Bound by Darkness (Bound By Series)

35. Bonfire

Chapter 35

Bonfire

THALIA

Fin and I followed the faint drumming sounds as we weaved through the tents. The roads were empty, carts and caravans packed up against the sides. A chill breeze cut through the camp, sending shivers under my wool cloak as if a front of rain had slammed into the ground.

The smell of smoke tickled my nose as the drumming grew louder and louder?—

It was breathtaking.

Dancers lined the outskirts of the massive bonfire, their orange skirts thin and flowing as they twirled to the steady beating of the tambourines and drums. It was mesmerizing and intimidating as everyone danced to the same tempo, their feet in perfect harmony.

Laughter ebbed and flowed between laments of beating, filling the open air with a vibrating buzz.

“I’ll be right back,” Fin whispered in my ear before tapping my hand in farewell.

Shuffling to the far right, I blended in as much as possible, hoping to disappear among the merriment. I wanted to appear uninterested so no one would spot me before the announcements. I hated talking, especially when it required me to be cordial and polite. Those conversations were filled with fake promises and stupid questions society had deemed necessary to socialize. Even as a kid, my father said my ability to interact was poor. Maybe it was because I saw through the bullshit.

Biting my fingernails, I let the music sway me, the melody sweet and pungent as it caressed my ears. My foot tapped along to the beat, my head bobbing gently as the drums reached their forte.

When was the last time I’d listened to the swell and lull of music? Because this, this music?—

“Here.” A mug filled with sweet-smelling liquid dangled in front of my face, Fin’s grin visible from the side. A similar mug rested in his hand as he took a sip, a loud sigh flowing from his lips. “Gods, the ale here is heavenly.”

Grabbing the mug, I took another whiff, notes of cherry and brown sugar sticking to the back of my throat.

“Take a sip. Live a little.”

Furrowing my brows, I bid away the small, panicked voice in my head as I took a swig. Bitter liquid coated my tongue until the sweetness of the sugar quickly washed it away. It left a pleasant aftertaste as I swallowed another gulp and another?—

Fin wrestled the mug from my lips, a trail of liquid dribbling down my chin. “Take it easy.”

Wiping the sticky ale away, I clutched the mug between both hands. “Weren’t you saying to live?”

“Yes, a little . I much prefer you when you aren’t in a drunken stupor,” he mused. “An escort wouldn’t let a lady waste away without proper company.”

Grinning, I took another sip. “Oh? And where would this proper company be? ”

Fin’s chin flicked behind me, a mischievous gleam in his eyes. “I found you the perfect company.”

The ale bubbled in my stomach as Ivan stepped around the corner, dressed in black. He wasn’t wearing his fighting leathers or a random shirt he’d found from the slowly dwindling pile in our tent.

He’d replaced it with a well-made coat—black as the night sky. A stark contrast to the pop of blue peeking out from underneath. A few buttons were popped open, allowing the sheer blue material to stand out. Black pants fit him at the hips and remained straight to his feet, where a pair of similar black boots sat. His fighting boots.

His hair still twirled in familiar curly patterns, but it covered his ears instead. He always kept his hair behind his ears. A detail I’d noticed since Gwen’s house. As for his face, a bit of stubble covered his jaw, showing off his gods-damned blessed lineage that had heat pooling where it shouldn’t.

Turning around, I quickly took another large sip from my mug. “Anyone but him.”

“Too late. I believe he’s spotted us,” Fin said as he waved his arm in the air in greeting.

“Liar. You called him over here.”

“I did no such thing.”

Glaring, I opened my mouth in protest, but was cut off as Ivan clapped him on the back.

“You clean up well,” he said, a wide grin forming across his lips. “Iyanna’s outfit of choice too?”

Fin gave a slight nod. “You do as well.” Taking a sip from his ale, a grin formed across his lips. “Be grateful I already started drinking. Otherwise, I’d also sit here and make fun of your boots too.”

Ivan’s jaw clenched slightly. “My boots too? ”

Fin chucked his thumb toward me. “At least you both have similar style tastes.”

Despite his best efforts to hide it, Ivan’s eyes flicked over the span of my dress… slowly. A hand raised to rub his neck as his eyes finally stopped at my boots. “Nice boots,” he said before turning his attention to the fire.

“Yours too,” I muttered, the ale creeping up my spine in numbing waves as the heat of that gaze sunk into my skin.

Fin peered over into my mug as a frown formed across his face. “Looks like you need more ale. I’ll go find you some more and be right back.”

“You gave her ale?” Ivan’s brow raised.

Fin shrugged. “She deserves to live a little after all the mess she’s been forced into.”

“I can drink ale if I want to,” I said. “I can find it myself.” I took a step forward as Fin held out a hand.

“No, I insist,” he replied. “Be right back.” With a grin and a wink, he escaped into the fray, leaving me with the one person I did not want to be alone with. It didn’t help the ale subdued more than the tension. It also seemed to be breaking the mental walls I’d placed between us as those silver eyes met mine, a deep gnawing ache filling my stomach.

Pulling the wool cloak tighter to my frame, I cocked my head to the side. The world spun slightly at the movement. “What’s with the outfit?”

Ivan chuckled. “That’s your first question? I could ask you the same.”

I huffed out a breath. “Iyanna has… unique taste, doesn’t she?”

His eyes shimmered with the growing light. “Agreed, but I have to admit it looks quite lovely on you.”

Heat crept into my cheeks. “Thanks,” I muttered. The ale was a terrible vice as it stole the edge to my voice and my confidence. It also didn’t help Ivan’s presence lit my skin on fire.

“How’s the mark?”

The pounding in my heart grew louder as it drowned out my senses. He looked amazing tonight. Much different than I’d ever seen him. It also didn’t help I kept thinking about his question to me.

What did I want? Did I really want him or did I want the opportunity to do something stupid? To do something for myself? Or was it the deep ache tethering me to him—of the thoughts at night that kept me awake, longing for even a spare moment next to him?

His hand lightly tapped against my shoulder, my thoughts dissipating like ashes in the wind. “The blood oath mark. How is it?”

My hand rose to it. “Oh. It’s—it’s fine,” I stuttered. “I’ve forgotten it’s there most days.”

“I haven’t.” His hand clenched by his side.

“You act like I’ve traded my soul to Balor itself.”

“You might as well have.”

I raised my hand as my fingers smoothed a crease in his shirt. “And if I did? The Mother has never been there for me. Maybe it’s time to rely on someone else.”

His hand gently tugged on my fingers, the momentum swinging me a few stones from his chest. “What if it’s time to rely on you? To give yourself a reason to live?”

His fingers interlocked with mine. It was tight, but not enough that I couldn’t remove my hand if I wanted to. His heart was a steady beat against my palm, much louder than the drums around us.

I swallowed the bitter ale rising in my throat. He was the most constant thing I had in my life, but why wasn’t it enough? Why was it never enough to live for others? “I?—”

Ivan’s lips pressed into a thin line. “Thalia, it’s okay to breathe. It’s okay to wish for things. To have goals and dreams of your own.” A smile appeared. “You’re the one who taught me it’s okay.” His fingers brushed against my cheek as he tucked strands of hair away. His hand fell back at his side.

I hated the way my eyes fluttered—the way my knees buckled at that simple caress of his fingers.

“What is it you want?” he repeated, his lips an inch from my ear.

“I want—” I couldn’t say it. I couldn’t tell him I wanted him. It was unsafe to wish… to dream, because I’d lose it again.

You are cursed.

I was cursed. A burden meant to live alone. It was safer that way, because I wouldn’t lose anyone else. The more I opened up, the more suffering I’d experience. But why did I need more?

Why did I need him?

“My Thalia,” Iyanna purred, my head swiveling to her gaze as Ivan’s hand fell to his side. “Why are you seeking out such cheap entertainment tonight?”

Her hand twirled in one swift motion, pressing me against her side. Her arm lazily swung over my shoulders.

Ivan’s gaze flicked to her as pure rage flowed in those silver eyes.

“Oh, did I interrupt something?”

My neck burned, a hot ache burrowing deeper toward my chest as the blood oath activated.

Ivan glared at Iyanna. “Actually?—”

Iyanna raised a hand, her long nails taunting him ever so slightly. “Don’t worry. I’ll send her back to her tent well rested,” she purred as her hand gripped my shoulder. “Follow me.”

My body jolted at the command, my neck straining to glance back at Ivan.

“Oh, and lose the coat, will you? This dress was a gift; as I’m sure you can guess, it was tough to come by. The least you could do in thanks is show it off,” Iyanna said, her voice filled with boredom.

My brows furrowed as I nimbly shoved off the wool coat, the crisp air instantly sending goosebumps down my exposed back and chest. “And where am I supposed to put it?” I said with as much spite as I could muster.

The ale at least boosted my courage with her.

“Leave it with Ivan. It’ll have your scent on it which might subdue his Fae instincts.”

I kept my mouth shut as I walked back to him, cloak in hand.

Fin stood beside Ivan, two mugs filled with ale in his hands. “Oh, there you are. Here.” He handed the ale toward me.

“Keep it.” Holding my hand out, I held it between my fingers. “Iyanna said for you to hold it.”

Ivan grabbed the thick fabric, a snarl rising from his throat. “She’s lucky there’s so many people around.”

“Even if people weren’t around, what could you do?” My eyes floated to his.

The ale was subsiding, but the fluttering of my heart wasn’t. “I don’t want anything,” I repeated. I couldn’t tell him.

I needed to play it safe.

Ivan’s eyes still blazed. “And if I think you’re lying?”

A tug at my spine had me taking a step back. “I’ll see you both tomorrow.”

Maybe spending time with Iyanna would quell the gnawing ache in my stomach.

Resuming the position beside her, she grinned. “There. You look lovely with your cloak gone.” Flicking her long braids behind her shoulder, she walked to the middle of the crowd. “I hope you sober up quickly. We have a long night ahead of us.”