Christmas with My Grumpy Ex (Feuding Hearts Christmas #1)

20. Loves Renewal

ELLIE

I stand in front of my closet, my heart racing as I try to decide what to wear. Max's invitation to join him and Amelia for a Christmas outing at Rockefeller Center echoes in my mind. It's been days since his emotional declaration at my door, and I'm still reeling from the intensity of his words.

"I never stopped loving you," he'd said. The memory sends a shiver down my spine.

I pull out a deep red sweater, holding it up to my reflection in the mirror. It's festive, but is it too much? Am I trying too hard? I shake my head, frustrated with my own indecision. It's just an outing, I remind myself. But deep down, I know it's so much more than that.

Max is trying to make good on his promises, to show me that he's serious about building a future together. And despite my best efforts to guard my heart, I can feel my defenses crumbling.

I finally settle on the red sweater, pairing it with dark jeans and boots. As I apply a light touch of makeup, I can't help but wonder what the evening will bring. Part of me is excited, eager to spend time with Max and Amelia, to feel like a family again. But another part is terrified. What if I let myself believe in this dream, only to have it shattered once more?

The buzz of my phone startles me out of my thoughts. It's a text from Max: "Can't wait to see you. Amelia's bouncing off the walls with excitement."

I smile despite myself, picturing Amelia's enthusiasm. That little girl has wormed her way into my heart, and the thought of seeing her face light up at the Christmas decorations fills me with warmth.

Taking a deep breath, I grab my coat and head out the door. As I make my way to the address Max sent, I try to calm my nerves. It's just one evening, I tell myself. But even as I think it, I know I'm lying. This isn't just any evening. This is Max, laying his heart on the line. This is me, taking a chance on love again.

The cab pulls up to the curb, and I spot Max and Amelia waiting for me. Amelia's wearing a adorable red coat with a matching hat, her curls peeking out from underneath. And Max... my breath catches as I take him in. He's wearing a dark blue peacoat that brings out the green in his eyes, and his smile when he sees me is enough to make my knees weak.

"Ellie!" Amelia squeals, running towards me as I step out of the cab. I scoop her up into a hug, breathing in the scent of her strawberry shampoo.

"Hey, sweetpea," I say, my voice thick with emotion. "Are you ready for some Christmas magic?"

She nods enthusiastically, her eyes sparkling. "Daddy says we're gonna see the biggest Christmas tree ever!"

I look up to see Max approaching, his eyes never leaving mine. "Hey," he says softly, leaning in to kiss my cheek. The brief contact sends a jolt through my system.

"Hey yourself," I manage to reply, setting Amelia down. "So, what's the plan for tonight?"

Max grins, a hint of mischief in his eyes. "Well, I thought we'd start with a little surprise. How do you feel about a horse-drawn carriage ride?"

Amelia gasps in delight, and I laugh. "That sounds perfect," I say, my heart warming at the thought he's put into this evening.

As we make our way to the waiting carriage, Max's hand finds the small of my back, guiding me gently. The touch is familiar, comforting, and I find myself leaning into it slightly.

The carriage is straight out of a fairy tale, complete with twinkling lights and plush blankets. As we settle in, Amelia between us, I'm living in a dream. The city passes by in a blur of lights and festive decorations, Amelia's excited chatter filling the air.

"Look, Miss Ellie!" she exclaims, pointing at a particularly elaborate window display.

I smile, pulling her closer. "It sure is, sweetie. Pretty magical, huh?"

As Amelia continues to point out every decoration we pass, I catch Max watching me, a soft smile on his face. Our eyes meet, and for a moment, it's like the rest of the world fades away. There's so much I want to say, so many questions I want to ask. But now isn't the time. Instead, I offer him a small smile in return, hoping he can see the gratitude in my eyes.

The carriage ride comes to an end all too soon, and we find ourselves standing in front of the massive Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center. Amelia's eyes are wide with wonder as she takes in the towering spectacle, its lights twinkling like a thousand stars.

"It's so big!" she breathes, her head tilted all the way back to see the top.

Max chuckles, ruffling her hair. "Want to get a closer look, sweetpea?"

As we make our way through the crowd, Max's hand finds mine, our fingers intertwining naturally. The warmth of his touch spreads through me, chasing away the chill of the night air. I should pull away, I think. I should keep my distance. But I can't bring myself to let go.

We stop in front of the tree, its massive branches stretching out above us. Amelia is practically vibrating with excitement, her eyes darting from one ornament to the next.

"Hey," Max says softly, pulling out his phone. "How about a family photo?"

The word 'family' sends a jolt through me. Is that what we are? What we could be? I nod, unable to trust my voice.

Max flags down a passing tourist, asking them to take our picture. As we pose in front of the tree, Max's arm around my waist and Amelia beaming between us, I'm struck by how right this feels. How natural. How much I want this to be real.

"Smile!" the tourist says, and I do, my heart full to bursting.

As we thank the tourist and check the photo, Max leans in close, his breath warm against my ear. "You know," he says softly, "this could be our tradition. Every year, a family photo in front of the Rockefeller tree."

My breath catches in my throat. The implication of his words - a future together, years of Christmases stretching out before us - is almost too much to bear. I look up at him, searching his face for any sign of hesitation or doubt. But all I see is love, pure and unwavering.

"I'd like that," I whisper, surprising myself with the truth of the words.

Max's smile is radiant, and for a moment, I forget to breathe. He opens his mouth to say something more, but Amelia tugs on his coat, breaking the spell.

"Daddy, can we go ice skating now? Please?"

Max laughs, tearing his gaze away from me. "Of course, sweetpea. Let's go show Ellie your moves on the ice."

As we make our way to the skating rink, I reflect on how far we've come since the beginning of the holiday season. From that first awkward meeting in the hotel lobby to this moment, walking hand in hand with Max, Amelia skipping ahead of us. It feels like a lifetime has passed, and in many ways, it has.

The fear that's been my constant companion since the gala incident is still there, lurking in the back of my mind. But it's no longer as loud, no longer as insistent. Instead, it's being drowned out by the warmth of Max's hand in mine, by Amelia's joyful laughter, by the magic of the night.

As we lace up our skates, I catch Max watching me again. There's a question in his eyes, one that I'm not sure I'm ready to answer. But I'm getting there. With every moment we spend together, with every smile and touch and shared glance, I'm getting closer to letting go of my fear and embracing the love that's been there all along.

We step onto the ice, Amelia between us, her little hands gripping ours tightly. As we glide around the rink, the twinkling lights reflecting off the ice, I feel a sense of peace settle over me. This is what I want, I realize. This life, this family, this love. It's everything I've been afraid to hope for, everything I've been running from.

And suddenly, I'm not scared anymore. I'm ready. Ready to take a chance on love, ready to build a future with Max and Amelia. Ready to believe in the kind of Christmas magic I'd almost stopped believing in.

As we complete another lap around the rink, Max pulls me close, his arm wrapping around my waist. "Thank you for coming tonight," he says softly, his eyes shining with emotion. "It means more than you know."

I lean into him, resting my head on his shoulder. "Thank you for inviting me," I reply. "For... for everything."

We skate in comfortable silence for a while, Amelia's excited chatter filling the air. As the night wears on and the crowd begins to thin, I feel a sense of anticipation building. The evening isn't over yet, and I can't shake the feeling that something significant is about to happen.

Finally, as Amelia's yawns become more frequent, Max suggests we call it a night. As we turn in our skates and make our way back to the street, he turns to me, a hint of nervousness in his voice.

"I was hoping... well, would you like to come back to the penthouse? Help me wrap the final gifts, maybe put the finishing touches on that scrapbook you've been working on?"

My heart races at the invitation. I know what he's really asking - for a chance to talk, to clear the air between us once and for all. And despite the flutter of nerves in my stomach, I find myself nodding.

"I'd love to," I say softly.

The ride back to Max's penthouse is quiet, Amelia dozing against my shoulder. As we enter the apartment, the familiar scent of pine and cinnamon washes over me. It feels like coming home.

Max puts Amelia to bed while I wait in the living room, my fingers tracing the edges of the scrapbook on the coffee table. When he returns, his eyes find mine immediately, and the intensity of his gaze takes my breath away.

"Ellie," he says, crossing the room to stand in front of me. "I meant every word I said the other night. I love you. I've always loved you. And I'm ready to build a future with you, if you'll have me."

My heart pounds in my chest as I look up at him. This is it, the moment of truth. I take a deep breath, gathering my courage.

"Max, I... I love you too," I admit, my voice shaking slightly. "But I've been so scared. Scared of being hurt again, scared of letting myself believe in this. In us."

Max reaches out, cupping my face in his hands. "I know," he says softly. "And I'm so sorry for ever giving you reason to doubt. But I'm here now, Ellie. I'm all in. No more holding back, no more fear. Just us, together."

As I look into his eyes, I see the truth of his words reflected there. And suddenly, all the fear and doubt that's been holding me back melts away. I lean into him, our foreheads touching.

"I want this," I whisper. "I want us. I want our family."

Max's smile is radiant as he pulls me closer. "You have us," he murmurs, "and we have you."

And then he's kissing me, and the world falls away. It's not like our previous kisses, filled with hesitation and unspoken fears. This kiss is a promise, a declaration, a new beginning.

As the kiss deepens, I feel the last of my reservations crumble. There are no more walls between us, no more guilt or fear or hesitation. We're finally in sync, our hearts beating as one.

Max pulls back slightly, his eyes searching mine. "Are you sure?" he asks, his voice husky with emotion.

I nod, unable to find words. I've never been more sure of anything in my life.

He takes my hand, leading me towards the bedroom. As we cross the threshold, I feel a sense of rightness settle over me. This is where I belong. With Max, with Amelia, in this life we're building together.

Max's hands are gentle as he undresses me, his touch reverent. I return the favor, my fingers tracing the contours of his body, relearning every curve and plane. When we're finally skin to skin, he pulls me close, our bodies fitting together perfectly.

"I love you," he whispers against my skin. "God, Ellie, I love you so much."

"I love you too," I breathe, my heart full to bursting.

And then we're falling onto the bed, our bodies entwining and once he enters me, I'm lost and I don't come down until morning.

The first rays of sunlight filter through the curtains, gently pulling me from sleep. For a moment, I'm disoriented, the unfamiliar surroundings confusing my sleep-addled brain. But then I feel the warmth of Max's body pressed against mine, his arm draped protectively over my waist, and everything comes rushing back.

Last night. The Christmas outing. Our confessions of love. The way we came together, finally free of the fears and doubts that had been holding us back.

I turn in Max's arms, careful not to wake him, and take a moment to study his face. In sleep, he looks younger, the lines of worry that often crease his forehead smoothed away. My heart swells with love for this man who has fought so hard for us, who has shown me what it means to truly forgive and move forward.

As I watch him, a sense of peace overtakes me, deeper and more profound than anything I've felt before. The fear that had once held me back is gone, replaced by a quiet certainty that I'm exactly where I'm meant to be.

This is the life I want, I realize. A life filled with love, with family, with the kind of Christmas magic I'd almost stopped believing in. A life with Max and Amelia, building traditions and making memories together.

Max stirs, his eyes fluttering open. When he sees me watching him, a slow smile spreads across his face, lighting up his eyes in a way that takes my breath away.

"Good morning," he murmurs, his voice husky with sleep.

"Morning," I reply, unable to keep the smile from my own face.

He pulls me closer, pressing a soft kiss to my lips. "For a moment, I was afraid I'd dreamed it all," he admits, his fingers tracing patterns on my skin.

I shake my head, my heart full to bursting. "Not a dream," I assure him. "This is real. We're real."

Max's smile widens, and he leans in to kiss me again, deeper this time. As I lose myself in the kiss, I'm thankful for how far we've come. From broken hearts and missed chances to this moment of perfect understanding and love.

The future stretches out before us, wide open and full of possibility. There will be challenges, I know. We still have so much to figure out, so many details to work through. But for the first time in a long time, I'm not afraid of what's to come.

Because I know that whatever life throws our way, we'll face it together. Max, Amelia, and me. A family. Our family.

As we lay there, wrapped in each other's arms with the promise of a new day dawning outside, I feel a sense of hope and excitement building within me. This is just the beginning of our story, the first page in a new chapter of our lives.

And I can't wait to see what comes next.