists like he’s trying to keep his hands to himself. I momentarily wish he would lose that internal battle with himself and just reach for and touch me.

Magnum comes running up and jumps on Kenji’s calves, breaking the moment between us. Kenji takes a step back, giving me some much-needed air. What the hell is happening, and where was that going? I’ve never been more grateful for Magnum’s interruption, even more than when he saved me from being eaten alive the first time we met. This time, he saved me from something worse.

I think Satan was about to kiss me.

And I would have kissed him back.

Not bothering to say goodbye, I leave, walking as fast as I can away from the brooding asshole who makes me question myself, not even thinking to check and see if Magnum is following along with me. He showed up with my grandparents, and he can leave with them, too, if he's not going to stick by my side. I round the corner and head back to the potluck, my mind still spinning from the encounter.

As I approach the gathering, I see Theo exchanging notes with my grandparents. My face twists into a grimace as I realize I can’t go over there. I don’t know what just happened with Adrian and Kenji, but I know being around Theo is dangerous.

Theo stands tall, his dark hair catching the glow of the firelight, his eyes animated as he talks with Ma and Pa, reading their lips. His presence is magnetic, drawing me in despite my best efforts to stay away. Every single time I see him, my resolve weakens. The way he looks at me, the way he makes me feel, it all makes it so hard to keep my guard up .

I take a deep breath, trying to steady myself. I need a new plan. Maybe I can slip around to the other side of the potluck, blend into the crowd, and avoid more intense encounters for the rest of the night. My heart races at the thought of facing Theo, but I know I have to stay strong. If I let my emotions take over, I might end up doing something I’ll regret. I came here wanting to be cold, to show them I want them gone. If I can’t do that, then I shouldn’t be near them at all.

I skirt around the edge of the gathering, keeping my head down and my eyes focused on the ground after I accidentally make eye contact with Daisy, whose face lights up into a smile as she waves at me, getting an awkward wave back. The smells of food and the sounds of laughter fill the air, a stark contrast to the whirlwind of emotions inside me. I catch glimpses of familiar faces, people I’ve known my whole life, but I avoid eye contact. Right now, I can’t handle any more distractions.

Finally, I find a quiet spot near the edge of the gathering. I lean against a tree, taking a moment to catch my breath and calm my racing heart. The cool bark against my back is grounding, helping me regain my composure. After more than a few minutes, I realize I have to return before my sulking draws too much attention, so I reluctantly return to one of the campfires.

I find myself sitting on a log near the fire, gratefully taking in the warmth and the space to gather my thoughts. A memory starts to pound at the confines of my mind, willing to break free, but I know that thinking about this specific one will only bring panic, and I will myself to focus on more than just the fire. The flickering flames cast a soft glow on everyone around, creating a cozy, almost nostalgic atmosphere. If I stay here, I can avoid running into another member of the troublesome trio.

Magnum pads over and plops down at my feet, his presence a welcome comfort. I glance around and catch Kenji’s eye. He nods at me, ensuring I know he sent Magnum over. Quickly, I look away, feeling the anger bubble up inside me. Even Magnum has taken a liking to them.

I watch as Kenji engages in a conversation with Todd and Jay, while to the right, I can see Adrian with Rick and Janie, playing with their three young kids. He has the youngest boy, Aaron, in his hands, swinging him around like he’s flying while the other two giggle and bounce around near his feet. It sends a weird pang in my gut that I choose to ignore. A little further down, Theo is getting some food. He’s assisted by Mabel, who looks at him with stars in her eyes. I can almost feel her butterflies from here. Theo is attractive and kind; anyone would be happy to be around him.

As I look around, observing the laughter and conversations, my stomach drops a bit. Holden should be here. Without him, I feel incomplete, like a puzzle missing a piece. I can swear I still feel that bond, that invisible thread tying us together, pulsing faintly in my chest. I cling to the feeling of connection with my twin and try to focus on that.

Tears prick at the corners of my eyes as I watch how effortlessly these men have integrated into my community, drawing people to them. Life doesn’t stop for everyone just because Holden isn’t here, but it feels like it’s stopped for me. I can’t understand how everything keeps moving forward, and I’m stuck. Frozen.

I wonder if this is my punishment for my parents. Losing them was a devastating blow, but now it feels like the universe is taking Holden away from me too, replacing him with these three strangers who have invaded our lives. I want them gone. I want them out of my sight, out of my thoughts, out of my world.

As much as I find myself enjoying the company of these three men at times, feeling new emotions stirring within, I can’t stand to be around them so much. Even if all they’re looking for is a home, why must it be mine?

The emotions warring in me are making me nauseous, and I can’t handle the back-and-forth of it all. I can’t handle Holden not being here. I can’t handle my grandparents welcoming the three guys into their house so easily. I can’t handle the gravitational pull I feel towards them. I feel overwhelmed and confused by my own emotions, and I don’t know how to work through them. I fear they will start to mean more to me if they stay.

Feeling sick, I rise to my feet, clicking my tongue for Magnum to follow. I need to escape this suffocating atmosphere. Besides, it’s not like anyone will miss me or notice my absence. After all, life just goes on, right?