Breaking through the Bond (Espen Jetties #2)

21. Hayes

21

HAYES

I didn’t know what it was about Devon’s backyard that was so peaceful. Since I showed up on his doorstep Sunday morning, without so much as a text, I’d spent most of my time out here. Devon sat with me for a while. Lincoln came out too. They had four Adirondack chairs positioned around a firepit. Devon had pavers in a circle with the firepit built in with more stone.

The fire wasn’t lit now, too warm for that. It was a quiet place to sit. I had a chill over my skin, despite the July heat. Maybe it was due to the fact that I hadn’t been home since I laid my heart and soul out there to King. He didn’t deserve me dumping my emotions on him, yet it happened just the same.

I should have texted him, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Didn’t know what to say. I fucked up our friendship, that was certain. How could I not have?

Devon told me he texted King to let him know I was here. I almost expected him to drive out and make me come home. But King was probably still processing everything. Not to mention, he had Jamie. He didn’t need me. I was his friend—his best friend—but that was where our relationship stopped. And I wanted him to be happy. Now I had to grow a set and ask Devon or Lincoln to drive my sorry ass home since I took an Uber here.

I was about to get up and do just that. This feeling in the pit of my stomach hadn’t ebbed since I got here. Before I could stand, a car pulled into Devon’s driveway. A really nice one. I didn’t drool over fancy cars like King did, but this one screamed money. I wondered who it was.

The car came to a stop, the door opened, and none other than Jamie Deary stepped out. I was waiting for King to come out the other side, but that didn’t happen. Jamie closed the door, his eyes taking in Devon’s house, but then they swung toward me and settled there. I was rooted to my seat, couldn’t move. He walked toward me, and my breath faltered in my lungs.

Was he here to kick my ass? Stake his claim on King? I wouldn’t blame him if he was.

He stopped a few feet from me and shoved his hands into the pockets of his shorts.

“Jamie?”

“King told me I would find you here.”

“I’m not surprised. Well, maybe I am, but I figured he would have come with you.”

“No, he’s not really in any shape to.” He pulled his hand from his pocket and gestured to the chair next to me. “Mind if I sit and we talk?”

“Not at all. Was he really that bad?”

“I don’t think he’s slept since yesterday.” Jamie took a seat and watched me for a moment. “He’s lost.”

“Jesus.” I tipped my head back against the chair and closed my eyes. “I should have kept my mouth shut then none of this would have happened.” I opened them again, afraid of what the answer to my question was going to be. “How much did he tell you?” I wouldn’t blame King if he repeated everything I said. He loved Jamie. That involved a lot of trust and King wouldn’t want to hide what I’d said from his boyfriend.

“He didn’t say much. Only that you had feelings for him and left.”

“Jamie, I… I didn’t know how deeply he felt about you when I said those words. If I had, I would have kept them to myself. I see how much King cares about you. It was a moment of desperation on my part or stupidity. I shouldn’t have opened my mouth either way. I’m sorry.” I was careful not to say how I knew King loved him since I wasn’t sure if King had said those words to him yet.

He sighed. “We can’t control how we feel about someone. I don’t think with the connection the two of you have you would have been able to hide it forever.”

“No, we can’t control it. You’re right about that. But I could have stayed quiet. I should have. I don’t want to come between the two of you. You’re the first person King has felt anything for in forever. And it’s not like you’re some asshole who treats him like shit or is only using him for sex. You’re a great guy, Jamie. He deserves someone amazing like you, who can give him everything he needs.”

“See that’s where you’re wrong. I can’t give him everything. I’m also not the first person he’s felt things for. That’s you. He loves you . He needs you .”

Him saying King loved me should have made me happy but instead that knife in my chest turned into a damn hacksaw, carving me apart piece by piece.

How was it possible for my heart to break even more? First when I said everything to King then left because I couldn’t handle the emotion on his face. Now with what Jamie was telling me.

“You’re selling yourself short,” I told him. “I’ve seen the way King looks at you. Hell, everyone in Espen and the country beyond got to see the photos of you two at the gala. There’s no disputing the feelings there. Pictures don’t lie.”

“That’s only because he didn’t know he could and should be looking at you that way.” Jamie ran a hand through his hair. “I can’t compete with what the two of you already have.”

“You don’t have to. I won’t be the person who stands between King and the man he…” I couldn’t say it. Didn’t want to betray King.

“It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to come between us. For King, that thought of what if will always be there. I saw the way he was suffering without you there. You’ve known him for years. I’ve known him for a month. I can’t compete with that, no matter how much I wish things were different.”

I couldn’t sit still any longer. I got up and started pacing. The next thing I knew, the back door opened, and Devon walked toward us.

“Everything okay?” he asked, worry etched on his face.

Devon and Lincoln had been great since I got here. Talking openly with me. Not tiptoeing around what was going on. It was what I needed. Honest conversation. But what they couldn’t and wouldn’t do was offer advice about what step I should take next. I’d already poured my feelings out to King. No one knew him better than me. And since King was with Jamie, the situation was a mess.

“Yeah, just talking,” I told Devon. “No worries.”

He nodded. “I’m inside if you need me.” Devon turned to Jamie and said hi before disappearing back into the house.

I focused on Jamie again, or rather, my thoughts did. My eyes were on the ground as my bare feet brushed through blades of grass.

“I won’t do this, Jamie. I can hear what you’re not saying. I refuse to let that happen. If you walk away from King, what do you think that’s going to do to him?”

“He’ll fall in love with you, and I’ll become a distant memory. No man looks the way he did unless he’s loved someone hard and completely for a very long time.”

I stepped closer to him, peering down into his dark eyes. He might not say how much this was hurting him, how every word was cutting him deep, but I saw it and it was killing me that he felt this way. I was the cause of it. “That’s where you’re wrong. King will never forget about you. You’ve broken through to him where no one else has. He’s never had a serious relationship before you. He’s not going to throw that away because his straight best friend figured out he’s in love with him. King’s too smart for that.”

“King is smart and that’s why he loves you. I think he always has. I can take you to him.”

I kneeled on the ground beside his chair, my fingers gripping the armrest like a lifeline, one for King. I couldn’t let Jamie do this. King would hate me for it, and I was already screwing his life up. I didn’t need to make it worse.

“Please don’t do this, Jamie. Not to King. You and I aren’t close yet, but I know enough to see a good man in front of me. Someone who loves my best friend. I could never ask for more than that. Because you see him. Not the hockey player the media loves. Who everyone wants to know and hang out with, hope some of his fame rubs off on them. You don’t care about that. You just want to be with King. You see him, Jamie. The real him. Please don’t walk away.”

Jamie leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “It doesn’t matter if I love him or not. The heart wants what it wants, and deep down King’s heart wants you.” He was silent for a moment, then looked back at me. “He’s at your condo watching a movie called Pride and Prejudice , talking about happily ever afters. Something I know he can have with you. Let me take you to him.”

My eyes closed and tears burned behind the lids. Fucking King. Watching that movie. Goddammit.

When I opened them again, Jamie was still looking at me. I didn’t try to blink the tears away. It was of no use. Everything was broken. I was raw and hollowed out. “I can’t do this. Either way he’s going to be crushed. I can’t hurt him like that.” A tear slipped down my cheek followed by another. “If I go home to him and you leave, he’s going to be devastated. It feels like a no-win, and I don’t know how to fix it.”

Jamie laid his hand on my arm. “You can love him. That’s all he’s ever needed. And it’s all he’ll ever need.”

I shook my head. We were starting to talk in circles. He wanted me to be with King. I wanted him to be with King. What the fuck was wrong with the two of us? King, that was what. If he wasn’t such a great person this wouldn’t be an issue.

“What if I’m not enough?” The fear in my head and my heart slipped past my lips before I could catch it.

“You are and will be. Come back and I’ll show you.” His voice was a whisper.

“Jamie,” I said quietly. Why did I have the sudden urge to hold him? He was killing me. My tears were flowing freely now. Fuck it, I was hugging him. We both needed it.

I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around him the best I could, given our positions. I cried on his shoulder because I couldn’t see a way out of any of this. King loved him and when Jamie left it was going to destroy him. Hell, it was destroying me.

It was another reminder that I shouldn’t have said anything. All this could have been avoided if I’d kept my feelings inside and been happy for King, but I ruined it and didn’t know how to repair the damage. If it was possible to even do so.

“I’m sorry, Jamie. So fucking sorry. I never meant for this to happen.”

His eyes darted away, and he nodded. “I know. We usually don’t.”

“Please don’t walk away from him.”

“Will you come back with me?” He avoided my request to stay with King.

“Yeah, I will.” Because I’d do anything for King. No matter what it was.

King was home hurting but so were Jamie and I. All three of us were a disaster. We were each a part of this in different ways. King was stuck in the middle. Two men loved him.

Jamie didn’t deserve any of this, not that King did either. But it felt like Jamie was giving up and not in a selfish way. No, he wanted King to be happy like I did. But he didn’t understand King wouldn’t truly be content without Jamie in his life. You didn’t love someone like King loved him and quickly let it go like it meant nothing.

I grabbed my things, which consisted of my keys, wallet, and phone, from inside the house then met Jamie in his car. I was right when I first saw him pull up. It was a gorgeous car. Luxury all the way. King would have to fight not to come if he ever got inside it.

The engine started and I closed my eyes because I didn’t know what to say to Jamie. There was nothing left.

I stayed that way the rest of the drive, only opening my eyes when Jamie parked in the building’s garage. The ride up in the elevator was brutal. Each floor we passed felt like one step closer to the ultimate demise of my friendship with King. He’d blame me for losing Jamie. I had no doubt about that.

Using my key, I went to unlock the door, finding it wasn’t locked in the first place. Damn King knew better. Even though we had a secure building, thanks to Kasper owning it and living here, we still didn’t like to leave it unlocked.

Once we were in the door, King’s gaze swung toward us, and his eyes widened. He got up off the couch and rushed over to us. First his arms wrapped around me. I couldn’t even hug him back because if I did that, I’d never let go. My eyes filled with tears again.

He pulled back. “Are you okay?”

My bottom lip trembled. There was so much worry on King’s face but relief as well. I nodded, not sure I could do anything else. Even the nod was a lie. I wasn’t close to being all right.

I carefully moved out of his arms and went to my bedroom but stopped before I stepped inside when I heard King and Jamie talking. I shouldn’t have eavesdropped. After the shit I put them both through, it was wrong, yet I couldn’t seem to move.

Jamie was the first to speak. “You need to do this. It’ll be okay.”

“Do what?”

“You love each other. Don’t waste it.”

“Jamie, what… I don’t understand.” There was so much confusion in King’s voice.

“Explore what the two of you have. I’ll be okay.”

“It sounds like you’ve made a decision without consulting me.” I could hear the slight bite of anger bleeding through in his tone. “Can’t we talk about this?”

“The heart wants what it wants. Nothing can change that. I saw you earlier today. Your heart wants Hayes.”

“Don’t. I told you I love you. I meant those words. I still do. We need to talk about this.”

Nothing was said after that. I thought Jamie might have left but when I peered around the corner, Jamie had King’s face cupped in his hands and was pressing a kiss to his lips.

I turned, finally going into my room, and shutting my door, locking it. I couldn’t face King. Not when I singlehandedly destroyed his relationship with Jamie.