Breaking through the Bond (Espen Jetties #2)

18. Hayes

18

HAYES

The sun was high and bright when I woke but given it was summer, it rose early. Rolling to my side, I glanced at the clock. Eight in the morning. I remembered I had my earbuds in and popped them out, putting them on the nightstand. Then last night came rushing back to me.

King and Jamie kissing. Holding hands. Dancing.

That pain in my chest suddenly felt like someone was knifing me directly in the heart. Something I’d never felt before with anyone else. This gnawing, clawing need to have him, yet knew no matter what I couldn’t. Because King wasn’t single. He was with someone he greatly cared about.

How could I have let this happen? I should never have developed feelings for King. We’d been friends for years and suddenly, when he found a guy he wanted to spend time with, my heart decided it was going to beat to the drum of Kingston Walker’s name. No, this wasn’t supposed to happen; however, it did.

I heard a pan bang in the kitchen and wondered if only King was up or if Jamie was with him too. Last night, I showered when I came home, popped some acetaminophen with a big glass of water, and put my earbuds in. I didn’t want to hear the night’s activities once King came home with Jamie. Because I knew it would only drive the knife deeper. Make me want something I couldn’t have even more, which was ridiculous. It wasn’t like I’d know what to do with King if I had him, since I’d never been with a man before. I had a feeling he’d be gentle though. Guide me.

No. I shook my head. I couldn’t think about this.

I laid in bed for a bit, naked because that was how I rolled. My morning wood was trying to make itself known, though I was determined to avoid it. It needed to go down on its own. My hand would not find its way there this morning. Absolutely not.

Instead, I’d get back to the other problem. Feelings. For King.

It might have been easier to put out of my head if I didn’t live with him, train with him, work with him. King’s and my lives were so intertwined there was no way to pull them completely apart. Even if he fell in love and I moved out, I’d still see him all the time. Off-season, preseason, regular season, postseason if we got that far. Jesus.

Another clang of the pan. The fridge opened, King clattered around, closed it. I wondered how long I could stay in here before he came to get me for breakfast.

Time to face… my misery? The realization I was royally screwed? The man I had feelings for but didn’t know what I should do about them, if anything, because this was new territory, and I didn’t know what the hell I was doing?

I groaned and got out of bed to grab a pair of boxer briefs, shorts, and T-shirt to slip on before leaving the room. The very last thing I was going to do was walk around naked in front of King ever again. Not while I had these feelings in me that had sprouted roots and refused to consider about a departure. Not when my dick was like a divining rod which pointed to him. Fuck the water. King was the only thing that could quench my thirst.

Seriously screwed. That was what I was. No ifs, ands, or doubts about it.

The smell of pancakes and bacon hit me when I opened my door. It was one of the meals King made when he was drinking the night before. Pancakes to absorb any leftover alcohol in his stomach, and bacon so the grease could do its job and help with the hangover. There wasn’t anything scientific to that meal choice that I knew of, but it always seemed to help. Or so he said. I normally didn’t drink enough to require a breakfast like that.

I noticed King’s door was open when I stepped out of my room. No sounds of anyone moving inside, so they both must be in the kitchen. Slowly I went down the hall, bracing myself to see King with Jamie. Maybe Jamie’s arms wrapped around King from behind. His chin on King’s shoulder. Slotting together so perfectly. Would I ever have that? The feeling of someone who was mine? Who felt like they were put here for me?

When I got to the kitchen, it was just King. I glanced around, looking for signs of the other man, only to find none. Did Jamie not stay over last night? Oh my god, did the media dig into his past and scare him off? I hoped not. King would be devastated. Though my selfish heart did a little extra beat at the thought of King being single again, which was so wrong. I never wanted to see King upset. Obviously, I was fantastic at this best friend thing.

King looked over his shoulder at me with a smile. “Morning. I was worried I was going to have to bust in there and make sure you were okay.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Nordin said you had a headache.” Shit, I did use that excuse. In truth, I was rocking a decent headache by the time I got home. Still, the earbuds went in because pain in my head was better than the sounds King and Jamie made when they were getting it on.

“I’m fine. I took something before I passed out.”

King went back to flipping pancakes but didn’t stop the conversation. “I knocked on your door last night to check on you.”

“I had my earbuds in.” Not that I was going to tell him the exact reason why they were.

“I thought you might.”

“Where’s Jamie?”

“He went home after the gala.”

I cocked an eyebrow. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, but the media did their best to find information about him. Sit at the table. I’ll bring you breakfast.”

“And tell me what you know.”

“That too.”

I took a seat. If I tried to help, King would tell me to knock it off. He wanted to take care of breakfast, so I let him do his thing, not in the mood to bicker. I still didn’t know how I was going to handle this newfound feeling toward him. Could I hide it for long? I didn’t think so. Sometimes it was like King knew me better than I knew myself, though in this instance there was no way he was clued in to this.

There was a stack of four pancakes, multiple strips of bacon, orange juice, and coffee in front of me. King always went above and beyond when he cooked. It was his way of caring for those he loved. Me, he loved me like a friend. Cue the knife twisting.

King began, “It feels wrong to read so many details about Jamie’s life online. He should be the one telling me, but Katie texted me this morning with links to the articles I was mentioned in, like she usually does, in case I want to say something on social media. Not that I will about this, unless Jamie wants to. She doesn’t want the press getting a jump on me and all that. Anyway, from what I read; Jamie graduated high school when he was sixteen. I knew he was smart. But sixteen? Can you imagine that?”

I shook my head. “No, but I was focused on hockey not studying.”

“True. Hockey was everything back in high school. That and having a good time. Not like much has changed there. Then I read that Jamie graduated from MIT when he was twenty. Top of his class which shouldn’t be surprising, given he graduated high school early.” I could hear the undercurrent of what King wasn’t saying.

“He’s not too good for you.” I liked Jamie a lot and thought he and King fit together.

King’s eyes snapped up to mine. “I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t need to. King, you have a BA in communication. You’re smart as hell.” It helped him work well with the media. He took to them interviewing him like a fish to water.

“Whatever,” he grumbled.

“Smarter than me.” He was, no matter what he said. King had everything someone looked for in a great partner. He was warm, kind, would do anything for his friends. He was smart, talented. Played hockey like the champ he was. And as I let my gaze roam over his face, down his arms, to his strong, capable hands, I also thought how good-looking King was. I always knew that. But I was seeing him in a different light now. He was the complete package.

“When did this pity party turn to be about you?”

I smiled. “Now?” Then shoved a piece of bacon in my mouth to avoid saying anything else.

We moved to easier topics since I didn’t want King to keep thinking like he wasn’t good enough for Jamie. We talked about gossip King and I heard during the gala, which seemed to happen when there were a bunch of wealthy people in one room. They loved to talk about anything and everything. Who was sleeping with who. Who was cheating. Who was pregnant. So much shit neither of us really cared about, but at the same point helped distract me for a bit last night while I listened to more gossip than ever before.

There were a few people who asked me about King and Jamie. I felt like I was being interviewed after a game. Had to put on my smile and make sure I said all the right things so no one would have a negative comment about them. I told them King and Jamie were happy. They were doing great. Enjoyed spending time together. All the good things.

Which brought me back to my issue at hand, because why the fuck not. King and my feelings for him.

My smile dropped as I focused on my food like it was the most interesting meal I’d ever eaten. King let the conversation slide for approximately sixty-four seconds before he was digging for information.

“Hayes, tell me what’s going on. I can’t help unless I know what it is.” There was so much concern in his voice. It did something to me. Choked me up. King was one of the easiest people to talk to. For all his joking, he was home to me. Comfortable and reassuring. But this wasn’t just about me. It was about him too.

“Hayes,” he prompted me again. I couldn’t keep hiding from him, even if I wanted to. He’d get it out of me.

When I put my fork down and lifted my gaze to his, where he sat across from me, he was out of his chair so fast and into the one next to me with his hand on my arm. “What happened? Talk to me. Please.”

It was the please that did me in. Had me opening my mouth and saying things I didn’t know if I’d have the balls to otherwise.

“I have feelings for someone.” I wanted to say that someone was him, but at the last second my tongue settled on this instead.

“Okay, why is that upsetting?”

“The person is, uh, taken.”

“Married?”

“No, but should it matter?”

“Well, if the guy she’s with sucks, then you have a shot.”

I rolled my eyes because King was trying to lighten the mood. He’d never seriously suggest trying to break a couple up. “The guy is great actually.”

“Well, fuck. Who is it? Maybe I can talk to her, find out how she feels about the current guy. See if you have a chance with her or not.”

“King.”

“Just tell me.” Pleading. This so wasn’t helping.

“No.”

His hand dropped; his eyes became hard as steel. Stubborn King had shown up. “Tell me or I won’t let it go.” Truer words had never been spoken. King would be on me about this like a dog with a bone until I told him.

“Once you know, it will change everything.”

He snorted. “I would think so since the person is already dating someone else.”

“It’s you, King.”

“What about me? I’m not dating anyone you’d be interested in. Or is it Jamie?” He grinned and waggled his eyebrows.

I shook my head. “No, King. It’s you.” I swallowed what felt like a boulder in my throat. “It’s you I have feelings for.”

I literally heard the rush of air leave his mouth. He sat there stunned, lips parted, not blinking once. “What?” he whispered.

Ducking my head, I repeated quietly, “It’s you.”