Beneath Dark Skies (Rolling Hills Ranch #1)

57. Farron

FIFTY-SEVEN

FARRON

COMET

Day 453

I wake up from a fitful night of sleep, eager to just get going with my day. Last night’s nightmare seemed to hinge on the memory of when I couldn’t get the fire started, only this time, Holden was there with me. He was begging me to light the fire, saying it was the only way to save him so he could find his way back home to me. I couldn’t start it, no matter what I tried. I laid in my bed for a while after that, soaked in sweat with dried tears on my face, trying to get myself to calm down enough to go back to sleep.

No matter how many times I tell myself that Holden’s decision to go off on his own, without Todd, without Jay, and without me, was his and his alone… I just can’t shake the guilt. The guilt that I should have known better and that I should have done more. Now, here I am lying in bed, exhausted, tears crusted over my eyes, letting the guilt eat me up again.

As I take in that light filtering through my bedroom window, I decide there’s no point in trying to get more rest. I push myself out of bed, my body aching from the night's tension. After splashing cold water on my face and changing into fresh clothes, I head to the main house, Magnum dutifully following along. The house is quiet, the kind of quiet that seems too loud in the early morning hours .

Finding the house empty, I pour myself a cup of coffee and step outside, the morning air cool against my skin. The sky is tinged with the pinks and oranges, the very tail end of a sunrise. I think about going searching for the guys for a moment, but instead, choose to sit on the porch to finish off my hot coffee in the chilly morning air. Magnum curls up next to me as I take a seat, his head pushing into my stomach as he vies to steal body heat from me.

My mind drifts to last night and how undeniably romantic and intimate the campfire ended up being. I think about how close I was to kissing Theo and how badly I wanted to kiss Adrian and Kenji, too. I let my mind wander as I drink my coffee, my imagination taking over and giving me daydreams about what last night could have been if I hadn’t run away.

The crackle of the fire, the warmth of the flames, the soft murmur of our voices. The way Theo’s eyes had sparkled beneath his glasses, how Adrian’s laugh had resonated deep within me, and Kenji’s steady presence had anchored me. I imagine myself leaning in, feeling the gentle pressure of Theo's lips on mine, the way his hand would have cradled my face. And then turning to Adrian, his playful smirk softening into something more serious as our lips met. Kenji, stoic and patient, waiting to finally claim me as his. What will he be like when he finally takes me, when he finally lets me in?

My thoughts drift from one man to the next. First to Theo, his quiet confidence and intellect are a magnet that pulls me in. He’s funny and witty, and every moment with him feels like a lifeline. Beneath his glasses, his gold eyes seem to hold a spark, a glimmer of something deeper, something I yearn to explore. The way he listens, truly listens, to me, makes me feel seen in a way I haven’t experienced before. I imagine the brush of his lips against mine, soft and tender, igniting a fire within me that I can't ignore. I imagine the feel of his body against mine, the soft groans he releases, and the way he’s so gentle in his movements with me.

Then there's Adrian, his laughter infectious and his charm undeniable. His playful banter makes me laugh, and makes me let my guard down. I picture the curve of his smile softening into something more sincere whenever our gazes lock, the air crackling with a tension that begs to be released. With him, I feel alive, free to be myself without fear of judgment or rejection. With him, I almost forget about the bad things, the negative thoughts that normally weigh me down. I feel understood, I feel happy. I imagine the way his hands always seem to make it into my hair, the way his facial hair feels against my skin, and the way his gaze seems to hungrily eat me up every chance he gets.

And Kenji, steadfast and unwavering in his presence, offers a sense of stability that grounds me. His quiet strength and his more recent support make me feel safe, cherished even. I envision his gaze, intense yet gentle, as he waits patiently for me to open up, to let him in completely. The way he challenges me and snarks back at me, the way he seems to care for animals just like me. I imagine the way his hands will finally feel on my skin, how his thighs will feel beneath me, and how his dominance can come out in other ways.

As I reflect on these connections, I can't help but regret how last night ended. I ran away, and I know exactly why—I was scared. Scared of letting anyone get too close, afraid of what it might mean to open myself up to the possibility of losing more people who are important to me. But as I sit here now, the soft warmth of the morning sun on my face, I realize I’m so damn tired of being scared. I’m tired of holding everything so tightly, of keeping myself locked away behind walls I built a long time ago.

Last night, I acted out of fear. But today, I don’t want to let fear control me anymore. It’s exhausting constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, for everything to fall apart, just when I start to care. But the truth is, I can’t keep living like this—always on edge, always bracing myself for the worst.

Each of these men—Kenji, Theo, Adrian—has stirred something inside me that I’ve been too afraid to acknowledge. There’s a longing there, a desire for connection, for intimacy. Things I’ve spent so much time pushing away, convincing myself I didn’t need, that I didn’t deserve it. But what if that’s not true? What if I’ve been wrong this whole time?

I can feel it now, that tug in my chest, urging me to let go, to take the risk, to stop running, and finally let myself feel. Maybe it’s time to embrace the vulnerability, to face the fear head-on, and give this a chance—give them a chance. Because the truth is that these men have seen me at some of my worst moments and yet, they’re still here. They still care, no matter how much I’ve tried to push them away at times.

For the first time in months, I feel a spark of hope, a belief that maybe I do deserve happiness, that I deserve to let myself be loved. I’ve been so focused on surviving, on keeping everything together, that I forgot what it’s like to actually live —to laugh, to care, to let someone in without worrying about how it might end.

So here I am, sitting in the morning light, making a choice. A choice to take a leap of faith, to follow the stirrings of my heart, and to see where they lead. It’s terrifying, yet there’s a part of me that feels ready—ready to take the risk, open my heart, and embrace whatever comes next.

Because I deserve this. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to let go and finally do something for myself.

I’m only broken out of my thoughts when I lift the mug to my lips and realize it’s empty. The taste of nothing but air brings me back to reality, and I let out a small sigh, shaking my head at myself. I look down, and there’s Magnum, sitting patiently, his eyes locked on me like he’s been waiting for me to snap out of it. He tilts his head as if to say, ‘ Are we going to start the day or what?’

“Alright, alright,” I mutter, giving him a half-smile. I get up and head back into the kitchen, and he follows after me. I rinse my mug, the sound of water splashing against the ceramic drowned out by the thoughts swirling in my head–happy ones, for once. The kitchen feels too small, too quiet, so I push the back door open and step into the morning air, deciding it’s time to check on Nessie and the calf before searching for the guys. The sun is still low as I walk out the back door, casting a pale light over the fields, and everything is coated in that soft, golden glow.

As I approach the barn, Nessie greets me with her usual calm presence. The bull calf, though—he’s the opposite. He’s all energy, bouncing around the stall like the world is brand new, and he can’t wait to explore every inch of it. His enthusiasm is contagious, and despite everything, I find myself laughing when he barrels into me, nearly knocking me off my feet.

“Whoa there, little one,” I say, steadying myself and rubbing his soft head. He looks up at me with those wide, curious eyes, so full of life and innocence that it tugs at something deep inside me. “You’re full of it today, huh?”

He nudges my boot, nibbling at it like it’s the most fascinating thing in the world. “You need a name,” I murmur, my voice softer now. “Something fitting for this rambunctious personality.”

I spend quite a bit of time in the barn, my laughter ringing out as I watch the calf bounce around, trying to chase the goats and running into them time after time. I give Nessie one last pat, then step outside, ready to find the guys and get on with the day. But just as I turn toward the house, something catches my eye.

Comet.

For a split second, my brain doesn’t register what I’m seeing. That blinding white coat with black spots is unmistakable, but the sight of her galloping toward the barn—alone—makes my heart lurch in my chest. The world seems to slow around me as I take in the scene, the soft morning light suddenly feeling too bright, too sharp. Comet looks worn down, thin, her ribs protruding a bit. There’s no telling how long she’s been running. But there’s another thing... There’s no one riding her. No Holden.

A cold wave of fear crashes over me, drowning out everything else. Comet is here, but Holden isn’t. That fact hits me like a punch to the gut, knocking the air from my lungs. Panic grips me so hard it hurts, squeezing my chest until I can barely breathe. Comet doesn’t go anywhere without Holden. She’s too loyal, too well-trained. For her to show up here, on her own, can only mean one thing—something’s happened. Something horrible.

My thoughts spiral, jumping from one terrifying possibility to the next. Has he fallen? Is he hurt? Is he…?

No. I can’t let myself go there. Not yet. But the fear is relentless, clawing at me, refusing to let go. The image of Holden, broken and bleeding somewhere out there, flashes through my mind, and I can’t shake it. His stupid grin, the way he always finds a way to make me laugh even when I don’t want to—it all rushes back to me in a painful blur.

“Holden?” I shout, my voice cracking with desperation. The sound echoes through the quiet morning, but there’s no response. Of course, there isn’t. I know that. But the silence cuts through me like a knife anyway.

My legs are moving before I even realize it, carrying me back into the barn. My hands are trembling as I grab EJ’s reins, fumbling with the leather as I try to get the saddle on. The cold, stiff feel of it is in complete opposition with the burning panic rising in my chest. Every second feels like an eternity, every heartbeat a painful reminder that Holden is out there, somewhere, and I’m not with him.

Everything else fades away. The soft glow of the morning, the peaceful sounds of the farm waking up—it’s all a blur. All I can think about is Holden. For months now, I’ve worried about him, wondered where he is, if he’s even still alive. The fear of losing him when the sight of Comet makes it seem like he’s so close, of finding him too late, twists something deep inside me, a pain I can’t put into words.

I don’t even notice Adrian near the main house as I swing up onto EJ’s back. My mind is too consumed with fear, too focused on finding Holden to register anything else. Magnum’s bark echoes behind me, but I don’t stop. There’s no time. EJ senses my urgency, and we take off in a blur, hooves pounding against the earth as we race across the field. The wind whips through my hair, but it does nothing to cool the fire of panic burning in my chest.

Holden has to be out there. And I have to find him—before it’s too late.