Bonded Beyond Regret (Mated to the Monster: Season 2)

CHAPTER 14

NYX

“Hi, Mom,” my voice is bright when I answer the phone.

Guilt hits me, but this time it’s in a different way than I normally feel it. I miss Mom and Dad, of course, but I’ve been so busy in Waning Moon that I haven’t talked to her as much as I should have. Just because I’m finding happiness, doesn’t mean I want to escape the past completely and my parents deserve better than that.

They were there for me when I needed them the most. Without them helping me over the last three years, I don’t think I would have been able to get through it.

Just because I’m happy now doesn’t mean I can forget about them.

Sure, I’ve texted them and checked in, but they have no idea how much my life has changed and how rich it has become in my new pack. And that’s on me.

“You sound,” Mom’s voice is cautious as she pauses like she’s looking for the right word, “happy.”

“I am,” I gush. “I’m sorry I haven’t been keeping you in the loop like I should have. So much has changed since moving here. All good things,” I rush to add knowing that she’s been worried about me for a long time, “I promise.”

Her sigh is full of relief and is a long time coming. “Oh, my pup,” I can hear the tears in her voice, “I’m so glad. I want to hear all about it.”

Everything that has happened since I moved to Waning Moon comes spilling out of me. I don’t go into detail when it comes to how hard Samuel makes me come or how well he loves my body because she doesn’t need to know that. But everything else? I don’t leave anything out.

The noises she makes as I go through my story are gold. She sighs with contentment. She gasps in surprise. She makes cute noises full of heart eyes and romance. She grunts when I tell her about being scared or cautious.

“And it’s been a few days since we admitted that we’ve fallen in love. It’s big and it’s scary, but it feels right.” I huff out a breath, realizing just how much I laid at Mom’s feet at one time.

She’s quiet for a long moment, so long that I almost pull the phone away from my ear to make sure that the call hasn’t dropped. She startles me when she practically screams, “This is the most amazing thing I have ever heard!”

I don’t have to see Mom to know that she’s probably crying. When I brush my hand along my cheek, I realize that I’m crying as well. Instead of sadness, though, these are tears of joy. It’s an emotional story, one that I earned through years of pain.

Surprisingly, I can make peace with that.

“I’m so happy for you, Nyx,” her voice is thick with emotion. “I had such a good feeling about you moving packs, even though it would be difficult to not have you and Aisley with us. I just knew you needed this and would find something to help you keep going.”

“Mama intuition, huh?” I tease her and she chuckles softly.

“You know it,” she commiserates with me because I do know. “Which is why I know there’s something you’re still worried about.” I open my mouth to tell her she’s wrong, but I don’t get the chance. “Don’t try to deny it and just because you’re worried about something doesn’t mean you aren’t happy. I know you are. I can hear it in your voice. It’s like you’ve come alive again.”

“I’m a mess of contradictions,” I sigh.

“That’s life,” Mom snorts unapologetically.

She’s right, I know it. The duality of life, the contradictions, provide a balance. Even when you feel like you’re being torn in two directions, we need both sides. The good and the bad. The darkness and the light. The strong and the weak.

Mom waits me out, not pushing me and not demanding answers. Whether it’s an interrogation tactic or she’s just allowing me space to process, the end result is the same.

I fold like a house of cards.

“I haven’t talked to Aisley about being with Samuel yet,” I admit. “I know she loves Samuel. She seeks him out and blossoms under his attention, but that was with him as our Alpha. Will it be different if she knows we’re together and working toward a future together? Will she be hurt by it and feel like we’re erasing Andrew? I don’t want to hurt her, and I don’t want to lose Samuel. I don’t know if I can survive either thing.”

Mom chuckles under her breath and I narrow my eyes even though she can’t see me. I huff my displeasure at her finding this amusing. It’s not.

“I’m not laughing at you, my pup,” her voice is light and airy, like I don’t have real worries making my gut tighten over here. “You need to have a little faith, Nyx,” she admonishes me gently. “Have faith in Samuel to be what you and Aisley needs. Have faith in Aisley that she’ll embrace having Samuel in your lives. She wants you to be happy and I can hear how much lighter you are. She’s been worried about you, but now she doesn’t need to be. Even if she didn’t already love Samuel, which is sounds like she does, you being happy would be enough for her.”

“You know, when you use logic with me and sound all reasonable, it really makes it difficult for me to be annoyed with you,” I snark.

She starts laughing and it doesn’t take me more than a second to join her. When was the last time I laughed with my Mom? My heart aches at the thought. I regret the time I lost to my grief. I can’t go back and change it, and I had to get through it, but that doesn’t mean I can’t recognize the time we’ve lost.

“Don’t,” Mom warns.

I croak, “Don’t what?”

“Don’t go there. I can almost hear your thoughts. You had to grieve, and you deserved the time to do that. No one gets to judge you for it, and you don’t get to judge yourself for it just because you have a little perspective now. One day you’ll look back and the last three years won’t feel so big. You’ll still love and remember Andrew, but your life will be full of so much more. That is all I want for you and there’s no room for regrets or what ifs in my dream for you, my pup.”

“How do you do that? How do you know exactly what I’m thinking and what I need to hear?”

She barks out a laugh, her tone sage, “Mama intuition.”

“I love you, Mom,” I sigh, needing to say it, needing her to hear it.

“I love you too, my pup.” Her tone becomes stern, “Now, go and talk to my sweet grandpup and let her surprise you and put your fears to rest.”

“Fine,” I groan, holding he word out.

I have no doubt that Aisley will surprise me. She has a knack for doing just that. It’s been that way since she was born, and I don’t see it changing anytime soon.

We hang up after promising to check in soon and figure out a time when they can come and visit us here. I want to show them my life here and I want them to see how happy I am. I could go to them, but they wouldn’t get the full effect. For so long my parents had to see me wallowing in the pain, I want them to see that it’s different for me now.

When I go looking for Aisley, I find her in her room and laying on her bed. She has headphones on and her tablet in front of her. I pull her headphones off, and she looks at me with a huge scowl on her face. I know she’s trying to look mean, but it’s just adorable.

“Mom,” she groans, and I swear she sounds like a teenager. I’m not ready for that and scrunch my nose up.

She’s growing up way too fast. She was just a little baby in my arms, I swear. I don’t like it, but I know it is how it’s supposed to be.

“What are you doing?” I sit on the edge of her bed, and she shifts until she’s sitting up against her headboard.

“Just listening to some music,” she explains and shrugs.

I nod, trying not to give in to how nervous I am. There’s no need for me to be nervous. Mom is right, I need to give my little girl a chance to be the amazing person she is growing up to be.

“I wanted to talk to you about something,” my voice is cautious, and my words are measured. Aisley’s eyebrows shoot up and she nods slowly like she’s bracing for something bad. I know that her reaction is because of the past three years, and I hate it. I have to fight hard not to flinch. “It’s nothing bad,” I promise and then immediately backpedal, “at least I don’t think it’s bad.”

“Mom,” Aisley stops my spiraling thoughts and touches my arm like she’s reassuring me even though that’s my job.

I shake my head and take a deep breath. “I wanted to talk to you about how you would feel if Samuel and I were to be together, like officially together as a couple.”

Aisley blinks a few times, and panic starts to set in. This could be what breaks my girl, and she’s pushed over the edge. If it is then it’s been a long time coming.

Before I can figure out what to say, because I really am at a loss here, she launches herself at me and wraps her arms around my neck and squeezes until it’s difficult to breathe.

“I figured you two were already together,” she squeals very close to my ear, not that I’m going to temper her excitement. Not about this. “He’s looked at you like you’re the full moon since the moment we got here. And he’s so nice. I love him like he loves me. Even if he didn’t like me, it wouldn’t matter because he makes you happy.” She pulls back and presses her small hands against my cheeks with enough force that I have fish lips. “You deserve to be happy,” she breathes.

The only way to stop myself from crying is blinking about a million times. The lump in my throat is a good thing. I can almost ignore that dull throb in my chest. I don’t ever want Aisley to lose her connection to Andrew, but she has a big heart that has room to love Samuel as well.

“I’m so glad you love him, and I know he loves you too,” I barely get the words out as I pull my daughter back into my arms and hug her tight.

I will always be grateful that I was blessed with the beautiful soul that is my pup.

“Are we going to live with Sammy in the packhouse? Does this mean I could become the Alpha? Do you think,” her tone is cautious, “it would be okay for me to call him Daddy Sam?”

With a squeeze, I slowly let go of her. The look on her face tells me that she’s not only worried about how Samuel would feel about that, but me as well. I hate that she’s even a little bit worried about how I would react, but I get it.

“I think he would like that,” I admit. “I won’t ever forget your dad. He will always be a part of me because he was my mate and he’s part of you. We can remember him and honor him while moving forward and I know that Samuel can help us find a future worth living.”

Her eyebrows pull together like she’s thinking about my words. She nods slowly as she processes, and I can see Andrew in her so clearly for a moment. But I can see myself as well.

“Love our pup,” my wolf purrs softly.

Me too.

“How about we go and see Samuel? The only way we can fid out how he’ll feel about something is to go and ask him,” I point out.

Her eyes go wide and then she’s pulling me out the door and toward the packhouse with a strength that makes me laugh. When we reach his office and Aisley knocks, my heart starts to pound. I barely hear him tell us to come in.

The moment we do, Aisley lets go of my hand and rushes toward Samuel. He barely has time to push back from his desk before she’s there and crawling into his lap. She lays her hands on his cheeks and holds him in place.

As he takes in the very serious look on her face, he tries to glance at me, but she doesn’t allow it. It’s not easy to hold in my laughter.

Samuel’s voice is curious and cautious, “What’s going on with my favorite females?”

“Mom just had a very important talk with me,” Aisley’s face doesn’t give anything away. “She told me that you’re together now as a couple.”

His eyes go wide, and his heart starts to pound harder in his chest. “We are. How do you feel about that?”

If I weren’t already in love with this man, that would do it.

“I have a few questions.” Aisley doesn’t give him a chance to respond before she blurts, “Are we going to move in here and live in the Alpha suite? Do you know how to make pancakes with chocolate chips? What are you planning to get me for my birthday? How do you feel about vacations? I want to go to the beach.” I know some of these questions are coming out of nowhere because she’s nervous about asking the one that’s most important to her. “Can I call you Daddy Sammy?”

Samuel sucks in a sharp breath before he wraps his arms around my girl and presses her against his chest. She buries her face against his neck and squeezes him as hard as she can.

“I’ll answer all your questions and if I don’t have an answer then we’ll figure it out together,” his voice is thick with emotion as he looks at me to let me know that his answer is just as much for me as it is for Aisley. “Most importantly,” he swallows hard, his eyes glassy, “I would be honored to be called ‘Daddy Sammy’.” He nuzzles the top of her head. “I love you, little one, so much.”

“I love you, Daddy Sammy.”

Seeing such tender emotions for me and for the girl he wants to be a father to cross the face of the big, strong Alpha is a memory that will sit side by side with memories of Andrew for the rest of my life.