Butcher

Chapter 18

18

Sexton

I gave my hotel room to my mother for the night. It was a great cover because I wanted to stay with Austin in his room, anyway. However, I lied and told her he had two beds.

Since I couldn’t do the same with my teammates, I slipped out of his room thirty minutes before we needed to be on the bus for morning skate. I went down to the lobby, played a few games on my phone, and waited.

Coop was the first one to come down, and he sat in a chair across from me. “Did you hear about Ford?”

I nodded. “Kaylee told us they got food poisoning?”

“Yeah. I just talked to Ford and he’s feeling much better. He thinks it was his omelet.”

“That’s good he’s feeling better. When we talked to Kaylee last night, she was feeling better too.”

Coop snorted a small laugh. “It’s weird, huh?”

“What’s that?”

“Having someone so far away and you can’t help them. It’s a feeling I still struggle with when we’re on the road.”

“Yeah, it’s not ideal.” Luckily, Kaylee wasn’t as sick as Ford or I might have gotten on a plane and skipped the game.

“I would say you get used to it or it gets easier, but it doesn’t.” Coop frowned.

When he and Ford were going through some things he didn’t tell us about at the time, he had been off. I wish he had let us help him. But being the captain was also his passion, and he quickly shrugged off what he was going through and acted like it was business as usual. Later that day, he came out to our circle of friends. We could nearly see the weight lift off his shoulders as we sat around drinking Guinness and eating lobster rolls at The Whispering Flask. Austin had been the first one to tell him we supported him, and then it had been me next to tell Coop how trusting us with his secret meant a lot.

It made me wonder if that could be me and Austin, if we could tell the rest of the guys.

No one knew we were both bisexual. Or that I was still maybe only gay for him. The thought of being with a different guy didn’t appeal to me still, but the man I shared a bed with had a hold on my heart and I didn’t want him to let go.

I leaned forward and patted my captain’s knee. “Maybe they can come to a few road games this season. I think that will help all of us.”

Coop’s face brightened. “Yeah, for sure.”

The elevator dinged and more of our teammates came out. Austin was one of them and when our eyes met, we smiled at each other and then looked away. I wanted to go over to him and throw my arms around him, but that wasn’t our reality. Would it ever be? He’d said there might come a time when it felt right to come out, but when would that be?

And would I be ready?

The bus ride to the arena was filled with the usual banter. Friberg teased Coop about having a pre-game ritual involving a secret dance that he insisted was essential for good luck. Coop shot him a glare that could’ve melted steel, but even he couldn’t help but laugh.

“Don’t hate because you wish you had moves like me,” Coop clapped back playfully.

“All right, all right. I was just hoping you’d show us the dance.” Friberg grinned.

“Maybe I need to,” Coop stated. “It might help you not accidentally score on our own net like last game.”

The bus erupted in “Oooos” and we all laughed as Friberg said, “The puck didn’t go in, but yeah, that was a little too close for comfort.”

And that was what I loved about my teammates. We could all exchange playful jabs and at the end of the day, we had each other’s back. I knew deep down they would be okay with mine and Austin’s sexuality, but I wasn’t sure if they would be fine with the fact we were dating each other. It wasn’t as though we would flaunt it in front of them, but just the thought being out in the open with our relationship had me torn.

The bus came to a stop. All of us knew the Stars were going to be a tough team to beat, but we were determined to win. The team filed into the locker room, and as I put on my gear, my thoughts were miles away. I was struggling to keep my reality a secret from the team, caught between wanting to hold on to what Austin and I had in private and wanting to be open with our friends. Because we were all friends. Hell, I would go so far as to say we were family. Most of us hung out off the ice, so why was I stressing?

Maybe it was because my mother was in town. She was coming to the game later, and what if she saw the way I looked at Austin? What if she figured it out? Would she leave and never speak to me again? Would she call my dad and he’d make a special trip just to rip me a new one about two guys living in sin?

“Hey,” Austin said as he approached. “You all set?”

“Yeah,” I replied, forcing a smile, even though my heart was aching a little at all the thoughts consuming me. “Just about.”

“Everything okay?” he asked, as though he could read my thoughts.

I lifted a shoulder and lied. I seemed to be getting good at lying. “Just thinking about seeing Coop’s dance before the game. Maybe we should have a pre-game ritual ourselves.” Coop didn’t have a secret dance we knew of and Friberg had been teasing him, but the thought of something me and Austin could do alone before games was enticing.

“I’m sure we can think of something.” Austin winked.

“Smooth talker.” I finished tying my last skate and stood. “But seriously, this team”—I glanced around to make sure no one was listening—“we’re a family, right?”

He arched an eyebrow. “Yeah, we are. Why?”

I grabbed my stick. “Just thinking about other things.”

His head tilted slightly, and I knew he understood what I wasn’t saying out loud. “When you’re ready, I’m ready.”

“Are you sure?”

“100%.”

As we prepared for practice, I could feel the room shift from playful banter to focused determination. We left through the tunnel and skated onto the ice where practice was a whirlwind of drills, and I pushed thoughts of telling the team my secret to the back of my mind.

The coffee shop down the street from the hotel was quiet for a late morning, with soft music playing in the background and sunlight filtering through the large windows. I spotted my mom at a corner table, her eyes scanning the room. When she saw me, her face brightened into a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“Hey, Mom,” I said, giving her a side hug.

“Hi, honey,” she greeted.

“Let me order my drink and I’ll be right back.”

I walked to the counter and ordered an iced tea instead of coffee. Once I had it, I returned to the table, taking a seat across from my mother. She was fiddling with her paper coffee cup, swirling the contents but not drinking it. I could tell she was on edge about something, and her decision to come to the game last minute was unusual. She had her routine, and the spontaneous trip just didn’t fit her pattern. I’d asked her if something was wrong a few times the day before, but each time she brushed it off with a simple, “I just wanted to see you play.”

“How was morning skate?” she asked.

I lifted a shoulder. “It was good. Need to take a nap before the game.”

“Well, I appreciate you taking the time to meet me for coffee.”

“Of course, but I gotta say again, it’s not like you to make such a sudden trip. Are you sure everything’s okay?”

She took a deep breath. “I’m fine, really. I just wanted to be here for you. Your dad’s away as usual, and I was tired of being home alone.”

I frowned. “I don’t remember him going to Cedar Hollow so much. Is that normal now?”

“Yes,” she said quickly, almost too quickly. She took a sip of her coffee and avoided my gaze. “He’s been even busier with his commitments lately.”

I couldn’t shake the feeling that she was hiding something. I knew my mom well enough to recognize when she was trying to redirect the conversation. I pressed a little more, but gently. “Is there anything specific you wanted to talk about? Or just … be here for the game?”

She looked up, her eyes softer now. “Honestly, I wanted to see you play and spend some time with you. It’s been too long since we had a good catch-up.”

I studied her face, searching for any hint of the truth she was keeping from me. “I appreciate that, Mom. But if there’s something bothering you, you know you can tell me.”

She sighed, setting her coffee cup down. “Really, there’s nothing to worry about.”

“Okay.” I took a sip of my tea. “Are you excited about the game tonight?”

She smiled a genuine smile. “Oh, absolutely. It’ll be nice to see you in action again. That was so much fun in Las Vegas.”

As we talked about the game and the season ahead, I still couldn’t shake the feeling she was hiding something. Despite her reassurances, the tension in her demeanor spoke louder than her words. I knew she was holding back, but for now, it seemed like she wasn’t ready to share whatever was on her mind.

And I wasn’t ready to tell her my secret either.

As I skated onto the ice for warm-ups before the game, my gaze naturally drifted to the stands. My mom was seated a few rows up from the glass, dressed warmly in a team jacket I’d given her for Christmas when I joined the Bruins. She waved to me. Austin’s parents were sitting next to her, and seeing them together made me wish more than anything that I could bridge the gap between my hidden life and the public one. And it wasn’t just about Austin and me being together. Earlier, I had thought about coming out to the team, but would we also tell them we were both dating the same woman?

When the puck dropped, I forced myself to concentrate on the game. Coop’s stick was a blur as he won the faceoff. He sent it sailing toward Austin on his left. I watched as he received the pass, and we skated into our zone. The defensemen were closing in, their sticks jabbing at the puck.

Austin sent the puck back to Coop. He spun and looked up, scanning the ice for me. I skated hard toward the open space on the right. The defenders shifted, trying to keep up, but I was faster, gliding past them.

The puck found my stick, and I barely had time to cradle it before a Star was barreling down on me. I could see the goalie shifting into position, his pads wide and ready. I deked left, feeling the defender’s stick brush against mine, then I pulled my stick back and flicked the puck toward the far post.

The puck sailed through the air, its path a perfect arc toward the goal. The goalie lunged, reaching his glove out to intercept, but the puck slipped past his outstretched arm and hit the back of the net.

I threw my arms up as the lamp lit, and Austin, Coop, Orlov, Brunner, and Chiasson skated toward me. Austin got to me first and crashed into me, and I was seconds away from kissing him.