Christmas Home (The Coming Home #6)

44. Clyde

forty-four

Clyde

I loved having Thanksgiving with my guy and his friend. “It’s the best Thanksgiving I’ve had in a long time,” I told them. I didn’t tell them it was the best I’d ever had. No need for my ugly past to taint such a great day.

When it was time for the lighting ceremony, I was nervous about it all coming together. Turns out, I had nothing to worry about. “The whole town showed up,” I said, shocked at the size of the crowd.

“Well, of course they showed up, Baby. You made it sound so fun,” Mrs. Cole said, and I smiled through my blush. Most people probably came because Roth had agreed to perform his new Christmas music with the famous Solace Brown, a name I now knew intimately because Ruther and Corey had forced me to listen to his music whenever they were around.

I wouldn’t call myself a jazz fan, but his stuff was good. Ruther also seemed to enjoy it, so I wasn’t going to complain.

“Gather around,” Doc said from the stage that’d been put up in front of the town hall. “It’s time to get the festivities started.”

Everyone did as he instructed, and as soon as he was satisfied, he looked out into the crowd. “Clyde, can you come up here?”

I froze. “Me?” I asked, and Mrs. Cole and Ruther laughed as they pushed me up on the stage.

“Now y’all, this here celebration is all on account of this man right here, one of our newest residents in Crawford City, and one I know has captured y’all’s hearts as much as he has ours.”

The crowd cheered, which just made me blush harder.

“Since this was Clyde’s idea and because he has worked his little butt off to make this happen, I’m going to let him do the honors. So, let’s do a countdown, and Clyde, when we get to one, flip this switch,” Doc said and handed me a big box with a switch on top.

I felt a little bewildered by the whole thing and just hoped to heaven I didn’t somehow mess this up. I searched the sea of mostly familiar faces for one in particular. When my eyes locked on Ruther, he gave me the cutest little thumbs up, and I felt reassured despite the sudden attention.

“Five,” Doc started counting with the crowd. When they hit one, I flipped the switch, and lights filled the night.

“Wow,” I said at how pretty it was. Even the ugly fifties décor looked good in lights.

“With that, we’re gonna get off the stage and let our masters of ceremonies come on up here and entertain y’all,” Doc said and took the box from me, placing it on the ground as a drop-dead gorgeous Black man and Roth came onstage. I’d seen Solace Brown’s pictures on the internet when Ruther and Corey made me listen to his music, but damn, I had no idea he was that handsome.

As soon as I was off the stage, I rushed over to Mrs. Cole, and since we had live entertainment, we’d decided to serve the cinnamon rolls and hot cocoa outside. People milled around, and as soon as we began plating the rolls, they all seemed to line up.

Ruther stood next to me, passing me plates, while Mrs. Cole served the hot cocoa, all pre-prepared in a large thermos.

It only took a few minutes to get everyone served. Then, of course, the teenagers came back around for seconds, which I was happy Mrs. Cole didn’t object to. I didn’t know these kids well and had no idea what their situation was, but I can remember more than one occasion when community events were the only food I got to eat that day.

More likely, these kids were just hungry. I can remember the hunger pains of being a teenage boy too.

Once we were done, Mrs. Cole wrapped up the rest of the rolls and handed them to me. “You boys might need these while the café is closed. If they get stale, you can always make a bread pudding with what’s left. Do you know how to do that?” she asked.

I laughed. “I suspect it’s the same as how you make your biscuit puddin’ but with cinnamon rolls instead.”

She laughed. “True, but don’t add any more cinnamon, or it won’t be fit to eat.”

I carried the tray into the café while Ruther helped Mrs. Cole with the thermos.

It was so freaking cold, and the snow from two days ago hadn’t done anything but make it feel colder. Once we were done at the café, Mrs. Cole locked up, telling me I could come in later to get the rolls using the key I had to the back door, but to go out and enjoy the rest of the show.

I didn’t complain. I wanted to listen to Roth and Solace’s new music. It was beautiful. Solace’s soulful voice backed by Roth’s or vice versa made a sweet Christmasy sound I had no doubt would be playing across the airwaves for many years to come, just like the old songs from my great-granny’s time.

I leaned back against Ruther, enjoying his larger, sturdy frame and the warmth that flowed out of him, while we enjoyed the concert. Corey stood a few paces away, his expression filled with longing. I looked up on stage and realized Solace had initiated such a response from the usually stoic man.

I got Ruther’s attention and gestured toward Corey, and Ruther chuckled. “Someone’s got it bad,” he said. Corey looked over at us and frowned.

“You two need to mind your business. Ain’t nothin’ goin’ on over here,” he said, using a put-on Southern accent.

“You shouldn’t do that. You sound like something got caught in your throat,” I said, causing Corey and Ruther to chuckle.

It made me happy to see Corey so enamored with another guy. To be honest, I still worried about what kind of relationship Ruther and Corey had, although they didn’t seem to show any interest in one another romantically.

Now that I saw Corey mooning over the jazz singer, I couldn’t help but smile. If he was having such a hard time hiding his interest in Solace, he would certainly not be able to hide any such feelings for Ruther.

That made me ponder things even more. I knew I had major trust issues. Since Ruther had come back to town, I seemed to be looking for flaws, some of which I’d found, but nothing pointed to me not being able to rely on him. From my perspective, he was completely trustworthy.

Despite that and the ongoing support of my group and counselor, I hadn’t been able to let things progress between us.

Yes, we cuddled, hugged, held hands, and kissed. Kissing Ruther was by far my most favorite pastime. But going further scared the shit out of me.

Until now, I think I was letting my fear about him and Corey keep the boundaries up. Now, would this change things?

I realized immediately it wouldn’t. I just wasn’t ready for things to turn sexual. Not yet. I needed more time and more of…something. What, I wasn’t sure. It’s not like I wasn’t sexually attracted to him. God help me, I wanted Ruther in every way possible.

And there it was. I wanted him, craved him, hungered for him, and that’s what was in my way. Fear that I was getting attached to someone who’d end up not being who he appeared to be. That once we went all the way, he’d turn into Jimmy or one of the other regrettable men I’d dated.

I shook off the ugly thoughts and focused back on the Christmas concert. I wouldn’t be solving this tonight, and maybe not anytime soon. But at least I could enjoy being here and sharing this moment with Ruther. Hopefully, he felt the same.