Citrine (Deliverance #3)

27. Eli

27

Eli

I can feel Wroahk's intense gaze on me from the water, though I already told him how annoying his staring is, but I suppose I can't do anything about it since he's protecting me. He's just lurking there, watching me.

His lazy floating is kind of impressive, but there's no way I will tell him that.

I swear he's even more interested in me now, which I suppose is a good thing. At least he won't try to eat me now. That doesn't mean he has stopped seeing me as prey. I'm constantly being watched and if I wander too far, he's always right there, reminding me I can't run from him.

All I can do now is coexist with the only other person here I can talk to, so I don't lose either my sanity or my life.

I highly doubt I would last very long if he wasn't here to keep away the Many Teeth. Fine, no chance.

We have a relationship, no matter how tentative. Although, I'm not sure if the whole 'kind hands' concept is a good idea. I mean, I told him it would bring me harm if I don't speak to someone. I knew he was talking about physical harm, but I was just blurting things out impulsively because I didn't want to be left alone.

My irrational decision arose because of my fear. As usual.

Our agreement is also imbalanced, since I get more out of it than he does. Sure, he didn't agree to stop watching me incessantly, but he's doing it all to protect me. He'll fight off the Many Teeth creatures for me and all I'll do is hug him? Kiss his cheek? Hold his hand?

It makes little sense, even to me. Then I remind myself that to him, it's probably like finding water in a desert. I feel for him, even though he's a terrible conversationalist, completely bloodthirsty, and his thinking is as alien as his looks.

I don't even know how I forgot to find a middle ground. Was I that desperate for protection? Is this what I'll do for survival? Screw over an unsuspecting alien because he knows nothing about empathy and sexual arousal via touch.

And if I'm being honest with myself, I'm not sure I won't move on to other 'kind' things because right now, my body feels like one raging pile of unsated lust, and it'll only get worse the longer he remains by my side.

Like right now.

All he's doing is staring at my hands with his creepy shark eyes, and the heat from my lower body is threatening to overcome my senses. I'm turned on by an alien monster with tentacles.

It's insane.

My attention is like food scraps to a dog, only temporarily able to satiate its hunger. However, he's already clarified that to him, I'm just meat.

He must really be that desperate.

Oddly enough, to him, I'm meat… that no one is allowed to hurt, including himself. The octopus shark man seems to have a hard time reconciling it all, but I'm confident that the starved look in his eye will work to my advantage.

As soon as the thought occurs to me, I chide myself for being the type of person I've always hated. No matter the form or to whom, manipulation isn't acceptable. He's a creature that hasn't had the pleasure of experiencing any sort of affection, kindness, or love. There aren't even any words in his language for them.

My self-reflection comes with annoyance. I decide to come clean to him.

"Hey, Wroahk?"

"Yes? he responds in lazy clicks, still staring at me.

"Do you remember when I said it hurts me to be alone?"

His eyes flicker in an instant and he almost leaps out of the pool, suddenly alert.

"Are you still hurting?"

"No, no, it's not that. I just wanted to tell you that… I was lying. It doesn't hurt me to be alone. I just… don't like it and it makes me scared."

The emotions in his eyes flicker, but his tense body relaxes. "Scared? The only time someone is safe is when they are alone."

"That's not true," I shake my head. "There's safety in numbers."

"You're all just moving targets," he responds lazily, one of his tentacles coming out of the water.

"You know what, Wroahk? I won't argue with you. All I want is for you to spend time with me and protect me from those… monsters. But I shouldn't trade you my kind touch for it."

His expression flickers again, so I decide to clear it up right away.

"What I'm saying is that we don't have to bargain for it. Everyone deserves a kind touch, even you. So, what I'm saying is…" I stumble over my words, trying to find the right things to say so he can understand.

So far, he has been doing a good job of understanding.

"What I'm saying is that I'll touch you kindly if you ask. Just stay here and talk with me, so I'm not scared. I'm not saying this as a deal. I'm saying this as a sincere request. I need a companion, and I think you do, too."

He blinks slowly and I wonder if too much was left untranslated. "Do you understand?"

"Yes. You needed me to be with you, though I am not sure exactly why, and you used that to set a trap. You maneuvered me until you got what you wanted, just like a hunter would. I have never been prey before, and I do not like it, but I like to see you showing the ways you are strong."

He sinks back down to the deep, resurfacing a few moments later to look at me before diving back in again.

My mouth is still open in shock when the ripples of his movement disappear.

For some reason, the memories of my exes complaining about my endless drivel come back to my mind, and the contrast is stark. I can't believe it, but I think that's one of the best compliments I've gotten in my adult life.

I want him to come back up so I can tell him that and I look up into the sky at how crazy all of this is.

Without him there, it's silent again. I can't just speak to myself, or I'll go crazy… faster. Sighing, I turn my gaze back to the water. I shouldn't have done that. I hate his excessive staring, but being alone drives my anxiety to a fever pitch.

I hear a growl, probably coming from the farthest part of the lake and spring to my feet. I move away from the surface and run back to the cove, making my way back to my bed.

It feels quieter, more lonely.

The nights I spent on the streets come back to me in hurtful waves of nostalgia. The hot days and cold, barren ground at night, trying to find someone to huddle up with you know won't hurt you, and the impending fear that I'm going to be left to rot with no one knowing I ever existed or loved or lived.

Unfortunately, this fear has become much too real. Stranded on an alien planet, no one could really tell if I exist.

I was already a nobody back on earth. Maybe that's why I was easy to snatch up. All my dreams, my aspirations as a little kid, all gone now in a puff of smoke as an adult.

Before my eyes close, I feel a familiar gaze on me. Wroahk.

As annoying as he is, he sees me. In fact, he won't stop looking. If I went missing, he would definitely notice.

Too bad it took coming to a different planet and meeting the most violent person imaginable to prove those bastard cops wrong.

A smile graces my lips as I slip off to slumber, knowing I'm at least not alone.