Christmas with my Three Best Friends (Lucky Lady Reverse Harems)

Chapter 20

20

Shay

I ’ve been feeling rather queasy the past week or so. It must be the stress of the entire situation. I barely talk to the guys, even though we see each other at the gym every day. I make sure to always be busy with a client or locked inside my office. I wear my headphones during my treadmill exercises, and any conversation with Marius, Jax, or Richard are the bare minimum. Hell, I wouldn’t even know where to start if I wanted to talk to them about us.

We haven’t been together in a while. I’ve rarely replied to their texts. They can feel me slipping away, and I have yet to make a decision about our relationship or our business. I know Richard saw the other space he told me about, though he hasn’t mentioned more about it since. Maybe he’s already leased it, or maybe he changed his mind. To my surprise, he’s been spending more time here than anywhere else.

The gym is definitely starting to move upward now that the new training programs have been implemented. There is a significant uptick in memberships, and we’re doing even better on the supplement side of things. It’s supposed to be looking up for us, so why do I still feel so down and gloomy all the time?

The mere smell of cooked food makes me want to hurl. I can barely stomach a protein bar in the morning. Even coffee tastes… haggard. I’m guessing it’s the emotional toll finally settling in. Everything has been gradually unraveling between us since Chappaqua, anyway, so I’m guessing we’re nearing an unfavorable conclusion. There was only one way this was going to end, despite the deepening and endless ache in my heart. I miss them. I miss the four of us together, tangled in the bed sheets, laughing and fucking each other’s brains out. I miss losing myself in their arms and getting pampered with their sweet, loving kisses.

Reality doesn’t allow for such good moments to last, though.

And Alice being late again isn’t doing much for my frayed nerves, either. I’m behind the reception desk once more, handing out keys and scanning passes after one of our regulars called to let me know the gym wasn’t open yet. That happened at 7:30 in the morning. It’s 8:25 now, and Alice has yet to arrive. I’m done. Shaking my head slowly, I check my watch again. As if summoned, she finally walks through the doors in an apparent rush, the same annoying grin slitting her face.

“I’m so sorry I’m late,” she says.

“Late doesn’t even begin to cover it,” I reply bluntly.

“I said I was sorry,” she mumbles, unable to look me in the eyes.

“Alice, being sorry isn’t enough. You keep doing this, and I can no longer tolerate this kind of behavior.”

“Oh, come on, it’s not like nobody was here!”

“No one was here. Yet again, one of our regular clients had to call to ask me to come in and open the gym.”

Alice looks around in a panic, her eyes wide and her lips slightly parted. It’s finally dawning on her. “What about Rick? He’s been coming in earlier lately.”

“He showed up ten minutes after I opened.”

“Did you tell him?”

She gives me a troubled glance, and I smell blood in the water. She’s afraid. She knows this is the last straw. But before I can fire her, a couple clients walk in. One of them is new here, so she decides to take him through the on-boarding process. The other one is Vincent.

“Good morning,” he says, approaching the reception desk.

I offer him a flat smile, hoping he won’t engage in any kind of small talk. He’s still trying to get closer to me, and while I’ve been nothing but polite and affable, I can’t let him think I’d be willing to welcome him back in my life.

“Good morning,” I reply.

My voice vanishes as I notice the large bouquet of red roses and the box of my favorite Belgian chocolates in his hands. He holds them up as an offering.

“For you, Shay.”

“What is this?” I manage, trying to find my words.

I feel like a deer caught in the headlights. My blood runs hot and cold at the same time as I stare at him, then at the flowers and the chocolates, then at a slightly befuddled Alice, who’s watching us while waiting for the new guy to fill out a questionnaire before he gets his gym pass.

This morning was already wrong on so many levels. I didn’t expect it to accelerate downward. My gaze darts back to the flowers. Red roses. My favorites. Vincent knows they’re my favorite.

“I needed to say something,” he replies, his eyes smiling softly as he looks deep into mine.

For a moment, I’m almost fooled into seeing the old Vincent, or, better said, the image I had of him—the good man, the romantic, the charming man who walked into my life and changed everything, making me believe I was his choice. Until he made me feel like an option, of course.

“And I had to bring two of your favorite things in order to make a lasting impact,” Vincent adds. “Shay… I still love you.”

“Oh, no,” I mumble, suddenly realizing where this is going.

“Please, just hear me out. You don’t have to say anything, but I have to… Listen, I’ve missed you terribly. I was an idiot, I mistreated you, I lashed out at you instead of cherishing you, instead of treating you the way you deserved to be treated. The way you deserve to be treated.”

“Holy shit,” I hear Alice muttering from behind the desk. Great. We have an audience.

“I vanished because I was scared. I loved you so much, I still do. So much it hurts. And it scared me. I was a coward and a fool, but I’ve learned my lesson. Honestly, I don’t expect you to take me back,” Vincent adds, his voice trembling slightly. I’m almost inclined to believe him. “I wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted to see me again. In fact, you can tell me you want me gone right now, Shay, and I’ll leave. I’ll leave and never come back, because the last thing I wish for is to hurt you again.

“But the truth is… I can’t fight this any longer. We were good together. I should’ve treated you better, and if by some stroke of luck you decide to give me another chance, I swear to you, Shay, I swear I’ll do more, I’ll be more. I’ll be the man you once knew me to be, and I’ll make you the center of my universe. I love you.”

The worst is just about to happen, as I hear the door to Richard’s office open. I manage to steal a glance for long enough to see him come out, accompanied by Jax and Marius. Their expressions send shockwaves through my body as they notice the roses and the chocolates in Vincent’s hands.

Fully aware that more people are now present and watching, Vincent decides to double down, never taking his eyes off me. “I hope someday you’ll forgive me for the egregious ways in which I’ve hurt you. I’m only a man, Shay, and I’ve learned plenty from my mistakes. But I have never stopped loving you. I’d still marry you, if you were willing to give me one more chance…”

“Vincent,” I whisper, further bothered by Jax, Marius, and Richard’s eyes on me. My face burns red.

They’re watching. They’ve heard him state his intentions loud and clear. Yet none of them react.

“Like I said, you don’t have to respond immediately,” Vincent says, handing me my gifts. “Just hold on to these and think about it.”

Before I can pull away or object, he leans in and drops a quick, soft kiss on my lips. To my surprise, I feel nothing.

There is, however, plenty of anxiety because Marius, Jax, and Richard saw the kiss. I should give Vincent his due credit—he may not know about our foursome, but I’m sure he can tell there is a bond between us. He’s no fool, his fox-like eyes dashing across to scan the three men with great care and precision. My three men. Are they still mine? Were they ever mine? Was I ever theirs?

“I’ve got a client waiting,” Marius says to no one in particular and crosses the reception area without so much as a glance my way. I hear the door close behind me as he vanishes into the gym.

Jax heads into the martial arts room with equal angst and tension in his voice. “Yeah, the kids will be coming in soon.”

“I’ll see you around,” Vincent tells me, smiling broadly as he gets a key from Alice and makes his way toward the men’s locker room.

I’m left standing motionless by the reception desk, Alice giggling to my right and Richard eyeing me curiously, arms crossed over his massive chest. I see his green eyes reduced to slits as he clears his throat to beckon my attention.

“Do you think we could talk for a moment?” he asks.

“Yeah…”

What else can I say at this point? I’m baffled and still trying to process the moment, wondering about the damage it may have caused. Chances are I made things worse much earlier by pushing my men away instead of talking to them about the slew of issues clouding our relationship.

Once I’m in Richard’s office, the door closed behind us, I can’t find a steady rhythm for my heart. It’s beating erratically, my breath ragged as I take a seat in one of the guest chairs. Richard sits behind his desk and give us a minute of silence during which he calmly and methodically analyzes my expression.

I feel like an open book under his emerald gaze. He hasn’t slept much, that much is obvious. He’s worried. Or stressed. Or both. I’m worse. Way worse. I could puke right now if I’m not careful.

“What’s up?” I ask, my voice wavering.

“It seems like a lot is up,” Richard replies, leaning back into his chair. “What was that whole thing with Vincent, Shay?”

“I’m not sure. He wants me back, but—”

“Do you want him back?”

“I didn’t say that.”

He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment. “But you’re not saying otherwise, either.”

“I don’t really want to talk about this right now,” I tell him. Anguish cuts deep through me, my pride hijacking my reason once again. “Tell me, why am I here?”

Richard’s gaze softens, though the sadness remains. I should say something reassuring where Vincent is concerned, but my instinct is telling me to hold back. To keep a distance until I figure out what I want, what I can and cannot have under these particular circumstances.

“I’ve decided to leave West Key to you, Marius, and Jax,” Richard says.

The words hit me like a hammer in the chest. “Seriously?”

“You three can handle it. I’d like to try my hand at the industrial complex I told you about. I’m expecting a lease agreement in my inbox by the end of the week,” he replies. “No hard feelings, Shay.”

“Hard feelings…” I scoff, shaking my head. The dismay is too much to bear, especially when combined with the swelling ball of nausea currently occupying my throat. “Do Jax and Marius know?”

“I just told them.”

Oh, great. So, right after they found out Richard is backing out of the gym, they walked in on Vincent practically proposing to me for the second time, while I didn’t say a frickin’ thing. Maybe I’m the villain in my story. I messed up and then some through my lack of action, my wavering resolve. It’s shameful and infuriating… I wonder, am I even entitled to feel angry with Richard about this? Still, I can’t help it.

“You’re a coward, you know that?” I tell him.

Richard’s left eyebrow pops up. “Excuse me?”

“This could’ve worked. All you had to do was have a little more faith in us. In me. Instead, you wanted me to come with you to the new place. You wanted to break up the band. And you succeeded. I can’t believe you, Richard. After two years of working so closely together…”

“Shay, I really can’t repeat myself on this matter. You already know where I stand, and you’re a highly intelligent and capable woman, perfectly capable of understanding my business prerogative.”

“What about your personal prerogative, huh? You’ve let us drift apart. The four of us. I may not have been the best girlfriend and I may have been overwhelmed by outside factors, but dammit, Richard, you were supposed to be the glue that kept us together,” I snap, shifting the blame over to him. “I believed in you and in your promises of a great future with West Key. You promised we’d never let each other slip away, that we’d fight everything together, through thick and thin.”

“I’m sorry, Shay. I really am.”

His subtle frown tells me he’s being honest. But my heart is breaking, and I can’t accept a measly apology.

“Sorry doesn’t cut it,” I say. “I have to ask, though… Is this what you do with every single project in your life? If a business doesn’t deliver the desired results, do you just drop it and move on to the next? Is this what you do with your friends, too? If one of them disappoints you or does something wrong, do you just throw them in the bin and make new ones?”

“No, Shay, I don’t—”

“What about women? Girlfriends, I mean. Do you just chuck ‘em and move on to the next one?”

“No, it’s not—”

“Because that’s what it looks like from where I’m sitting. And I know we agreed to keep our naughty stuff strictly physical, but watching you now makes me realize that even if I want more from it, from the four of us, I wouldn’t be able to get it since you’ve already got one foot out the door.”

There it is. The harsh truth I’ve been mulling over. The doubt spoken aloud. I’ve fallen for a man who isn’t really here. I’d found balance in our foursome, I’d found a special kind of love in Chappaqua, and part of me had hoped we might be able to grow something out of it back here in Seattle. Part of me had dreamed of that impossible kind of love story where we could be happy and become a weird and complex family where I felt safe and adored three times over. What a fool I was to think it might actually work. All I got was a ton of heartache.

I can’t help but remember the precise moment when I asked myself: what is there for me to lose if I go ahead with this? Well, I’ve got my answer, and it stings.

“Shay, I know I’ve let you down where West Key is concerned, but our personal dynamic is another conversation altogether,” Richard says, one hand resting on the edge of his desk. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to talk about that when you’re this upset, though.”

“Why? Are you afraid you’re gonna set me off? Do I seem unstable to you?”

“No, but—”

“Oh, spare me,” I retort and get up, anger coursing through me like incandescent lava. “You’re the one fucking it all up, and I’m supposed to just sit here and be calm and considerate about it. No, Richard, that’s not how any of this works. You’re leaving, and that’s all there is to it.”

He stands up, visibly worried. “That doesn’t mean we’re not friends anymore. It doesn’t mean we’re not together anymore.”

“Right, because what works really well in an already fragile and complex relationship like ours? Resentment. Disappointment. Feeling abandoned as you go on to sow greener pastures while the rest of us are left behind to try and keep this ship from crashing into the rocks.”

I head for the door. He wants to say something, but I can’t hear it anymore. I walk out, the blood boiling in my veins and the tears stinging my eyes. With everything that’s happened here lately, I can’t even fathom sticking around for another minute. I need the cold air of winter to fill my lungs and filter my thoughts, so I grab my bag and keys and leave.