Christmas with My Grumpy Ex (Feuding Hearts Christmas #1)

19. My Ellie

19

MY ELLIE

ELLIE

I'm stirring the pasta sauce, lost in thought, when a knock at the door jolts me back to reality. My heart skips a beat as I hear a familiar voice on the other side.

"Ellie? It's Max. Please, can we talk?"

My hand freezes on the wooden spoon, sauce dripping onto the stovetop. Max. Here. Now. After everything that happened at the gala, after the way he dismissed our relationship so casually, he has the audacity to show up at my door?

I want to ignore him, to pretend I'm not home. But my traitorous heart races at the sound of his voice. I set the spoon down, wiping my hands on a dish towel as I approach the door. My fingers hover over the doorknob, trembling slightly.

"Ellie, I know you're in there," Max says, his voice softer now. "I can hear you moving around. Please, just... give me a chance to explain."

I lean my forehead against the cool wood of the door, closing my eyes. Part of me wants to fling it open, to let him in and fall into his arms like nothing ever happened. But the other part, the part that's still raw and bleeding from his words at the gala, wants to tell him to go to hell.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Max," I say, my voice barely above a whisper. But he hears me.

"Ellie, please. I know I hurt you. I know I messed up. But I need to explain. I need you to understand why I did what I did."

I can hear the desperation in his voice, and it tugs at something deep inside me. But I steel myself against it. "I think you made yourself pretty clear at the gala, Max. I'm just a friend, remember? Nothing more."

There's a heavy silence on the other side of the door. Then, so quietly I almost miss it, "I never stopped loving you."

My breath catches in my throat. Five words. Five simple words that shatter the walls I've been trying so hard to build around my heart.

"What?" I breathe, pressing my ear closer to the door.

"I never stopped loving you," Max repeats, louder this time. "Not since college. Not when I married Laura. Not now."

I grip the doorknob tighter, my mind reeling. Max continues, his words tumbling out in a rush.

"I know I've hurt you, Ellie. I know I've been a coward. But I need you to understand where I've been, what I've been through."

He takes a deep breath, and I can almost see him running his hand through his hair, the way he always does when he's nervous.

"After we broke up in college, I was lost. I threw myself into work, into building the life my family expected of me. But there was always something missing. Someone missing."

My heart pounds in my chest as I listen, unable to move, unable to speak.

"Then I met Laura," Max continues. "She was kind, and smart, and she understood the pressure of living up to family expectations. We built a life together, had Amelia. But Ellie... she always knew. She knew that you were the one person in the world who only wanted me for me."

Tears prick at the corners of my eyes.

"When Laura died," Max's voice cracks, "I was drowning in guilt. Guilt for not being the husband she deserved, guilt for still loving you. I made a vow to myself that I'd never love again, that I'd dedicate my life to Amelia and honor Laura's memory."

I lean heavily against the door, my legs suddenly weak. Max's words are like a key, unlocking all the questions I've had about his behavior, his hesitation.

"But then you came back into my life," he says, his voice filled with wonder. "And suddenly, everything I thought I knew was turned upside down. I felt alive again, Ellie. For the first time in years, I felt like myself. You were magic."

I close my eyes, remembering the spark I felt when we reconnected. The way my heart raced every time he smiled at me, the electricity that coursed through me when we touched.

"But I was scared," Max admits. "Scared of betraying Laura's memory, scared of opening my heart again. And at the gala, when her parents showed up... I panicked. I fell back into old patterns, trying to be the dutiful son-in-law, the grieving widower. But in doing so, I hurt the person who matters most to me now."

His words hang in the air between us, heavy with regret and longing. I want to believe him. God, how I want to believe him. But the pain of that night at the gala is still fresh, still raw.

Max's is silent so long I look at the peephole, and I see him still standing there. Hands shoved into his pockets. Handsome as ever.

"I went to see Laura's parents yesterday," Max says, his voice quiet but steady. "I told them about you, about us. I explained how I felt, how I've been struggling with the ghost of her. And you know what? They understood. They told me that Laura would have wanted me to be happy, to move on."

I feel a tear slip down my cheek, and I brush it away impatiently. "Max..."

"I'm not finished," he says gently. "After I left their house, I went to Laura's grave. For the first time since her funeral, I went there and I talked to her. I told her about you, about how I feel. And Ellie... I felt at peace. Like I finally had her blessing to move forward, to be happy again."

My hand trembles on the doorknob. I want to open it, to see his face, to know if his eyes match the sincerity in his voice. But I'm still afraid. Still hesitant.

"I'm so sorry, Ellie," Max says, his voice thick with emotion. "I'm sorry for hurting you, for pushing you away. I'm sorry for being a coward at the gala. But I'm here now, and I'm laying it all on the line. I love you. I've always loved you. And I'm ready to fight for us, if you'll let me."

My heart is pounding so hard I'm sure he can hear it through the door. I want to believe him. I want to throw open the door and fall into his arms. But the memory of that night at the gala, of the hurt and humiliation I felt, holds me back.

"I... I need time, Max," I say, my voice barely above a whisper. "You hurt me. Deeply. I can't just forget that because you show up at my door with pretty words."

There's a pause, and I can almost feel his disappointment through the wood. But when he speaks again, his voice is gentle, understanding.

"I know, Ellie. I know I have a lot to make up for. And I'm willing to wait, to give you the time and space you need. But I want you to know that I'm not giving up on us. I'll do whatever it takes to earn back your trust, to prove to you that my love is real and lasting."

I lean my forehead against the door, tears flowing freely now. His words are everything I've wanted to hear, everything I've dreamed of. But the fear of being hurt again, of opening my heart only to have it shattered once more, keeps me rooted in place.

"I need to go," Max says softly. "I promised Amelia I'd be home for bedtime. But Ellie..."

I hold my breath, waiting.

"I never stopped loving you," he says, his voice filled with raw emotion. "And I never will. You're it for me, Ellie Hawthorne. You always have been."

I hear him take a step back, and panic flares in my chest. Part of me wants to fling open the door, to stop him from leaving. But I remain frozen, my hand still on the doorknob.

Just as I think he's about to walk away, Max's voice comes through the door one last time, low and intense:

"I've waited over a decade to love you again, and I won't stop. I plan to shower you with so much love that you won't know where my heart ends and yours begins. I love you, Ellie. And I promise to mend everything that I've broken. Sleep well, My Ellie."

His words hit me like a tidal wave, leaving me breathless and shaken. I press my hand to my mouth, stifling a sob. The depth of his love, the sincerity in his voice... it's almost too much to bear.

I hear his footsteps retreating, growing fainter with each passing second. And still, I stand there, frozen, my hand on the doorknob, tears streaming down my face.

The silence that follows is deafening. Max's words echo in my mind, a promise of love and redemption that both thrills and terrifies me. I slump against the door, sliding down until I'm sitting on the floor, my knees pulled up to my chest.

What do I do now? How can I trust him again after everything that's happened? But how can I not, when his words have shaken me to my very core?

I close my eyes, remembering the way Max looked at me that night at the gala, before everything fell apart. The love in his eyes, the tenderness in his touch. It was real. I know it was real.

But is it enough? Can love alone heal the wounds of the past?

I sit there for what feels like hours, Max's words playing on a loop in my mind. "I plan to shower you with so much love that you won't know where my heart ends and yours begins."

My heart aches with longing, with the desire to believe him, to trust in the love he's offering. But the fear of being hurt again, of opening myself up only to be shattered once more, holds me back.

I think of Amelia, of the bond we've formed. Of the family we could be if I let myself believe in Max's promises. But I also think of the pain I felt at the gala, the humiliation of being dismissed as "just a friend."

Can I forgive him? Can I trust him with my heart again?

As the first light of dawn begins to creep through my windows, I'm still sitting there, my back against the door, tears drying on my cheeks. I don't have the answers yet. I don't know what my next move will be.

But I do know one thing: Max Wellington has shaken my world once again. And this time, I'm not sure I have the strength to walk away.