Christmas With My Ex (Stuck For the Holidays)

11. Rives

ELEVEN

Rives

And this Christmas will be / A very special Christmas for me.

1:28 pm

I lean against the door for a moment, my heart still pounding, trying to catch my breath. Nicholas straightens his shirt, avoiding my eyes. Neither of us says anything as the silence stretches on, thick and awkward, hanging between us like a fog.

He clears his throat, running a hand through his hair. “I’ll, uh... I’ll head out first. Meet you at the table?”

I nod, unable to find words. What would I even say?

Nicholas opens the door a crack, glancing out to make sure no one’s around before stepping back into the hallway. I wait, listening to the fading sound of his footsteps as he makes his way back to the bar.

Once he’s gone, I move toward the sink, splashing cold water on my face. The cool droplets hit my skin, bringing me back to reality. I stare at myself in the mirror, my reflection somewhat haggard. I'm flushed, but feeling alive. What just happened?

I press my hands against the sink edges, the porcelain cold under my palms. I lean forward, willing the chaos in my head to settle. We just hooked up in a bar bathroom. On Christmas Eve. In the middle of the afternoon.

I splash more water on my face, trying to shake the overwhelming mix of feelings swirling around in me. This isn’t what I planned. I didn’t come here looking for... this. For him. But I'm not mad about it, either.

“What the hell are you doing?” I whisper to myself, staring at my the girl in the mirror, as if the answer will magically appear.

Because, really, what am I doing? Nicholas and I haven’t been together in years, and we broke up for a very legitimate reason. This whole trip feels like a rollercoaster I didn’t sign up for, and him being here at the same time is almost a twist that almost seems like fate.

But as much as I want to analyze it to death, to figure out what it all means, I can’t. I try to fight it but some force stronger than my will keeps throwing us together. And making our moments together amazing.

That can’t be a coincidence, right? Should I even try to figure this out?

Not now.

It’s Christmas, for Christ’s sake.

I let out a breath, standing up straighter, shaking off the confusion. Okay, I tell myself. It’s fine. We’re both adults, and honestly, this has been fun. More fun than I’ve had in a long time.

Suddenly, I feel my Mom’s presence strongly. As if she’s sending me a message that I need to loosen me up. You are so right, Mother. Perhaps this whole thing is just what I needed.

That’s all it is. Maybe that’s all it needs to be. I don’t have to make heads or tails of it all today. I can just enjoy the moment for once, without overthinking it, without worrying about what happens when we leave this little snowy fairytale we’re stuck in.

I glance at my reflection one last time, pulling myself together. I certainly don’t want to spend my time here spiraling in my head, trying to make sense of things that don’t need clarification right now. I’ll deal with it all later, after Wednesday.

For today, I’m going to stop expecting so much of myself. Everything doesn't have to fit in a perfect little box.

I grab a paper towel and dry my face. Whatever happens next, we're going to have a fun day together. We aren't making any kind of commitments beyond the moment.

As I leave the bathroom and head back toward the bar, I take a deep breath. The lights twinkle in the saloon, the sounds of Christmas music blending with the murmur of conversation, and for the first time in a long while, I feel... lighter.

1:35 pm

I walk back to the table, my heart still racing from the bathroom, but I’ve managed to calm myself down. I'm a little nervous how to react to him after what we just did. This is a first for me.

Nicholas is sitting there, looking as dashing as ever, like we didn’t just... well, like nothing happened.

His light brown hair catches the dim bar light, making it almost look golden. He’s leaning back in his chair, a casual confidence in his posture that screams he’s in control.

His shirt fits snugly across his broad shoulders and chest, hinting at the muscles underneath that are more sculpted by action than intention. His chiseled jawline clenches slightly as he takes a sip of his beer, those striking brown eyes scanning the room with an intensity that always drew me in.

I watch him from afar for a moment, trying to reconcile the man sitting there with the Nicholas I once knew. He’s always had this smoldering passion beneath his serious exterior, something that ignites whenever he’s focused or deeply involved in something—or someone.

Today, that intensity is aimed at me.

The way he moves, even something as simple as lifting his glass or adjusting in his seat, has a certain grace and power to it. His presence is commanding. It’s impossible not to notice him.

I notice women at nearby tables glance over occasionally, some more brazenly than others. I see their eyes linger on him just a bit too long, and a small part of me feels smug knowing he’s here with me.

Nicholas catches me staring and offers a crooked smile that sends a jolt through me. That smile, half mischievous, half knowing, was always my undoing. It’s like he knows exactly what effect he has on people, on me especially. I can feel my cheeks flush slightly as I make my way back to our table.

As I sit down, he leans forward slightly, bridging the gap between us with an ease that makes my heart skip a beat. His voice is low and smooth when he speaks, drawing me back into the moment completely.

“You have to see this.”

I glance down at the screen, unsure of what to expect. Within seconds, I burst out laughing.

It’s a video compilation of Christmas bloopers—people falling off ladders while putting up lights, kids knocking over Christmas trees, and one especially dramatic moment where a giant inflatable Santa takes flight in the wind, knocking over an entire yard display.

“Oh, my God, this stuff never gets old. Why is it so funny when people fall?” I laugh, shaking my head, trying to catch my breath. “That poor Santa!”

Nicholas is laughing so hard, tears are forming at the corners of his eyes. “Right? And the guy trying to save his reindeer in the background is totally priceless.”

The video keeps going, each clip more ridiculous than the last. By the time it’s over, we’re both laughing so hard that we’re holding our stomachs. The worry from before about how we would segue from insane sex in the bathroom to being normal people in public is completely gone, replaced with the light, carefree feeling I’ve always loved about Nicholas.

“Where did you even find this?” I ask, still giggling.

Nicholas shrugs, wiping his eyes. “Someone sent it to me earlier. I was looking at it while you were in the bathroom and had to share. I figured you’d appreciate a good holiday disaster, seeing as you had your own.”

“Well, you weren’t wrong.” I take a deep breath, feeling the last bit of awkwardness fade away. "I'm sure if there had been someone with a camera there yesterday it would have been the star of a blooper to add to this."

This lightness between us is why I feel in love with him in the first place. Whatever shit we had, whatever differences of opinions that made us butt heads, we always laughed.

I settle back into my seat, taking another sip of my beer. “Well, now I worry about drinking too many beers and giving content. I'll surely fall on my ass in that snow tunnel if I get too tipsy.”

Nicholas smirks, raising his glass. “Cheers to that. We should all hope to catch enough of a buzz on Christmas Eve that we provide content. Isn't that what the holidays are all about?”

We both laugh again, the kind of laughter that makes the entire room fade away for a moment.

The bar is filling up, more people crowding in to escape the cold, but it doesn’t feel overwhelming. If anything, it adds to the warm, holiday vibe, the Christmas lights twinkling, the hum of conversation and music making everything feel festive.

“This place is getting packed,” I say, glancing around. “It’s like the whole town decided to show up here to celebrate Christmas together.”

“I kinda love it,” Nicholas replies. “It’s got that small-town Christmas feel. Like something out of a movie.”

I smile, fully leaning into the easy vibe between us now. It does feel like Christmas and it feels good to be here with him.

We’ve been sitting here for a while, laughing, talking about everything from bad holiday movies to ridiculous family traditions when I hear a familiar voice behind me.

“Rives-Leaves!”

I turn around to see Megan from Dr. Harper’s office, grinning as she makes her way over to our table. She’s holding a drink, her tacky, red Christmas sweater and huge star earrings are on point. I love it when someone doesn't take themselves too seriously.

“Megan!” I say, surprised to see someone I know here. “Hi!”

She gives me a quick once-over, then looks at Nicholas with a curious smile. “Well, well, I see you’re getting around okay.”

“Yeah, something like that,” I laugh. “Just taking it easy.”

Megan turns her attention to Nicholas, extending her hand. “Hi, I’m Megan, from Dr. Harper’s office. Rives here has been my favorite patient this week.”

Nicholas shakes her hand, smiling. “Nice to meet you. I’m Nicholas.”

“Wait,” I say, suddenly remembering. “I missed the call about my MRI results yesterday. I’ve been trying to reach someone at the office today, but no luck.”

Megan waves a hand. “Oh, we’re closed for the holidays, but don’t worry. I took a look at your results myself, and it’s good news!”

Relief washes over me. “Good news?”

She nods enthusiastically. “Dr. Harper was right—it’s a partial tear, not a full one. No surgery needed. If you take it easy for the next few months, you’ll be as good as new. Just make sure to see an orthopedic doctor when you get home and start physical therapy to ensure it heals properly.”

I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. “That’s amazing news. Thank you, Megan. I can relax now that I know.”

Megan smiles warmly. “You’re welcome. Just don’t go skiing or doing anything crazy while you’re here, okay?”

I laugh. You mean, like having sex in the bathroom? Got it. “I’ll do my best.”

She gives me a wink and a wave. “Enjoy your night! Merry Christmas!”

As Megan walks away, I lean back in my chair, feeling a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. No surgery. I can handle a few months of PT and rest. I glance over at Nicholas, who’s watching me with a soft smile.

“Well,” I say, “that’s a Christmas miracle if I’ve ever heard one.”

We are cackling at something else when I catch sight of someone approaching our table. Benjy, the backcountry guide, grins and waves as he makes his way over. I wave like a crazy person, excited to know not one, but two locals at the favorite watering hole.

The holiday atmosphere is still light, the twinkling lights and festive decorations keeping everyone in high spirits. Benjy's full red beard is perfect for the vibe today. He even has on a red and black check flannel shirt to complete the outdoorsman look he is mastering.

“Well, look who it is!” Benjy says, clapping Nicholas on the back and giving me a nod. “Merry Christmas, you two! Fancy seeing you both here together.”

I smile, feeling strangely popular in this tiny town. What are the odds? Not bad for someone stuck on crutches. “Hey, Benjy! Merry Christmas to you too.”

Benjy pulls up a nearby empty chair and turns it around, straddling the back as he joins us, casual and cool as a cucumber. “How’s the knee holding up?”

“It’s doing okay,” I say, glancing over at Nicholas, who suddenly looks stiff. His whole body tenses, and for a second, I’m not sure why. I turn back to Benjy, my mind turning.

“I had no idea you two knew each other? Or, did your little spill spark a match made in heaven?"

I laugh as it suddenly occurs to me that these two are familiar. "How do you two know each other?" I ask, gesturing between them. There’s a hint of suspicion creeping into my voice, but I brush it off. Maybe they crossed paths here at the saloon earlier or something.

“Oh yeah,” Benjy replies cheerfully, completely oblivious to the tension thickening in the air. “Nicholas and I were on that backcountry tour yesterday when we found you.”

The words hit me like a cinderblock to my head.

Nicholas was with Benjy? On the mountain? He was there when Benjy helped me and brought me down? He was the other silent man, holy shit.

I glance over at Nicholas, waiting for some kind of explanation, but he’s still tense, his eyes avoiding mine. The pieces fall into place, and suddenly, everything about today shifts.

He knew. He saw me lying there in the snow, helpless and injured, and he didn’t say a word. Not then, not later. Not even when he saw me hobbling around on crutches. He acted like he didn’t know about my injury, like we were just two people reconnecting by chance. But it wasn’t chance at all.

It was a lie.

My stomach turns, a sick feeling rising up as I try to keep my composure. Benjy, still completely unaware, keeps talking, “Yeah, it was a hell of a day. But you’re in good hands with this guy. Dr. Fancy Pants. He was all calm and collected, making sure we were all in line.”

I can’t hear him anymore. All I can focus on is Nicholas, sitting there, silent. He knew. He watched me, and he said nothing.

The heat rises in my chest, burning through the lightheartedness that had filled me moments before.

This isn’t about embarrassment. This is about trust—about the fact that he saw me at my most vulnerable and let me think we were starting fresh, when all along he was hiding the truth.

I feel like a fool.

The laughter from earlier evaporates, replaced by a wave of rage so hot, it takes everything in me to stay seated. How could he not tell me? How could he sit there and pretend he didn’t know?

He even asked questions about my injury!

My hands tighten around the crutches at my side, the edges of my vision blurring with anger. I try to swallow it down, but it’s bubbling up faster than I can control. I blink, fighting back the burning in my eyes.

“Rives? You okay?” Benjy asks, his voice distant, like it’s coming from underwater.

I force a smile, but it feels brittle, hollow. “Yeah, I’m fine,” I lie. “Just need to stretch my leg. You two keep it going, I'll be back.”

Without waiting for a response, I push myself up, my crutches scraping against the floor as I hobble away from the table, my heart racing. I can’t be near him right now. Not when everything feels so raw, so exposed. The betrayal cuts deep, sharper than I expected.

As I make my way to the door, the weight of it all crashes over me. I thought—no, I hoped —that this time might be different. That maybe there was an ember still there between us. But now I see it for what it is. I was a convenient hole for him to put his dick. What an idiot I was.

I reach the door, my breath coming in sharp bursts, and I step outside, the cold air biting at my skin. I lean against the wall, giving my gimp leg a rest and wondering if I should get the fuck out of here.

I let the wind whip through my hair, trying to calm the storm inside me. But it’s too late. The anger, the hurt—it’s all too much. Snow and bum knee be damned, I’m done.