Christmas with my Three Best Friends (Lucky Lady Reverse Harems)

Chapter 30

30

Shay

I t will take some time for me to get used to a life without Marius, Jax, and Richard in it. Right now, such a future seems bleak, empty, devoid of everything I knew was good and sweet about drawing each breath. It lacks sense and beauty, and no woman would ever walk willingly in that direction. Yet there’s a considerable possibility that it’s precisely what awaits me.

The child in my womb fills me with hope that they might still be around in one form or another, but even that doesn’t soothe my heart. I never planned for any of this. I didn’t imagine I’d find myself experiencing such profound emotions for not one but three wonderful men. I didn’t imagine I’d wake up every morning with their faces in my head, my body longing for their touch and for the comfort they so easily gave me.

I’m on my own this morning. Cass went into town to buy a few things for dinner, and knowing her as well as I do, she’ll take her sweet time on the way back. It’s a beautiful day outside, with sunny skies over an endless blanket of snow, and there’s a forest stretching east of here she’ll want to explore before she returns to the cabin. She says the trees are like therapy for her, a living and breathing network of inter-connected organisms as old as these lands. She finds silence and peace in her solo trips. She needs the time alone while she’s out her, and I certainly don’t mind warming up by the fireplace, hot chocolate smelling wonderfully in my mug as the mini marshmallows melt into it.

While I’m not sure where the cravings end and my own preferences begin anymore, both the baby and I are in agreement as to the inestimable value of the cocoa bean and its numerous culinary applications. Chuckling, I sink into the armchair and listen to the flames crackle as they consume a recent batch of chopped logs, watching the orange tongues lick at the wood. I lose myself in the moment, wishing I could spend this and every morning thereafter in Marius’s arms, with Jax’s warm breath on my neck, and Richard’s hard body covering mine. How sweet it would have been, if only it had worked out.

“Not again,” I mutter as I feel fresh tears working their way up. It isn’t the first nor the last time I’ll cry for these men, but I do know the pain will eventually wear off. I’ll pull them out of my soul one day. Today isn’t that day, though, so all I can do is blink the tears back and imagine a future where the baby and I get to discover each other, get to grow up together.

This little creature only has me. I need to step up and make sure she or he’s got everything they need and more. I’ll be a better mother than my own, that’s for sure. My baby will grow up to become a good and decent and kind human being. The kind of person who won’t reduce anybody’s value strictly to their looks, their perceived beauty and degree of fitness. The kind of person who will see another person as a whole—the flesh, the mind, and the soul. This world needs more people like my unborn child. Like the person I have always aspired to become.

A knock on the cabin door startles me. It’s not Cassandra. She has keys to the place. The owner isn’t around for at least another week. I get up, feeling my brows furrow as I set the chocolate mug down on the coffee table and walk to the door.

One quick glance out the window is enough to get my heart twisted and tied up into the most unpleasant knots as I recognize Vincent, standing on the porch and waiting for me to come out. I open the door and stare at him with a mixture of disbelief and doubt.

“What in God’s green earth are you doing here?” I blurt out.

“Hey, Shay… I’m sorry to show up like this,” he says.

The Canadian winters aren’t easy, but I’ve actually gotten used to the cold, crisp air currently rolling into the cabin through the open door. Vincent, on the other hand, is almost blue faced despite having wrapped himself in thick ski pants and a matching gray ski jacket, woolen hat on his heat and what I presume is a backpack loaded with equally thick clothes for this trip.

“I don’t understand,” I reply. “How’d you find me?”

“Oh, I know you’re not very active on social media, but Cassandra posted some photos of you two from some of your hikes,” he says. “The girls at West Key said you’d gone away for a while, so it didn’t take much detective work to figure out where you were staying.”

“This is a tad creepy.”

“I’m sorry.” He immediately takes a step back, cautious about my reaction. “I didn’t mean to make you feel uneasy, Shay. I just… I really wanted to see you.”

“Well, I’ll be back at the gym next week,” I grumble.

Vincent smiles, his piercing gaze searching my face. He’s studying me, reading every single micro-expression, gauging my tolerance of him. It’s a familiar pattern for me, and it makes me feel as though I’m on a small glass plate under the lens of a high-resolution microscope.

“The truth is, Shay, I’ve missed you. The whole time I was away and even lately, even while coming to the gym for my own stuff… I’ve missed you,” he says. “I miss us, I miss the way we were.”

“I don’t.”

He looks briefly startled by my statement but recovers quickly. “I’ll admit, I wasn’t the best boyfriend, let alone the best fiancé… I know.”

“You hurt me, Vincent. There’s no going back from that. You hurt me with purpose and intention.”

He nods slowly. “And I’m ready to spend the rest of my life making it up to you,” he says, then takes out a small velvety box. The mere sight of it has my stomach churning.

“What are you doing?” I manage, my voice barely audible.

I’ve seen this movement before. I recognize the gesture. I know what’s in the box, and while it brought me great joy a long time ago, it makes me anxious and nauseated now. Instinctively, I take a couple of steps back, wanting to put as much distance between him and me as possible. This shouldn’t be happening. It doesn’t make any sense. It’s downright insulting.

“I know I’ve done this before, but I mean it, Shay. I do love you, I do want to be a part of your life, I do want you to be a part of mine,” Vincent says. “Marry me. Give me another chance, and I swear you won’t regret it. I’m a changed man, I’m ready to prove it, over and over and over again until I draw my last breath. There’s no other woman in my life, there never will be another woman, not as long as I am with you.”

“Vincent…”

“It’s weird, I’m aware. But I couldn’t sit at home or at work or anywhere else, for that matter. Not while you’re away from me and out of my reach,” he says. “I love you, Shay. I will always love you. I never stopped loving you.”

There was a time when I would’ve given anything to hear these words coming out of his mouth. There was a time when I would’ve gladly sacrificed my body and my soul just to have this man back, holding me close and giving me a spoonful of so-called love for every week’s worth of misery and gaslighting. I didn’t know better. I didn’t think I deserved better. I worried that if Vincent wouldn’t have me, nobody would.

There was a time, but that time is long gone.

Moments pass in heavy silence. I stare at him as he stands on the porch, ring in its opened box as he awaits my answer. How did he imagine this would go? Did he actually think I’d just… what, burst into tears and jump in his arms and say yes, a thousand times yes? Is he insane? Delusional? Stupid? Or all three neatly rolled under that layer of neoprene and synthetic down?

“So, you’re serious,” I mutter.

The rage I felt over half a year ago has returned with a vengeance—this time, however, I know precisely what I’m dealing with. I’m not blinded by the lies or the gaslighting anymore. I know who he is and what he is capable of. Truth be told, I never imagined I’d have the opportunity to confront him about things I couldn’t prove back then. Today, however… I have enough ammunition to blow him away. There’s a saying about being the better person and turning the other cheek and whatnot. I’ll save those for later and for another day. This bastard deserves everything he’s about to receive.

He stands there smiling his charming smile, thinking he’s actually got me hooked. “Yes, Shay. I’m serious about us, and I want to give you the life you deserve. I think we’ll make each other happy. Remember how good it was for us?”

“I don’t know,” I shrug softly, acting doubtful. “I do remember the lies. The girls you hooked up with while we were together. I remember the gaslighting, the emotional abuse, the many ways in which you worked so hard to make me doubt myself.”

“Shay…” His good humor fades. His pleasant smile withers. That’s the trouble with narcissists, in general. Once you see the cracks in their mask, once you take the mask off, there’s nothing underneath. Nothing but festering misery and the kind of poison not a single sane person would ever want to drink from. “I never cheated on you.”

“That’s not what Cherry said. Or Sarah. Or Laura. There were a few others who reached out after you disappeared. They saw my social media posts, they put two and two together, because apparently you did the same with them. You love-bombed them like crazy, you got them hooked and emotionally addicted to you. Sarah said you proposed to her, too. And then you dumped them. You ghosted them like you ghosted me,” I tell him, my face straight and my shoulders tight as I slap him across the face with a truth he didn’t even know I possessed. “Did you really think I wouldn’t look into you after you left? That I wouldn’t do some in-depth research to figure out why you did what you did?”

“They’re all liars, Shay. I only ever loved you.”

“Me? You couldn’t even bring yourself to take me out on a real date. You told Cherry once that you’d never allow yourself to be seen in public with a, and I quote, ‘fatty’ since it would bring down your own market value. I was a ‘fatty’, wasn’t I?”

Vincent now understands that the cat is out of the bag. All he can do is stand on the porch as he slowly closes the ring box and tucks it back into his jacket pocket, his cold gaze never leaving mine.

“And the whole there’s-no-other-woman-for-me shtick is getting tiresome,” I add laughing, “given that just the other day you were tongue-wrestling the crap out of Roxanne. I mean, you two couldn’t even be discreet about it. In the middle of the gym parking lot, of all the places in this world. And now, you have the audacity to drag your sorry ass up here with what is likely a fake diamond ring and expect me to fall for the same bullshit twice? Seriously, Vincent, do I really look that stupid to you?”

I whip my phone out and show him the screen. Marius emailed me photos of Vincent and Roxanne earlier in the morning. He didn’t write or say anything about it, but I understand the assignment. I understand why he wanted me to see these images. No matter what, Marius will always be a good friend, and he will always look after me. That much is undeniable at this point.

“You spied on me?” Vincent croaks, feigning outrage.

“Oh, no, not at all. A concerned citizen sent these to me,” I reply, laughing. “I let you do your number, you know. I let you come into my gym like a pious little lamb, I watched you trying to weasel your way back into my life. I’ll admit, for a second there… with the flowers and the Belgian chocolates, I thought I saw a glimpse of the real you until I remembered that was never the real you. That was always a lie. The coward standing in front of me, now… This is the real you.”

“Shay, you have to let me explain, it’s not what you think.”

“It’s not? So, what, you were giving Roxanne an in-depth tonsillectomy? What about Cherry and Laura and all the other girls?” I scoff. “Come on, Vincent, you know I’m not buying whatever it is you’re trying to sell here. You might as well stop wasting your breath, buddy. It ain’t happening.”

Vincent takes a step forward, his shoulders suddenly broader, a darkness gathering in his eyes—the kind of darkness that makes my whole frame tighten with tension. “You don’t understand, Shay. I love you, I’ve always loved you. You belong with me.”

“I need you to keep your distance,” I immediately warn him.

When did he become a threat? When did he lose the last shred of humanity? Or maybe he never had any. Either way, my adrenaline is ignited. My instincts are kicking in, and while I may be alone here in this cabin, I am anything but helpless. The child in my womb needs my protection. Vincent has no idea what he’s trying to wade into.

“Why, Shay? I thought you loved me. Missed me. I remember your social media posts. Those thoughtful, soppy pieces about how I would one day regret losing you,” Vincent replies with a mocking tone of his voice. “I’ve watched you for months as you struggled to regain your dignity and look at you now. All alone on the edge of some Canadian woods. Is this the life you wanted? Don’t you see? The only reason I walked away from you is because you kept telling me you would always be fine on your own. Are you fine, Shay? Are you, really?”

“I’m infinitely better with you out of my life,” I reply, lifting an eyebrow.

“We’ll see about that,” he says and tries to come in.

With lightning speed and all of my kickboxing training instantly activated, I kick Vincent as hard as I can right in the nuts. There’s not enough neoprene and synthetic down to protect him from the strength of my blow. He cries out in sheer agony, doubling over before he collapses on his side with a disgraceful thud against the old, creaky wooden porch.

He curses under his ragged breath, steam rolling from his purplish lips as he looks up at me in sheer disbelief. This isn’t an outcome he was even prepared for, and I thrive on the horrified expression on his face.

“You’d better be gone by the time I open this door again, or I’ll call the sheriff,” I reply bluntly. “Your choice, Vincent. But don’t ever show your face anywhere near me ever again. And consider yourself banned from West Key Gym, as well. Disappear again. For good, this time. Or there will be consequences.”

“Shay…” Vincent coughs as he struggles to pull himself back up, red-faced and sweaty. Every motion seems to amplify the pain in his groin, though. It’ll take a while for him to actually get out of here, I reckon, noticing the rental sedan he parked outside the front gate.

“You’ve got five minutes,” I tell him. “I was stupid once, Vincent. I’m never going to be stupid again. The girl you fooled once is long dead. This one, on the other hand, will hang you by your balls if you so much as breathe the same air as me ever again. Get lost.”

I slam the door shut and lock it, too, for good measure, cursing until my ears turn red. I grab the fire poker, just in case, and settle back in my armchair, ready to call the cops if need be. I listen to the grunting and scratching outside as Vincent slips a couple of times before he finally manages to get up. A smile creeps across my face as his receding footsteps end with a car door slamming shut and an engine roaring to life.

Minutes pass in silence as the adrenaline begins to wear off.

I’m shaking like a leaf. I’m sobbing, almost out of my mind as I experience the strangest kind of relief. But it feels good. It washes over me, and a strange kind of joy flows through my veins. I’m laughing and crying at the same time.

Maybe I should’ve kicked Vincent in the balls the moment he walked into the gym. That would’ve saved me so much trouble, so much uncertainty. I suppose hindsight is always 20/20. It takes a while for my breathing to recover, but I cherish every moment of this sweet recovery as I feel my own power—truly, for the first time. He almost had me going. I almost believed he’d changed, if only slightly enough to make things right with me.

It’s a good thing he didn’t.

Another knock on the door has me jumping out of my seat, though. Within two seconds, I’m tense and ready to fight again. What is he doing back here? I wasn’t kidding. I’m still holding the fire poker, for Pete’s sake. I will smack him until he can’t get up anymore, if that’s what it takes to free myself of him.

KNOCK KNOCK.

“Oh, for…” I gasp, then shout. “Vincent, go away! I’m calling the cops!”

“Shay!”

Marius’s voice has my heart thumping in a different rhythm as I quickly realize who is standing beyond that door. I drop the poker and the phone and rush over to greet him.

“What are you doing here?” I ask, a muted sense of deja-vu lingering in the back of my head as I see Marius, Jax, and Richard standing on the front porch of my rental cabin. “How many people know where I’m spending my holidays? Jesus!”

The three of them stare at me, understandably confused. But by the stars, they’re gorgeous and quite the sight for these sore and tired eyes. Clad in jeans and thick winter coats, my men tower over me as I’m compelled to take a couple of steps back, if only to better look at them, to take them in, inch by glorious inch.

“Are you okay?” Jax asks, frowning as he measures me from head to toe.

I don’t feel particularly sexy in this plush, teddy-bear-style onesie I’ve settled for my cabin mornings, bare toes wiggling on the wooden floor, but hey… I doubt it matters at this point. My core is already tightening, the longing in my heart swelling with every second I spend gazing upon my men.

“Yeah, I guess… I’m… Yeah, I’m okay. But again, I ask, how’d you find me?” I reply.

Richard shoots me a cool half-smile. “Cassandra told me.”

“I’m going to kill her,” I mutter, my teeth gritting furiously. “First, her social media posting habits. Now, this… I am going to kill her.”

“Don’t,” Marius replies, rather amused. “She was only trying to help.” He pauses to give me a long, meaningful look. “We drove past Vincent on the way up here. What happened?”

“Ugh, where do I begin?” I grumble, crossing my arms. “And you three still haven’t answered my question. What are you doing here? Who’s covering the gym?”

“Ever the hard-working girl,” Richard chuckles softly. “Can we come in? We just want to talk.”

I offer a weary shrug in return. “You’d better not be proposing, too. I’ve already kicked Vincent in the ‘nads for that.”

They don’t know what I’m talking about, but I’m pretty sure they’re trying to process the information as they look at me in disbelief and befuddlement. All I can do is let a deep sigh roll out of my chest as I welcome Marius, Jax, and Richard into the cabin. My soul is as light as a feather, my brain is conspiring against me with ideas of re-coupling and reconciliation but also fears that it will only go further south from here, somehow.

My body aches for them. My heart is thudding like a rabid drum.

Yet every inch of me wants this moment, this single moment to never end. I came up here looking for peace, and it turns out my peace was still in Seattle. My peace has only just arrived. In the form of three men who have undoubtedly changed my life for the better. No matter what comes next, no matter the purpose of their visit, I can no longer deny this singular truth. I am better because of them. I am better with them. I just don’t know how I’ll be without them.