Broken Bonds (Unbreakable Bonds #1)

Chapter Eighteen

chapter eighteen

CELINE

Ace’s words shocked me, leaving me speechless. I could feel the heat radiating off my skin as I blushed. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how much of a mess I must have looked all red-eyed, puffy, and— fuck , was my nose running?

“Thanks,” I croaked. “Crying tends to bring out the best in me.”

Ace laughed, his shoulders shaking. His laugh was deep and smooth, a rich baritone that settled something deep inside me and made me feel all warm inside. “Let’s head back to Barb and Oscar and find out about sleeping arrangements. I’m beat.”

I yawned, nodding in agreement. Sleep in a sturdy building where the hurricane couldn’t touch us sounded downright magical.

“You don’t want to call your parents first?” I asked. “I’m in no rush.” That was a teensy lie, but he needed to contact his parents, didn’t he? He hadn’t talked to them at all. He hadn’t even attempted to reach out to them.

“No; they won’t care what’s happened to me,” he snapped, anger flooding his blue eyes. His mood shifted so quickly, giving me mental whiplash. I chose to remain quiet this time, not having the energy to fight or press for more. It was clear he wouldn’t talk about it anyway. When it came to his parents, Ace was always evasive.

I watched as he stacked our empty bowls on top of each other. I didn’t even remember eating mine, but I apparently had, and I was warmer inside because of it, too. Full, too. Full for the first time in days .

Ace silently handed them to me and threw our empty water bottles in the trash. He then stood, stretching his arms above his head, and twisted his torso from side to side. His shirt rode up, revealing a sliver of his flat stomach, and I quickly averted my eyes, hating the warmth that pulled in my belly at the sight of his lean body. A pop reached my ears that made me wince before it was followed by a sigh of relief.

He strapped our backpack onto his back, and as I was trying to stand on my shaky, weak legs, he swept me into his arms. I sighed, a little more prepared for it this time as he cradled me to his chest. I linked my arms around his neck, frowning at the wall across from me.

“The pain is better. I can walk this time,” I told him, but he shook his head.

“I’m not letting them get worse.” My heart clenched in my chest. “From now on, I’m carrying you. Your mother’s orders.” And just like that, the hope that maybe he saw me as something other than Ryan’s little sister died. Ace stopped by the door to the office, and I flipped the light switch off. Then, we were in the dark hallway again.

Back in the gym, everyone was asleep except for Barb, Donna, and Oscar, who were sitting in one of the far corners watching a tiny television giving updates on the storm. We sat with them for a few minutes, listening as well. Ace asked Oscar a few questions before Barb and Donna decided to call it a night.

Barb handed us each a sleeping bag, a blanket, and a pillow. “Here—you can use these to sleep on. I have two pillows and two blankets. There’s a spot over there where nobody should disturb you,” she pointed to a corner, “or you can choose to sleep in another room. Entirely up to you. Sleep tight, dears.” Ace let me walk to the spot Barb had mentioned. It was far away from everyone, tucked in a little crevice of the room by some weightlifting equipment. It was just a small piece of solitude, and I hated that my heart skipped a beat in my chest at the thought of being this close to Ace again.

Why did I have to like him when he barely seemed to care about me apart from making sure I made it out of this alive?

Ace laid out both bags before laying down in his, zipping it up, and throwing the blanket on top. Then, he put his head on the hard pillow. I did the same, my back facing the wall, Ace in front of me. He had me trapped between him and the wall, and while I was sure he was just doing it to protect me, it still sent my traitorous heart aflutter.

I wish it would get the memo that Ace didn’t want me like that.

Like the previous night, he wrapped his arms around me, holding me. I hated how much I liked being trapped against his body. I liked the warmth of his breath on my neck. I liked the feeling of safety he surrounded me with. Why did I have to like this so damn much?

I knew he was only doing this to protect me. To keep anyone unwanted from coming near me. I knew he wasn’t interested in me, and it was pathetic that I had to keep reminding myself of that fact over and over every time I started to fall for him.

Falling for Ace would hurt too much. I had to protect myself.

“Maybe I should stay up and sleep during the day tomorrow,” he whispered as I was just beginning to drift off, worry tinging his words.

“Don’t even think about it,” I sleepily grumbled. “Go to sleep, Ace. If anyone touches me, I’ll scream.” Anyone but you. But he didn’t need to know that. I would never voice those words out loud. Never .

“I won’t let it get that far.” I wanted to roll my eyes, but they were closed. Ace was so damn… so damn confident. Cocky.

“We’re both beyond exhausted. We’ve literally hiked miles in two days in the pouring rain. I almost drowned, and now we’re both going to sleep. End of story,” I told him, wishing he’d just rest. Just sleep . He needed it as much as I did.

“Don’t tell me what to do,” he muttered like a petulant two-year-old.

I heaved an annoyed, exhausted sigh. “Don’t be an asshole.”

“I’m trying to protect you like Ryan wants me to.” I almost scoffed. What a dick.

Subtle reminder, buddy, really subtle—as if you haven’t been flirting with me .

“I can take care of myself.”

He scoffed, and my hackles rose. “Like you did in the water today.” It was a low fucking blow, and he knew it.

His words cut deep, and tears burned in my eyes, silently slipping down my cheeks. Why were guys such dicks? Did he think I meant to try to drown? He knew how bad my legs hurt. He knew the surgeries I went through. Knew that my legs would never be normal again. And he had the audacity to say something as callous and harsh as that ?

“Crap, I didn’t mean that, Celine. I’m sorry,” Ace said, urgency to his tone. He tugged me closer, like if he dragged me close enough, he held me tight enough, he could rip the words out of my brain.

I said nothing. I just kept my eyes closed, wishing I were at home in bed with my purple blanket. Back at home where all of this would just be a horrible nightmare, where I still hated Ace Danvers. Where Ace was nothing more than my older brother’s idiotic, asshole best friend.

Where I hadn’t poured out my heart to him. Where he hadn’t twisted me all up inside, leaving me confused and discombobulated.

“Celine, please, I’m not good at this. It just slipped out. I’m sorry.”

“Go to bed, Asshole.” My words were softly spoken, and I hoped he couldn’t hear the hurt and pain clogging my throat.

“Princess, please, I’m sorry.” He hugged me even tighter. I shoved at his chest, not wanting his touch. It made me weak, and he had to learn eventually that his words had consequences.

“Don’t touch me,” I seethed.

“Celine, let me explain myself,” he softly pleaded. “You want to know who I am, then fine, I’ll tell you.” Of course, he was willing to result to manipulation to get me to stop being upset with him. But I couldn’t deny that my interest was piqued. Sighing, I ran my eyes over his outline in the dark. He was close enough that I could see his eyes. That pretty blue—as pretty as the sky in the middle of summer but I knew was only a cover for the hell that resided inside of him. The torment.

“I’m listening, Asshole.”

He sighed at the nickname but didn’t say anything about it. “My past is dark, much like yours, Celine. I know what it feels like to be hurt by those closest to you.” I frowned, my heart aching for him. “My mother became an alcoholic when my little brother died a few years ago, and my stepfather became an abusive asshole who took his anger out on both of us.”

Oh, Ace .

Ace remained quiet after his admission, now turned away from me, lying on his back and looking up at the ceiling.

“What happened to your brother?” I asked quietly, almost afraid of the answer. He glanced at me, so much pain and raw vulnerability in his eyes, and then he looked back at the ceiling.

“It was all my fault. He’s dead because of me.” His voice broke at the end. Right then, he was no longer the strong man who saved me multiple times today. Right then, he was a broken boy who never got to heal. Who had gotten stuck in survival mode. My soul wept for him.

I reached for his hand in the darkness, finding it and locking our fingers together. There was no way this beautiful man killed his brother—not after everything he had done for me. He was an asshole, but he was no murderer. Of that, I was sure.

“I’m here, Ace. I’m here for you.” His hand gripped mine tighter, his fingers squeezing mine, and I lay there watching him. Waiting.

“My mother left my real father when I was twelve, in that awful transition between boy and teenager. He wasn’t a good man, princess. Shortly after they split, my mom met another man, and you know the story—they fell in love, got married, and then had a child. He was a pretty decent guy.” An undercurrent of malice lingered in his words, filling me with trepidation.

Lightning lit up the room. Thunder shook the building, and rain fell harder. I clutched his hand even tighter, fear thrumming through my veins. I wasn’t even sure if he noticed.

“I was fourteen when he was born, and Jack was everything I wanted growing up. I begged my mother for a brother when I was little, but she didn’t want any more kids until she met Hank, who only wanted a son of his own. He liked me well enough, I guess, but I wasn’t good enough for him.”

I squeezed his hand, reminding him that he wasn’t alone. This poor, broken man. No wonder he came off as an asshole. He was only protecting himself. He was stuck in survival mode and didn’t know how to just live. To be. And I understood that all too well.

“The summer after I graduated high school, I watched Jack a lot for my mom. She had just gotten a new job and had to work all day. We used to swim every day for hours . The pool was his favorite place to be, other than the back seat of my car when I took him for rides.” He let go of my hand to rub his eyes. His cheeks were damp with tears.

Oh, God, please don’t let it be what I think it is.

“It was a Saturday, and my mom had gone out with Hank to a work event, so we were going to spend the day in the pool.” He sucked in a shuddering breath that appeared painful. “It happened so quickly. One second, we were laughing about the gross sandwiches I made us for lunch, and then, he wasn’t laughing anymore. I looked away for a minute to read a text on my phone from one of my friends about a party that night.”

No, please, no. My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach.

“He was just learning to swim, Celine.” His voice cracked, his words rough with pain. Agony. “I was his protector, and I looked away . When I looked up from my phone, he was floating near the bottom of the pool. I couldn’t get him to breathe. When the ambulance arrived, it was already too late.”

This poor, broken man. I reached for his hand again, feeling the wetness from his tears on his fingertips. His grip on my hand was so tight that it hurt, but I didn’t flinch. I knew that pain because I felt it on a daily basis. Survivor’s guilt.

“I couldn’t even tell my parents. They had to come pick me up from the police station where an officer—a fucking stranger—explained everything to them. My mother screamed and cried so loud; Hank tried to strangle me, and everyone just watched us in there, horrified but unwilling to intervene.”

I closed my eyes, trying to imagine a younger Ace, who had been my age when he experienced loss just like I had. He saw the body. He knew what it was like.

“Going home the first night was torture. I slept on the floor in Jack’s room after crying myself to sleep. The next morning, my mother didn’t leave her room, and my stepfather cornered me. He blamed me for the death of his only son and slapped me. It stung, but I knew he was right, so I welcomed the pain; I needed to feel it. I just needed to feel something other than this darkness in my mind.”

I didn’t want to hear more. I didn’t need to. I was there. I could picture his baby brother floating in a pool and a younger Ace crying and begging to be hurt, begging for an accident to take him too, just like I did.

“Hank progressed to using me as his punching bag, and I didn’t fight back at first. Thought I deserved it ” God, no . “But then, two years later, on the second anniversary of Jack’s death, I’d had enough. I hit him back, and it felt so good . I felt like I had control of something again. And then, he took away my control when he hit my mom. By then, he’d become an alcoholic just like my father, the man she despised more than anything.” Ace paused, his breathing ragged, clearly stuck in that painful memory just like I’d been when I’d spilled my past to him.

“You aren’t alone anymore. There’s nothing I can say that will make it right or better—and take that from the girl who’s heard every type of excuse in the book about accidents and mistakes.” A soft huff of amusement puffed from his lips. “Nothing can give you back that person, but you can remind yourself that you’re still here, and we all make mistakes, Ace.”

“Thanks, princess.” He drew in a deep breath. “After Hank hit my mom, I got us a plane ticket to Atlanta where her mother is, hoping someone would be able to fix her because I couldn’t. I got a job working at a restaurant that my grandmother frequented often, and I worked every day. First, I bought my bike, and then, I saved up for college.”

“You didn’t go the whole time after your brother…?” My voice trailed off.

“After he died?” Ace shook his head. “No. I saved up enough money and then applied here in Florida. I always wanted to go to the place where every day is a vacation. Jack, my brother… God, I haven’t said his name in years.” He swallowed audibly. He was so quiet for a few moments, his hand tight around mine. “Jack wanted to come to the beach,” he finally uttered. “We lived in Texas, near Austin, where the heat was suffocating and unrelenting. And so, after working day and night, I came here, rented a small apartment, and enrolled at our college. I had a late start,” he shrugged one shoulder, “but I’m finding my way now. I’m here for him.”

“And your mom?” I asked softly. “What happened to her?”

“My grandmother and I got a restraining order against Hank for both of us, and now, Mom’s in rehab. I haven’t spoken to her since I left two years ago. She’s better off without me. My grandmother agreed, and we parted ways.”

A strangled sound escaped my throat. “That’s not true,” I argued. “Tragedy doesn’t define you. I know that better than anyone. Your soul is scarred like mine, but scars don’t define us, Ace.” I licked my suddenly dry lips, my heart hurting for him so much, I could hardly breathe past the ache. “I haven’t been entirely truthful with you.”

“About your legs—like why you couldn’t swim today?” He nodded. “It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out it’s from the accident.”

I huffed. “Well, just when I think you couldn’t possibly be more of a smart ass.” A small smile replaced the grim look on his face. “Yes, it’s from the accident. I spent months recovering in rehab, and I had to learn how to walk again. Ryan carried me everywhere for months . Learning to walk was more painful than the accident itself.” Ace gently squeezed my fingers. “I never learned how to swim again. After all the nerve loss, I was afraid to do anything to hurt myself further. And now,” my voice shook, “I’m scared because my legs hurt so, so badly, and the doctors warned us about this. I could lose the ability to move my legs if the nerve damage worsens.”

Ace made a small sound. I didn’t know what to make of it. “I’m sure you’ll be okay. I’m sorry for being an ass again. Sometimes, I can’t help it around you.” His lips twitched. “You bring out the worst in me.”

Just what every girl wanted to hear from an attractive guy.

“How about we go to sleep?” I asked, ignoring his dig. “It’s been a long day.” I slipped my hand out of his, scared of the butterflies fluttering in my stomach. Things between us were becoming dangerous. Too intimate. Too close. We needed distance.

He hummed before rolling onto his side to face me again. “I shouldn’t do this, but I think we both need it, Celine.”

“What—”

He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around me, cutting my words off. My head came to rest against his chest as he hugged me, his heartbeat racing just as quickly as mine. My breath shuddered from my lungs, my heart threatening to slam right through my breastbone.

He didn’t let go, and after a minute, I realized he had fallen asleep. Afraid to move and wake him, I closed my eyes, enjoying the steady, slowing beat of his heart and the warmth under my fingertips.

I let sleep take over, knowing I was safe. Ace would keep me safe just like he promised. Of that, I had no doubt.

It was too hot. My shirt was stuck to my skin, and my hair was wet at the nape of my neck. I could still feel Ace’s arm holding me to his warm body, and I couldn’t breathe . Between the heat in the room and his body heat, I felt like I was suffocating. I had to get away from him.

I gently moved his arm and rolled away. My sticky skin hit the ice-cold floor, and I gasped at the shock. Ace grumbled a complaint as he slowly woke up, blinking blearily at me.

“Why is it so fucking hot?” he rasped, his voice thick with sleep. Why did he have to sound so fucking sexy?

“I don’t know, Sherlock.” I sat up, rubbing my dry eyes before looking around. We weren’t the only ones awake in the dark gym. Most of everyone else was, too, and they looked as grumpy and irritable as I felt.

“Why are you always so full of crap?” He lifted his head from the ground to scan the room before he settled his gaze back on me.

I scowled at him. “Why are you always so annoying?” He rolled his eyes as he stood to his feet and stretched. I heard his bones pop in protest as he twisted his neck and back. Oscar hobbled over to us from his corner of the big, dark room.

“Good morning! Did y’all get some rest?” I cringed at his chirpy voice so early in the day. I didn’t like morning people.

“Mornin’, Oscar,” Ace greeted in his deep, husky voice. “We slept better than the night before.” That was the truth. ‘What happened to the A/C?” Ace managed a polite tone as he ran his hand through his thick, black hair, making it stick up all over the place since it was damp with sweat.

“Well, folks, it appears that we’ve lost power, and the generator isn’t working right now. Some of the guys are looking at it now. Why don’t you catch some more winks? It’s still early in the morning.” I couldn’t possibly fall asleep feeling this hot, but Ace nodded and laid back down, seeming to like the idea. I gaped at him. How was he just going to go back to sleep when he was practically drenched in sweat?

Oscar hobbled away again, greeting people as he went. “You’re going back to sleep?” I asked incredulously. Ace looked at me and nodded before closing his eyes. “But it’s so hot,” I whined.

“Go to sleep,” he grumbled.

“Why?” I scooted closer to him and poked him when he didn’t answer.

He sighed and swatted my hand away, not even bothering to open his eyes. “Because princesses need sleep in order to be beautiful.” He smiled, opening his dark eyes to look at my reaction.

I curled my lip at him in disgust. “You’re an asshole.” I slapped his chest, and he laughed.

“Just because you keep repeating it doesn’t mean I’ll ever believe you.” He closed his eyes again. “Now, shut up. I’m tired from saving your behind.” He turned away from me and curled up on his side. Within a few minutes, his deep breaths evened out, and he was asleep. How the fuck…

“Fine, I guess I’ll sleep, too.” I laid back down beside him on my side, our backs touching. I saw the creepy guys from last night staring at me and shivered. Scooting closer to Ace, I turned around, my nose now touching his back, but I knew I was safer.

Closing my eyes, I saw Aidan staring back at me behind my closed lids. He was always in my head. I couldn’t escape my memories of him. Opening my eyes when I felt Ace move, I saw he had turned back over and was facing me. His eyes were open now, too. He looked haunted.

“Do you see Jack when you close your eyes?” I whispered, and he nodded. I swallowed thickly, hating that we were both haunted by our pasts.

He pulled me into his chest wordlessly and squeezed me in his big, strong arms. I knew this was wrong. I knew my heart was still broken from Aidan, and he clouded most of my thoughts, but I liked how it felt to be in Ace’s arms, even if I knew him breaking my heart was inevitable.

I liked that he understood what was going on in my head.

I liked that he was here with me.

I liked how safe he made me feel.

I liked this asshole as more than just a friend.

I was well and truly fucked.