Bound by Darkness (Bound By Series)

36. Mortal Gods

Chapter 36

Mortal Gods

THALIA

Being on call was every bit as miserable as it sounded, and Iyanna called at the most random times, sometimes in the middle of the night when I needed precious sleep.

From first light to midday, I trained with Ivan. My mouth was slowly growing accustomed to the taste of dirt as I had yet to beat him. Then from midday to afternoon, I earned my keep. Iyanna supplemented me with a wage, but I still had to pull my weight around camp. Anything from gardening, to cooking with Gia, or cleaning the pastures.

From afternoon to night, I attended history lessons which required me to read and write. As Iyanna came to find out, I struggled with both, and in her words, it did not suit someone of prophetic nature. These were the lessons I despised the most, because Iyanna taught them.

While skilled in knowledge, she was a terrible teacher and expected memorization from me after one encounter with new information. If I answered incorrectly, I had to share one private memory. If I answered correct, she would state one fact about Cethales’ history .

It was a cat and mouse game where the only person who benefited was her. If I didn’t speak, she’d command it. It was an elaborate plan because if I ever left, she knew every detail of my life, even the parts I hid from those closest to me.

“Are you listening?”

I twirled a piece of hair between my fingers, forgetting I sat in front of the Queen now.

Iyanna clicked her nails against the desk, a loud sigh leaving her lips. “Did you hear anything I said?”

I lifted my shoulders in a slight shrug. “No.”

Iyanna rubbed her temples slowly, the lines etching further into her forehead. “Repeat the last lines from the book again.”

My lips pursed into a thin line as I grabbed the book, my eyes straining to read the historical records. “The Four Houses were created after the gods vanished to protect the four people who managed to kill a Fae god. Their children were blessed with the same casting when born, furthering the curse—” I paused, my eyes flicking to hers before slamming the book down.

“This is ridiculous. This is common Fae history and not how I should be spending my time.”

“Oh? How should you be spending your time?”

“Looking for the Book of Spells. Hell, looking for Asa or the rebels. When I agreed to the blood oath, you promised to uphold your end of the bargain. So far, I’ve seen no mention or move toward letting us look for them.”

Iyanna sat up, her shoulders squaring as her sea-foam eyes narrowed. “Do not threaten me. My bargain will be upheld as yours was to me. There are many things outside of this camp you are unfamiliar with.”

“Then tell me,” I spat, my hands digging into oak. “I’m not a meek woman who can’t handle the stains of blood. Keeping me in the dark does not help your cause or mine.”

Iyanna pursed her lips, a war waging in the whites of her eyes as a breath funneled from her parted lips. “Very well,” she muttered. Clearing her throat, she spoke. “The Four Houses have crumbled beneath Hywell’s control.”

“Yes, I’m aware,” I snapped, my eyes glued to hers.

A slight rumble left her chest as she flicked her eyes to me. “I don’t appreciate your arrogance.”

“Just a taste of your own vices.”

She scoffed, a hint of a smile lingering on her lips. “Then I assume you know how strong the rebels have become?”

My lips pursed together. I knew they were strong based on what Ivan had told me, but to be continuing to increase in size?

A rough chuckle left her lips at my silence. “They stole Asa, the King and Queen of Laias’ daughter to tip the levels to the rebels, and slowly steal power from King Hywell.” Iyanna rubbed her temples.

“Why?” I blurted. “Why would they want to accomplish such a thing?”

“To eliminate competition and destroy King Hywell’s plan.”

“His plan?”

Iyanna’s lips pursed together. She was silent, the only sound of her nails clicking in the tent before her lips parted. “He wants to eradicate all casting except for psychic casting—the casting of House Armas. His casting. It’s why he destroyed Krones, my homeland, and why he subdued Laias for so long with the tax.”

“But if he wants to eradicate all other forms of casting, why wouldn’t he kill the King and Queen of Laias earlier? What about House Raha? Why does he let them live?”

She shrugged. “Who’s to say he won’t eliminate Raha once he lifts the curse? Laias is decimated thanks to the rebels. Whatever plan he had for them I can only assume was destroyed. ”

My mouth dried. “He’s looking to lift the curse?”

She nodded. “Don’t you get it? If he eradicates all Four Houses, he’s the only one left with casting in the entire kingdom. If he eradicates the curse, he will become an immortal god .”

“By the Mother,” I swore, my fingertips digging into the wood. “Does… does anyone else know of this?”

She gave a nod. “Those closest to me know, but it doesn’t take a genius to figure out his plan.” She pushed aside the book in front of her. “I will let you search for the Book of Spells and Asa once the news of your disappearance has dwindled. The King is doing everything in his power to search for you. If he captures you, you might as well gift him everything he desires.”

I swallowed. “Then how long?”

She shrugged. “I’m not sure, but I need that Book of Spells too. If we have it, the rebels and King Hywell will be out our mercy. It will turn the tide of the war in our favor.”

“But isn’t it dangerous? Wouldn’t it be better to hide it?”

She laughed, wickedness dripping from her open mouth as her tongue swept over her canines. “That’s what makes you naive to war, Thalia.”

Beads clinked together, the sound announcing Naexi as she stumbled into the tent. Her eyes narrowed at me before she cleared her throat. “It’s urgent.”

Iyanna stood, her nails scratching her chin before she gave a nod to Naexi. “We’ll talk later,” she said to me.

“But—”

Iyanna’s eyes narrowed, her lips tugging together. “Enough. Enjoy your evening.”

My eyes narrowed as I stood. “That Book won’t give you want you want, Iyanna. It sounds dangerous. Besides, we aren’t done?—”

“ Enough ,” she said before the lights dimmed in the tent, the winter air kissing my face as red beads sang behind me, my body tossed from the tent like scraps of food.

Collecting myself, I cursed openly in the air as I left the menacing women behind.

At least the Hideaway was cast in a beautiful orange haze as I walked through the market, a few people greeting me with smiles. It was peaceful, the streets emptying from the harsh chill in the air. Different from the conversation I’d had with Iyanna as I tugged the sleeves of my cloak closer. Winter was settling fast, frost clinging to the ground as I headed toward the outskirts of camp.

I didn’t have a spot in mind as I curiously explored the expanse of the ward, slowly ridding my mind of the information she’d expelled to me.

King Hywell was going to end the curse and eradicate the remaining casting in Cethales? If so, it made sense why he was searching for me. If I was the cure to the curse, my life was far more promising to him alive than dead, but how dangerous would it be to leave?

We needed that Book and to rescue Asa from the rebels if I was going to figure out my casting. Would it be worth leaving, putting those I cared for in danger? But what if we didn’t leave? Stayed here in this bubble?

I didn’t realize how far I’d drifted from camp, my thoughts circling as a lone tree crept into view. Leaves crunched beneath my feet as I inched closer to its hanging branches. The leaves were frosted in winter’s white kiss as they touched the ground, creating a magnificent archway.

The wind licked my back as I plucked one from the tree, bits of frozen dew coating my fingers.

“Thalia?”

My fingers dropped the leaf as the branches shook, Ivan appearing from underneath. My eyes roamed between him and the branches, not expecting to find him here… beneath a tree. “What are you doing?”

“I could ask the same of you.” He shifted the branches a bit further, a small invitation.

Slowly inching forward, I peered inside the makeshift cave. A blanket sat against the ground, a book nestled by the tree stump as I stepped completely inside.

Ivan let go of the branches as they snapped into place, most of the faelight trapped outside.

Sitting, I grabbed the book as I lazily flipped through the pages. “Were you reading?”

“I have hobbies.”

“How did you find this place?” I asked as I surveyed the expanse of space. It was fairly warm inside, most of the wind kept at bay from the thick branches.

He shrugged, his large frame resting against the tree as he shifted the oil lamp to the side. “I needed a place away from Iyanna and stumbled across this one day. I’ve been using it ever since.”

“After meeting her, I understand.”

Ivan chuckled, filling the place with a bit more warmth. “I guess I don’t have to ask how lessons are going.”

A loud groan left my lips as my head rested on my hands. “It’s absolute torture. I feel like I’ve spilled all of my secrets to her in exchange for basic knowledge I won’t ever need.”

“I did try to warn you.”

My eyes narrowed. “When are you going to let it go?”

“When you realize what you did was stupid,” he answered as he grabbed the book beside me.

“It wasn’t stupid.”

“Giving up your freedom wasn’t stupid? What if she decides to postpone us searching for the Book of Spells? What are you going to do then when the curse continues to spread, and you have no answers to offer? ”

My lips pursed together. Logical Ivan infuriated me because I knew he was right. I’d messed up, even if I wouldn’t tell him. “She won’t deny us looking for the Book of Spells. I met with her and she wants it for herself.”

“She wants it herself? What for?”

“She wants it to end the war. To turn the tide against the rebels and King Hywell, but everything she’s said about it sounds dangerous. I don’t think it should be given to her, let alone anyone else. I think… I think it’s best we return it to your Uncle.”

“You might be right,” he said. “Iyanna’s always been… hungry for power. Did she mention when we can leave to search for the Book? This war isn’t going to lessen in our absence.”

“Yes and no,” I stated. “She said King Hywell is searching for me, his men everywhere. It’s not safe for me… for us to leave this camp while the entire Kingdom is on high alert.”

“But if we continue to postpone looking for Asa and the Book, what happens to Cethales? What happens to you? To your casting, the curse?”

“I don’t know,” I whispered, my hands clenching. I didn’t know what would happen, but I knew for certain that if we leaved, it would endanger them all. My secrets for their lives? The trade seemed disproportionate… stupid.

His arm wrapped around my shoulder, hauling me beside him. The close proximity was welcoming as I leaned into the frail space between us—whatever us was. Heat seeped into my side, comforting me in a way I was growing used to as I let out a breath.

“We’ll figure it out.” His hand pressed into my chin, dragging my eyes to that silver I craved. “How is everything else besides the deals with Iyanna? How are you feeling? How are you doing, Thalia?” he asked after a moment of silence.

“How am I doing?” I didn’t know how to answer. When was the last time I’d had a second to process everything?

He gave a nod, his eyes softening as he waited for my answer, his hand lingering against the soft space below my ear.

“I don’t know,” I whispered, his touch grounding me the way the sea waves in Laias had as his thumb brushed against my neck. “I don’t think I’ve had time to process everything that’s happened since the library. Hells, since arriving here.”

“Then tell me what you’re feeling,” he said. “I crave the moments you talk to me. When that facade you hide behind withers to nothing.”

My teeth scrapped against the inside of my cheek. There was no hiding around him. He’d been able to read me since the moment we met. “It’s dark and dangerous behind the mask,” I said softly, my eyes staring into his.

“I swallowed the dark twice for you,” he whispered as he leaned close. “I think I can handle a bit more.”

My lips quivered. “What if you get swallowed? What if… what if I lose someone else? What if I lose you?” I breathed, my blood heating as I spoke the truths I’d hidden from him… from myself, because to wish for him? To wish for whatever was happening between us?

His thumb traced the edges of my lips, my breath hitching as that remaining space between us dwindled to nothing. “When are you going to stop letting fear ruin your life? Hasn’t its hold caused you enough suffering?” he asked. “When are you going to state what you want—to act upon something despite the consequences that might occur? You tear yourself apart for everyone else.”

“It’s frightening.” I muttered, my eyes flicking to the branches. “How do I let go? How do I... how do I—” A groan left my lips as I struggled to express everything I was feeling. There was so much turmoil residing in my heart, so much dread I wasn’t sure how to state.

I wanted—“When you first rescued me, all I wanted was freedom, but I would have given it up for Moria,” I finally blurted.

“I’m… not following.” His brows furrowed as his thumb paused.

I blew out a breath. “I gave it up when you proposed the deal, and once again when searching for the truth behind my casting.” I paused. “What… what I’m trying to say is true freedom was never really something I wanted. I thought I needed it to be content. But as I traveled with Fin and you, I discovered I’d give it up every single time if it meant I wasn’t alone.”

Tears pricked my eyes, but I shoved them back. “I guess… I guess what I’m trying to tell you is that I’ve always wanted to matter to someone to stop the loneliness I feel inside,” I whispered. “It’s why I made the blood oath with Iyanna to protect everyone I care for. To protect you.”

A weight lifted from my heart as I spoke the words I’d come to realize along the journey. I never really wanted true freedom. I wanted someone to want me. I wanted friends. I wanted this… this lonely feeling to dissipate.

Ivan’s eyes were shimmering with fire as he looked at me. He was quiet for a moment, my heart stuttering as I waited for his response. Had I spoken too much? Had I misinterpreted his statements, his actions—everything?

“Do you remember the day in the forest when the rebels attacked?” he muttered.

My brows furrowed as I gave him a quick nod, his hand lifting from my neck as he studied my face.

“I remember that unusual casting. I remember its pressure as it crushed me to the ground, but what I remember the most is the look on your face as that rebel carried you away.” He glanced to the side, his fingers curling slightly. “It frightened me. Not because of the sheer casting, but the thought of never seeing you again. I didn’t realize it at the time, but maybe you’ve always been important to me. I think I let fear stop this… stop whatever this thing between us is too, Thalia.”

His eyes flicked to me. “I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m terrified too. Terrified of losing you… of wanting you even if it puts everything at risk. I’m not supposed to deviate from my priorities, but here you are, a stubborn thorn in my side I cannot pluck or remove.”

A tear rolled down my cheek.

Wanted .

Before it dropped below my chin, he wiped it away. “I think the night on the hill solidified it. Underneath the stars, you shone brightest.”

“Ivan—”

“The gods kept throwing you into my path no matter how much I tried to escape it. Maybe it was planned by them to meet or maybe it boils down to luck.” His face inched closer, our breath mingling in the space between. “Either way, I want you Thalia. With or without casting, I do. I can’t stop thinking about you, craving moments like this when it’s only us. You quiet the thoughts in my head—the thoughts that haunt my nightmares.”

My eyes fluttered as his hand crept back to the base of my neck, gently holding me there. He didn’t advance. He didn’t push me closer. He waited for me to close the gap as he always had. Always asking me what I wanted… waiting for me to choose.

It was always my choice with him, but if I did, there was no going back. I would be crossing a dangerous line—an illogical line. His eyes searched mine, silver drawing me in as that last bit of restraint emptied from my head.

“I crave those moments too,” I finally whispered. “When you’re near me, the thoughts quiet too.”

Leaning forward, the heat of that space between us warmed me as my hand traced the scars etched into his face. He’d always been there. From the first encounter with the witch, to Iyanna’s demands. I wanted to know more about him—to understand his pain, his heart, and the scars of his past as my thumb brushed against them.

“Thalia—”

My heart fluttered as I released the last bit of restraints holding me back as I silenced him with my lips, choosing to cross that illogical line.