Christmas with my Three Best Friends (Lucky Lady Reverse Harems)

Chapter 21

21

Richard

T he truth has a way of taking its sweet time before it really kicks in. I thought I knew what I was doing, and I was certain they’d understand.

When I told Marius and Jax about my plans for a new gym, I saw the disappointment in their eyes. I heard the anger in their voices. But they were calm and gracious about it. They said they understood. Of course, they’re not under any obligation to agree with my intentions or decisions, but still, I’d hoped for some kind of support. Our friendship runs deep. After all, it runs deep enough that we’re comfortable with one another, at peace with one another while sharing a woman the three of us are equally enthralled with.

Except it doesn’t work out that smoothly in the real world. Shay’s reaction makes more sense now than it did earlier when she walked out of my office, tears glistening in those beautiful smoky blue eyes. I hate that I hurt her. It wasn’t my intention. I’d hoped she’d join me on this new endeavor, but that was selfish on my part.

I’m used to walking away. She was right on the money with that. I’ve always got one foot out the door because it’s what I do. I drop everything like hot potatoes and move on because I’m so used to starting over. I prefer it to actually sticking around and fighting for anything. My biggest problem now is I feel I’ve lost too much for the sake of starting over.

Jax and Marius are still my best friends. They will eventually get over the dismay they’re feeling in this moment, they will eventually see what I’m trying to do. But Shay… Shay won’t let me off the hook easily, and I don’t deserve to be let off the hook, anyway. I don’t. The minute things started to get complicated, my eyes were on the door, searching for a way out. It’s such a wretched instinct. It used to help me in the past, but the present is something else entirely, and the future… I should have a say in that. I should be able to choose a different path.

Unable to think straight, I walk out of my office and take a look around the reception area.

Alice is behind the desk, watching funny videos on social media. It’s almost midday on a weekday, so we’ll be getting our lunch regulars in soon enough.

I wonder if my new gym will bring in similar clients. The early birds who rise with the sun, the lunch pack, the evening throngs. Will they be the corporate types who wild out as soon as they slip into their gym clothes, or the shredded fitness aficionados who live and breathe protein supplements? These are useless questions to ask myself given the regret currently swirling through me. I should be more excited about my decision, about my new project. Shay’s words hit me deep, but only because she spoke the truth.

I go into the weights room, where I take a minute to observe the overall atmosphere. We’ve really come far with this place. We painted the walls in a charcoal shade of gray, with yellow and orange graphic designs here and there to liven up the room. We invested aplenty in our machines, which customers are delightedly using right now. The treadmills cost a fortune, but they were worth every penny. The weight machines are stupendous, the latest feats of engineering translated into efficient workout tools for beginners and experts alike.

“One more set,” I hear Marius telling Roxanne as she picks up a pair of dumbbells from the rack. “Remember to pause at the lift.”

“Sure thing, babe,” she replies.

It irritates me. I can only imagine how it felt for Shay. I also remember how miserable Marius was during his on-and-off relationship with Roxanne. She kept coming and going, sparking drama and jealousy fits over everything and everybody. I don’t buy her whole “I’m a different woman now” routine. It’s evident from her glare alone that she is still scanning for threats, constantly insecure about Marius’s attention toward her. It’s insanely toxic and unhealthy. I also know Marius is deeply in love with Shay, so it's decidedly different this time around for Roxanne—yet I still worry. It’s easy to fall back into hurtful habits when we’re left alone for too long.

I’m pretty sure he knows about Shay walking out. I’m pretty sure he understands what it means for us in the long term. We lost her. She was a fragile flower, despite her incredible strength and willpower. Shay needed us, she needed our support and reassurance. Instead, each of us wavered when all she wanted was emotional security. We gave her everything in Chappaqua, and I would give anything to go back there, to start over and do better. Shay deserves so much more than what we ended up giving her upon our return to Seattle.

“So, about that bar,” Roxanne says, “I spoke to my bartender buddy, and he said they’ve got a live band coming as well. It’ll be a full house for sure.”

“Uh-huh,” Marius absently replies, his attention focused on Jax.

Jax is going hard on one of the cardio bikes, covered in sweat as he pushes himself to the limit. Two minutes of intense, uphill work followed by four minutes of smooth cruising. He focuses on getting his heart rate as high as possible so he can then translate the effort into a proper warm-up for his kickboxing practice.

I can tell he’s angry, but at least he’s got physical effort to soothe some of the discomfort. The discomfort I caused, if I’m to be honest with myself. Then again, his own attachment issues prompted Shay to gradually withdraw from him. In many ways, Jax is a lot like me. He’s always wanted a home and a family of his own, yet he was never able to stay in a healthy, long-term relationship. And while we all told ourselves we’d keep things simple between us after Chappaqua, it’s obvious now that we all failed. It was never casual to begin with.

And I bear some of the responsibility for the fallout. Or maybe all of it.

I spot Vincent on one of the treadmills, walking cockily at a higher speed as he admires himself in one of the wall mirrors in front of him. He smiles at the sight of the man looking back at him. I’ll give him credit, he’s a handsome and charming fucker, but he’s filthy on the inside. I see him looking at other women in the gym, smiling and flirting when he gets the chance, when Shay isn’t around. He’s playing a long con on her, and I’m not buying those flowers and candy, either.

He's full of it. I only hope Shay has enough clarity to see it.

Shay was on point about Chappaqua, too. We had everything at the Hedonerie Spa. It was perfect there because it was just the four of us. That was the easy part of our relationship. As soon as we came back to Seattle, however, life started hurling wrenches at our wheels, and instead of dodging them like we were supposed to, we let them hit us.

We stumbled. We fell. We pulled away and wavered when decisiveness was crucial.

And now… I stand in the middle of a gym I’m about to leave behind, watching my best friends wallow in their own darkness while Shay is out of my sight, hurt and disappointed, but still very much on my mind.