Cabin Fever With My First Flame (Sweet Christmas Kisses)

13. Bailey

Chapter thirteen

Bailey

Micah and Ella help me clean up the mess from the decorating, and yet we still have four dozen cookies left to finish. It will have to be a project for tomorrow because I’m exhausted and just want to get the scuzz off my body.

“Thanks for the pizza, Bailey,” Micah says. “It’s the best I’ve ever had—no lie. Would you be willing to teach me how to make it? I could come to your place for lessons, or better yet, you could come here.”

I roll up the wax paper that I used to help protect the counter from dried icing dribbles. “I’d love to. Are you going to have time to learn between school, sports, and your junior firefighting?”

Micah rubs his chin thoughtfully. “Sundays after church would work. All of you could join us for the service, and then we could make the pizzas for lunch afterward. How does that sound?”

Ella balls up the trash bag aprons and tosses them in the garbage. “Please, Mom. It would be fun, and we could make it a standing lunch date.”

“I’ll think about it. I need to discuss it with Finn first,” I tell them both. I look down at my attire and see that my pajama bottoms need a good washing. Most of our clothes are packed up in boxes inside a shipping container being delivered to my parents’ house or in our luggage that’s still in the food truck. “Ella, can you collect the dirty clothes so I can get a load going in the washer tonight? Set them on the bed, and I’ll take care of it.”

“I can do the laundry for you, Mom,” Ella volunteers. “Mia and Ava are almost ready for bed, and Micah and I were going to stay up and play some video games. It wouldn’t be a hardship, and you need your beauty sleep.”

I walk around the counter and pull my daughter into an embrace. “A hot shower and sleep sounds good.”

“How does a hot bath sound instead?” Finn asks, coming around the corner and holding the plate of cookies I’d left him. “It’s the least I could do since you made me chocolate chip cookies. You know they’re my favorite.”

The kids all wanted gingerbread or shortbread cookies to decorate, but I snuck in a small batch of chocolate chip for Finn, even though he never spoke up. “I didn’t make them for you wanting something in return, Finn.”

“I know, and that’s why they’re special,” he retorts. “You’re special, Bailey, and you deserve a moment to yourself. The tub is already full, and I set out a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt on the bed for you. Take all the time you need.”

Ella and Micah grin. Ella practically pushes me down the hall toward Finn’s room and the master bath. “Mom, Finn is trying to do something nice for you. You deserve to be pampered. Enjoy the moment, and when you’re done, say ‘Thank you’ and give Finn a big kiss.”

I walk into Finn’s room, and just before I shut and lock the door, what she said registers in my brain. “Ella, what’s going on?”

Ella shrugs. “Mom, Mia, Ava, and I just want you to be happy. Finn made you happy once. Maybe if you give him a chance, he can do it again.”

“You’ve known him less than two days, Ella.”

“True,” she says. “But if Dad hadn’t lied to Finn and manipulated you, then you and Finn would be together. You are meant to be together. I can tell.”

I open my mouth to argue and give her my little spiel, but she raises a hand to stop me. “I know what you’re going to say, Mom. You’re going to tell me that you wouldn’t want to change the past because then you wouldn’t have us. And that’s the thing; you don’t have to. You can still have a future with Finn, and us girls will be the gift that keeps on giving,” she winks.

“What about Mia and Ava? Aren’t they going to think I’m trying to replace their father if I start dating Finn? That’s assuming that Finn wants to date me.”

Ella grabs my hands and uses the ‘mom’ tone against me, her face serious and stern. “Dad can be as much of a participant in our lives as he wants to be; which for the past few years hasn’t been much. I pray every day that changes, but it’s up to him to get things figured out. I don’t think, for even two seconds, that Finn would stand in the way of whatever relationship Dad has with us. But Mia and Ava need a positive male role model in their lives, and as much as I don’t want to say it, Dad isn’t it—not as things currently stand.”

“So, if your dad were to show up tomorrow and beg for a second chance, you don’t think Mia and Ava would want me to take it?” I ask, testing the water.

Ella shakes her head vehemently. “Not if it means that you’re unhappy, Mom. Dad made his choice, and it wasn’t us. Even at six years old, Ava recognizes this. Finn made a mistake years ago that cost you both dearly, but everything happens for a reason. You taught us that. Maybe the reason our gas gauge got stuck and we were rescued by Finn is God’s handiwork at play.”

“You’re going to make a wonderful mother someday, Ella. You’re wise beyond your years.”

Ella laughs. “I hope so, but not for a long time yet. Go and enjoy the bath before the water gets cold, and think about what I said, okay?”

I hug my daughter. “Okay. I’ll think about it, but I make no promises.”

I shut the door and flip the lock, heading for the bathroom. My eyes well with tears when I see all the trouble Finn has gone through to provide a relaxing experience for me. The sunken bathtub is filled with warm water and bubbles, along with a large candle flickering in the corner.

I’m about to strip off my flour-crusted clothing when there’s a knock at the door. “Bailey, are you still decent?” Finn asks.

I open his bedroom door and let him in. “Only if you consider puffy eyes and filthy clothes decent.”

Finn steps inside, holding a chilled glass of white wine. He notices my red-rimmed eyes and wipes away the lone tear on my cheek with the pad of his thumb. “Bailey Bug, why are you crying?”

“They’re happy tears, Finn. I promise.” I wave my hand toward the open bathroom door. “I’m a little overwhelmed by the sweet gesture. That’s all. It’s been so long since someone has gone out of their way for me—my girls excluded, of course.”

“You deserve to be treated like a queen, Bailey. I’m sorry that hasn’t been the case. What you did for the boys today meant something to them, and it meant something to me. This is my way of saying thank you. Here,” Finn says, handing me the glass of wine. “Relax and unwind. I’ll finish cleaning up in the kitchen.”

I take the offered glass and step back because if I don’t, I might end up kissing Finn as Ella had suggested. I might, anyway, because he’s standing there with a vulnerable expression. “Thank you. You didn’t have to do this, but I really appreciate it.”

“It’s my pleasure.” As Finn closes the door, I hear him mumble, “I’d do anything for you.”

I lock the door behind him, not entirely sure I was supposed to hear that last part. Finn had always treated me with respect and love, which is why his ghosting me broke my heart.

I set the glass down on the edge of the tub while I undress and slip into the warm water topped with bubbles. The fruity scent tickles my nose as I lean my head back and close my eyes. I briefly wonder why Finn has bubble bath to begin with, but I let the thought go. It’s none of my business.

If Finn wants a second chance with me, would it be wise to give it to him? Could I trust him not to break my heart a second time if I did? Heck, I don’t know if I’m ready to put myself out there again, not so soon after my divorce.

After an hour of contemplation and a second warm-up to the bath water, I still don’t have the answers to the questions bouncing around in my head. I decide to “Let go and let God” because my head and heart are warring against one another. My head is blaring a warning that I should protect myself from ever being hurt again while my heart remembers the way it beat rapidly whenever Finn held me in his arms.

I let the water drain as I drip dry and search for a towel. I find them stashed under the bathroom sink along with the bottles of bubble bath. I laugh when I read the label out loud. “Children’s fruit-scented bubble bath. Non-toxic and gentle on the skin.” The name Jonah is scrawled on the label. There’s another bottle next to it with the name Isaac scrawled across the top. Apparently, Isaac prefers bubble-gum-scented bubble baths instead of smelling like a fruit salad.

I’m grateful to Finn for leaving me clean, warm clothes to wear, but Finn is nearly twice my size, and they don’t quite fit as intended. When I put on the sweatpants, the waistband is at my armpits, and I giggle as the image of Steve Urkel pops into my head. I roll up the cuffs and roll down the waistband until the sweats fit my tiny frame. The T-shirt hangs to mid-thigh and swims on me, yet I can’t take my eyes off my reflection in the mirror. The shirt is Finn’s Lake George Leopards tee, and the name Hollister is displayed prominently across my shoulders.

I gather up the extra material and tie a knot at the front, keeping the shirt a little loose but not wearing it like a dress. I blow out the candle and clean up the bathroom, gathering up my dirty clothes and the towel I used.

Walking down the hall, I hear Finn talking with Ella and Micah and stop in my tracks. “Your mom was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was a fool for letting her go.”

Micah pipes up and says, “But she loved you so much. I don’t understand how you could leave her like that?”

“Fear,” Finn says bluntly.

Micah scoffs. “But you’re the bravest person I know. You literally jump out of planes with nothing more than a handful of tools to put out forest fires. You laugh in the face of danger.”

Finn chuckles, but there’s no mirth in it. “Fear of rejection, Micah. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it’s true.”

“Do you still miss her? Do you still love her?” Ella asks, sounding forlorn and heartbroken.

I frown. Finn seems to have a penchant for loving and leaving not only me, but Micah’s mom as well. I back up slowly so as not to draw attention to myself, but that doesn’t stop me from overhearing his choked-out response. “I miss her every day, Ella. She was my world, and I’ll always love her. There isn’t a day that goes by I haven’t thought about her.”

I finally make it back to Finn’s room and softly close the door, allowing my back to slide down the wood until my but hits the floor. Touching my forehead to my knees, I begin to let the tears flow. How could I be so na?ve?