Bitter Brambles (The Ivy Institute #2)

Chapter 17

ZIV

S ince hearing back from Moros, the last week has been a new kind of hell. Somehow, knowing I may be one step closer to her is harder to deal with than being in the dark, or maybe it’s the deadline of the approaching meeting that is driving me insane. I pushed out the meeting date since I knew it would take a little time to gather the items needed and ensure their arrival at Frostburn. It could have been sooner if I was willing to go without laying eyes on Briar, but I need to see her, even if I won’t be able to touch her.

Kage has been my shadow for days. I think he’s worried he’s going to miss the chance to speak with her, or that I’m lying to him about the scheduled time. Either way, I don’t care. Strangely enough, I find having him around makes me feel closer to Briar, or maybe it’s just knowing there is someone else who misses her almost as much as I do.

He’s currently pacing in my room, flickering in and out of his shadow form as if he can’t be bothered to control his ability. He’s kept his word and not killed anyone else, which is more than I can say for myself. I killed Briar’s father in a fit of rage weeks ago, but I haven’t admitted it to anyone. I hate that I let him die so easily, but I take solace in the fact that his torment will not end, even with death. His place in hell was secured long before I met him.

“Will she be there?” Kage has asked this question several times, and my answer is always the same, yet there’s irritation in my tone now.

“I do not know, demon. The only thing I do know is that he agreed to meet us.” I’ve tried to learn what I can about the shifter, but I have to be careful. It would be foolish to assume there wasn’t someone paying attention to my every move. I’ve taken every precaution I could just to set up this meeting, and it’s still too dangerous of a risk, but I have to know if she has any insight into who took her and why. That’s what I’m telling myself, anyway, to validate the gamble, but really, I need to see her to know she’s okay and meet the male who better be protecting her while we can’t.

“What time is it?” He moves on to his next question when I don’t answer the first one in a way that satisfies him.

“Are you going to be able to keep it together?”

Kage snaps his head in my direction and gives me a glower that says, You’re one to talk.

“I don’t know how long they will be able to keep the channel open,” I warn for both our sakes. I would love to be able to control everything, but it’s very apparent that isn’t in the cards.

“Yeah, I know. It’s more important that we will be able to use this method again undetected than it is to watch her every move,” he intones, pretty much repeating what we’ve already talked about. He drops his ass into the space next to me as if he’s exhausted all his other options.

The oval mirror we’re using isn’t particularly large, but both our faces are visible in the reflection. I can only hope its twin made it safely to Frostburn and into Briar’s hands, along with the tablet. It’s a pity that I won’t be able to hear her voice, but this is the best solution I could come up with.

I look at the clock, noting we have another twenty minutes before the channel will open, but I’m too edgy to move from this spot because I’m afraid I will somehow miss her. Kage makes it five minutes before he’s pacing again, and that’s how he remains until I trace a rune on the mirror with the tip of my finger at the predetermined time. The surface goes dark and appears to distort before the image of a male peers out at me.

In my quick assessment before scanning the frame for Briar, I notice his eyes are only a few shades lighter than Briar’s.

“Where is she?” Kage demands, ignoring the fact that the male can’t hear us. The male, who I’m assuming is Moros, looks to his left. His entire face changes right before my eyes, and I know for certain he’s looking at Briar. There’s a softness in his adoring gaze I never allowed myself to show.

I scribble on the tablet and hold it up to the screen.

Briar

It will be backwards in the reflection, but I’m certain he will be able to read it, or at least it will prompt him to look at the tablet he should have received along with the scrying mirror.

The male rises to scoot to the side, and his gaze never wavers as he watches Briar slowly lower herself into the seat next to him. Seeing her is like a punch to the gut. She’s wrapped in a heavy fur cloak that covers her body from the neck down. Her cheeks are a little sunken, proving she lost some of the hard-earned weight she gained while at the Ivy. I bite the inside of my lip instead of admonishing the male for not providing better. How many times has she gone without?

My tablet hits the floor when I kneel before the mirror and extend my hand as if I might actually be able to touch her.

Finally, she looks up, and my heart sinks. There’s pain in her pinched features, but what kills me is the wariness I see in her eyes. I knew she assumed the worst, thinking I abandoned her, but knowing it and seeing it are two very different things.

My palm covers most of the male’s face when I lay my hand on the mirror. She doesn’t make a move to return the gesture. In fact, she actually looks even more uncomfortable as she starts to fidget. It’s only when I see her move that I realize the shifter has pulled her over onto his lap where she sinks into his hold.

My thoughts spiral into splintered threads. There’s a part of me that’s so fucking relieved to see she’s alive and outwardly safe, but it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. I need to be with her and hold her. Another thought forms. If I was in the male’s place, would I have had the same reaction as the shifter? Would I have comforted her physically the way he did, without thought? Or would I have treated it as a lesson for her to learn to school her emotions, so they couldn’t be used against her on or off the battlefield?

I curl my hand into a fist in defeat before removing it from the glass, because I know the answer to my question. I’ve been so focused on making sure Briar was strong enough to survive the Undertaking, I failed her as a mate in so many other ways. I believed there would be time after the trials to be what she needed, at least that’s what I told myself, but really, I’m just a selfish prick.

When I pull myself together enough to return to my seat, I find Kage already has the tablet in his hands, and he’s writing fervently.

If something happens, we will keep the mirror open until you can get back to us.

The shifter hands Briar the tablet, and she turns her face down to read the writing. When she looks up again, she avoids looking at me and focuses on Kage. She gives him a tiny nod, as if to agree, then remains completely still. She doesn’t even attempt to write back.

Are you safe? has anyone hurt you?

That question earns a shrug in response. Kage turns his head to glare at me. Clearly, he blames me for her closed off reaction. I can’t even argue that it isn’t my fault. I was the god of war, so strategies and battle were my life, yet I’m the one who let her get taken and did nothing about it after.

I reach for the tablet, pulling it from the demon’s lap. Belatedly, I realize he isn’t wearing gloves. I could have touched him, though it would have been accidental because the desire to end my existence is absent. I’m being reckless, and I don’t do reckless. I need to focus.

I’m sorry I didn’t protect you.

I watch Briar’s face for clues to tell me what she’s feeling the moment she finally decides to look down and read what I wrote. I don’t need to be with her to hear her sharp inhale, because her entire body reacts, tensing up. I continue writing before she has a chance to look away.

The only reason I left you there was to keep you safe. I’m afraid if I interfere, they will hurt you to punish me. I will come for you the moment I know I can do it without risking your safety.

Her shoulders shudder when she takes another deep breath. When she looks up this time, she doesn’t avoid my eyes, so I see the wet sheen in hers. The weight of her gaze and all the emotion in it nearly cripples me. I failed her and continue to fail her every day I’m not with her. Kage was correct. I should have made sure my contact told her that the moment I decided to trust him to report back to me on her.

I’m sorry I let you believe you were alone.

Why?

Her simple question should be easy to answer, but it isn’t, especially when I can’t touch or speak to her so I can make her understand I know I made a mistake.

I fucked up.

Briar’s eyes narrow, but she doesn’t push me for more even though we both know the answer I gave isn’t nearly good enough. Seconds pass, and I know I’m wasting precious time, but I can’t bring myself to do anything about it. I just want to stare at her, rememorizing her freckles and the golden flecks in her eyes, but I know I need to focus on her safety, and everything else will have to wait.

Eventually, the shifter gently places a hand on the stone tablet and looks to her for permission to take it from her lap. She hands it over without argument. Instead of watching him, with his arms curled around her to write over her lap, I look down at my paired tablet and watch his words appear.

What do I need to know to keep her safe now?

Are the gods still watching her?

Briar places her hand on the shifter’s, and he returns the quill to her immediately. That’s two points in his favor. He asked the right question, and he knows to defer to her.

Never.

Never?

Briar shakes her head slowly while making eye contact.

“But you said they were watching her! Why would they take her from us and just leave her there?” Kage accuses.

“I don’t know. Maybe they were trying to lure me out.”

Can’t hear you. Is she still there with you?

Briar points at me after writing. I can only assume she’s referring to Oaktar, but I don’t know why she would think she would still be here.

No, she fled when her hold on me started to crack and hasn’t returned since.

Why did Syrinx trade me?

“Trade you?” I mouth the words, confused by her assertion.

Yes, that bitch god.

The shifter seizes the quill from her fingers before she can finish writing and gives her a censuring look. Briar snarls in response and snatches the quill back, but instead of finishing the insult to the goddess, she delivers a dig to me instead.

Your girlfriend told me Syrinx traded me.

Seeing those words feels like I’m plunged into an ice bath. What else did Oaktar tell her? I scratch out the word girlfriend before it can disappear from the tablet as it naturally would. Oaktar means nothing to me.

She asked me if I thought you thought about her when you were rutting me.

No! She just wanted to make you jealous. What else did she say?

If Briar were here, I could do more to reassure her, but my only option now is to shake my head in a blanket denial and hope it’s enough.

“Did you see what she said? Syrinx is behind this.” Kage takes the stone tablet from me. The only symbols still remaining are the runes etched along the border, since Briar’s words have already faded and she hasn’t answered my other question.

You’re certain of Syrinx’s involvement? She told Ziv she had nothing to do with your disappearance.

Briar tilts her head back to glance up at the male holding her in his lap, then she looks back at us through the mirror before nodding with confidence.

It was a trade. They took Taggert and got me in exchange.

“Did you notice someone new?” I look at Kage, having no recollection of a new novice since Briar’s arrival months ago.

“No, but I can’t really say I was paying much attention to attendance. I thought you said you knew who was behind this?” he complains.

“I thought I did, but that was when I believed Syrinx was only participating with the plan at best, not the instigator.”

“Are you fucking saying the gods aren’t even behind this, and that we’ve been kneeling to a power hungry banshee?” He’s just as outraged as I feel. Could I have complicated this, by assuming Oaktar was involved?

The shifter waves his hands to get our attention through the mirror. When he gives me an exasperated look of censure for ignoring him, I want to peel the skin off his face. He jabs his finger at the tablet over Briar’s lap, causing her to shift quickly to keep it from falling off her legs. I read the words already disappearing from our sister stone.

She was brought here by a dragon. The gods are involved in this.

They have to be. Oaktar’s participation proves it, but Briar is convinced Syrinx had more to do with this than just alerting the gods to my mate’s existence. Hearing there was a dragon involved in transporting Briar makes me more confident that Ryujin is tangled up in all of this as well. The god of chaos is one of the few remaining deities that still communicates with the dragons. At one time, he was considered their patron, but those days are long gone, as is the yoke we once shared. Chaos and war go hand in hand. When I decided to fall, he swore I would regret the decision. I suspected his involvement in Briar’s disappearance from the beginning. The god would thrive off watching me suffer and the mayhem he caused. “Tell him I know the gods have a hand in this and ask if we can trust his brother,” I instruct Kage, who scribbles on the tablet to do as I asked.

The shifter in front of me lowers his head so I can see his face right next to Briar’s and shakes his head while making a cutting motion with his hand. I suspected as much. Eris is weak. He doesn’t even belong at the Ivy. The fact that he is here speaks volumes. Someone arranged for his attendance and probably continues to support his pathetic performance, most likely hoping he will never see battle at the Undertaking, or if he does, then the others will be strong enough to keep him alive.

He is an opportunist without a stitch of loyalty.

I nod in understanding. Considering we now possess an open line of communication through the scrying mirror and tablet, Eris is no longer useful anyway.

What is the plan?

The shifter’s question forces me to examine my failing and admit it. I extend my palm to Kage, requesting the tablet to write the only answer I have.

The plan is, and always will be, to keep Briar safe at all costs.

I recognize the moment realization sets in for her. Her features go slack with defeat. It wasn’t until then that I registered her wide, hopeful eyes or the way her shoulders were a little too high with expectant tension. She understands all too well what my nonanswer means—I am not coming for her.

With practiced movements, Briar adjusts the fur cloak on her shoulders, sinking her chin into the folds. Her easy acceptance nearly undoes me. I should be able to protect her from anything, yet I can’t ensure her safety, and worse yet, I still don’t even know exactly who or what the threat is.

I need time to get to the bottom of what’s going on and uncover everyone involved. I won’t risk losing you or putting you in harm’s way. Your safety is more important.

How much longer?

My chest constricts when I read her simple question.

I will come for you the moment I can.

And Sunny?

She looks over her shoulder to the male behind her. I pretend the softness in her gaze that is no longer present when she looks at me doesn’t feel like a knife to my chest. He brushes his nose against hers and speaks, but I can’t see enough of his mouth to make out what he’s saying. I do notice Briar’s eyes widen in horror when she jerks back to examine him, so I very much doubt whatever he said is welcome news.

When she finally turns to face the mirror again, there’s a wet sheen in her eyes.

I will have to stay until after the Undertaking. I won’t leave Sunny alone, and he has to stay.

What about me? echoes in my head, but I don’t allow myself to voice it. I don’t need to ask why he needs to stay. He’s next in line to be the alpha of his pack, and leaving could risk that, but I didn’t realize that would stop him. In reality, my only thoughts of him were about keeping Briar safe, knowing there was someone with her that we could trust. It was naive of me not to consider his importance to her, or maybe it was my mind’s way of protecting myself from realizing I’ve already lost part of her.

The part that was never yours to begin with.

The shifter wipes his hand across the stone in a bid to erase it faster before writing.

I want her wherever she is safest, but I will not risk the ire of the gods by leaving and not competing in the games. I know their tricks.

He cocks a brow at me as if implying he’s lumping me in with their group. I don’t care to defend myself. It seems he knows what the gods are actually capable of, and he doesn’t want to risk his ties to Briar being severed any more than I do.

“If you’re going to just sit there staring, let me talk to her.” Kage reaches for the tablet.

Can you get away to talk every day? What time?

Maybe, but they barely have any clocks here. Isn’t that crazy? I never know what time it is.

What is your schedule like?

Gym, food, training, food. We spend most of the rest of the time in our room.

You need to eat more than twice a day! Is it freezing there?

Briar rolls her eyes at the fact that he’s telling her to eat more. I don’t remind the demon that twice a day may be all she’s allowed. I know for certain he will relive this moment in his head over and over when he isn’t looking at her, and it will dawn on him then. She nods before putting the tip of the quill back on the stone.

The next hour is filled with all of us exchanging easy questions just to keep talking. I don’t say any of the important things I want to tell her, like how much I miss the way her skin smells and how I would give anything to hear her voice and touch her again. When her eyelids start to sink lower, and she begins yawning over and over, I finally give her permission to close the connection between the mirrors, but only with the promise she will open it again tomorrow whenever she can. I’ll wait in my room all day, because there’s no chance I’ll risk missing her until I know her schedule better.

I place my hand on the glass, fighting the urge to see if I could push through the connection. If I were still a god, it would be easy, a simple transfer of matter, but I’m not certain I could do it in my current state, and I am fairly certain the wards around the Ivy would prevent me from traveling that way as well.

Briar’s expression softens when she sees me lift my palm to the glass. For a heartbeat, I think she’s going to ignore the gesture again, but then she sinks to the floor, getting as close as she can to the mirror, and mimics my pose. My heart thunders in my chest. I know I’m not breathing right, but I can’t do anything about it either.

“I’m sorry,” I mouth, hoping I have the chance to prove how sorry I really am to her at some point.

Her lips pull into a sad line before she replies, “I understand.” I wasn’t expecting her to absolve me. I don’t deserve that, but I wasn’t expecting the stab of pain from her acceptance either.

In a blink, she’s gone, and I’m left staring at myself. My first thought is to shatter the fucking mirror and everything in this room, but I keep a tight hold on my temper until I know I’m not going to destroy my only means of communication with her and half the school.

When I finally stand, Kage is bent over in the chair with his head in his hands, massaging his temples. “I don’t think I’ll make it to the Undertaking. Not like this.”

I want to be mad at him for feeling sorry for himself, but I don’t have it in me. The demon is the only thing that saved me from myself, and I owe him the same in return. “You will make it, Kage. We both will because we have to. When we know she’s safe, we can explore our options.”

He lifts his face, allowing me to see his troubled purple eyes. “Our options?” he questions, wondering if I still have a death wish too. The problem is, I’m not sure myself, so I don’t bother answering him at all.