Breaking through the Bond (Espen Jetties #2)

26. Jamie

26

JAMIE

Bright. Too bright. If I hadn’t known better, I would have thought my eyelids were on fire. I cracked one eye open and regretted it immediately. Someone might as well have stuck a knife in my head with the way the pain raced through my skull.

“Mo—” I tried to speak, but my mouth felt like it was filled with cotton. I swallowed a few times. “Molly, night mode.” Even with the raspy tenor to my voice, the windows dimmed and the jackhammering through my brain receded a bit.

Bracing myself, I cracked open the other eye. I needed water. The Sahara seemed like an oasis compared to the desert in my mouth. I moved to get up and my stomach churned, begging me to stay exactly where I was.

What the fuck did I do to myself last night?

This time when I tried to sit up, I took my time, hoping I could keep my stomach from revolting. On the nightstand sat a glass of water. Thanking whatever god had convinced me to put a glass of water there before I passed out, I picked it up and took little sips, not sure how much I should rock the boat when it came to my stomach.

When a few sips stayed down, I shimmied my feet over the side of the bed. My mouth no longer dry, I knew I needed to put something else in my stomach to soak up whatever alcohol might be left.

I shuffled my way to the bathroom in search of ibuprofen, hoping it would reduce the pounding behind my eyes. Those little pills were a godsend on mornings like this. Teeth brushed, I tugged on a pair of basketball shorts and started toward the stairs.

That’s when the smell of food hit me. Fucking Tim. I opened my mouth to yell when I realized what a terrible idea that would be. Slowly, I made my way down to the first floor and turned in the direction of the kitchen.

“I’m not a goddamn child. You don’t need to check up on me every day.” I came around the corner and froze.

The redhead standing at my stove was definitely not my brother. What was King doing here?

He turned. “I know you’re not. Good morning to you too.”

Flashes of the previous night came back to me, and I wanted to crawl in a hole. How shit-faced could I have been to have gotten Hayes and King to leave their place to come and deal with my dumb ass? If the way my stomach protested was any indication, pretty fucking bad.

I looked around and listened but didn’t notice any sign of Hayes. “Why are you still here?”

Facing the stove again, he continued cooking. “When I have too much to drink, I always like a good breakfast to soak up anything left. Plus, it wasn’t like we got a chance to talk last night. You passed out in the back of my Jeep and again in your bed. I’m glad you didn’t puke.”

I rubbed a hand over the back of my neck. “You don’t need to worry about me. I’m sure Hayes is waiting for you to get home.”

“Hayes is fine. He got a good night’s sleep and left this morning. That couch in your den is comfortable.” He grinned and started plating food.

I groaned. Of course, they not only gave up their time together, but then they had to squeeze together on one of the couches. “I’m sorry about all of this. You really didn’t need to stay.” I glanced toward the window, the sun instantly making the pain behind my eyes grow. “Molly, dim windows by forty percent.”

“It’s the kind of thing you do for someone you love, Jamie. Also, this place is really fucking cool.”

“Thank you.” With the bright lights no longer trying to blind me, I walked around the long dining room table, over to the window, looking out at the pool. The sunlight shimmered off the surface. Fuck. Him being here talking about doing things for the people you loved made my chest ache. “But Hayes needs you now.”

King walked over to stand beside me. “I knew you had a pool!” Then he turned to face me, and his entire demeanor changed. “Are we back to this self-sacrificing shit again? I thought by being here when you woke up, you’d see that I still want to be with you, even though you tried to dump me.”

“I can’t compete with the connection—the love—you and Hayes have.” My stomach churned at the thought of having to watch it fall apart on me again. The first time was hard enough. I wrapped my arms around my waist, hoping that after not puking all night, the conversation wouldn’t push my already fragile balance over the edge.

“I’m not asking you to. I have… Shit, I don’t know how to even say this. Let’s sit down and eat. You need food in you and some water. Maybe something for the pain. I don’t want you passing out.”

“I already took some ibuprofen before I came down.” I knew King would stay until I sat and ate, so I nodded and walked over to the small round table on the side of the kitchen. If I wanted to go back to nursing my broken heart, I had to let King say whatever he stayed the night to say. I pulled out one of the chairs and sat down.

Scooping a bite of scrambled eggs into his mouth, King chewed while cutting up his pancakes. Bacon lay crispy beside it. “I’m not sure how to phrase any of this, so I’m just going to spit it out because I have zero finesse. You have to promise me something first. I need you to listen, not react. Yet. You’re not going to like what I say when I start, but I’m hoping you will by the end.”

I pushed the food around on my plate, taking small bites to make King happy, even as my stomach protested. “I’m not sure what to say to that. I’m hungover as fuck, I don’t know if I have the energy to react.” Giving up, I set the fork down and reached for the glass of water, when what I really wanted was a shot of vodka.

“I know you are, and I hate that you drank yourself to that point last night. We’re going to talk about that by the way.” He pointed his fork at me. “But if I don’t get this other part out…” He shook his head. “I need this to work. So here goes nothing. After you left me that night, Hayes didn’t speak to me for four days. I didn’t have you; he was a roommate I only saw for meals and training. I was ready to rip my hair out, so I confronted him. My entire world was falling apart. I lost both of you and didn’t know what the hell to do about it.

“Anyway, Hayes and I, well, we fucked around. I know that’s not something you want to hear, but I have to be honest with you if this is going to work.” Hearing it hurt so much worse than knowing that I told King to do it when I left his condo that day.

“We didn’t talk much after, but I knew I wanted you still,” he continued. “That makes me sound like a shitty cheater even though you technically broke up with me, but I swear it’s not the case. I had to talk to you, needed to figure out what was going to happen. Then I called, found you at the club drunk off your ass, and we brought you home.

“Hayes and I talked. Well, he talked, I tried to distract him because apparently, I suck at this, as you can tell. I’m rambling like an insane person.” He put the fork down and held my gaze. “I want you, Jamie, and Hayes. Both of you.”

Wait, what?

He kept rambling. “I’m not sure how it can work. The logistics , as Hayes put it. I love you both and I refuse to give up either of you. It’s not the norm. Way out of anything I’ve ever done but then again, you’re my first serious relationship. So, here we are. Me with a mouth that won’t stop unless there’s food in it and nerves coursing through me, wondering if you’re going to throw me out.” He picked up his fork and shoved pancakes between his lips to stop himself from saying anything else.

I sat there completely frozen. There had been a lot of vodka last night. I didn’t think I’d drank enough to hallucinate, but it seemed the only logical answer. Otherwise, it meant King wanted a three-way. A three-way what? Sex? Relationship? What the hell was happening? “You want what? I know I drank a shit ton last night. Way more than I should have.” I paused trying to find the right words. “You want a three-way with Hayes?”

“Jesus, I’m terrible at this. I told you I was. No, I want a relationship. A serious relationship with you both. But the only way for that to work is if you’re both on board because I don’t know if I’ll be able to be with only one of you. This whole thing is so fucked it’s not funny, but I love you. I love Hayes. That I know for certain. This isn’t about sex, though that’s a nice perk. This is about so much more than that.”

“A relationship between all three of us?” The throbbing in my head increased trying to piece all of this together. I rubbed my temples with my fingers. “How does that even work?”

“Beats the fuck out of me. It’s not like I have anyone I can ask. But…” He rubbed at his chest over his heart. “I feel it in here, Jamie. I can’t lose you. I just can’t.”

“I do love you King, but… I’m not even sure where to start. Or if it could even work. Shouldn’t we all be talking about this? I mean–” I closed my eyes and rested my head back on the top of the chair, trying to find the right words. I never wanted to lose King in the first place. I loved the man all the way to my soul. I just didn’t know if what he was suggesting could work.

I opened my eyes and looked at King. “Does that mean you spend a night with me and the next night with him? I really wish I had a drink right now.” The pounding in my head was getting worse.

“The reason Hayes isn’t here with me now is we didn’t think you’d be as open in front of him if we were talking. I had to do this, just me and you. The three of us can talk later. As to your other question, my preference is no. In my dream scenario I want the three of us together. Not me splitting time between you two. And no more drinking right now. You had enough last night to last you for a week.”

I pushed back from the table, no longer able to sit. In a perfect world, what he was suggesting allowed everyone to be happy. The only problem was this wasn’t a perfect world. I walked back to the windows, finding it easier to lay it all out there with some distance between us. “And what happens if it doesn’t work? You’re basically asking Hayes and me to build a relationship with each other. What if we can’t? What happens then? Because the way I see it, I end up in the same position I’m in now, only worse, while the two of you move on with your lives.” I shook my head. The pool shimmered again, but this time it wasn’t caused by the moving water. “It was hard enough walking away the first time. I don’t know if I can handle doing it again.”

“There’s no guarantee it will work or that it won’t. We won’t know until we try. If you want to.” I heard his chair move over the floor as he stood. He didn’t come to my side this time. His body heated my back without him touching me. “You and Hayes, I don’t love either of you more than the other. I know you might not believe that since I’ve known him longer, but it’s true. I’ve never lied to you, Jamie, and I’m not going to start now.”

Even as I felt King at my back, I didn’t turn around. “I saw what Hayes leaving did to you. The way it tore you to shreds. I don’t think you’re lying to me. I know you never would. I’m just not sure you can live without Hayes. So, the biggest risk if this doesn’t work out is for me.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t see what your leaving did to me. How it felt like you took half my heart with you when you walked out the door. I’m asking you to take a chance. It’s selfish, I understand that, but I don’t know how else to make this work. If you and Hayes have zero feelings for each other, well, I’m not sure. I honestly don’t want to think about that right now. But I know Hayes and he thinks you’re great. He told me. Also, the idea of being with you turns him on.”

Could I do this? Set myself up for a world of hurt if this didn’t work out? On the other hand, if it did, the reward was beyond compare. Having the love of my life to keep was more than I could have ever imagined earlier this week. At forty years old, maybe this was life telling me to take one last chance at love.

Hayes was definitely sexy, but building a relationship would take more than a few hot fucks. Jesus fuck, I was insane to be thinking about it. Someday, I’d convince myself it was the hangover that had me agreeing to this insanity. And it wasn’t even the idea of three men. I’d done that plenty of times. It was us falling in love with each other that scared the living shit out of me.

I turned to face King. “I hope I don’t regret this, but okay I’ll give it a shot.”

Hope brightened his eyes then they narrowed. “You’re not still drunk, are you?”

“Honestly, I’m not even sure how much I drank last night. But I’m pretty sure I’m only hungover. It’s been a long time since it’s been this bad.”

“Okay, so next step is us sitting down with Hayes. Now, on to the other topic at hand.” He reached up and cupped my jaw, concern evident in the way he looked at me. “Why were you so drunk last night? Was it just because of the shit with me or was there more to it?”

I shrugged. “I quit my job on Monday and I figured–” I shook my head and stepped out of King’s reach. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter.”

“Everything concerning you matters to me. You matter. Talk to me, Jamie.”

“Since I didn’t have anything to occupy my time any longer, I spent the day sitting in the pool drinking. By Friday, I couldn’t take it another minute. I wanted to not hurt anymore.” I ran my hand down my face. “You don’t want to hear this.”

“I can tell you don’t want to talk about it. That’s fine. Just know I’m here and I’m never going to judge you for anything. I’m not perfect and would never expect anyone else to be.” King stepped back and clapped his hands together as he looked past me toward the pool. “Now, how about we go for a swim? Ever since I thought you might have a private pool; I’ve thought of nothing but freeballing it in that bad boy.” He grinned. It was clear he was trying to lighten the mood.

Fuck. Of course, he had to go and let me off the hook without even knowing what I didn’t want to say. We hadn’t even talked to Hayes, and I was already screwing this up. I hadn’t done anything at the club, but I’d gone to Twist and Turn with every intention of going home with whoever invited me to their bed. I wanted to get King off my mind, yet here he was giving me a free pass I didn’t deserve.

“Yeah…um…sure.” I turned toward the stairs. “Let me just grab a suit. There are towels in the small closet outside.”

“We don’t have to go in the pool. I was just trying to break the tension. It’s thick in here. We can sit and lounge in the sun. Or in here. Whatever you want. We don’t have to talk.”

“The pool’s fine. I’ll be down in a minute.” I started up the stairs to my room.

“Jamie?” I turned at the sound of my name. King was coming up toward me. He stopped on the step directly below the one I was standing on. “I don’t want to push you, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear what you have to say.”

I dropped down onto the step. King followed me and sat next to me. “I…I went to the club to find someone to go home with.” I put up both my hands and continued in a rush. “But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t go home with anyone who wasn’t you.”

King cupped my face in his hands. “So, you got drunk at the bar instead.” It was a statement, not a question. He’d already seen the product of that adventure. “Whatever you did or planned to do doesn’t matter. Like I said, I’m not going to judge you. You thought I was with Hayes. You didn’t do anything wrong.” King leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. The feel of them melted me. I never thought I’d feel his mouth on mine again. He pulled back and held my gaze. “Today is a fresh start… for the three of us. No more heavy drinking and no more self-sacrificing, got it?”

I chuckled, feeling lighter than I had in almost a week. “Got it.” Even with the hangover, King’s presence made it easy to forget about it.

He stood and held his hand out to me. “Let’s go out to the pool. You don’t need anything to swim in though. Nudity is best. But we’ll need sunscreen. I don’t want my boys getting burned.”

King led me to the door of the roof deck. All the while in the back of my head, I prayed this wouldn’t come crashing down on me.