Best Of Both Worlds (Colorado Black Diamonds #4)

Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty-Three

NOAH

“ A re you ready to get out of here, Noah?” The door to my hospital room swings open and the doctor and his interns walk in.

“Fuck, yes.”

“Noah!” Mom chides me.

The doctor laughs. “It’s okay. I wouldn’t want to be cooped up here any longer.”

“See, Mom? Even the doctor agrees.”

“Mainly because I wouldn’t be able to survive on the food.”

“I’m ready to get home to my place and make my own food.”

“Wait.” A panicked look comes over Mom’s face. Something I’m very familiar with these last few weeks. Any time I shifted, she’d start hovering to make sure I was okay. “Who is going to take care of him?”

“Mom.” I don’t roll my eyes at her—only because I don’t want to get my ass handed to me. “I’m thirty-one. I can stay on my own.”

“Actually,” the doctor starts, “for the next few weeks you should have someone with you. In case you have any setbacks, you want someone to be able to take you to the hospital.”

Oh, fuck me. The exact wrong words to say to my mother.

“What about Graham?” Dad asks. There’s a placating tone to his voice. I know he’s doing it to try and appease me, but I know Mom. Mom won’t hear it.

“Graham? The same guy who hasn’t been to see Noah in the hospital once? That Graham?” Okay, maybe Mom is more annoyed for reasons other than I thought. “Forget that, but he has games to play. What if he’s away and Noah has an episode?”

“An episode?” I ask.

“Any sudden headaches, and we’d want to know immediately,” the doctor tells us.

“Are we able to take him home with us?” Mom asks. “To Denver, I mean. We’d be able to have him with us to keep a better eye on him.”

“He would be cleared to fly, so I don’t see why you couldn’t do that.”

“That settles that.” Mom sticks her hand out to shake the doctor’s hand. “Thank you for everything you’ve done to help take care of Noah. I’ll never forget it.”

“We want to see our star player back on the ice next season. The nurse will be in shortly for discharge. I hope I don’t see you again.”

“Thanks, Doc. I can say the same to you.”

After he leaves, I breathe a sigh of relief. Even though I won’t be rejoining the team, at least I won’t have to be staring at a hospital ceiling for the next however many days.

“Are we able to stop by my place before we head home?” I ask as soon as they’re gone.

Dad nods. “We have plenty of time. The team owner said we can use their plane to get home, so I don’t think they’d mind if we have a stowaway.”

I laugh, and for the first time, it doesn’t hurt. Maybe there is an end in sight to this whole ordeal. Even if my body is starting to heal, the process of my heart healing might not happen immediately.

Because I still haven’t talked to Graham. And if I leave for Denver tonight, I don’t know when I’ll see him next.

I don’t want to run out of town without having the chance to talk to him. What I’ll say to him? I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.

The drive from the hospital to home seems never-ending. With each passing minute, the nerves in my stomach threaten to overwhelm me.

Given that it’s a Wednesday with an away game tomorrow, practice should be getting out soon. Unless Coach dismissed everyone early.

I really don’t fucking know.

The panic at seeing Graham is starting to settle in now. I’ve never had to deal with this before. The guy in Denver? It fizzled out on its own. No big dramatic breakup.

Maybe if there had been feelings involved, it might have been more difficult. It was just fun. Easy.

With Graham? It’s a lot harder. Because feelings are definitely involved.

I follow my parents up from the garage, and with each passing floor, I wish I could have just waited in the car.

Like a coward.

When Dad unlocks the door, the apartment is empty. Blissfully so.

“Take a few minutes. We’ll start packing,” Dad tells me.

“Okay.”

Walking in here now feels so different from that day all the months ago when I moved in here. Back then, it was more apprehension because I had no idea if Graham and I would get along well enough to make it work.

And now here we are.

The two of us in a weird limbo because I fell for him when I told myself I shouldn’t. Because Graham was only just starting to figure out this side to him. A side that I’ve known about myself for as long as I’ve been alive.

Sitting down on the couch, the memories, while once happy, seem painful. Because I know what I have to do.

I can’t keep Graham. It’s clear he doesn’t want me since he didn’t come see me once in the hospital.

If he is going to figure out what he really wants—who he really is—then he needs to walk that path on his own. I don’t want to unknowingly influence him in any way.

No matter how much it’s going to suck.

Pushing up off the couch on my good hand, I head into my room to try and help my parents pack up my room.

“Do you want to pack everything up, Noah?” Mom asks. “Or is there anything we can leave and get later?”

“Just clothes for now. I don’t think Graham will mind if I have to come back.”

“We can always send Dad back to finish up later,” she tells me.

“Just like that?” Dad laughs.

“I have school. And if we need someone to stay with Noah, we can have Piper stay for a few days.”

“I think I can be by myself for a few hours.”

We haven’t even made it back to Denver, and I can feel the headache coming on of having people hovering twenty-four seven.

I love my parents, I really do, but there’s a reason I don’t live with them. Mom is muttering about my laundry not being folded properly while Dad just packs it up tight into a duffle.

Between the two of them—because I was yelled at when I tried to help—they make quick work of it. With the last few things being tossed in, there isn’t much left to do.

Which means I might be able to take the coward’s way out and not see Graham.

“I think this is everything?” Mom asks, looking around my now half-empty room.

“It’s good enough for now.” I left a lot of stuff in storage back in Denver because I didn’t see the point in shipping it across the country when my place wasn’t even ready. And after moving in with Graham, I didn’t really need it. “If I need anything, I can just pick it up in Denver.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll text the travel coordinator to let them know we’ll be ready. Maybe we can grab you something to eat before the flight? Get some non-hospital food in you?” Dad asks.

“Sure.”

It’s then I hear the front door open.

“Do you want to see if Graham wants to come for dinner?” Dad asks.

I shake my head. “No. That’s okay. I’d rather get back to Denver. But I might go talk to him for a few minutes.”

Talking here? That I can handle. Probably.

Dinner with him? With my parents?

Abso-fucking-lutely not.

“We’ll take everything down to the car and meet you out front. Take your time.”

I nod at Dad as he and Mom heft the bags into their arms and head downstairs. I hear the pleasantries exchanged as I grab a Knights zip-up from my closet and slip into it.

I can’t delay this anymore.

Heading out of my room, I find Graham standing in the living room by himself, looking at the back of the front door.

“Hey.”

“You’re leaving?” He spins on his heel to face me.

Graham looks about as good as I feel.

Which is to say, shit.

“I need someone to stay with me in case there’s any relapse.”

“Are they worried about that?”

Graham shoves his hands into his gray sweatpants. The sweatshirt he’s wearing clings to his muscles. I hate how good he looks.

I hate that I know if we didn’t have a game tonight, and I wasn’t in this condition, that we’d probably be planning a fun night together.

I hate that this is what we’ve come to.

“It’s a possibility.”

“You can’t stay here?”

The desperation in his voice is easy to pick up on. And it cracks my heart a little bit more.

“I can’t. You know why.”

“So you’re going home? Were you even going to tell me?” Now there’s bitterness in his voice. Not that I can blame him.

“I was planning on it.”

“Really?” Graham crosses his arms. “Because I have a feeling if I wasn’t here right now, we wouldn’t have crossed paths at all.”

I rub a hand over my forehead. I don’t want to be feeling any worse than I already am, but there’s no denying it at this point.

“Graham—”

“Look.” He holds out his hands. “I’m sorry. I didn’t react well in the hospital, and I know that’s on me.”

“Is that why you didn’t come see me?”

A few of the guys stopped by, but the one person I wanted to see—but also, didn’t want to see at the same time—never actually came.

A shameful look comes over his face. I hate that I put it there, but really, he didn’t come to see me.

“I didn’t think you’d want to see me, to be honest.”

“I wanted to.” It comes out as a whisper. A wish that I wanted more than anything but also wouldn’t have known how to deal with had he shown up.

“So stay.” Graham takes one step closer but I take a step back. I can’t say what I need to say if he’s too close. Breathing Graham-infused air wouldn’t do me any good right now.

“I think this thing between us has run its course.”

“What?”

I nod, scrubbing a hand through my messy beard— because who has time to shave in the fucking hospital?

“We knew this wouldn’t be a forever kind of thing, and now I have to focus on my recovery. I’ve got a long road ahead of me.”

“That’s it? You just decide that this is over and that’s it?”

I shake my head and immediately regret it. Pushing the heel of my hand into my eyes, I try to stave off the wave of pain that settles there.

Fuck. Getting a concussion really sucks.

“Are you okay?”

Graham’s voice is close. So close, I sink into the feel of it as it washes over me. Tears now sting my eyes.

I hate that I set myself up for this.

Graham was only just starting to explore his sexuality while I am secure in my own. It was never going to work. I let myself go down this road, and for what?

A broken heart and a banged-up head?

“I’ll be fine,” I whisper, keeping my eyes focused on my sneakers. “But I can’t keep doing this, Graham.”

“Tell me why.”

“Because—”

“Look at me when you say it.” Graham’s knuckle comes under my chin as he drags my eyes up to meet his. The brown orbs are swirling with pain. The same pain I’ve been feeling every day for the last two weeks.

“Because we’re in different places. I’ve never hidden who I am, and you’re just figuring out who you are.”

“But—”

I cut him off. “I don’t want to pressure you. That’s the absolute last thing that I want. But being here with you isn’t going to make you figure it out any faster. And I can’t keep doing this to myself.”

Graham’s warm hand cups my cheek. I want to lean into his touch but I don’t. Everything hurts.

My head.

My shoulder.

My heart.

No need to make it worse than it is.

“I can be that person for you,” Graham tells me. There’s not much confidence infused in his tone, and it helps to solidify my decision.

“I don’t want to force you into something you’re not ready for, Graham. I would never forgive myself if I did. I know what that guy’s comment did to you.”

“I wish it didn’t.”

I nod ever so softly. “I know. It’s okay. I don’t want you to get hurt in all of this.”

Even though I know I’m breaking both of our hearts right now.

“I don’t know when I’ll be back, but I’ll be sure to find another place when I do.”

“I’m not kicking you out.”

“I know, but I can’t stay here.”

Seeing Graham every day and not being able to touch him? It’d be a hell of my own making.

Leaning in, Graham presses a soft kiss to my lips. I want to savor it. Hold him close and let him press his mouth to every part of me that hurts. To make everything feel better.

Instead, I hold back the tears and step away from him. The man I have irrevocably fallen in love with.

“I’ll see you around, Graham.”

And with that, I’m gone.

Leaving my heart in the hands of a man who I wish could love me back.

Life fucking sucks.