Christmas Kiss (Evergreen Family Tree Farm #2)

Chapter Seven

Mariah

Well, that just happened. I drag in a deep breath and stare out the truck window as we drive away from the lodge and back down the mountain.

I haven’t really asked where we’re going, but I’ll say something if we take a turn off the main path. Right now, my brain is too busy processing everything. My mother has been eternally awful, and I appreciate Charlie sticking up for me, that’s why I brought him, but the way he looked at me as he helped me up in the truck afterward… that scared me.

It wasn’t fake. He met my gaze with intensity and my entire body felt it like a jolt from a live wire.

My phone buzzes over and over. It’s my sister Mira. I’m sure she wants all the dirty details, but I can’t focus on that right now. I need to pick a lane with Charlie. Clearly, I’m confusing the hell out of him… and myself. Those are two things I shouldn’t be doing, considering I have a baby on the way.

“You okay, trouble? You’re so quiet.”

I glance toward him, ignoring the throb between my legs when he calls me trouble. “Yeah, I’m good. Just thinking, ya know?”

“That doesn’t sound good.” His big hand lands on my thigh and my body screams to be touched again. “Did I say something wrong with your mom? If you want to go back, I’ll—”

“No, she’s a dragon. We talked about this. You did everything right. She’s out of control. I…” I swallow hard trying to reconcile in my head what my mother’s problem is, but I think I’m done trying.

“Okay then. So, what’s wrong?”

I don’t want to ruin this before it starts. I don’t want to run from good things because I’m afraid of losing whatever it is Charlie and I are creating, but I have a baby to think about now, and live wire sparks can’t be a part of that plan.

“What do you want, Charlie? Like… for your life?”

He glances toward me with narrowed brows before refocusing on the road. “What do I want? I want… I want a family. I never thought I did, but spending time with you makes me see how much I was missing.”

“Okay… but what about when that wears off? The fluff I mean.”

“Fluff?”

“The newness, the shine, when the honeymoon is over. We’ll just be two people pissed off at the world because we’ve fucked a million times, the kids won’t stop screaming, the bills are due, and we haven’t had a real date in years.”

“Damn. You make it sound fun.”

“It’s not going to be, Charlie. That’s what I’m saying. Love is hard, right?”

“It doesn’t have to be. We can—”

“We can’t, okay? We can’t!”

Charlie looks at me again, then moves his hand off my thigh and back onto the wheel.

I immediately regret my freak out. I want his hand back. I want his warmth.

What am I doing? Can I blame this on hormones, too? Actually, I think this might be exhaustion. Losing a full night’s sleep is too big an ask when you’re pregnant.

“If you could have any wedding, what would you choose?” His tone is deep, and the question comes from out of nowhere.

My brows narrow. “What? That’s not what we’re talking about.”

“I know, but just answer me. What would you want?”

I pinch my lips together and stare out the front window, wondering what his angle is. “I don’t know. I guess I’d want a ceremony next to the river. Just us and a few close friends. We’d pick wildflowers ourselves and we’d have a little band that could play all night. We’d dance under the stars and sneak off before everyone left because we couldn’t wait to be together.”

Charlie’s hand lands back on my thigh. “You said us. ”

I did say us. I said us like half a dozen times. “I just meant like… us . Me and whoever .”

“So, you weren’t thinking of me when you imagined that little scenario?”

I was most definitely picturing Charlie next to me in a pair of jeans and a nice button-up rolled at the sleeves. All that ink and his strong forearms reaching out for me. Saying that out loud would be ridiculous. I can’t fall for him. He’s my boss, he’s so much older, and I don’t really know him. I’m super horny, exhausted, and stressed. I’m clearly making bad decisions, and I have a baby to think about. I can’t get distracted by a messy love right now.

“Look, this has been fun. And last night… was insane. Like, I’ll flip into that fantasy for the rest of my life, but I have a baby on the way, and I’ve never done this before. I need to focus on that.”

My self-help book would be proud, but saying the words out loud leaves me gutted.

This time, his hand stays on my thigh, and he squeezes gently. “You have to do what’s best for you. I’m here if you change your mind.” His tone is somber, and though I get the feeling he wants to read me the list of reasons I should give him a chance, he respects my decision and flicks the blinker to the left toward my cabin.

I almost wish he’d fight me. It would make this decision so much easier. Instead, he’s kind, gentle, and patient.

Patient as hell. He’s more patient with me than anyone has ever been.

The self-help book doesn’t explain this emotion. The one where you’re getting in your own way. The one where you don’t believe you’re good enough. The one where the feelings you’re having are real, but you’re too scared to admit them.