Beneath Dark Skies (Rolling Hills Ranch #1)

43. Farron

FORTY-THREE

FARRON

KENJI’S A DICK (WHAT’S NEW?)

Day 442

I’m jolted from my sleep by pounding on my front door.

Again.

As my eyes slowly open, I see through the window that it’s still dark outside, far too early for anyone to be visiting. I’m nestled between Theo and Adrian in my bed, their warmth enveloping me, making me want to curl up and bask in their presence for a few more hours. Another night with one of these men, another night without a single nightmare. My lucky charms. My thoughts drift back to last night, to how they worshiped my body and made me feel something I had never experienced before. Adrian had promised he could share, and he proved it beyond a doubt.

The pounding picks back up, obnoxious and loud.

There’s only one person it could be, and I swear that at this moment, I want to kill the motherfucker.

I let out a groan and get up, which rouses Adrian and Theo. Bleary-eyed, they turn to me, their faces puzzled.

“What are you doing, Sunshine?” Adrian’s raspy morning voice breaks the silence in the room, making me want to crawl back into bed with him and find ways to make him moan with that rasp. His dark hair is tousled, and there’s a soft, inviting look in his eyes.

The pounding at my door continues, each knock echoing through the quiet house, answering Adrian’s question. I roll my eyes and look around, finding Adrian’s shirt on the floor near my bed. I throw it on, feeling the soft fabric against my skin. The shirt barely covers my thighs, leaving little to the imagination, but I don’t care.

In any other circumstance, I would never answer the door in just a man’s shirt, looking like I’ve been rolling around in bed doing naughty things. But when it comes to Kenji? Well, the Devil is on my last nerve, and if he wants to come knocking on my door so goddamn early in the morning, he can face the consequences of what his brothers and I got up to.

As I walk towards the door, I catch a glimpse of myself in the hallway mirror. My hair is a wild mess, and a few love bites are lingering on my legs. I can’t help but smirk at the thought of Kenji’s reaction when he sees me like this.

With a deep sigh, I head to the door, my bare feet padding softly on the cool floor. The knocking grows more insistent, each pound driving my irritation higher. I pause momentarily, taking a deep breath to calm myself before unlocking and swinging the door open.

Kenji stands there, his expression a mix of annoyance and impatience. His eyes widen slightly as he takes in my appearance, and his expression shutters and turns angry for a moment before he catches himself. A smirk starts tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“Good morning to you too, Satan,” I say dryly, leaning against the doorframe. “Do you have any idea what time it is?”

Kenji’s smirk grows wider, nostrils flaring, but there’s a hint of something else in his eyes—jealousy, maybe? Anger? Before I can consider it further, his words interrupt my thoughts. “I could say the same to you, Princess. Looks like I interrupted something.”

“You have no idea,” I reply, rolling my eyes. “Now, what do you want?”

Kenji’s gaze flickers past me, his brows furrowing as he undoubtedly catches sight of Theo and Adrian, who clamber out of the small hallway, half-awake and half-dressed. He shifts uncomfortably, but his bravado remains intact.

“Adrian and I have a perimeter check this morning, so I need him to get his ass up and out of here. Nora also mentioned something about wanting Theo’s help with some plants now that it’s getting cold,” he finishes, shooting a pointed look at both men behind me.

I turn my head to see Adrian signing something to Theo before they both give a thumbs up to Kenji to signal that they heard him and head back into my bedroom to get dressed. Their movements are slow and groggy, the remnants of sleep still evident. Adrian stretches, his muscles rippling under his skin, while Theo takes his glasses off and rubs his face, trying to wake up fully.

As they disappear into the bedroom, an uncomfortable silence settles between Kenji and me. I can feel the tension radiating off him, a storm brewing just beneath the surface. I cross my arms over my chest, leaning against the doorframe more firmly. The chilly November air pricks at my skin, causing goosebumps to form all over my body, and I subconsciously rub my legs together to warm them up.

I catch Kenji repeatedly glancing down at my legs, his eyes lingering far too long. After enduring it a few times, I decide to put an end to it. I start wiggling my toes in an exaggerated, almost mocking manner. His gaze snaps back up to mine instantly, and I lock my eyes with his, a sneer playing on my lips.

“You didn’t have to be so obnoxious with your pounding on the door,” I say, breaking the silence. ”It didn’t have to be a grand wake-up call.”

Kenji snorts, his smirk fading slightly. “And miss this opportunity? Not a chance.”

“Opportunity for what?” I ask, arching an eyebrow.

“To remind you that not everyone gets to lounge around in bed all morning, Princess,” he replies, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

I sigh, feeling the frustration building. There’s no way he hasn’t noticed just how much I do in Rolling Hills, just how many hats I wear. For someone who’s only been here a few months, he sure is acting all high and mighty about his contributions to a community that he wasn’t even here to build up. He’s wrong about me lounging in bed all day, and he has to know it. His misplaced anger, whatever it stems from, is not my fucking issue, and I'm tired of being the one to deal with it.

“What’s your problem, Kenji? If you’re so jealous, just say it,” I snap at him.

Kenji's eyes flicker with an emotion—anger, hurt, I can’t quite tell. Before he can respond, Adrian and Theo reappear, fully dressed, sans shirt underneath his sweater for Adrian, and ready to leave. Theo squeezes my hand reassuringly while Adrian turns to address Kenji. “Whenever you're ready.”

“I'll catch up,” Kenji responds tersely, a muscle ticking in his jaw. “Just need a quick word with Farron.”

Adrian's cheerful expression shifts into a concerned frown, picking up on the strained tone in Kenji's voice before he turns to me. I offer him a subtle nod and smile to signal that I’m okay and can handle Kenji on my own.

“See you later, Sunshine,” Adrian says with a wink, planting a quick kiss on my cheek before he strides out. Theo steps closer, planting a tender, lingering kiss on my lips before he steps back with a small smile, following after Adrian.

I look back at Kenji .

“So, speak, O Holy Devil. Unburden yourself from thy sins.” I call out to him, unable to keep the sarcasm from my tone.

I watch as Kenji clenches his jaw so tightly I half-expect to hear the sound of teeth grinding and chipping. “Stop messing with my brothers,” he spits out, his words dripping with frustration.

“What?” I scoff, unable to suppress the laughter that bubbles up inside me at the audacity of this man.

“You heard me. Stop messing with them and their feelings. I don't want to watch one of them end up heartbroken when you pick the other, and I can't have you tearing us apart,” he retorts, his tone sharp and heavy with accusation.

His words hit me right where it hurts, igniting a surge of guilt within me. I never intended to come between Theo and Adrian or disrupt their decades-long friendship. I didn't set out to develop deep feelings for Theo or to find solace in Adrian's presence. It just happened.

But I can’t help it. I can't deny the way Theo makes me feel—safe, seen, and truly at peace. And I can’t help but want to make Theo feel seen and like he matters as his own individual, not just as an extension of the other two. And Adrian? Adrian brings lightness and joy into my life, a reprieve from my own mind. When I’m with Adrian, laughing at his ridiculous antics, that darkness doesn’t feel so suffocating, and the agony doesn’t feel so heavy. I’m not whole or truly happy, but I’m as close to it as I’ve felt in years. Plus, Adrian is the one who’s constantly seeking me out, not the other way around.

I’m not consciously seeking to wreak havoc or bring chaos into their lives. I'm not intentionally trying to taint everything I come into contact with. It's been too long since I've felt okay simply existing in this world, free from the weight of guilt and fear that constantly shadows me, especially in relation to Holden. When I'm with Theo and Adrian, those burdens feel momentarily lighter. Maybe it's selfish of me to seek that freedom from them, but I certainly don't want it at the expense of their relationship with each other. I even thought things with Kenji and I were getting better. I thought we had a moment the other night.

Am I causing rifts among them? Adrian and Theo appear to be handling things well, and last night just proves how comfortable they are sharing. But maybe the problem isn't that I'm coming in between Theo and Adrian, but instead, the strain it's putting on their relationship with Kenji. Despite my fairly constant disdain for him, I don't want to make things more difficult with him and his brothers, and I don't want to cause any of them pain. I'm so tired of bringing pain wherever I go.

I’m snapped out of my thoughts when Kenji speaks again. “You’re thinking about it, aren’t you? And you know I’m right. Look, it’s great for the two of them that they can get some action during a zombie apocalypse, especially when there are no options. But I don’t want to see them get hurt when they realize you’re playing them, especially once the infamous Holden comes back.”

The hurt of being referred to as nothing but a last resort is immediately overthrown by the burst of anger that I feel at the mention of my twin’s name. “What the fuck does Holden have to do with any of this?” I snap back.

Kenji rolls his eyes and then shoots me a look like I’m an idiot for even having to ask him. “How’s your lover going to take it when he comes back and finds out you’ve been shacking up with two other guys? Guess Holden doesn’t really mean as much to you as you pretend, huh?”

In a rare moment of impulsiveness, my hand flies out and connects with Kenji's cheek before I can even process what I'm doing. I’m incensed, seething, and overwhelmed at all the bullshit he’s just spewed at me. It’s not only wrong but incredibly disrespectful all around, and I can’t believe he could ever think that saying something like this to anyone is okay.

“Fuck you. Holden is my twin, you absolute moron!” I scream out at him, my voice trembling with fury. ”He’s my fucking brother, who’s been gone for months now after he left on a supply run. You’ve been here almost as long as he’s been gone, and you never thought to fucking ask someone who he is?” My chest is heaving as I finish yelling at him, my fists balled at my sides.

He has the gall to look embarrassed, and he should be. He should be ashamed of himself. “Farron, I–”

“Shut up, Kenji.” I spit out, my voice venomous. “Go run your perimeter check with Adrian. Do not ever come to my home again, and tell your brothers to stay away from me too. The Rolling Hills whore apparently needs to mourn her missing brother today,” I add, cutting him off and slamming the door in his face.

The weight of everything crashes down on me, and I sink to the floor against the door, tears streaming down my face, sobs racking my body. I feel the darkness start to seep its way in again, reminding me that I’m worthless and that it would all be easier if I was gone.

I'm furious at Kenji but even more furious at myself for letting things spiral to this point.

This is just another reminder for me. Nothing good ever lasts.

I ruin everything I touch.