Burn Like An Angel (Harrowdean Manor #2)

9. Ripley

CHAPTER 9

RIPLEY

GOD NEEDS THE DEVIL – JONAH KAGEN

Rolling over on the folded cardboard box I’m using as a mattress, I tighten a stolen green parka around myself, ignoring the pain from my shoulder and hip digging into the hard floor.

Even if I were comfortable, I’m too agitated to sleep. The invisible fire ants are back. After a week since my last medication dose, it’s inevitable. I’m surprised it took this long to set in.

I’ve managed to keep the signs to myself so far. Shaking hands. Agitation. Rising anxiety. I thought I’d adjust, but if this is an impending manic episode, I won’t be able to keep it quiet.

The sounds of sleep around me offer a small sliver of comfort. Raine and Lennox are both napping while waiting for daylight. We’ve been taking refuge around the abandoned pool for the last two days, living off odd snacks shared between all four of us.

Warner hasn’t returned.

Each passing hour is excruciating.

I can only assume that something went wrong, but when I suggested I go look, it was met with a resounding chorus of denials. Even from Raine. Xander stormed off to skulk around the abandoned building when I raised it again a while ago.

When did I sign up for three possessive men to tell me what I can and can’t do? Even if I did barter for their lives, it doesn’t give them the right to start this controlling shit. Our truce won’t last long if this continues.

“I can practically hear the gears in your brain grinding,” Raine whispers into the early dawn light. “Did you sleep at all?”

“How am I supposed to sleep?” I growl back.

“Typically, it involves closing your eyes, getting comfortable, dreaming about a stunningly attractive, blind violinist who can make your wildest dreams come true with his tongue…”

“Ha. Someone thinks highly of himself.”

“That’s not a disagreement. So you do love my tongue.”

Huffing, I awkwardly turn over to face him. Raine is sleeping next to me, less than a metre between our cardboard boxes. Lennox opted to sleep beside him, still keeping a safe distance from me.

Raine is curled up on his side, the rich caramel of his unfocused eyes gleaming in the morning light. Beneath his golden locks sticking up in all directions, his gaze bounces around haphazardly.

“We can’t just lay here and wait forever,” I hiss under my breath. “What if he’s been captured by Rick’s merry band of idiots? Or he’s injured? Or…”

“Rip,” Raine interrupts. “Time out. Langley—or Warner—he’s a big boy. He can look out for himself. You going out there is a shitty idea that we’ve already proven sucks.”

“He needs our help!”

“We need to help ourselves,” he disagrees. “That starts with laying low until we have a decent plan. The longer this goes on, the worse it’s going to get.”

Deep down, I know Raine’s right. The nightly screams now bleed into daytime. From our hiding spot, I’ve heard bonfires crackling outside at all hours, the smoke leaking in through the broken roof and windows.

For the last two nights, we’ve been plunged into darkness to preserve our waning flashlight. The pitch-black cloak only intensifies the awful sounds all around us.

I’ve startled awake to wailing and sobbing several times. Sounds of people being assaulted. More brutal fights. Starving patients are turning to desperate measures to ride the riot out.

Something has to give. If Incendia’s plan is to wait this out, it isn’t working. Exhaustion and hunger aren’t starving out the violence; it’s just fuelling it. And Harrowdean’s patient population has plenty to be angry about.

“How long was the longest prison riot? Like, ever?”

“In this country?” Raine questions. “I dunno. A couple weeks, maybe?”

“We’ve been trapped in limbo for almost a whole week now. It won’t last much longer, surely?”

Skin prickling with trapped energy, I begin to scratch at my arms and neck, savouring the bite of pain. My injuries are healing well as the evidence of our torture slowly disappears. The memories remain just as raw, though.

I’ve seen the shadows in Lennox’s eyes. He blinks them away when he catches me staring and always averts his gaze. We’ve woken up to the sound of him thrashing about in nightmare-filled sleep multiple times too.

The back and forth of my ping-ponging thoughts is only worsened by the physical symptoms I’m trying to ignore. I scratch my arms to the point of bleeding, watching the blood vessels burst in bright-purple streaks.

“Rip,” Raine croons.

Ignoring him, I keep scratching. Harder. Rougher. My skin stains red from abrasions. The thick, gnarly scars beneath my touch are a harsh taunt. Harrowdean’s whore. I’ve memorised each letter by touch alone.

Look at her now.

I’m a fucking coward.

With each second ticking away, I can feel the devil breathing down our necks. But in this case, the devil has a human face. One that now infiltrates every restful moment I manage to find.

Bancroft won’t let me go unpunished. My uncle told me enough stories about his associate long before I experienced his cold calculation firsthand. He rules the corporation with an iron fist.

Now he’s out there. Plotting and moving his chess pieces into place. I’ll never take his silence for defeat. It’s deliberate. The calm before a violent storm that destroys everything in its path.

Is my uncle helping him now?

Will he cheer Bancroft on when I’m sacrificed?

“Rip! Come here.”

The sharp snap of Raine’s command interrupts my downward spiral. I look over at him, sitting up and wearing a concerned frown that’s directed in my vicinity.

“Now,” he adds.

Blinking hard, I move robotically. My stiff body protests as I crawl over to him on quivering limbs. Raine grunts when I slam into him, climbing onto his lap and banding my legs around his waist.

“Shit, babe. You’re shaking.”

He strokes my back, letting me plaster against his chest like a fucking limpet. I want to crawl inside his skin and hide there until this is all over. I don’t have to be brave around him.

“I’m scared,” I admit shakily. “I can’t hide it anymore.”

I’ve spent years burying my fear, pretending to be some formidable badass, when deep down I’m just fucking terrified. I trust Raine to understand and protect that vulnerability.

“Breathe, Rip. I know how hard this is. We have to sit tight.”

“Breathe?” I laugh. “We’re going to die!”

“We’re not going to die.”

“Says who?”

“Says me,” Raine insists fiercely. “You need to calm down.”

Rocking back and forth, his attempts to soothe me fall on deaf ears. I may not be thinking logically, but my sudden urgency to be anywhere but here makes complete sense to my overwhelmed mind.

My head feels like it’s on fire. The slow burn of rising hysteria only needed acknowledging for it to take full control. It’s rushing in now, setting aflame anything in its path and gathering speed with each second.

We’re running out of food. Freezing cold and constantly soaking wet. No medication. We have just a single flashlight with very limited life remaining. No plan for rescue or escape. Even Raine’s withdrawal meds are running low.

My big, grand decision not to run is going to get us all quietly killed. That’s how they’ll keep our stories silent, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. We’ll be forgotten. Erased. The slate wiped clean like it always is.

“Ripley,” Raine urges. “Come back. I’m here. You’re safe.”

“We are not safe!”

“From the world? Fuck no.” He chuckles bitterly. “But you’ll always be safe with me.”

I want that to be enough. It is enough. All I’ve ever wanted, beneath the role I’ve played, is for someone to make me feel safe in a world determined to prove otherwise. But I want Raine safe too, and that won’t happen here.

“Come on, babe.” Sliding a hand into my hair, he gently massages my head. “Focus on my voice. Can you feel my breathing?”

“Yes,” I gasp.

“Good girl. Pay attention to it. I want you to block everything else out. It’s just us.”

Squeezing my eyes shut, I focus on the feel of his body pressing into mine. The lines I’ve memorised over the weeks and months. Soft angles. Muscled ridges. The smell of fresh oranges and tangy sea salt.

In a terrifying world, Raine is a solid constant. The confident, smirking jokester hiding a lifetime of trauma behind blacked-out lenses. Everything about him defies the odds. He’s living proof of human resilience.

It’s what first intrigued me, back when he was just another patient, sniffing around for contraband. The silver-tongued flirt with all the right words. Every syllable interwoven with deep, irrecoverable pain.

“Don’t let the fear win, Rip. We’re all afraid. Defeated. Exhausted. That just means we’re winning the fight—because we’re still alive to feel all those things.”

“For how much longer?” I squirm on his lap.

“That I can’t say. But I think every single one of us has proven that we’re kinda difficult to kill. We’ve all survived shit beyond most people’s worst nightmares. We can survive this too.”

His fingers pressing into my skull causes me to flinch. My body is wound so tight, every small sensation is agonisingly intense. I don’t know if I need to fight, fuck or flee. I’m longing for the oblivion of sedatives.

“Tell me what you need,” Raine begs.

I can’t possibly answer him, and the stirrings of another prevent me from having to confess.

“What’s going on?” Lennox asks groggily.

With his long limbs stretched out, it takes him a moment to sit upright. He blinks rapidly to clear his seafoam eyes. Spotting me in Raine’s lap, his spine stiffens.

“What is it?”

“She’s okay,” Raine replies in a gravelly rasp. “Just… struggling.”

“Struggling?” I let out a strangled sound.

“You’re supposed to be breathing, Rip. Not arguing.”

“While we’re sitting here waiting to be slaughtered? And Warner is out there risking his life! This is fucking stupid!”

When I try to climb off Raine’s lap, determined to do what’s necessary to abate the storm brewing beneath my skin, I find myself trapped.

“Stay.” His arms imprison me in a steel cage, pinning me to his chest. “You’re not going anywhere until you’ve calmed down.”

“You can’t fucking make me, Raine! I need… I can’t… I…”

Running out of words, tears hit me hard and fast. The wave of mental torture rises from a deep well, a poisonous smog that gains speed until it’s sweeping over me in a pyroclastic cloud.

“She’s losing it.” Lennox narrows his gaze on me.

“No shit, Sherlock. You want to try?”

“Isn’t she your problem?”

The cruel bite of his words lashes into me, slashing skin and bone. Turning my tear-blurred gaze on Lennox, I want him to see just how much power the heartless bastard holds.

The power to heal.

The power to break.

The power to end it all.

“I c-could’ve run and left you to die,” I snarl at him. “I could’ve been f-fucking free and safe right now.”

“Maybe you should have gone,” he replies softly.

“Is that what you want, Nox? To be rid of me?”

Sitting up straighter, he scrubs his hand down his face, careful to avoid the gauze on his cheek. Frustration quickens my pulse when I don’t get the answer I want.

The old Lennox was as cruel as he was sadistic. That in itself was safe. Predictable. Not this weird, introspective in between who runs so hot and cold.

“Answer me!” I thrash in Raine’s arms.

“If it means you’re safe, then yes!” Lennox suddenly yells back. “That’s what I want! You… gone!”

The tears filling my eyes run over like burst riverbanks, the hot dribbles coating my cheeks and jaw. For once, Lennox stares back without flinching. A turbulent hurricane swirls in his conflicted gaze.

“Nox,” Raine scolds. “Shut up.”

“She asked for an answer.”

“You didn’t have to give that one! Fuck!”

Looking at Raine, the mental assault only intensifies. I’m surrounded by my failure on all sides. The man I saved who doesn’t want me and the one who wants me so much I’ve ruined his life.

“I’m going to find Warner.” I wipe my tears aside.

“No.” Raine refuses to release his grip. “You’re staying right here.”

“Let me go! Now!”

“He doesn’t speak for me, guava girl. I’m selfish enough to admit I want you here, even if it means you’re in the firing line with us. At least we’re together.”

Raine’s head lowers to my chest, the only place he can reach as I continue to fight his hold. I’d expect this from one of the others, but not my Raine. I hate how this horror show is changing us all.

He kisses my chest and clavicles exposed by the loose t-shirt’s neckline. The small, simple touches are an attempt to distract me from spiralling.

“I know you’re scared,” he breathes into my skin. “But you didn’t make a mistake by choosing to stay. You chose us.”

Each kiss he lavishes me with drives his words home. I hate that Lennox is sitting right there, witnessing our intimacy, yet I’m also glad he’s forced to see what he’ll never have.

“Let us choose you back,” Raine pleads. “Let us carry the burden with you. Let us help you get through this.”

Lips coasting up my neck then skimming my jaw, I pour all my focus into the feel of his touch. Each gentle, delicate kiss. I home in on the way it contrasts the hatred I still feel pouring from Lennox’s glower.

“Raine,” I whine. “We have company.”

“Ignore him, babe. Let the asshole see exactly what he’s missing because he’s being too stubborn to change.”

Then his lips meet mine—plush and attentive. Raine pushes his mouth on mine to drive out every last horrid thought causing me to fracture. The kiss is passionate, demanding, full of desperation.

Pressure sears into the side of my head, intensifying Raine’s firm kiss. I know Lennox is watching intently. What I don’t know is how he’s going to react. Not anymore.

Hysteria turns red-hot and liquifies as it fills my veins. Treacle-like heat pumps through me, warming my extremities even in the building’s chill. I can feel every solid inch of Raine beneath me.

His tongue glides into my mouth, exploring every corner in his bid to pull me back from the brink. The fire ants morph into tiny, pleasurable explosions that cause my hips to shift.

I think I hear Lennox choke on a breath. Yet I couldn't care less. Not when Raine responds in kind and bucks up into me, the heat from his growing erection hitting my core.

“Rip,” he breaks the kiss to rasp. “Let’s… just take a minute. You’re upset.”

“Shut up, Raine.”

Glancing to the side, I lock onto Lennox’s hard stare. The column of heat stirring the still waters in his eyes encourages me to slam my lips back on Raine’s mouth.

Fuck him.

He doesn’t want me?

Fine. Raine does.

I don’t care if it’s the adrenaline talking. If a week of barely sleeping has frayed my sanity and I’m on the verge of an unmedicated breakdown. I need this release. Just the thought of it is already loosening my lungs.

Grinding on his hardening cock, I enjoy each toe-curling spike the friction brings. A groan builds in Raine’s throat as he kisses me back, painting a bruise onto my lips.

His grip has slackened so he can clutch my hips, giving me room to touch him. I drag my hands down his chest, stopping at the waistband of the borrowed jeans he still wears.

I make short work of unclasping the button and pushing a hand inside. Lennox can continue watching if he likes. He can also fuck off to kingdom come for all I care.

Shifting backwards, I guide Raine’s length free from his jeans. He groans when my hand clasps around his velvety cock, stroking the shaft in a slow tease.

“Watch your friend fuck my throat, Nox,” I taunt brazenly. “Watch what I let him do to me. Watch what you could be doing… if only you cared.”

Kneeling in front of Raine, I drag my tongue across his entire length, from tip to base. His cock jerks in my hands in time to his hissed breathing.

I don’t spare Lennox a single glance as I suck Raine deep into my mouth. When his tip nudges the back of my throat, I lift my head, swirling my tongue back up to the end before taking him deep once more.

“Goddammit,” Raine grinds out. “You’re going to be the death of me.”

Not him.

Just his asshole friend.

With each suck, I rotate my head to lick around his engorged cock. The light scrape of teeth causes Raine to curse again. Hearing him moaning in pleasure only spurs me on.

I’m going to make him fill my mouth with his seed just so Lennox can see me swallow it. If he wants to play mind games, I can give just as good as I get.

Raine fists a hand in my short hair, using his grip to guide my movements. Each time he pushes me down, his hips lift to glide in deeper. I happily let him fuck my mouth.

Each thrust makes moisture gather in the corners of my eyes. I don’t mind his roughness, though. I want Raine to feel good, to let go even if only for a second. For the burdens he’s carried for me, he deserves no less.

“That’s it,” he encourages in a low rasp. “You take me so well, babe.”

The burn of each pump is oh-so-satisfying. I love that he’s completely disregarding Lennox and taking exactly what he wants. Something tells me Raine is just as mad as I am at the stubborn bastard.

Each tug on my short curls makes warmth pool at the apex of my thighs. I’m already clenched tight with need. At this rate, I’ll let him strip me bare, bend me over and fuck me on full display.

In my periphery, I can see Lennox is unmoved. The man’s frozen to the spot. He doesn’t even have the shame to look away. I feel fucking powerful, yet I hate myself at the same time for even caring.

“Rip,” Raine moans languidly.

His jean-clad thighs are tensing beneath my palms, telling me he’s close. Increasing my speed, I’m determined to wring every drop of bliss from him. I want his complete and utter surrender.

“I’m going to pour myself down your throat, guava girl.”

His cock jerks in my mouth, spasming with the force of his orgasm. My pussy quivers at the sensation of driving Raine to the brink. I don’t stop sucking until he groans loudly, the hot spurts of his seed hitting my throat.

His painfully tight clasp on my hair loosens. Stilling, I slowly pull my mouth from Raine’s cock, wiping at my bottom lip with a single finger. He’s a panting mess beneath me, his liquid gold gaze burning bright.

I tilt my head to see Lennox. Eyes narrowed. Lips wet. Two wide pupils melt the skin from my bones with the violence of an acid attack. He doesn’t blink as I make a show of swallowing Raine’s come.

“Are you still here?” I ask bluntly.

Lips parted, Lennox sits stock-still. Stares. Falters.

“You may want me gone, but I’m right where I belong.” I refuse to look away from him. “You’re the one who should go if you don’t want this.”

His mouth opens and closes, like words are forming on the tip of his tongue. His facial expression twists and transforms, rapidly shifting between anger, lust and… Is that jealousy? Oh, fucking perfect. He’s pathetic.

Squirming with need, I’m tempted to let Raine return the favour. Would that cause Lennox to relent? Seeing me ride his friend’s face? I want to know just how far I can push him before he breaks.

“Rip.” Lennox’s lips form a narrow strip of anger. “I?—”

The doors to the swimming pool being tossed open cuts him off. Xander runs in, his face flushed. He skids to a halt as Raine quickly rights himself, zipping up his jeans.

“Helicopters overhead,” Xander rushes out.

“What?” Raine gasps.

“I was on the roof. I counted dozens of men, armed and wearing protective gear. The journalists have all been cleared out. Their weapons… I saw bullets.”

“Bullets?” I repeat.

“This isn’t a rescue mission. They’re going to storm the institute and clear it out by force. No cameras, no witnesses.”

“Shit.” Lennox gapes at him. “What do we do?”

“We need to move. Now.”

Focusing on me, Xander’s face is grave.

“Incendia is coming.”