Christmas Kiss (Evergreen Family Tree Farm #2)

Chapter Eight

Charlie

“Shut the fuck up.” I don’t bother looking at Gabe as I talk because that would be ridiculous. He doesn’t understand shit like this. Hell, I don’t understand shit like this.

“It went that bad?” He laughs and flicks on the lights in the reindeer barn. “I told you she was too young. Girls that age don’t know what they want.”

I glare at him and away again, shoveling oats into the wheelbarrow. “You didn’t say that shit, and didn’t I say shut the fuck up?”

He laughs and grabs the flathead shovel from the driveway. “Come on. It was two days. You can get over it. We’ve got too much shit going on right now to think about women disappointing us.”

“What woman did you let disappoint you?” I groan, digging into the feed. I can’t imagine Gabe getting close enough to any woman to let her disappoint him, but I guess I thought the same about myself until recently.

“Mira. Her date stood her up at the wedding yesterday and I saw her last night at the bar.”

I want to pass an ass ton of judgment, but I hold back. “You two get together?”

“Fuck no.” He grins as he says, “I know better than to fuck with employees. Besides that, she’s my buddy’s baby sister. I’m not goin’ there, but we did talk for a while.”

“That’s how it starts, man. One conversation and it’s over.”

“She’s too young. You learned that last night. I mean seriously, Mira’s twenty-one. I can’t fuck around like that.”

I shovel in the last of the oats and head down the row of stalls, shoveling feed into all the bins. We keep reindeer here all year, but this time of year is when they make their money. Everyone wants to see Santa’s flying team.

“I don’t know what it is, but I don’t—”

The barn door slides open, and I glance back to see Mariah standing in the sunlight. Her hair is down, blowing back in the cold winter breeze, and the cute red dress she wears is covered by a long, white down jacket. “There’s a lady up front who wants to talk to a manager. I tried calling back but no one’s picking up.”

Nick is supposed to be working the front today. I wonder where the fuck he is.

Gabe glances toward me with narrowed brows as though we’re working through who’s going to handle this. Falling for Mariah and having her push me away is harder than I thought it would be. I can’t work next to her now. The thought of her smiling and knowing I’m not the cause of it would kill me.

“I’ll help you.” Gabe leans his shovel against the back wall of the barn and pulls off his gloves before heading out.

“Thanks. This lady is irate.”

“She tell you what’s wrong?”

Mariah shakes her head. “Nope. Mira is up front with her until a manager comes.”

I nod and swallow hard. Gabe is handling the customer, and this is the perfect opportunity to apologize to Mariah for messing things up. This is a small town. We’ll run into each other again even if we’re not working together after the holidays. Besides that, Mariah comes back every year. I don’t want her to feel like she can’t because of me.

As Gabe heads to the front, I glance toward Mariah. “You have a second to talk?”

I catch Gabe’s grin out of the corner of my eye, but I ignore it in favor of the soft nod that Mariah gives me as she steps into the barn. She’s nervous and I don’t blame her. I knew a relationship with an employee wasn’t right, but now I see why. This is really uncomfortable.

“This isn’t about work, so if you want to go you can.” I drop my shovel and pull off my gloves before leaning against the back stall.

The reindeer stomp and snort in their pens, frustrated that I’m not moving faster.

“What’s it about then?” she whispers, sliding the barn door closed behind her. “It’s cold out there.”

With the doors shut, the wind subsides and the howling through the barn lessens.

“It’s about the other night.” I take a step forward with intentions of being close enough that she feels how genuine my apology is, but not so close that it’s weird. “I, ugh, I shouldn’t have come on so strong. You needed help fixing things, and I should’ve helped and left. The massage, the kiss, the…” Fuck, even saying those things would make me want them again. “I should’ve been more professional.”

“It’s okay. I want you. Wanted you, I mean.” She glances down. “ Wanted you.”

“I know but maybe you felt pressured, or…”

“I wasn’t pressured, Charlie.” She looks down at the ground and runs her fingers through her hair. “I don’t feel pressured by you. I… genuinely wanted you. I still do. I just… I’m scared.”

Fuck.

I step forward before my brain can stop me, and soon my hand is reaching for hers without thought. This is what got me into trouble in the first place. I can’t go there again.

She glances down then toward me, holding my gaze for a long while, finally landing her hand in mine.

“What are you scared of?”

“I thought about this all night long. I… I’m scared this is fleeting. I’m scared you’ll get sick of me. I’m scared this is going to end, I’ll be all messed up with a baby, and—”

I step forward again, my hand on her face as I say, “I won’t leave you, Mariah. I want to do this together… you and me.”

“You don’t know that you won’t leave. You think that now, but in a year’s time when all this dopamine wears off and I’m tired and wrung out with a toddler, you’re going to feel different.”

“You’re right, I will feel different.”

“So, there ya go.” She looks down and steps back.

Being that I’m still her employer, I should respect her desire for space. I know that without reading the fine lines of the human resource handbook, but space isn’t something I can give her.

I pull her forward into my orbit and stare down at her big eyes as I sweep strands of hair away from her face. “In a year, I’ll feel different, Mariah. In a year’s time, I should hope you’ll be my wife. I should hope we’d be pregnant again, and that we’ll be raising this baby like loving parents. You’re what I want. The bad days and the good days. Every single, fucking day. You and me.” I kiss her forehead. “I know the age difference will be hard. I know explaining this whole thing to folks will be hard, but I want you too badly to walk away. One night without you was hell. I had to stop myself from coming over to check on you half a dozen times before morning.”

In the long silence that follows my plea for her love, I can’t help but feel overwhelmed at the realization of my life. Never before have I felt this strongly about anything. When my parents left the tree farm to us, I wasn’t sure if I wanted it. I went along with things because it felt like my responsibility. I moved into the cabin I inherited because it felt like the next best step. I poured everything I had into this life because it made sense, but I’ve never done something that I wanted.

Mariah is what I want.

Her eyes flicker up toward mine as her chest rises and falls quickly. “Kiss me.”

“What?”

“Kiss me before I start questioning myself again,” she pants, her eyes on me with intensity.

Her demand has my cock unbearably crushing into the inside of my jeans, and though I know I shouldn’t take her out here in the reindeer barn, I’m not sure if I can stop myself.