Beneath Dark Skies (Rolling Hills Ranch #1)

55. Farron

FIFTY-FIVE

FARRON

IF I COULD JUST FIND YOU TONIGHT, MY LOVE

Day 452

I shake my head out of the difficult memory and refocus my attention on the present moment. I’m not alone, and Magnum is no longer the only reminder of that. Theo shoots me a questioning look over the rim of his glasses, but I respond with a gentle shake of my head and a reassuring smile, silently conveying that I'm okay.

As I sit by the crackling campfire, the warmth of its flames washing over me, I find myself drawn to the vast expanse of stars twinkling in the night sky above. With each steady breath I take, I offer up a silent prayer to the universe, a plea that Holden is out there looking at the same sky as me, wherever he is. I hope that, if he never makes his way home again, he’s okay, that he’s happy.

I remember sitting on the porch with Theo weeks ago, staring at the sky and offering the same prayer for Holden, clinging to the belief that he’s out there while feeling lost and confused about my emotions. Now, everything feels different. Everything is different. I’m in new and often terrifying territory, attempting to explore myself and my new reality. As I sit beneath dark skies, I exhale deeply, feeling grateful for how things have changed since those three men entered my life. I close my eyes, savoring the peace of this chilly autumn night, enjoying this campfire that Adrian has set up for me, just like he promised he would.

When I open my eyes again, they land right on Kenji, finding his gaze already locked on me in a silent exchange that crackles with intensity. In that heated moment, neither of us can seem to tear our eyes away from each other, the unspoken tension thickening the air between us.

My breathing picks up as I allow myself to take in his features—the strong line of his jaw, the crisp white shirt that clings to his form, and those infuriatingly snug black cargo pants that seem to accentuate every contour of his muscular thighs. The sight gets my pulse racing, even as I remind myself that he’s kind of a dick, that he’s nothing but trouble. But as our eyes remain locked on each other, I can’t help but wonder if he’s a risk worth taking.

Just as I’m getting lost down a dangerous path in my mind, my grandma’s voice interrupts like a much-needed lifeline, yanking me back from the brink of doing something foolish—like plopping myself down right on Kenji's lap and making absurd requests to have him feed me warm and sticky marshmallows with his fingers.

“Well, goodnight, all of you,” Ma declares. With a grateful exhale, I watch as my grandparents begin to take their exit, though not without Ma casting a mischievous wink in my direction. Did she just wink at me, as if she's orchestrating some covert operation to leave me alone with the guys? This woman, I swear…

Before I can dwell too much on the implications of Ma's suggestive gesture, Adrian springs into action, darting over to Ma with a boyish grin plastered on his face. “Not before you give me a goodnight hug, Miss Peaches,” he chimes in, his charm effortless.

I can't help but notice the faint blush that colors Ma's cheeks as she indulges Adrian with a warm hug, her affection for him evident in the way she reciprocates his gesture. It's no secret that Ma has a soft spot for the three of them, but that Adrian holds a special place in her heart, his adoration for her evident in every word and action. I’m almost certain he flirts with her more than he does with me.

Ma sends me another wink, and I shake off the uncomfortable feeling lingering from its oddly suggestive nature, trying to refocus my attention on the present moment. I glance over at Kenji, only to find his attention firmly fixed on the crackling flames of the fire once more.

Adrian slips in beside me, his hand finding mine effortlessly, lacing our fingers together as though it’s the most natural thing in the world. With a playful smirk, he leans back, seamlessly joining the conversation between Theo and Kenji, signing as best as he can with one hand available. Caught up in the intimacy of our joined hands, hyper-aware of Adrian’s skin on mine, I barely register the crackling of the fire or Kenji's subtle movement as he reaches for the guitar nestled nearby.

Almost whispering, I say, “I didn’t know you played the guitar.”

I catch a glimpse of what might be a smirk playing at the corners of Kenji's lips, although with him, it's hard to tell. He's a man of few expressions, mostly toggling between grumpy and extra grumpy. But before he can respond, Adrian swoops in, invading my personal space to deliver his signature brand of exaggerated whispers, “Our Kenji here is a secret romantic.”

I lean back slightly, casting a skeptical glance up at Adrian. His eyes sparkle mischievously, and I can't help but wonder if he's just bullshitting me. Isn’t he?

Kenji shoots Adrian a pointed glare, silently communicating his disapproval before returning his attention to the guitar resting in his lap. After a pensive moment, he begins to strum the first chord, the melody breaking through the night air, beautiful and slow. I find myself mesmerized by the music and by extension, mesmerized by Kenji.

Just as the melody wraps around us like a warm embrace, Theo approaches, a shy expression on his face, as he extends his hand towards me, silently inviting me to dance. Chuckling softly, I toss the blanket draped over me to the side and accept his invitation, allowing him to guide me toward the flickering flames of the campfire.

Adrian's voice rings out in a teasing tone, “I call next, beautiful!”

Theo leads us in a few graceful steps around the fire, but before he fully begins, he retrieves his notebook from his back pocket and hastily scribbles something down. Handing me the note, I read, “You’ll have to take the lead on this since I won’t know what he’s playing.” I meet Theo's gaze, a warm smile spreading across my face as I nod in understanding.

Moving closer, Theo reaches for my hand, lifting it gently as he places his other hand around my waist. My left hand glides up his chest and curls around the nape of his neck, eliciting a shiver from him as our eyes meet.

Meanwhile, Kenji continues to play, his fingers coaxing a mesmerizing melody from the guitar strings. Theo begins to sway us back and forth, and I try to use the rhythm of the music to help guide our movements.

Entirely in the moment, I focus on the feel of Theo’s body pressed up against mine, feeling a surge of electricity coursing through me with each gentle sway. My grip tightens around his neck, my fingers tangling in his curls as I lose myself in the intimate connection between us.

As Adrian joins in with his own rendition of the song, I work to suppress a laugh at his awful singing voice.

“You’re the northern wind, sending shivers down my spine; you’re like fallen leaves in an autumn night …” Adrian's voice fills the air.

Out of all the songs Kenji could have picked, this one sounds... hopeful and sorrowful, even with Adrian’s awful singing voice. I keep listening, getting lost in the sway of Theo’s arms and warm embrace, Adrian's terrible singing, and Kenji’s surprising musical talent.

Glancing at Kenji over Theo’s shoulder, I notice he's once again staring right at me, his gaze unwavering as his fingers effortlessly glide over the strings of the guitar. Magnum sits at his feet, curled up into a ball, and I can't help but wonder why the little dog always seems to gravitate towards the damaged ones—myself included.

As Theo tugs me closer, and I'm caught in Kenji’s heated stare, I hear Adrian's next words, his voice carrying a bittersweet melody: “You’re the lullaby that’s singing me to sleep; you are the other half; you’re like a missing piece.”

My vision blurs slightly, and I feel tears welling up unexpectedly. This overwhelming surge of emotion in my chest catches me off guard—I'm not sure what's causing it or how to navigate through it. It's as if Kenji's playing is speaking to me on a level I can't quite comprehend, conveying emotions that he would otherwise struggle to articulate. The unexplainable connection I feel to him and the rest of the group leaves me feeling vulnerable and exposed. What I feel for these three men is more than I’ve ever felt in my life. It’s a depth of emotion I’ve never experienced before.

“Oh my love, if I could just find you tonight, if I could just find you tonight, oh my love.”

As Adrian’s voice fills the air, Theo lifts his hand from mine and gently cups my cheek as though he can sense my inner turmoil. His touch sends a jolt through me. In that moment, it feels like everything else fades away, and all that exists is the connection between us. It feels like time has ceased to exist, and nothing matters outside of this single moment. The stars above have stopped blinking and are waiting with bated breath.

I don’t realize a tear has escaped until Theo catches it with his thumb before it can fall. We stand there, locked in each other's gaze, the flickering firelight making his eyes appear even more golden than usual. I feel my heartbeat quicken, mirroring Theo's own, as he brushes his thumb across my cheek, his gaze drifting down to my lips. The warmth of the fire is palpable, as is the heat coming from Adrian and Kenji’s eyes on me.

Suddenly, Adrian stands up, breaking the spell we've fallen under. Only then do I realize that the music has long since stopped, and I'm left feeling disoriented.

Clearing my throat, I step back from Theo and slip my hands into my back pockets. “I should go,” I say quietly, my voice barely above a whisper.

Theo lifts his hand as if to say something, but I can't bear to see. I know whatever he tells me will only serve to anchor me here with them, and I'm not ready for that. Everything with these men is too much, too soon. It’s my own fault for letting myself get so attached to all three, for letting my guard down. But I don’t think I’m ready to let anyone else into my life, to care for them this deeply, only to risk losing them like I've lost so many others. First my parents, then Holden…I can’t do this with them, too. How could I possibly handle it if something happened to all three of them? I don’t know if I could survive that pain magnified by three.

So it’s time for me to go, at least for tonight. I need space to breathe, space to think .

Whistling for Magnum to follow, I steal one last glance at them before swiftly turning on my heels and making my way back to my house. Maybe these men did put me under a spell and used their allure on me because the more distance between us, the more the fog that seemed to cloud my mind begins to lift. However, the tears continue to flow, streaming down my cheeks throughout the entire walk back to my tiny, lonely cottage house.

Entering with Magnum by my side, the once-familiar surroundings now feel foreign and empty. Magnum lets out a low whine as though he, too, longs to return to the guys just as much as I do.